[i]January 17th 2005.[/i]
Wow, my entries are getting further apart each time, anyway, I didn't write because Andy and I have been so damn busy…I really don't want us to part ever. Things have been so amazing with Andy, he's perfect for me, and apparently I'm perfect for him. I keep wondering about the kids though, mostly Ephram, he's never around, I keep thinking he never wants to be around me or Andy for that matter too, but I'm sure he's very busy with Madison too. Delia is just a doll, I really get along swell with her nowadays, she's befriended me and we totally bonded, I think the real reason is that I know how to reason with her!
[i]February 3rd 2005,[/i]
Today, something shocked me…Andy and I were talking about kids. Our kids…he wants to have kids with me? Wow, this man came out of a lucky bag or something! We were at the park with Delia, Brittany and Andy had promised Nina he would take Sam for the day, so they were all of playing, and he just turned to me, got this look in his eyes and just said, 'How many do you want?' I really had no idea of what he was talking about, I must have given him such an odd glance cause he then continued with just, 'Kids? How many?'
I really do love this man!
[i]April 17th 2005.[/i]
I'm dreading writing this. This started to get difficult these past few weeks. Not with Andy, he's been great so has Delia, but it was with work. A patient happened to find out about my…condition and they've reported me to the board. It doesn't look good. I don't want Harry to lose the license for the practise, it's been going for over forty years, it was dad's. Harry's said he's gonna fight the world and his wife on this for us. I've told him it's not worth it, and that's I've quit but he seems to have selective hearing. He's always been the same.
Andy doesn't know what to do, we've applied for adoption agencies and such. It's a busy time for us. I can't believe we're in love, so much. I don't believe we're building a new life together, after what happened to Julia and I can't believe I've found happiness with a once married man. Andy's just amazing. He keeps looking over, I think he knows I'm writing about him here. Yes. He does, he's coming over…
[i]April 22nd 2005.[/i]
Harry lost everything. The practise was shut down. The insurance claims were not up to date. Louise was supposed to fax them, she had forgotten. Rose had to agree with the committee and the lawyers board. I can't go over there. Rose keeps saying that Harry says he's lost me too, I want to tell him he hasn't. He would never lose me, not even in a snowstorm like when we were younger.
With this happening I keep seeing Andy getting further away from me, everyday…and I hear Ephram whispering things to him, being his guilty conscience on his shoulder. Delia's still oblivious to it, she knows something is wrong but she doesn't think it's as serious as it really is in reality. I want to tell her, I want her to understand, but it's not my place to do that.
But I know I have to leave.
Leave Everwood, travel away again. I can't be around the people I love, not when I know I'm getting more sick. I couldn't put those people through that, not with the results Rose has or with Ephram leaving to be in Manhatten and Madison taking his child with her. No. I cannot do it, it's not fair on them.
I have to let Andy know. I can't say it to his face though. Looking into his eyes, he'll make me stay and I'm not strong enough to do that. He's not strong enough to do it. If not his own sake, for Delia's, he can't make me stay, so I think a letter will have to surfice;
[right][i]'My dearest, Andy…
I'm sorry things have been going not as well as they could be as of late, but you know that there comes a time in everyone's life when it happens. For us, it's happened at the same time. You have to remain strong for your children, Andy. Promise me that. Promise. I know it may seem like I'm taking the easy route out of telling you but believe me, the pain coursing through my body right now is almost unbearable, I think it's the best way to do this. For everyone. I'm sorry my love.
Be strong and remember;
"I have carried out my endeavors with great passion... and cast aside the body that I loved."
I love you so much Andy, I wish Ephram luck in his studies, he's born to play that piano, he's gonna go far. Tell Delia I'm sorry but I'll always be with her, thinking of her. We're always going to be as good as frosting. I love you, always,
And that was it. That was how my story came to end. In Everwood at least. I heard through Bright that Amy and Ephram were meant for each other, and apparently so were Nina and Andy. Delia still asks for me. I miss them so much. But I know things had to end. In whatever way was best.
Author's Note: Apologies for this one being rather sad and stuff. My next Everwood one will be all good!