Fullmetal Fox II: Crimson Tears
Disclaimer: I don't Naruto, Full Metal Alchemist, if I did, I would be living on a nice beach.
Note: See raw666's "Naruto: The Fullmetal Fox" for his twist.
"You're both insane." Naruto said.
"We need to move quickly and a whole team would draw more notice than just the two of us."
Naruto snorted. "A giant pervert with white hair and a blond with a metal arm would draw the same attention."
"But if this Dante woman is as dangerous as you and the furball claim…"
"Not claim, fact." Naruto said glad that Al had taken Ed back to get his gear for the upcoming trip. Anyone insulting Ed usually got the buzzsaw that was the Kyuubi in its mini form.
"Regardless, a whole team would draw too much attention." Jiraiya said.
"And I don't care what you think. If I leave without them, or telling them I'll be murdered once I come back." He crossed his arms. "Besides that, Haku-chan is pregnant and if I leave without telling her, what do you think will happen?"
Jiraiya crossed his own arms and grunted. "I can give you an hour. We've delayed long enough."
Sarutobi was quiet. "Naruto, you can't take all of them. With the damage to our ranks and the village we need all the able bodied ninja we have."
The blond sighed and rubbed a hand over his auto-mail arm. "You know one of them will insist on going with me. Hell remember that time you sent me away on a mission without my team old man?"
The Third Hokage winced as he did recall. The village was put in dire straights as Anko and Hana had terrorized Jonin, Anbu as well as villagers while Naruto was out.
"Take Anko with you." The Hokage said making the decision. (Hana will be kept busy, Anko won't be here bored and I can have Temari working with the Genin teams while I'm sure Haku will enjoy time at the hospital working with some of the doctors…Actually I can have her work with Eboshi.) the aged Hokage laughed to himself mentally as he congratulated himself knowing how easily bored Anko got and sending her out of the village would solve many of the problems that would crop up with Naruto gone.
"Don't I get a vote in this?" Jiraiya asked.
"Sure, what do you think?" the Hokage asked and Jiraiya was surprised thought about it. "It would be best if it was just me and the brat." He finally said.
The Hokage nodded. "Well it sucks to be you then. You're taking Anko with you and Naruto."
"But Lord Hokage…" Jiraiya mock whined.
"No buts. I'm overruling you." (There are days that give me things like this that make it all worth it.)
"Now to tell the girls. Come along meat shield." Naruto said to Jiraiya.
"Meat shield?" the Toad Sage asked as he followed behind the blond.
(Ten minutes later)
Jiraiya found out why Naruto had called him a meat shield as he shoved the Sannin into the room after informing the women where he was and that they would be staying behind.
Hana stood over him. "Let me make one thing clear to you Jiraiya-sama. You bring him back in the same condition you're taking him."
Anko stood with a kunai in hand. "And if you even think your taking our Naruto to a whore house, you better lose those thoughts right now."
Naruto who was sitting on the couch holding Haku spoke up. "I get to take you with me Anko-chan."
"Really?" the snake user made a "Squee" sound and went to pack quickly.
"Why just her?" Temari asked from where she was leaning against the wall. She had used her fan like a bat when Jiraiya had tried to escape out the window next to her.
"Well Haku-chan is off the active roster now that she's pregnant." Naruto said as the ice user cuddled with him.
"Hana-chan is needed to help with getting her clans dogs back up and running."
The Inuzuka heiress made a face. "I knew being the best vet was going to bite me in the ass one of these days." She muttered.
"And what about me?" Temari asked.
"Your brothers are still here." Naruto said flatly. "And I think Gaara intimidates the old man."
Temari huffed and Jiraiya muttered into the floor as his face was currently buried facedown under the ass of one of Hana's dogs.
"What was that pervy sage?" Naruto asked with a grin.
"I think he said Ashmaru farted." Hana supplied with a sadistic grin.
"You gave them chili?" Naruto asked.
"Kiba did. Akamaru has been isolated to one of the barracks. He's peeling paint." Hana said and the others turned green.
Anko pranced out of the room with a slender pack. "Ladies…" she paused. "Ah damn, who fed the damn dog chili?" getting a whiff and turned his nose up when he got near Jiraiya.
(On the Road)
"And the fox?" Jiraiya asked as they walked.
"My name's Ed." Said fox said from his perch on Naruto's shoulder.
"Just be glad we managed to get Al to stay behind with the others."
Jiraiya had not taken to meeting the Kyuubi or the metal golem very well. In fact the Toad sannin was still sporting bite and claw marks from when he called Ed a little furball. The key word had been "little".
"Ed goes where I go. He's my partner." Naruto said. "And can we pick of the pace, I'd like to get there and back before Haku-chan gives birth."
Jiraiya grumbled. Anko was walking next to him while whistling a tune. He tried to lose her when they left Konoha, and she had turned up a quarter of a mile ahead of them with a grin and eating dango.
"Al will take care of them." Ed was saying.
Jiraiya had been unnerved by the living armor. He still wasn't ready to trust the fox either. He would be the first to admit he had issues.
"So, what are your plans Ero-sannin?" Naruto asked.
"Plans?" came the cautious question.
He could feel all three of his traveling companions looking at him.
"Yes, plans. You do have plans for finding Tsunade and getting her to come back, don't you?"
"Oh yeah…of course I do." Jiraiya said.
"Good." Naruto said and the Toad sage relaxed. "What are they then?"
Jiraiya stumbled in the road cursing silently at curious traveling companions.
When he looked up he saw the narrowed eyes of Anko, Naruto and the fox. "You dragged us all the way out here and you don't have a plan!" Naruto growled.
"Skin him." Anko suggested.
"Fry him up like a frog." Came from Ed.
"Mercy?" Jiraiya said.
"Nah." Came three voices and the beating began in earnest.
"You did good in catching those rabbits Ed, they taste great." Naruto said as he finished eating some of his.
Ed demolished his own and was gnawing on the bones. "Jus' don't tell Haku." He said around a mouthful of bone.
Anko snorted. "Your scared."
Naruto paused and looked at her. "And you're not?"
"I didn't say that." Anko said and she looked across the fire. "Should we feed the bastard?"
Jiraiya was bound and gagged and currently in a metal cocoon with only his face showing.
"I don't know. Do you think he deserves to be fed? I mean he did lie and dragged us away from home with no clear cut destination in mind." Naruto said.
Anko reached over and pulled off the gag. "Should we feed you?" she asked Jiraiya.
"I don't care, but for the love of Kami let me go, I've got to pee." Jiraiya moaned.
Naruto rolled his eyes and with a snap of his fingers the cocoon and bindings dissolved into branches and dirt.
Jiraiya didn't even pause as he scrambled away to relieve himself.
"So, what are we going to do?" Anko asked Naruto.
"Call in a few favors. I want this mission over and be back in Konoha like yesterday."
"Softie." Anko teased.
Naruto shrugged. "I hate missions with little to no information. They are a waste of time and resources. We could be doing so much, hell with my alchemic abilities I could have saved time and effort on the repairs around the village."
Anko slung an arm around his shoulder. "Look at it this way, we're out of manual labor, wide open roads and we get to have roast rabbit for breakfast, lunch and dinner and don't have to worry about getting stabbed with ice needles in sensitive spots."
Naruto shook his head. He had to admit since Haku had joined them, they'd eaten better, but when they were on missions rabbit was not on the menu and it was either rations or fish.
Jiraiya returned with a relieved expression.
"You done watering the foliage?" Ed snarked.
Jiraiya ignored the talking fox and sat down across the fire from the others. "I think we'll try a couple of trade towns to the north."
"Are you sure, or just guessing?" Naruto asked as he snuggled with Anko.
"Guessing. I need to check in with my spy network before I know for certain on Tsunade's location."
"Fine. Remember Ero-sannin, three strikes and then it's our turn."
"And there is a reason we're one of the most successful teams there is." Anko piped up.
Jiraiya looked at them and at the fox that had stolen the last rabbit from the fire and could only think (I'm hungry.) While knowing better than to try and steal from the fox that had very sharp teeth.
The first trade town had been a bust as had the second. Anko and Naruto spent time training while Jiraiya went to check with his informants, a.k.a. visiting bars and whorehouses.
"Seriously, who is he kidding?" Ed asked as Anko and Naruto sparred. "Like someone with Tsunade's reputation would be in a place like that."
Anko ducked under a kick and tried for a double lunging strike. "I can't believe we've met with two of the legendary sannin and they've not lived up to their legend. I mean Orochimaru while my former teacher was a bastard as well as a pedophile and now we've met the toad sage and he's a super pervert. What's Tsunade a super hooker with all the whorehouses we've visited."
Naruto and Anko fought for another hour before Anko decided it was time to get something to eat.
"And then we'll collect the pervert and try the next town." The snake mistress said.
"He's got one more chance and then we take over and show him what Konoha's top team can do."
Ed hopped onto Naruto's shoulder. "Can we beat him down again?" the mini terror asked and Naruto got a thoughtful look.
Meanwhile at the Hall of Justice…(just kidding)
"How are you feeling Haku?"
Yhe ice user turned to see Hana entering the apartment after a long shift of helping at her families animal clinic.
Haku sipped her tea. "Eboshi-san allowed me to help out for a couple of hours. She's given me a list of do's and don'ts."
Hana knew that the ice user was like the restless and due to the pregnancy was on limited duty and chakra use for the first couple months and then o duty nor use of her chakra in later months.
"You know the ol'hag will be watching you like a hawk." Hana said.
Haku nodded. "Do you think Naruto-kun and Anko will be back soon?"
Hana looked out the window. "I'm sure they will." (You better be back soon you two.) Hana thought.
"THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!"
Naruto and Anko watched as the pint sized terror that was Ed a.k.a. the Kyuubi no Kitsune leapt into the air to attack Jiraiya.
Naruto sighed. "Well it figures all the pervert wants to do is go to whorehouses and bars."
"I suppose we should get a room for the night." Naruto said with a resigned sigh as he entered the nearby tavern. Anko followed and they scanned the room.
"Back corner booth. Doesn't the woman there match the description the pervert gave us?"
Naruto looked and nodded. "You get to tell Ed the pervert was lucky."
Anko shook her head. "Pass. He deserves the ass kicking."
"Follow my lead."
Anko grinned. "Always. Besides I get a great view of your ass."
Naruto sighed as they approached the booth.
The big-busted blond looked up and her brunette companion with a pearl wearing pig looked nervous. "Never heard of the bitch." Was the answer which got Naruto to grin. It was a grin Anko knew there was going to be harsh words and more than likely a fight.
AN: well here we go. Sorry about the delay. First dad's health and death and now my own health issues. I'm working on my stories and while its slow going nothing and I mean nothing is abandoned. Thank you all for your patience.