Yagami, or Who The Hell Came Up With My Last Name Anyway?
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. I do not even own a Death Note. But then, if I did... I'd probably just use it as infinite drawing paper.
Written To: I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor, Arctic Monkeys.
Side Note: It took me about a month to actually realise this. It's depressing.
Warning: Implied L/Light attraction. Crack. Oneshot.
"What the &*£! is this?!"
L looked over to his fellow chainee, who was currently using the computer, and, from the look of things, very annoyed at something.
Bad temperament, he mused. That adds another 5%.
Light glared at the screen angrily.
"What is it, Raito-kun?" he asked.
"I keep getting emails from this internet dating website," Light muttered as he eliminated a swathe of email with a single click and drag. "Apparently I registered, and people keep sending me requests to date me, there's this one person who's really determined… they have my picture! How the – "
"Perhaps you should take it as a compliment, Raito-kun," L said innocently. His gaze settled on the other man. "After all, it means people consider you 'hot'." He made air quotes around the last word.
Light stopped dead in his tracks, swivelling round in his chair to stare at L. "Never let me hear you use the word 'hot' ever again."
"Oh." L considered the possible alternatives. "How about 'sexy?'"
He winced. "Even worse."
"Hn… 'attractive to those of the other gender?'"
Light jingled his end of the chain as he shook his fist, frustrated. "That's the whole problem!"
"It's a gay dating website – hang on." Light narrowed his eyes, then pointed an accusing finger at L. "You. You registered me for it?!"
L shrugged, unrepentant. "You seemed lonely. Misa has not been attractive to Raito-kun, so evidently you were attracted by something else other than 'hot babes'." He added the quotation marks once more, causing Light to wince. "The natural assumption would therefore be that you were, in fact, gay."
Light stared. "So you just took a picture of me and posted it on the internet?"
He considered this for a moment. "Yes. I was approximately 95% certain after seeing your name spelt backwards." Noticing Light's expression of shock, he added, "You don't need to worry, Light-kun. After all, I subscribed myself as well under the pseudonym of Aldero, since I didn't want you to feel lonely."
Light continued to gawp in silence as L got up to make his way to the bathroom.
"Oh, and Raito?"
"Your probability of being Kira just went up by 25%."
The other 20% was due to the fact that Light was more concerned by the fact that his picture was on a gay dating website than that Kira could find it (although the possiblility of Kira being registered to the website was, in fact, very low, hence only an increase of 20%). Also, approximately 20% of the dating requests came from L - he accounted for approximately 10 of them. Light's a pretty popular guy, huh?