Disclaimer: I don't own these characters.
I have a confession to make. No seriously, I do and I need someone to pay attention to me. Please just listen, okay? It's just . . . it's hard dealing with this. I know you've probably heard that a million times but it's true. I'm falling apart inside and I just need someone to listen to me. Okay?
I have issues. No, wait. That came out wrong. You're rolling your eyes aren't you? I can totally tell you are. Like I said, you've heard that one a million times haven't you? Lots of kids say that these days because it's cool to have problems. Most kids, they dye their hair or stick a couple pieces of metal through their body and that works well enough. Me? I just went to Hell twice and got a piece of my soul stolen each time. Not so typical, huh? I can tell you're not rolling your eyes at that. Good. I've got your attention now. Is that really what this is all about? No, of course it isn't. I just want to have someone listen to me. I like to talk, always have. It's just that, well, nobody seems to listen anymore. None of my friends look at me the same way anymore and the adults, well, I can tell they're just waiting for me to fall apart. I'm going to fall apart some day soon. Maybe it'll be the nightmares, maybe it'll be the empty pit in my soul, or maybe it'll be something else but sooner or later I'll fall apart. That's what kids like me do, right? It's what we're best at.
I guess my real problems started with my father. Yeah, surprise isn't it? My dad made a living going into the dark and scary places of the Earth. I used to think that mine was Hell. I remember some nights my dad would get home from work and do nothing but sit in front of the TV. He wouldn't say anything, wouldn't even acknowledge us until time for dinner. I never knew why he wasn't in a good mood on those days but I always knew it was because of his job. I think I know now. You always leave something behind when you escape from Hell. It gets harder and harder to dig yourself out of the hole each and every time you go down into the dark. The mine took everything away from my father, even his life, and Limbo took something from me. I used to have nightmares where the ground would just swallow me alive. Now I just have nightmares about what happens after that. I catch myself hating my dad for leaving me and my mom. If he hadn't have died then maybe none of this would've happened. A scared, screwed up girl with daddy issues. Pretty cliché, right?
I think about death a lot. When I lie awake in bed at night, I sometimes imagine what it would be like to close my eyes and never open them again. It wouldn't be so bad. The numbness and the nightmares would be over and I wouldn't feel like there's a big hole inside of me that shouldn't be there. Lots of kids my age think about death. Does that make me popular then? Does that make me cool? I don't feel very cool. Like I said, I feel like I'm going to fall apart. Every day, I feel it happening piece by piece. I feel little slivers of myself slip away into the hole inside me, into the abyss. That makes me cool, right? I still don't feel very cool.
Everybody likes it when the good guy wears black. Everybody likes it when their heroes get dark and creepy and you can't decide if they're really the hero or not. You'd pay more attention to me if I was darker, wouldn't you? C'mon, you know you would. I'm not a hero though. I'm nothing really special. I'm just some screwed up girl trying not to kill herself, a basket case that wants someone to help her because she really can't help herself. Pay attention to me. Please.
I'm sorry I took up your time, really I am. I guess I'm really not so special after all, not when having "issues" is the new normal. I don't really stand out in the crowd very much now that everyone's going for that very important "darker" look. My cries for help are drowned out in the chorus of "Look at me, I have issues". I didn't have a choice over what happened to me though. Some us do and I guess that's why I'm telling you all this. When you're dying, and I know because it's happened to me, they always tell you not to go towards the light. Well when you're alive; try not to go running into the dark unless you're prepared to deal with the consequences. That's not so cliché is it?