Okay, this is something new for me. I've never written in the first person POV before. In case you were wondering, I didn't get "Bones" as a back-to-school gift, so the characters still belong to HH. I just borrowed them for this little experiment. Hope you enjoy.
It's been two months now. Two months since he opened his eyes from that coma and asked me who I was. Two months since I listened to him tell me how he'd dreamed that we were married and I'd just told him that I was pregnant. Two months since he'd turned my world upside down with his softly spoken, "It was so real, Bren. The two of us were so in love and so excited about the baby."
Two months ago, we were discussing having a baby together. Two months ago, I was hoping that he would tell me that if I really wanted to have his baby, we would do it the old-fashioned way. Two months ago, my life made a lot more sense.
A lot can change in two months.
Running off to Guatemala while my best friend was still recovering from brain surgery might seem cold-hearted to some people, but the truth of the matter is that it was solely for self-preservation. The look in his eyes when he talked to me was one of pure and unadulterated love and it was killing me to have him look at me like I've longed for him to look at me and to know that what he was feeling for me wasn't real. So I did what I always do when I need space…I accepted an invitation to a foreign country to excavate graves.
I talked to his doctors in great detail before I left though. They assured me that Booth's recovery would be complete and most likely rather quick. If they'd had doubts otherwise, I wouldn't have left. Even if having him look at me like that literally broke my heart into pieces, I would've stayed.
I was quite surprised upon my return to discover that he still hadn't been cleared for field work. I had expected him to be back to his normal, charming self. I had expected that when I saw him again, the look in his eyes would be the look I was used to, not the one that had haunted my dreams for six weeks while I'd been out of the country.
It had been so wonderful to have him wrap his arms around me and hold me close. It was all I could do to keep from burying my nose in his chest and inhaling his scent while I confessed how much I missed him. It wasn't until Angela's comment about neither one of us having mentioned the baby that I realized that while it was much more subdued, that look was still there in his eyes.
I did my best to ignore it after that. Him leaning down in hopes of getting a kiss from me after Angela called him on his brusqueness that first case. The "I've got you, baby" that I pretended I didn't hear as he held me in his arms while I bled on his shirt. Even after his awkward "I love you" on the sidewalk that was quickly qualified with that stupid comment about it being in a professional kind of way, I refused to push the issue. I merely returned the sentiment with the same flippant attitude and hoped that he couldn't hear in my voice the longing to say the words for real and know that he would accept them.
There's an expression about the piece of straw that broke the camel's back. I think I finally understand it now. I managed to ignore that look in his eyes while we attempted to fix the pipes under his sink. I did a fairly good job of keeping my heart rate in check when he reached his arm around me to turn the water back on. But when he crawled out from under the sink with water dripping from his hair and his t-shirt clinging to his chest, I knew I was fighting a losing battle.
In my defense, I think I put up a valiant effort.
On second thought, maybe I didn't put up much effort at all.
I was still trying to shake the water out of my own hair when he crawled towards me. In hindsight, I now realize that he was probably reaching for the towel hanging on the cabinet behind me. At the time, I couldn't take my eyes off the way the material of his shirt was stretched tight across his chest and shoulders. The dampness of the cotton made it cling to his body like another layer of skin and clearly outlined each and every muscle.
I probably would've made it out of there unscathed if I had kept my eyes on his chest. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of looking up into his smiling face. And suddenly, that look in his eyes was back full force.
I watched mesmerized as his eyes dropped first to my lips and then down to where the water was making my own blouse cling to my body before lifting back to my eyes.
"So damn beautiful, Bones," he whispered softly.
"Booth?" It was supposed to be a warning, but it sounded a lot more like a question. What exactly I was questioning, I'm not sure. But I know that I got the answer in the next breath when I closed the distance between us and his lips pressed ever so gently against mine.
It was like dropping a match on dry kindling.
One minute, we were laughing at the mess we'd made in our botched attempt to fix his plumbing and the next, we were stretched out on his kitchen floor trying to devour each other with our mouths.
My brain was screaming at me to stop this madness before I drove us both headlong over his line and caused irreparable damage to our partnership, but my heart refused to listen. My heart was crying out to feel what Booth had experienced during his coma. My heart was desperate to feel the love that he had described in such explicit detail.
His mouth was hot on my skin, one hand cupping the back of my head and the other finding its way under the edge of my blouse. My hands found their way under the material of his t-shirt to the warm skin beneath. As I trailed my hands up his back, his lips moved down the column of my throat to the sensitive skin just below my ear. Dear god, how did he instinctively know exactly where to kiss me?
My breath caught in my throat as he trailed his tongue back and forth over that spot and suddenly my entire body was on fire for him. I moved my hands to his ass and shifted beneath him until I could feel his hard length pressed against me. This is what I craved. To be consumed by this man. To give myself completely to the only man I've ever truly loved.
"I've missed this so much, Bones," he mumbled against my neck.
He might as well have thrown a bucket of ice water on me.
How could he miss something we'd never done before? My brain was suddenly drowning out my heart again. Before I'd even thought it through completely, I'd pushed him away and rolled to my knees. "I'm sorry, Booth. "
I watched as he let out a deep breath and then moved so he was sitting with his back leaned against the cabinets. "We should talk," he offered.
I shook my head in response. "I should go."
"Please don't," he replied quickly.
I made a point of looking down at my near transparent blouse and then back at his own damp t-shirt before I spoke. "It's probably not a good idea for me to stay."
"You know what we said earlier about being honest with each other?" he asked.
I merely nodded, afraid that the next thing out of his mouth was going to force me to have to choose between lying to him about my feelings or telling him the truth about them and possibly ruining what was by far the best relationship in my life.
I was surprised when he continued, "There's something I need to tell you."
I raised my eyebrow in question, but didn't say anything for fear of revealing too much.
"I lied to you the other night, Bones."
I wanted to pretend I didn't know what he was talking about, but I couldn't. "When you said you loved me?" I asked, feeling my heart shatter within my chest.
"No," he replied. "Not that part. The part where I said it was in a professional, atta-girl kind of way."
"I don't understand," I said as my brain tried to process the meaning. Was he really trying to tell me that he loved me? That he was in love with me? Suddenly, Avalon Harmonia's words were echoing in my head. He knows the truth of you and he's dazzled by it.
"I meant it when I said that I love you, Bones," he clarified. "I was just suddenly terrified that you wouldn't believe me because I wasn't angry about the clown."
My heart was racing so fast that I know he had to be able to hear it from where he sat. "It's not real, Booth. It's just your brain reacting to your dream."
"That's what Sweets said," he replied as he pulled his knees up and rested his hands on them. "He even showed me the CT scans from my brain."
"I think Sweets is right this time," I said calmly, hoping that my voice wouldn't betray the struggle going on inside of me. He was killing me. He was offering me what I so desperately wanted and I was being forced to tell him what he was feeling wasn't real.
"I might have believed that for a while, but I don't anymore."
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because of all the things I've done in the last two months, nothing feels as right and as completely normal as the time I spend with you," he replied.
"Being comfortable spending time with me doesn't mean you're in love with me, Booth," I replied. "We spent a lot of time together before the operation. It's only natural that you feel that way."
"I was afraid that you weren't ready," he retaliated. "When in reality, it was me that wasn't ready. I was terrified that I would push too hard, too soon and it would send you running. But that's not the case, is it? The only reason you want to run now is because you're afraid that I'm going to wake up a month from now and realize that I've made a mistake and I'm not really in love with you."
I feel the tears pool in my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. I won't lie to him. I respect him too much for that. I love him too much for that. "When I thought you were dead, I realized just exactly what I'd lost."
"I'm sorry that I kept you waiting so long," he whispered.
"Please, Booth," I begged, knowing that I wouldn't survive this if we lost what we had between us.
"I'm not going to change my mind, Bones," he replied. "In fact, I think that the operation may have been a blessing in disguise. I think it forced my brain to the backseat and finally let my heart have a say in the matter."
"I want you to be sure, Booth," I whispered. "I need you to be sure."
He moved then, once again crawling across the floor until he was kneeling directly in front of me. "It wasn't the first time I've dreamed about the two of us being together, Bones. It wasn't even the first time I've dreamed that we were married. I think it was just more intense this time because you were in the room with me. I could hear your voice. I could smell your shampoo. At times, I could even feel your hand in mine. My heart was clinging to you while my brain was recovering."
I lost the battle with the tears then and felt the first one trail down my cheek. "Booth."
"I love you, Bones," he stated softly. "That isn't going to change. I'm going to love you for the rest of my life."
I felt my defenses crumble as I looked into his eyes. There was no going back from here. If he changed his mind, it would destroy me, but I refused to think about it. The man I loved was kneeling before me confessing his love for me. "I love you, too."
"Don't cry, baby," he stated softly as he sat beside me and wrapped me in his arms.
I buried my face against his chest and didn't fight the urge to inhale his scent this time. "Tell me more about the dream, Booth," I whispered. "Tell me how it was between us."
I felt his chest rumble with laughter and I leaned back to see his smiling face. "I don't have to tell you, Bones," he replied. "I can show you. You can experience it for yourself."
I felt an answering grin on my face. "I'd like that very much, Booth."
I watched as his face drew closer to mine and then I closed my eyes in anticipation of his lips covering mine. The kiss was gentle and affectionate, full of promise and love and everything that I'd hoped I would one day experience with him.
A lot can change in two months. Sometimes things change for worse, but sometimes they change for better.
Two months ago, we were dreaming individually of a family together. Tonight as I watch him sleep, his head cradled beneath my breast and his arms wrapped around me holding me securely in his embrace, I know that we will be dreaming together.
Thanks for reading. Please drop me a line and let me know what you think.