You have come here in pursuit of your deepest urge; in pursuit of that wish, which till now has been silent, silent. I have brought you that our passions may fuse and merge; in your mind you've already succumbed to me, now you are here with me; no second thoughts you've decided, decided. Past the point of no return, no backwards glances; the games we've played till now are at en end. Past all thought of "if" or "when"- no use resisting abandon thought and let the dream descend. What raging fire shall flood the soul? What rich desire unlocks its door? What sweet seduction lies before us? Past the point of no return the final threshold- what warm, unspoken secrets will we learn? Beyond the point of no return…..
Point of No Return
"Phantom of the Opera"
My senses are overwhelmed when I walk into Sookie's bedroom. I am hit with her sweet smell all around me, surrounding me. I completely drown in her essence. Then the flashes of memories begin in my mind.
I see her laughing with me on the floor by her fireplace, the flames bouncing off of her, giving her skin a glow not unlike the sun. I remember her washing my feet with such a delicate touch, making sure to rid my cuts of all the debris. Her naked body underneath me writhing from pleasure. She is even more beautiful than my imagination had created within my mind. All the memories of when I was cursed flood my mind. Everything we said to one another, of love and of life. I can't believe I was so happy and in love. In love? I have never felt this… this sort of passion, this sort of anything, in all my existence.
My mind is spinning, my chest is aching. I feel as though I should be burning from the inside out. I am completely and utterly in turmoil. My face falls defeated into my open and waiting hands. I wanted to remember, but now I find, I am second guessing myself. I did not think it would hurt so badly to remember. And what to do, now that I do remember?
How will Sookie react? Do I tell her? Uuugh! The aching and the burning are agony. I would rather burn from silver or the sun. I cannot love her, I cannot. She is but a mere human, frail and temporary. I cannot give her the life she deserves, the family. And she will not join me in my life of the night. I will not tell her. I cannot tell her.
I will suffer alone in the knowledge that I love her. It will only be a moment, a speck of time in all my thousand years. But the pain of not holding her, touching her, kissing her, making love to her is too much to bear. Even if it is only a blink of an eye in my lifetime, it would be worth it. I feel as though I am being ripped from the inside, tearing and burning at my flesh. All my life, all the wars and battles, injuries I have sustained and nothing can compare to the agony I feel now. So maybe I should love her. Maybe I should tell her how I truly feel. Feel? Vampires don't feel, what a joke she will think I am.
I am Vampire we are not made to love, we are made to kill and deceive and be undead for all eternity, forever in the dark. Sookie, my Sun in an eternal darkness. To love her, to be with her, would certainly mean death for the both of us. To not, would be worse than death, worse than any pain imaginable. I don't think I could bear it. I am an essentially selfish creature.
In all my years, never have I once had a moment of true happiness. Never even a moment of true love and bliss such as I felt when I was cursed. Oh, cursed witch, Hallow!
The selfish beast battles with the long dormant human emotions inside of me. To bring her in my world completely will certainly bring imminent death for the both of us, but to not, could bring us the same destiny. At least by my side, I could ensure her protection, her happiness. How I long to make her happy. To see her smile at me, for me, and with me, would make my thousand years worth living, and a thousand more after that.
The monster within me succumbs to the lover. This will be the death of me, my memories, and my traitorous undead, unbeating heart. I have decided.
I would rather die a thousand torturous deaths, than to not allow myself such happiness and love… she will be mine again. She has to be.
To die happy or to live forever without her, I am a selfish beast. How to get her to become mine? I still have no idea, but I know that I have to try. I must or I will certainly suffer a long undead, unhappy life.
I hear the door to her bedroom open, but I keep my face in my hands for fear of completely losing it. Not in a thousand years, have I cried, but I feel the blood tears burning my eyes and fight them desperately as they threaten to fall. Sookie is walking towards the bathroom and my traitorous mouth opens before I can stop it. "I remember everything"
"Oh hell" she scoffs.
Oh hell indeed. I am past the point of no return, in love with this human woman, there is no use resisting. It would be futile.
Now, to make her mine.