"Take a seat," the nurse on duty instructed Cloud and Zack and pointed to a hard, wooden bench behind them. "The doctor will be with you as soon as possible."

"Thank you," Cloud said, giving the nurse a brief but polite smile before helping Zack limp over to the bench.

"Um, Cloud..."

"What?" Cloud's question was clipped and terse.

"I uh, can't sit down. If I do..."

"Not my problem," Cloud replied and, with a shrug, sat down. "You can stay standing for all I care."

"Don't be like that, Cloud," Zack pleaded. "I'm in a lot of discomfort here. And it's embarrassing."

Turning his head so he didn't have to see Zack's misery, Cloud examined the posters on the wall. One warned against STDs, another about the risks of teen pregnancy.

"Heh, better pay attention to that one, eh?" Zack nudged Cloud's shoulder and pointed to the teen pregnancy poster. "Wouldn't want any accidents."

Trying hard to ignore Zack's mirth, Cloud screwed his eyes shut and hoped no-one could overhear. It was mortifying enough to have to attend one of Midgar's overcrowded free clinics instead of the ShinRa medics, without Zack drawing attention to them.

"Jeez, lighten up, Cloud. Look on the bright side."

"What bright side, Zack?" Cloud spat out, rounding on the other man and scowling at him. "Tell me exactly, what is the bright side of this?"

Zack stepped back, wincing in hurt possibly from Cloud's words, possibly because of what ailed him but before he could respond to Cloud's outburst, a nurse rushed over to shush them.

"I'm sorry, miss, please keep the noise down otherwise I'll have to ask you to wait outside for your husband."'

"What?" Cloud very nearly screeched but caught himself in time. "I'm not-"

"Please excuse my wife," Zack interrupted, placing a hand on Cloud's shoulder and flashing the nurse a charming smile. "She's just a little stressed by all of this. I'm sure you can understand."

The nurse flushed and flustered under the power of Zack's charm and with a darting, poisonous glare towards Cloud, suggested once more that Zack should make himself comfortable.

"I would," he replied with a self-deprecating smile and a slight blush. "But, well...y'know..."

"Ah, of course, sir. Perhaps if you were to lie on your stomach across the bench? I'm sure your wife wouldn't mind if you rested your head on her."

Treating Cloud to one final look of disgust - if only she knew, he thought grimly - she turned on her heel and stalked back to her station.

"How 'bout it, babe? Can I lie down?"

Without waiting for consent, Zack crawled onto the bench and, placing his head on Cloud's lap, he straightened out his legs to lie on his side. He heaved a sigh and Cloud couldn't resist the urge to run his fingers through Zack's hair.

"You get me into all sorts of situations, don't you?"

Zack hummed in reply and nodded, his cheek rubbing on the silky fabric of Cloud's dress.

"Although this is by far the most humiliating," Cloud said sourly. "The nurse thinks I'm your wife, Zack."

"That's kinda complimentary when you think about it; you're really pretty and you make a good woman."

"Strangely," Cloud replied, his voice entirely devoid of humour. "I'm not in the least bit complimented."

"Yeah, well I'd rather be in a dress than be the one waiting to see the doctor because he has a home made butt plug lodged in his rectum."

A hush fell on the waiting room and every pair of eyes swivelled towards the couple on the bench. Cloud's sense of humiliation increased threefold. Wishing for one of two things to happen - either the ground to open up and swallow him or the doctor to call Zack - he was sorely disappointed when all that occurred was a ripple of clucks and tuts as the assembled crowd made their disapproval of Zack's announcement known.

"Do you think," Zack said, rolling onto his front then again onto his other side so he could look up at Cloud. "Do you think they realise what you're hiding under your dress?"

"Shut up, Zack!"

"They probably think I'm some sort of sexual deviant-"

"You are."

"-And you're my poor, long-suffering wife."

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

The unrestrained laughter from Zack confirmed to Cloud that yes, he was very much enjoying it and Cloud toyed with the idea of just standing up, letting Zack fall to the floor and walking out of the clinic. The man deserved no less in Cloud's eyes; everything had been Zack's idea, from the dress and the panties to the restraints and the butt plug. The dress and panties were easy enough to obtain and Zack managed to talk one of the Turks into loaning out a pair of handcuffs. The plug however, proved slightly more difficult to get on short notice and so Zack, being an enterprising young SOLDIER, used his initiative and talked a large carrot out of one of the canteen staff and set about shaping it with his penknife. Neither of them foresaw what would happen; lubed up and raring to go, Zack pushed the carrot plug into his anus while Cloud enthusiastically blew him. Not thinking about the lack of flared base, Zack kept pushing, lost in the moment and enjoying the twin sensations of anal and penile stimulation. One blown load - and a satisfying facial - later, Zack attempted to extract the defiled vegetable from his backside only to find it firmly, irretrievably lodged somewhere deep inside.

"How will they get it out?" Cloud wondered aloud. "Maybe with some sort of suction device."

"I like the sound of that. Maybe afterwards they'd let me use it somewhere else," Zack said with a wink. "You could have a go, too."

"Then again, they'll probably use something to open you wide so they can pull it out."

Cloud heard Zack audibly gulp and warmed to his little game.

"Of course, surgery is always an option if all else fails."

"Mr Fair."

Zack's torment at Cloud's hands was brought to a halt by the appearance of a young, female doctor, calling his name.

"Wish me luck!"

Zack slipped off the bench and limped towards the examination room. Cloud heard the distinctive snap of a rubber glove and as the door closed, stifled a wicked giggle and wished he were a fly on the wall. Beside him, a small child peered up at him in interest.

"Oi missus." The little boy tugged on Cloud's skirt and asked, "What's so funny?"

"Nothing at all, kid. Nothing at all."

The end