In case you missed the notice, I'll be posting one thing every day of October in celebration of Pride Month.
The Summary is a section of lyrics from Closer by Cauterize. Why? Because its the song in the Danny/Dash AMV I made that inspired this fic, even though youtube deleted it.
Journal Entry: Dash's Confession
There is something that's always been done here in the walls of Casper high, something that will continuously be done long after I graduate, something bad, something horrible, something so dark and disgusting and yet so thrillingly dangerous it thrives, like a living, breathing, wanting thing. And I've done it too. Oh, I've done it. And I've enjoyed it. But none so much as what I'm going to tell you.
Is it murder? No, at least not that I know of. Drugs? A little. Sex? Oh yeah, a lot of that. But it's not simply that, no.
It's….something different. Like a prostitution of sorts, ages 13-19, the modern day high school students. Teachers? No, none. That's the rule. Adults, at least those over twenty, aren't to be trusted. Especially those who are interested, those who are questioning.
I remember my first time. Freshmen year, just after my first football game, that was supposed to be the highlight of my life. High school football. Damn, I had no idea what was planned for me.
I was cute and talented for a freshman.
Okay, so I was dead sexy and I owned the sport, but hey I can try at modesty now and then right?
They were looking for people like me, people who would like what they could offer. I hadn't known it when they asked me, but it was my ticket to being on the varsity team. Sports stars at this school had special privileges, and not just what every school's sports team had. I mean something… different.
I couldn't go right out and get my own; you see that's not how it worked. I was a freshman. No matter how skilled I was, no matter how muscular or hot or god damnit powerful I was, I was still a freshmen. I had to first participate in the "group activities."
Those were fun. Not anything you're probably thinking of, but I won't clarify for now. No…I know exactly what you're thinking. And you're wrong. Heh, but what the hell. You're a goddamned journal! A dead, carved up tree pressed into thin little strips and stuck between thick, hard, leather bound covers. Guess that's why I can tell you this stuff. Who are you gonna tell? Hmm? My History book? HA!
After I started my sophomore year I got to pick my own and was that ever fun! No more sloppy seconds, no more sharing, no more being on a time limit with someone who either didn't want you there or was too intoxicated to really care who was with them at any particular time.
I picked a girl. What can I say, I was stupid. Kwan laughed when I told him. He picked a girl too, but he'd been smarter. Most girls where already used. Only freshmen were…well fresh. My girl already knew the ropes. Had been passed around for two years straight, she had the pills with her, not that I was disappointed. Saved me fifty bucks and left me with a bottle full for my next toy.
My next one…yeah that one was fun. A boy, the AV kid actually. We used the stock rooms. I got points with the seniors there. No one every thought of the AV kid, he was ugly, pimply, smelly, disgusting. But I fixed him. Cleaned him up, got him some cloths, ate lunch with him. He was hot for a while, but he got boring. I tossed him around in the groups for a while, but eventually I couldn't follow the group rules anymore, I couldn't be with him. I hated him. Hated being near him.
I looked for my next one.
And the same thing happened. Growing bored, passing around, groups, toys, costumes. We lived out every fantasy in nearly every room, closet, hallway, or office in the school. But always the same. None of us kept one for long. That was the point. To stay out of actual relationships.
But one day, things changed and that's what I want to tell you.
I never looked at him as a possible candidate. No one did. He was like the AV kid was to the rest of them, but different. Where the AV kid had been gross, disgusting and annoying, Fenton had been…promising. He could play football, he could rig the soda machine to get as many free drinks as he wanted, he could break into anyone's locker and damn he could throw a punch. He was on the verge of being cool. A popular in the making.
We had a rule. One that went up right next to never tell a grown up.
Other popular kids were off limits.
So much for anyone's fantasy with Paulina, or even me.
But it was almost the end of Junior year. Fenton, though not due to lack of trying, hadn't made it to the A-list yet, so what was holding us back from propositioning him?
As I ate my lunch with the others, my latest conquest smiling flirtatiously while trying to catch my eye with his tight little jeans and enticing tongue ring, which felt totally awesome in certain places, let me tell you, I pondered Fenton.
Fenton, who had grown to be almost as hot as me, though in a slimmer, more fluid kind of way, like a sports car and a motorcycle, both smooth and sexy but in two different ways. I was a Jag, and Fenton was a Ninja. I smirked at that thought, and couldn't help the tightness in my pants when I rode my Kawi home later that day, thinking of riding something completely different, but still as fabulous in my mind.
He was tall, just a hairsbreadth shorter than me, and slim, slim like those anorexic supermodels in Kwan's magazines, but muscular, and pale, and if there was a single blemish on his face it was well hidden. I looked down on him when I had him pinned to his locker, his almond shaped eyes glaring at me. Not wide and fearful, or even narrowed in hate. He just looked bored. Bored and tired and not in the mood.
You're probably thinking, if a brainless hunk of flattened tree guts can think, that would have been the perfect time to make my move. Dip my head, capture his lips, and confess my unyielding love.
What a crock.
Just because I watch romance movies doesn't mean I believe in them. I mean, wouldn't I be a bit more romantic and charming? "Do you like quarterbacks?" Yeah, way to sweep her off her feet Baxter.
I was attracted, I was interested, I was turned on, I was obsessed, but I wasn't in love. I wasn't even in like. I still hated him, the mere sight of him made my blood boil. Maybe that was what drew me. He was my untouchable, and he was passionate; you could see it in the intensity of his eyes.
I didn't have the nerve to break the rules yet. Though there really wasn't a rule to break at that time, he was far from being popular. Still, it kept people at bay.
I ditched my current… toy, I guess you could call him. Didn't even get to the group activities. Kwan was more than happy to take him though. I had him a total of two days before Fenton perked my interest, he was still considered fresh. Well, at least not completely used. Like a car taken out for a spin but returned because it wasn't the right color.
I propositioned Fenton a week after that. I probably wouldn't have had the nerve if I hadn't just gone a week without sex. I'm a teenage boy, and thinking about a petite little brunet almost constantly didn't help anything. But...I guess propositioned is a nice way of putting things. Really, I slammed him against the shower walls and kissed him. Yeah, like what I should have done at the lockers, except here I wasn't surrounded by the whole goddamn student body plus faculty staff.
And we were both naked.
I probably would have taken it farther than that, we were all alone, unclothed, and in a shower after all. Can we say gay teenage fantasy come to life? But much to my, and probably your, disappointment he got away.
Okay, okay, so he kicked me as hard as he could where you can undoubtedly imagine and punched me so hard I saw fucking Daffy Duck and Bugs Bunny dancing the waltz around my head. The last thing I remember thinking is that Bugs and Daffy always did have a questionable relationship.
After that I tried to catch Fenton wherever I could. I even went so far as to volunteer to help Mr. Lancer in detention for some extra credit or something like that. It always ended in three different ways. Either he'd avoid me, stick like a leach to any teacher/staff member in the general vicinity of us, or if I was able to corner him, which I didn't manage to do a lot, he'd deck me which in turn would earn him another detention or two. I managed to calm a hysterical Mr. Lancer enough to keep him from taking further action when he witnessed an incident and I ended up with a busted lip.
He never told his friends, I could tell by the way he'd frantically look at them whenever he saw me approach. He was embarrassed, ashamed, and scared, all the qualities that make for a great new "friend." He was my ideal match. I often wonder why I never saw it before. Guess I was too busy hating him.
It was a month before he calmed down enough to hear me out. Well, it was a cluster of events. Him and the Goth chick split, the techno geek was too busy playing toy to Star, who had finally run out of choices and started picking the desperate. She should have done that a year ago, they were so much more eager to please, but Fenton was oblivious to his friend's new…employment, and I finally realized I had something to offer him.
Yes, I had something Daniel Fenton wanted. Something he'd tried for years to achieve. And no, it wasn't Paulina's affection. She only toyed with girls.
It was popularity.
Once I offered him that, once I explained everything, it was only a matter of time before he accepted.
Accepted…Two months without anything and he finally accepted. I couldn't even get off with anyone else because I couldn't fantasize. Couldn't picture him in my mind perfectly and ignore whomever I was with. Believe me, I tried. That's why I ditched my old toy after I started this obsession. If they weren't Fenton, they were a turnoff worse than grandma in a thong bikini.
That day, when he accepted I really wasn't expecting it. I had only spoken with him after school, yet immediately after practice he was there, dragging me away. I was still in my basketball uniform when he brought me to the boiler room.
I didn't have the pills with me then, that drug I could never pronounce. It was just me and my uniform, sweaty and excited and strung so tight with two months worth of unresolved sexual tension that when he pressed his lips to mine it was all I could do not to devour him.
He knew I wouldn't last long, you could see the irritation on his face every time he tried to go for foreplay and I just kept trying to undo his pants. Finally he just shoved me up against the wall, dropped to his knees, pulled down my shorts, and blew me.
I don't think I lasted half a minute.
After that the pace was a little easier to set, still rapid and sloppy, but at least I wasn't dry humping his hip every time he stuck his tongue in my mouth.
He had probably expected it to be rough, we were unprepared. No lube, nothing to make it less painful, nothing to protect us, I berated myself the whole time we were ripping each others cloths off for not grabbing the drug. He wouldn't have even noticed the pain if he were on the drug. All he would see were the wonderful shadows, like being drunk but still so aware. I know, I used it once.
Several times, out of habit, I would reach down to stroke him and he's swipe my hand away. I thought maybe he wanted to do it himself, but I brushed against him once and realized why he didn't want me to touch him. He was flaccid! Completely limp, like we were sitting down having lunch and not rammed against the wall in the school's basement fucking our brains out.
I thought, how the hell can he not be at least semi hard with me rammed so far into him? I got an erection from my prostate exam, just a little bit but still. Maybe something was wrong with him?
I can look back now and wonder, but at that time all I thought was, whatever, and contented myself with pounding into him until my legs turned to jelly and we slid to the floor, convulsing in my climax.
I was right too, about before, he was a very passionate person, and so eager to please. More so than anyone I've ever had. Maybe it was because of the lack of sex, maybe because I've been obsessed with him these past few weeks, or maybe he was just that good a lay, but I don't think I had ever been that satisfied.
Some of you may already know Journal Entry, I've been antsy about putting it up here because of the content, but after browsing Doug and SpongeBob and finding…down right pornographic content (seriously not only was it bad writing it was all cocks this and pussy that and blah blah blah) I figured, well at least mine is literate.
Also, even if you have already read it, you may notice a few changes, that's because I actually sent it to a friend who's opinions I respect and appreciate and got some help with the editing. As I've said my usual editors are busy with their own lives this year, thus the months of little to nothing from me.
This was supposed to be posted yesterday but I had to get up at 4:45am to head down to Universal Orlando Resort and didn't get out till 12am. Not that hanging around the parks and reading comic books at Marvel Superhero Island isn't my idea of a dreamy day off, especially since there's this one table in The Fantastic 4 café with an outlet that I can charge my iphone at, but I did kind of want to post at least something yesterday.
So you get this today, and also a little one-shot to make up for yesterday.