Kuwabara attempts to explain weddings and marriage to Hiei. Sometimes, cultural misunderstandings can lead to injury for a certain unfortunate human.

INCLUDES SUGGESTIVE DIALOUGE THAT MIGHT JUST GO OVER YOUR HEAD!!! (like that--that kind of suggestive dialouge...You have to look for it, and know it's there)

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of its characters.


Kuwabara Kazuma lay sprawled on the grass in a quiet patch of Genkai's forest. He stretched languidly, pondering the joys and benefits of having a little bit of peaceful alone time. A content smile worked its way onto his face as he closed his eyes and took in the summer weather. Little did he know he would soon be running for his life…

When he sensed Hiei's demonic energy he really should have ignored it. He really should have kept his mouth shut.

He really, really didn't

Instead he said: "Hey Hiei, whatcha doin' here in the human world, huh?"

Hiei "Hn"ed and all was silent. Kuwabara figured that was the end of the conversation, and decided not to take any offense since he wanted a little time to himself anyway. So he closed his eyes and began to drift back into his own little world.

He was sufficiently surprised when he heard the demon take a seat next to him, and he showed it by snapping his eyes open to stare into the face of this comrade.

It was an unusual angle—Kuwabara was much taller than Hiei so usually he saw him from above rather than from below. However, with Kuwabara laying on the ground and Hiei sitting on it, their roles were reversed. For once, Kuwabara had the lower center of gravity!

The human was knocked from his musings by the sound of Hiei's voice.

"What is married?" The demon grudgingly asked.

The intelligent reply: "Ah—Wha?"

"Yusuke asked me if I wanted to see him and Keiko get married. He wanted to know if I wished to attend their wedding." Hiei clarified, testing the new words on his tongue.

"Ohhh." Kuwabara racked his brain for an answer the demon would understand. 'Lets see…the closest thing to marriage in demon culture would be…'

"Well, Hiei, when two people get married," he made little quotation marks with his fingers as he said the word, "the ceremony-thing is called a wedding." The fiery demon said nothing; he simply waited for the explanation to continue. "A wedding is kinda like…a mating ritual." Hiei nodded, letting the information process, and Kuwabara looked quite pleased with himself for having sufficiently explained the entire ordeal to the demon in record time.

Or so he thought.

What he didn't know was that, for most demonic species, a mating ritual is less ritual and more…fornication.

Hiei's three eyes widened—even the jagan was surprised! "Why would the detective invite me to watch something like that? I'm not a voyeur." He demanded, earning himself an utterly confused look from his ginger companion, who clearly had no comprehension of the meaning of the word 'voyeur'.

"Uh…it's kind of a human thing—you invite family and friends and stuff and they watch you while you get married."

Hiei, was, if possible, even more disturbed. "You just invite people to watch?"

"Yeah…why not?" Kuwabara questioned, attempting to understand why Hiei had such a disgusted look on his face.

"It's normal for people to come—heck, I went to Kurama's mon's wedding."

"Kurama allowed this?!" Hiei lost a great deal of respect for Kurama in that moment.

"Of course he did! He was even the best man!"

"Yes Yusuke asked if I would be one of those too—what do they do?" Hiei internally hoped they passed out blindfolds and earplugs, and preferably mind-soap. (Speaking of mind-soap, he could really use some right now; the mental images which were involuntarily sweeping through his mind were in no way pleasing. He had seen some very disturbing things in his like but at the moment none of them seemed quite as terrible as the things his imagination was continuously conjuring up during this conversation.)

"Really? Congrats, man! The best men…uh…he, like, supports the groom (the guy who's getting married) and prepares him and stuff."

Hiei could make several guesses about what that could possibly mean, and none of them were at all appetizing. "Weddings," the jagan-user concluded, jumping to his feet, "are disgusting."

Kuwabara Kazuma frowned and stood up as well. "I don't think so." He argued. His voice suddenly became dreamy, as if he were recalling some happy fantasy: "In fact, I hope someday my lovely Yukina and I will get married…"

It took several hours to heal Kuwabara's wounds, and only minutes for Kurama to clarify to Hiei what the unfortunate mortal had attempted to explain to him. Hiei did go to Yusuke's wedding, and he, Kurama, and Kuwabara were all best men.

…Kuwabara never did figure out why Hiei attacked him…

Chapter End Notes:

Well...that was...different...