Gosh darnit all, I wanted something that could be completely and totally mine for once. Something that I didn't have to share. Something that belonged to me, and me alone. Something that I could control and nobody else had any say in whatsoever. Though the thought was selfish, that's what I wanted.
Or at least, that's what I think I want.
I'm impatient, I know. It feels like only these words are my own, the only thing I can hold onto in this confusing shadow of what really exists. Half the time, I don't even think this world is a reality, and my thinking tells me I could be right. We are the reflection, forgotten and short-lived, while the world after this one is the real thing.
Not even the cutting thing is mine. It's controlled by darkness, owned by evil, and how many other hundreds of people out there share that vice with me? Not to mention the fact that my friends, my family, all have their say…I'm not my own. I never was my own. I always have been owned by something, and always will be. The only say I have in it is who owns me. There is no middle gray space in-between in which I can hide and claim neutrality, though there are many people who claim to occupy that place. There is only the light and the darkness, and I have spent much time in both. I long after the light but look back in memory at the darkness. The prince who leads the right promises a glorious transformation beyond comprehension, but His path is long and hard. The prince who leads the wrong rides on an easy road but his only destination is devastation. The darkness calls to me, while the light begs me to come home.
Each day is a fight over me, and each day I choose who will win.