A/n: Gahhhh. It's been far too long since chapter one and most of you have probably given up on me. But anyway. Here's chapter two.

Chapter Two: 25 Ways to Annoy Lucius Malfoy

Ask him what died and planted itself on his head.

Plaster his room with pictures of Dobby.

Inform him that his son is dating Hermione Granger.

Even better, inform him that his son is dating Harry Potter.

Ask him if you can borrow his pimp cane.

Do your best impression of Dobby whenever he's in the room.

Frequently reenact him losing the prophecy.

Ask him when he and Bellatrix are just going to hook up already.

Whenever he and Bellatrix argue, tell them to "get a room!"

Ask him what kind of conditioner he uses.

Replace his shampoo with green henna dye.

Buy him socks. Lots and lots of socks.

Steal his peacocks. Blame Bellatrix.

Lock him in a room with Buckbeak.

Give Moaning Myrtle his address and tell her it was his fault Ginny got the diary.

Turn Draco into a ferret.

Turn HIM into a ferret.

Paint his nails while he sleeps

Draw flowers and ponies on his death eater mask.

Put plastic bugs in his soup.

Put REAL bugs in his soup.

Redecorate his room to look like his cell in Azkaban. Include dementor-impersonators!

Tye-dye his cape.

Get him to confide in you that he doesn't really want Voldemort in his home. Then, run off and tattle on him.

Every time he has an idea, roll your eyes and say, "Of course. Because THAT'S going to work."

A/n: so there you go. My very overdue second chapter of this story. Who next? Draco? Narcissa? Voldemort himself? Tell me in the reviews!

Also, I came up with another one for Bellatrix: "If anyone says her full name, respond with 'oh, she's STRANGE alright'"