I had a request for a sequel, about a month ago. Your wish is my command, Words Fly By. :]

Narcissa Plays the Shrewish Mother-in-Law So Well

"Oh, Harry darling!" Narcissa trilled.

Harry winced. Damn. Even after using a Disillusionment Charm under his Invisibility Cloak she still could somehow find him. He suspected inbreeding led to X-ray vision, along with randy descendants.

He wearily took off the Cloak and undid the Charm. "Yes, Narcissa? Was there something you wanted?" he asked politely.

Sharp white teeth appeared, making her look for all the world like a bowtruckle that had cornered a deliciously plump woodlouse. "You do recall a few days ago, when you and I had that lovely discussion about doing your duty as a Pureblood heir by continuing the line? Well, I sensed a certain… reluctance on your part. I must have been imagining it, I know. But if there is one small part of you that has the slightest bit of doubt about you being physically able to bear my son's children, I thought I would reassure you."

Harry snorted mentally. Narcissa's reassurances were usually on some sort of curse on that side of illegal. He automatically shifted into a battle pose.

But instead of pulling out her wand, she brought a small book from behind her back. Smiling gently, she handed it to him. Harry nonverbally cast a Dark curse detection spell on it before warily accepting it.

"Go ahead," she cried happily. "Read it. Page 57."

Harry flipped through the book, almost to the page, when Narcissa ripped it out of his grasp. "Never mind! I'll simply tell you myself."

He rolled his eyes. He really hated Draco's mum.

"I was anxiously scanning our library, searching for something to allay your fears about your upcoming pregnancy, when I found the Finnish myth of creation. It clearly states that a male duck laid an egg, broke it, and the world sprang out. So clearly, if the creator of the world can do it, then you can suck it up and take it like a man."

If Harry wasn't a trained Auror, the last sentence would've scared the shit out of him. Narcissa slowly prowled towards him, and backed him into a wall. "Now why don't you go home and give my son a nice welcome home by dropping your trousers?" she eerily intoned.

Harry gulped. Not that he wasn't planning to do that anyway, but when she put it that way, it rather ruined the mood.

And then, inspiration hit Harry like an Avada Kedavra. He smirked, and Narcissa halted, confused.

"You know what the moral of that story is, Narcissa?" he asked. She pondered his question and then shook her head in the negative.

He grinned. "Only birds can have children."

He swept out of her house, leaving Narcissa cursing the fact that it couldn't have been a male manticore.

FIN.

A/N: Because bird is a slang term for woman. Ah ha. Ah ha ha. –coughs embarrassedly-

VIGNETTE TIME! I also wanted to write a different ending, so here you go. The first half or so is the same.

Draco Stuns His Mum (Literally and Figuratively)

"Oh, Harry darling!" Narcissa trilled.

Harry winced. Damn. Even after using a Disillusionment Charm under his Invisibility Cloak she still could somehow find him. He suspected inbreeding led to X-ray vision, along with randy descendants.

He wearily took off the Cloak and undid the Charm. "Yes, Narcissa? Was there something you wanted?" he asked politely.

Sharp white teeth appeared, making her look for all the world like a bowtruckle that had cornered a deliciously plump woodlouse. "You do recall a few days ago, when you and I had that lovely discussion about doing your duty as a Pureblood heir by continuing the line? Well, I sensed a certain… reluctance on your part. I must have been imagining it, I know. But if there is one small part of you that has the slightest bit of doubt about you being physically able to bear my son's children, I thought I would reassure you."

Harry was about to firmly reassure her that he was physically able to do everything except bear children (like throttling her, for example), when the Manor doors opened, and Draco ran in dramatically.

"Mother!" he cried. "I have wonderful news!"

She ran to him eagerly. "What is it, my son? Have you finally decided to leave the filthy Half-Blood and find yourself a proper mate?"

He smiled. "No, Mother. It's more wonderful than that. I'm pregnant!"

Narcissa paled. "You can't possibly- a Malfoy would never- it isn't-" she stuttered. Shock turned to icy rage, and she drew herself up to her full height. "You bottomed for that cretin?!"

"Stupefy!" Draco said happily. Narcissa fell to the floor, and he turned to Harry, who was also rather stunned.

Harry mumbled, "You're actually- I mean, I thought you couldn't- I couldn't-"

Draco cut him off with a laugh. "Of course not, silly. I merely wanted revenge for her pregnancy escapade earlier. Don't you know that it's impossible for men to bear children? Now, stop being stupid, and let's go have sex in my parents' bed!"

Harry let Draco drag him upstairs, as he glanced over his shoulder at Narcissa's fallen form, and then looked back at Draco's beaming face.

Harry really was a lucky bastard.

FIN. AGAIN.

A/N: Which one do you like better, first or second?