The Friendly Skies
Staring in mild horror at the man she had grown to love, JJ knew that she was going to need more help than the alcohol was offering. Reaching for her purse, she kicked out a foot at Emily's seat, capturing the brunette's attention.
"What the hell?" Emily asked in surprise as she turned to meet JJ's eyes.
"Come with me," JJ ordered, jerking her head toward the galley at the back of the plane. "I'm gonna need help."
Dragging Emily behind her to the bathroom at the back of the plane, JJ grabbed her friend's arm as she jerked her inside the small room. "Hold this," JJ hissed, pushing the silver flask into Emily's hand.
"Jayje, what are you doing?" Emily asked, watching her friend fish a pill bottle out of her pocket and tap a tablet into her hand.
"We need help," JJ muttered. "I mean, David needs help. Pharmaceutical help."
Watching her friend warily, Emily said, "Are you sure that's…"
"A good idea? No, I'm not. But either we knock him out or Morgan does, now help me!" JJ said frantically trying to crush the pill with the pill bottle.
"What IS that?" Em asked, eyeing the broken pill in JJ's hand.
"Valium…and if this doesn't do the trick, I'm just gonna have to shove him out of the plane!" JJ murmured.
"Jennifer Jareau, you do realize you're committing a felony, don't you?" Emily said, holding the flask carefully as JJ poured the pill fragments down the tiny spout. "Drugging a federal agent without his knowledge falls under that list of things that will earn you as spot in the nearest federal club."
"Damn right I am," JJ replied, her eyes on her task at hand. "And it'll be worth the time if it shuts him up, Emily."
Tapping the last shreds of the crushed pill in, JJ capped the flask and shook it violently as she smiled grimly at Emily. "Let's see if this does the job, shall we?"
Opening the narrow door, they were immediately greeted with a rousing rendition of Rossi's song du jour. Listening as he mangled yet another verse, Emily shook her head as she said grimly, "Shove it down his throat, JJ. And if you need help holding him down, just yell."
Taking her seat beside the singing man a second later, JJ held up the flask. "Want this back?" JJ asked sweetly.
Grabbing it with greedy hands, Dave leered at her as he said, "I knew I loved you for something more than your body, Bella."
Looking uneasily to her left and seeing Hotch still staring down at his file, JJ released the breath she was holding. "Just drink it, Dave," she ordered.
Chugging another swig down his throat, Dave smiled sloppily at her. "What's wrong, honey?" he asked happily. "You having a good time?"
"A thrill a minute," JJ said, smiling tightly.
"Not yet, babe. That's later tonight! I want you to wear that red lacy scrap of silk again. You were one hot piece of cake in that one, baby!" Dave winked, slapping a wet kiss against her lips.
"What?!" Four voices immediately shouted.
Slapping a hand against his mouth, JJ hissed, "Dave, SHUT UP!"
Peeling her hand back, Dave tilted his head at her. "What, Cara mia? What'd I do?"
Closing her eyes and mentally counting to ten, JJ ground out, "I'm pretty sure you just outed us!"
"Pretty sure he did," Hotch said from the seat beside her.
Leaning forward to peer around JJ at their Unit Chief, Dave said testily, "Hey! NO judgy judging over there, Slick! Or I may be forced to share that YOU and the lady beside you have been flying under the radar for three months!"
"WHAT!" three voices yelled in the plane.
"How'd you know that?" Emily groaned as Hotch stared at Dave in shock.
"I'm a world class profiler," Dave informed her haughtily. "Shhhh, don't tell anybody!" he whispered.
"Oh my God," JJ moaned.
"AND, there's the fact that I had the room next to Hotch's in Tulsa last month and Emily moans like a cat in heat when she - OOOMPHHH!" Dave said before being gagged again by JJ's restraining hand.
"Dave, you're going to shut up now before Hotch kills you!" JJ warned.
"He'll have to get in line," Emily said grimly, staring daggers at Rossi as her cheeks blushed. "My gun's already loaded and I'm got a straight shot."
Sticking his tongue out, Rossi licked JJ's fingers as he drug them away from his mouth. "Now, Emily," Dave started, widening his eyes as much as he could, "You wouldn't shoot a sick man, would you?""If she doesn't, I will," Hotch answered, his tone laced with steel.
"Sounds like someone's not getting any recently," Dave singsonged, as he leaned toward JJ and whispered conspiratorially, "Should I give him some pointers? You seemed to appreciate that little move I did the other night with my tongue and the whipped cream."
Feeling the top of her scalp tingling, JJ just knew that she was about to have an apoplectic stroke.
"Either you shut up or your tongue never touches ANY part of me again, got it?" JJ growled, grabbing his tie and dragging his face to hers.
"You'd miss my tongue," Dave said confidently, leaning forward to press a kiss to her lips. "It one of your favorite parts, 'member? Second only to my -"
"Dave, just stop talking," JJ groaned, interrupting him quickly.
"Can't help it! I feel chatty," Dave said, bouncing in his seat. "Wanna play, "I never"?"
"I think that stuff is having the opposite effect, Jayje," Emily mumbled quietly.
"Yeah, that's right, Mama…Hotch and Em have been doing the horizontal limbo for three freaking months!" they all heard Morgan say.
"Who the hell are you talking to, Morgan?" Hotch growled from the back of the plane.
Ignoring his boss, Morgan continued, "And JJ and Dave are doing it, too. Like bunnies apparently…with costumes and everything, girl! Baby Girl, it's trippy up here! I think Rossi even propositioned me in a round about way! The man told me I was pretty!"
"Reid, confiscate Morgan's phone," Hotch sighed.
Reaching forward, Reid snatched the phone out of Morgan's hand. Pressing it to his ear, he immediately jerked it away. Looking at Hotch, he said balefully, "Sir, she's screeching!" Seeing Hotch's eye roll, Reid said quickly, "Garcia, Morgan has to go. We'll see you soon." Quickly shutting the phone, he sank back into his seat, mumbling, "Too much information. Information overload."
"You ain't just whistling Dixie, kid," Morgan commented, tucking his phone back in his pocket. He then yelled over his shoulder, "And JJ, Garcia says that you are in so much trouble for not keeping her in the loop on this entire new turn of events."
"See what you've done?" JJ hissed, turning toward Rossi, intent on making his life a living hell. But instead of finding his glassy, intoxicated eyes, she watched in relief as he dropped his chin to his chest, sound asleep.
"It's about damned time," she mumbled, dropping her head back against the padded leather seat. Then she sighed as she felt his head drop, hard, against her shoulder and one hand settle over her breast. "Oh bloody hell."
"I wouldn't move him if I were you," Hotch said sagely. "At least he's asleep."
Five hours later, five individuals breathed a healthy sigh of relief as the pilot reported that they'd been cleared for landing. Clearing his throat, Hotch said authoritatively, "Okay, people, we need to have a short discussion here. I know from experience, David Rossi isn't going to remember the details of this eventful ride home and I make a motion that what was said on this plane, other than to Garcia, stays on this plane. Are we in agreement?"
Seeing four bobbing heads assent, Hotch breathed a sigh of relief.
"But what about Dave?" Emily asked.
"You let me handle David Rossi," JJ replied, eyeing the man lying against her shoulder drooling. "Well, after you pour him into my car that is….I have a feeling it's going to be a long weekend at Little Creek," JJ smiled grimly.
As the plane made a sharp dip to the right, Rossi jerked, his eyes opening quickly. Yawning and stretching, he pulled up and rolled his shoulders, popping out the kinks. Looking over at JJ, he smiled widely as he said, cheerfully, "Well, that was good nap. I slept like the dead."
JJ asked carefully, her eyes watching his face closely, "How do you feel?"
"Perfectly fine. Don't even remember a thing," Rossi replied, then added, contented,
"There's nothing like a good boring flight, is there? Everyone rests and recuperates after a long case."
"Well, some of us did," JJ muttered. "And some of us didn't."
"Really, honey," Dave replied, looking at her smugly, "You need to learn how to relax like me… and fly the friendly skies."