Paging Doctor Faust

by Lord Dragon Claw

Disclaimer: I own neither Naruto nor Guilty Gear (and all related games). Majesco, Sammy Studios, ARC System Works, Aksys Games, Masashi Kishimoto, and Shonen Jump are the responsible parties here. I won't be making money from this unless one of the previously-stated entities decides to fork some over (though I highly doubt it).

Chapter One: Healing

"No," stated one of the top medic-nins of Konoha Medical Center to the ANBU. "I refuse to heal that monster! Especially tonight, of all nights!"

The Dog-masked ANBU was seriously getting tired of this. Couldn't the medic see that the child he was cradling in his arms was a five-year-old boy and not a rampaging demon fox?

One of the other ANBU, wearing a Bull mask, in the room sighed. It seemed every year on the kid's birthday, October tenth, they had to put up with some sort of idiocy from all the ignorant villagers and spiteful ninjas.

Dog growled. "And supposing he dies... who do you think I'm going to write as responsible?"

"I don't give a damn!"

"Well," began a new voice. "You should."

Dog turned to see one of the strangest, and most infamous, medic-nins Konohagakure no Sato (Ninja Village Hidden among Leaves) had produced crouching in the hallway, peering into the lobby where the four ANBU had been arguing with the hospital staff. He was crouching because he was easily three meters tall and had to do whatever possible just to fit where normal people did. He wore a burlap bag over his head that had one eyehole in it, showing a green, calculating eye. The rest of his attire was a dark blue pinstripe business suit with a yellow and red polka-dot bow-tie, some leather gloves, and nice shoes. He also had his hitai-ate (forehead protector) tied to his left bicep, with both the Leaf of Konoha and the word "medic" in kanji etched onto the metal plate.

"Dr. Faust! Go away!"

"No, I don't think I will. In fact, I'm going to personally report your conduct to the Hokage after I heal the child."

"What! Dr. Faust, I forbid you from healing him! As the director of this hospital I command that you-ERK!"

Dog, and the other three ANBU, barely saw Faust move before what appeared to be the mother of all scalpels was lodged in the director's head, pinning him to the wall. The ANBU behind Dog all got into ready stances just in case Faust was hostile toward them.

"Dr. Faust," began Dog. "Why did you kill him?"

"He was worse than trash. A good medic never abandons a patient, no matter who they are. He did not deserve to waste any more oxygen."

Dog nodded - he could understand such a sentiment; he had a similar one himself.

Leaving his over-sized weapon in the wall, pinning the former hospital director to it, Faust crawled over to Kakashi to take a look at the boy. Shards of broken glass stuck out of the child's blonde, but bloody, mop of hair. Bruises covered the boy's skin, and Faust could see some of the bones, especially in the hands and wrists, were broken. Activating his borrowed bloodline, Faust saw that the boy's chakra pathways had been intentionally damaged with senbon, somehow. Thankfully, though the kid had a sharp rock lodged into his gut, the seal keeping the demon fox at bay was intact. The fox's survival instincts were probably all that was keeping the boy alive, but he'd never be a ninja, or very independent at all especially with the shattered kneecap and the hairline fracture on his lower spine.

"Has someone contacted the Hokage?" asked Faust.

"Yes," replied Dog.

"You should have him get here as soon as possible, even if he has to cancel a meeting with our daimyo! I suspect a ninja or two has attacked the boy!"

With one hand, Faust took him from Dog and cradled him with one arm, while quickly crawling with his remaining three limbs to carry his patient to an emergency room.

Dog and two of the ANBU with him, Snake and Dove (the second of which was also a medic-nin), followed him into the room. Bull, on the other hand, rushed to talk with the Hokage, even if he was speaking with a dignitary from Grass Country.

When the Hokage burst into the room along with Bull, he stared in abject horror at the state the boy was in, but was glad for the flurry of movements that Dr. Faust had become, removing shards of glass, rock, wood, and metal from the boy, while trying to stabilize him with seals and medications.

Abruptly, Faust stopped and turned to the Hokage.

"He will be stable for the next fifteen minutes, but I'm afraid his lower body will be paralyzed and he may never get full use out of his hands again."

Bull helped the Hokage to a seat when the old man's legs turned to rope.

"It's going to break his heart to know that..."

"Well, there are a couple of things I can do to treat him..."

"I'm sensing a 'but' in there."

"They are experimental, considered unethical, and would require your approval, Hokage-sama."

"Related to the research you and that traitor did together?"

"That it is. Orochi-kun and I experimented on each other as well as on ourselves. I can fix him up, but his body structure would be slightly out of proportion. I would also need to administer monthly treatments and procedures as he grows in size, to prevent strain on his heart and actually help in his development."

"I'm very tempted to say yes. Anything else you'd like to let me know?"

The Hokage could see Faust's visible eye look upwards for a moment, signaling that he was in thought.

"Due to malnourishment, probably dating back to when he was in the orphanage, his chakra coils, though large, are rather brittle. Someone, possibly a ninja, has damaged them with a senbon. He is essentially a ticking time-bomb now, without any treatments. I can help, especially with my experience with chakra coils, but his body would not survive the strain without the proposed alterations."

"This will not help the stigma against him... or you, for that matter."

"I could care less what people think of me, Hokage-sama. And it's not like the stigma against him can get any worse."

"Very well. You are authorized to use whatever treatments or procedures you deem necessary."

"Thank you, Hokage-sama. Try and contact Jiraiya-sama, if you can. I want him to check on the seal."

"It will be done. Thank you, Dr. Faust."

"... if you really want to thank me, you'll have your ANBU - and I mean yours, not Danzou's - investigate the attack on the boy. The likelihood is that an enemy ninja recognized him for what he is and attacked. But it's also possible that one of our own tried to do him in, or cripple him for life."

Faust quickly turned back to the operating table and moved extremely quickly, but not before a burst of chakra. Everyone in the room correctly assumed that the eccentric medic-nin had opened one of the Eight Gates in order to work more quickly.

The blonde groaned as he groggily awakened. His whole body ached, especially in his wrists and legs. Wait... His legs! He had feeling down there again! He could still barely move though.

Before trying to open his eyes, he took stock of the situation. Obviously, his forearms and wrists were in casts. He could feel multiple bandages covering his body, and some were on his head. He also felt a cool, damp cloth on his forehead. There were a couple of things sticking in his arms, but he couldn't move them. He could hear some sort of machine beeping at regular intervals to his right, as well as what sounded like a pen on paper to his left, but it didn't lift from the paper. Ever.

He slowly fluttered his eyes open to adjust to the dim light. He slowly panned his eyes to the right, to see a machine with a screen that had a squiggly line every time it beeped. Turning his eyes to the left, he saw another machine that held a pen to a paper, and it swished back and forth while a constant stream of paper was fed into it. He also saw someone looking through the paper that had already been written on, but he couldn't make out details of the person.

"Well, well!" began the person, definitely a man by his voice, while he looked up at the boy. "Looks like you're awake now, eh?"

The man stood up, his tall, spindly frame nearly reaching the ceiling while he stretched, showing that his arms and legs were extremely long. After a sigh, he sat back down on the bed next to Naruto's he had been reading the printout of the machine from.

"You have had quite the ordeal, young Uzumaki Naruto. And I know your name because I'm your doctor now. You'll never get kicked out of the hospital again, as long as I live. I am Dr. Faust. I'd shake your hand... but we can save that for later, eh?"

"Yeah," replied the blonde, his voice weak and scratchy.

"Here," said Faust, as he brought a glass of water to Naruto's lips. Helping him sit up, the medic-nin eased the cup into a tilt, allowing Naruto to drink, which he did greedily. Faust chuckled.

Naruto smiled as the medic-nin helped him lay back down. "Thanks."

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"Three guys an' a lady chased me into an alley. I couldn't see deir faces, but da lady was wearing red an' had a big hat. She also had a guitar. She brushed her fingers on da strings an' a loud noise happened. My ears didn't work, so I tried to run. One of dem hit me in da back, an' my legs stopped workin'. It hurt a lot!"

"I would assume so. Go on."

"I fell on my face. An' den my hands started hurtin' real bad, an' den I heard another loud noise. Dat's all dat I can remember."

"Hokage-sama," greeted Faust.

"Dr. Faust. Does Naruto know what happened?"

"Not really. He was attacked by a lady in red with a big hat and a guitar and three other nondescript people. As far as I know, no villagers were involved... but they weren't going to help him either."

The Hokage sighed. "Have you heard what happened to Naruto's apartment?"

"No. What happened?"

"We're suspecting arson or an electrical short or something."

"Inspector probably passed the building even though it was run-down - what would he care if the demon died in a fire?"


"Sorry, Hokage-sama, but I'm guessing what happened. Human nature causes people to be prejudiced. Mitarashi-san and I are shunned by the general populous simply because we are associated with Orochi-kun. Hell, I'd be surprised if in a couple of generations the Aburame Clan isn't hated outright due to the weirdness of having insects live within them."

The Sandaime sighed again. "I'm not sure what can be done about it. Still, I need to find a place for young Naruto to live now..."

Faust plastered what the Hokage recognized as his thoughtful look on his face, where he looked towards the ceiling with his one visible eye.

"About that... could I adopt him?"

"Huh? Why?"

"Well, I could keep his supplement and medication schedule much easier if he lived with me. Plus, there's the fact that the clever boy figured out what the numbers on the monitoring machines meant. He's a smart kid, he just needs knowledge and training. I suspect he could become a competent field medic at about the time he applies for Genin."

"Will you still send him to the academy?"

"Of course. Physically and mentally, he will be healthy once he recovers from his attack. Unfortunately, he is very unhealthy socially. He latches on to whoever shows him kindness and acknowledges him. Though it is cute, he needs to learn how to interact with those who treat him like trash."

"Agreed. I actually have his adoption papers right here, as I wasn't going to let anyone who hated him adopt him just so they could kill him in his sleep. Anyone who wants to adopt him needs my express approval."

"Prudent," agreed Faust.

"Why did you try to kill him?"

"Kill, Master? Dear me, no. I wanted to hobble him so he'd be easy pickings when you finally decided to go after him."

Silence met her reply. Just when she was about to speak again, her master spoke once more.

"He has recovered with help from that weird doctor. Obviously, the director was weak, though many powerful ninja died due to him being easily bribed."

"I'm sorry, Master. I have set you back..."

"No. Do not worry. Plans should be flexible, after all. What about the ones you took with you? Do they suspect anything?"

"No, they do not. Neither does their self-proclaimed Kage."

The silhouette of the darker figure, whom the lady referred to as "Master" relaxed almost imperceptibly in the darkness of the cave she was meeting him in.

"Good. Continue to keep an eye on him - the last thing I want is that traitor to acquire a Sharingan." He then muttered another sentence after that, which she could not hear. "Good thing Itachi was powerful enough to resist that snake's charms."

"As you wish, Master."

"Oh, I-No. Try to determine whether Yakushi Kabuto is a double-agent. Sasori suspects that it might be so."

"I will do my best!"

"That's all I can ask of you," he mumbled as her astral image faded from view. "Now, I wonder how the rebellion against Hanzou is doing..."

"Hello Naruto," chimed Faust as he entered the boy's recovery room. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better!"

"Good... The Hokage has agreed for me to give you a surprise."


Faust reached under his sack and used a pinky to clear out his ear. "Well, your lungs have healed..."

Naruto's eager expression still did not falter.

"Very well. Your surprise is... I have adopted you as my son!"

Naruto was shocked. His jaw was slackened. He really just got adopted? But, the people at the orphanages always said that only good boys and girls got adopted, and that he'd never be a good boy... It must be too good to be true. Naruto's face scrunched into a scowl.


"Oh? Why do you think I would lie?"

"'Cause no one actually wants me. Ev'rybody always picks someone else."

"Well, it had to be your turn to be picked eventually, right?"

"But... Dey said I would never get picked!"

"Now, who told you that?"

Naruto grunted and turned away.

"Was it the orphanage workers?"

The blonde boy nodded, still looking in the other direction.

"Who are you going to believe then? A bunch of people who were mean to you or one of the people who is nice to you and the Hokage?"

Naruto hiccupped, and turned to Faust, showing fresh tear tracks on the boy's face.

"I... don't know," he choked out.

Faust, seeing Naruto's distress, crossed the room in three steps and enveloped the boy in a hug.

"Well... how about you try living with me for awhile. If you don't like it, you can go back to the apartment the Hokage has set up for you."

"Why?" croaked the boy. "Why do ya care!"

Faust pulled back from Naruto so he could see his one visible eye. "Well, first of all, it's the right thing to do. Second, children should never suffer as you have. As I had when I was younger."

"What... do ya mean?"

Faust reached up and removed his burlap sack, revealing a bald and heavily damaged and scarred head, especially around where his left eye should be. He had said eye socket shut. However, veins bulged around the area and the blonde could tell that there was still an eye within it.

Naruto just stared.

"My father had fought alongside the Sandaime Hokage before he had become the Hokage. Some of my father's enemies captured me - I was your age at the time. They did most of this to me to try and teach my father a lesson. He sacrificed himself to kill them all. Still, I was weakened and the medics said I would never fulfill my dream of becoming a ninja. So I learned as much about medicine as I could and performed experiments on myself. The Sannin even helped out with my experiments! As you can see, I have become a powerful ninja!"

He placed the brown sack back on his head.

Of course, he thought. Orochi-kun helped out the most. I now shudder at the experiments we performed together, on other people... though the ones on Anko and Tenzou are what caused us to no longer be allies.

"So, do you wish to try to live with me?"

Naruto just leaned forward and began silently crying into Faust's chest.

The blonde learned that Faust was right, at least on an intellectual level. Emotionally and subconsciously, he still feared being abandoned by his adoptive father. He simultaneously feared and accepted the rejection of the populous of Konoha, but was surprised when some people showed him genuine kindness, like the Ichiraku family. Faust was surprised as well, especially since they didn't ostracize him either. They made a habit of eating at the Ichiraku's ramen stand every Saturday evening. Though, Faust had to move one of the stools and sit on the ground, putting both of his legs behind his head to take up as little room as possible. Still, his burlap sack brushed the top of the awning.

Naruto discovered that people who had family members that had their lives saved by the strange doctor also gave him varying levels of respect. Sure, some still hated the man, but they would trust him with their lives, and even said so. Others had complete reversals of attitude towards the man who wore the burlap sack. Some of the most confusing reactions, however, came from the Hyuuga Clan. They were polite, even friendly with Dr. Faust, but they always seemed to talk sadly about him, and almost constantly asked him if his eye is alright, despite Faust declaring that it was fine as many times as he was asked. Naruto was puzzled by it.

He was taught all sorts of things that Faust said would be important to know. Such as math, reading, handwriting, chakra control, cooking, and basic first aid. Naruto eventually started calling Dr. Faust "Pops," much in the same way he called the Sandaime "Old Man."

Meanwhile, under Faust's direction, Konoha Medical was completely re-vamped, all the medics having to pass an annual exam to keep their licenses. After their first exam, they had to show improvement on each test after that or they would get sent back to the Medical Academy. Though the number of available medics was reduced by a third, the patients' recovery rates had virtually doubled (on average).

A year later, Naruto stated that he wanted to go into the Ninja Academy...

"You want to be the Hokage, huh?" asked the burlap-sacked, three-meter tall man.


"What kind of ninja do you want to be then?"

"The bestest kind!"

Faust chuckled good-naturedly. "Different kinds of ninja are good at different jobs. Taijutsu or weapon specialists are the most basic, but are extremely useful and effective. Assault ninjas use big attacks to take out large groups or attack cities or castles. Interrogators make their enemies spill all their secrets. Assassins kill people without notice."

"What kind of ninja are you, Pops?"

"A medic. We use our knowledge of the body to not only heal people, but kill our enemies as well."

"... that sounds like a good kind of ninja."

"You want to be a medic like me then?"

"Sure do, Pops!"

"It won't be easy, you know. In fact, becoming a medic is one of the most difficult occupations a ninja can become."

"That only means it's worth doing!"

Faust laughed lightly. "Who told you that?"

"The Old Man."

"Well, he's right. It is worth doing. You will go to the Ninja Academy for a year, maybe two, and then go to the Medic Academy for two or more."

End Chapter One.

Next chapter: "Control! Control! You must learn control!"

Author's Notes

My muse demanded that I write this, so I make no apologies; I'll try and be sure that this will be the last new story for some time. I find it interesting how easily the characters from the Guilty Gear universe are translated to the Narutoverse with little-to-no modification. Makes me wonder why almost no one has tried this sort of story before. And yes, I know of the one other "Naruto" and Guilty Gear crossover on this site, but it is too short and the premise is a "been there, done that far too many times before" for me to want to read it. Seriously, I am turned off of more stories that way (good or even fair premise but far too few words per chapter rather than horrible premise but has at least 4k words per chapter).

So yeah, no Gears, but I'm replacing that with Jinchuuriki... for some of them. You will eventually see all of the playable characters walking around (except for Robo-Ky and Justice... can't really fit them in here), or at least the ones from Guilty Gear XX Accent Core, with certain characters from the Narutoverse taking the roles of some of the NPC's and vice-versa. A cookie for the first one to correctly guess which Naruto character will be That Man (I have made it almost glaringly obvious). My beta almost guessed it right off the bat, too. His second guess was correct.

Well, Cylon One is still out sick. Go give him a PM wishing him well or something (do mention that you are one of my readers). In the meantime, I must thank Vassago-Toxicity for picking up the slack. EDIT: (July 9th, 2010) Cylon One is back! And he found some things that VT (now known as Mr. Fix-It-NAO) had missed.