Disclaimer: Hogan's Heroes is owned by Bing Crosby Productions. No copyright infringement is intended.
A missing scene from "No Names Please."
Not betaed. All punctuation and grammatical errors are mine. 8/1/2022-minor edit to story to separate the two scenarios here.
Klink saw it. As Hochstetter was prattling on in that irritating, bombastic tone, waving the newspaper and throwing out accusations, Klink noticed.
Hogan was nervous. No, he was more than nervous. The usually unflappable senior POW officer was rapidly drumming his fingers on the arms of the chair in which he was seated. The Kommandant continued to deny that the POW camp mentioned in the reporter's article was his, all the while, observing the telltale signs of guilt spewing from the American colonel.
The Kommandant, without explanation, doubled the perimeter guard and had all prisoners confined to barracks. He then sent a guard, not Schultz, but someone he felt was more competent, over to Barracks two to fetch Colonel Hogan. Glancing out the window, he stared at the empty compound for several seconds, then walked over to his desk and poured himself a shot of liquor, which he drank in one gulp. Klink then took a seat and awaited his visitor.
The knock at the door soon came. Klink took a deep breath. "Enter," he said. The guard opened the door and Hogan came strolling in, just like he had done hundreds of times before, or was there a slight touch of nervousness about him? Klink couldn't tell.
"You wanted to see me, Kommandant?"
"Sit down." Klink pointed to the chair.
"Corporal," Klink spoke to the guard. "Stay here and close the door. " He waited a moment for the guard to shut the door, and then looked at Hogan.
Remarkable, he thought. Despite the guard's presence, the American's face was impassive and showed no obvious signs of emotion or wariness. Hogan had crossed his leg and had slouched a bit in the chair, making himself at home, just as he'd done in the past.
An outside noise broke the silence. Hogan heard it and stiffened slightly. Klink walked over to the window. As he had ordered, every available man was now digging at various places throughout the compound.
"Colonel Hogan." Klink turned. "I am placing you under arrest on suspicion of running an espionage and rescue unit out of this camp."
"You can't be serious," Hogan protested. "This is the toughest prison…"
"Stop with the lies, Hogan. My guards are already digging. They'll find the tunnels." Klink signaled the guard. "Corporal. Handcuff Colonel Hogan and escort him to the cooler."
Stunned speechless, Hogan let himself be restrained. Klink warned him. "They'll be several guards posted outside your cell, and you will be under constant observation. Your men will suffer the consequences if anything happens. Do you understand?"
Colonel Hogan nodded, but as he left with the guard, Klink noticed one thing. The wheels were already turning in Hogan's head.
Arresting Hogan? Crash! The fictitious scenario in his head now forgotten, the Kommandant paused a brief moment, hoping that no one had heard the shattering of the shot glass he had thrown against the wall in his living room. Klink had been drinking. His eyes were now bloodshot. He had put on his bathrobe, but had neglected to tie it, and the late night snack he had prepared lay forgotten and untouched on a table. Now the contents of his stomach were threatening to make an appearance. He ran into the bathroom, only to discover, to his relief, that it was a false alarm. Splashing cold water onto his face, he stared into the mirror and frankly he didn't like what he saw.
"You're a fool," he mumbled. "A no good, sniveling, idiotic fool. Only useful for keeping books." He hiccupped and returned to the living area. "Where's my glass?" Seeing the shards on the floor, Klink thought a moment, gave up, grabbed the bottle and drank the contents straight up. He had begun his drinking spree over an hour ago, when his little fantasy turned into reality, and he came to the conclusion that he would rather be a live, cowardly bureaucrat than a dead hero.
He now suspected with almost one hundred percent certainty that Stalag 13 was the POW camp mentioned in the American newspaper article. But what could he do? He was caught between a rock and a hard place. He could confront and arrest Hogan. Expose him and his operation, win a medal and then get shot for being incompetent. Yes, Hochstetter would revel in that humiliation.
No. Klink had decided to forget what he had seen. He would go along with another one of Hogan's convoluted plans and continue, he supposed, for the rest of the war, to be oblivious to whatever was going on around him. He then came to a dreadful realization. To save his skin, he had to make sure that Hogan's operation continued safely. And with that thought, he drained the bottle and threw that against the wall as well.