Rating: T, for the F word.

Characters: Puck, mildly Puck/Rachel, Puck/Quinn

Spoilers: Up to The Rhodes Not Taken

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Notes: So I haven't written anything in forever. This is un-betaed and the tense is weird. I kind of hate the title, but it's from 'Knocked Up' by KoL.

Sleep Out In The Quiet

Sometimes Puck thinks he may have some sort of multiple personality disorder. There was this late night movie on some crappy cable channel last week. He couldn't sleep, a regular occurrence since he had sex with Quinn. Anyway, in the movie the main chick seemed like a nice girl but was actually a stone cold boyfriend murdering psycho. Nobody even suspected.

It got him thinking.

He'd turned to Wikipedia. Never a good idea. Now he was kind of worried about all sorts of possible disorders.

Not that he was a psycho. He drew a very definite line at murder. And a few very definite lines before that. He might beat people up, but the usually deserved it. And he wouldn't seriously hurt a girl. And yeah, so he was going to flip a port-a-potty with a kid in it. That might have been stupid. Throwing a kid in a dumpster? Good, clean fun. They weren't allowed weapons or anything that could be used as a weapon so what were the odds of something really dangerous being in the trash? Honestly.

He is damn good at making excuses. That's probably why he's never been expelled.

There are two Noah Puckerman's (at least).

His mom calls him Noah (obviously). But she often breaks out the goopy pet names, 'honey', or 'dear' (sometimes in front of his friends, which is awkward). He doesn't complain. He loves his mom.

If any of his friend call him a mama's boy? Well, that's not a mistake they make twice.

He takes great pains to hide some of his more questionable actions from her.

She works hard, so sometimes he cooks dinner. He is tidy, does his own laundry and takes out the garbage without even being asked. He even recycles. He and his mom are pretty close.

He's really fucking lucky that Rachel Berry is too low on the social ladder and too proud to rat him out. If his mother knew he'd been throwing slushies at a girl (a tiny girl, no less) he would be in a world of trouble. She couldn't really ground him since she worked late hours, but he'd have to kiss his cell, internet connection, car privileges, and PS3 good-bye. For a very long time. She's a tough lady.

He is an expert at forging her signature.

So there's Noah, the person his mom thinks he is. His grades are decent. He sucks at English and has to work his ass off at remembering all those stupid dates in history. No one really knows this about him. If people thought he was smart they might think he's a loser but contrary to what some people (Quinn) might think he has no intentions of being stuck is Lima, Ohio.

He knows that he cares too much about what other people think.

At school he's Puck. Hated by losers and gleeks. Left Tackle (and one of the few decent players on the team). Frequently told to watch his smart mouth by a variety of (old) teachers. Chaser of Cheerio's. Finn's best friend. He is such a teen movie cliché.

He is so fucking jealous of Finn.

Finn has pretty much everything. Sure, his dad was dead. Dead was better than just gone. And yeah, he's kind of stupid. But teachers love him, and are lenient. He's the QB and people like him. Every straight girl and gay boy in the school crushes on Finn. He has Quinn.

Noah had liked Quinn Fabray from about the time that he realized girls do not have cooties. He'd never let on. He'd thrown spitballs and snapped her bra. He thought she'd never look at him that way. Her perfect life (two parents, big house, nice car, golden retriever) was out of his reach (mom who worked two jobs, rented house, goldfish).

Puck tried really hard not to hold that stuff against Finn and mostly succeeded. Finn had been his very first friend in Lima. He'd asked the new kid to play baseball without a second thought in that dopey way he'd never really lost. He was a pretty good friend, understood the single mom thing, and didn't give him crap for it.

Then Glee happened. Apparently popularity and football and Quinn and Puck were not good enough for Finn. He needed singing, dancing and Rachel Berry, too.

That's what the wine coolers had been about. Glee, not Rachel Berry.

He hadn't thought things would go so far. Quinn was president of the mother fucking celibacy club. And she hadn't been that drunk. She'd had three wine coolers. He'd seen her drink vodka straight from the bottle. She wasn't a light weight no matter what she now said.

It had happened and he'd been nervous and shaky like it was his first time even though it wasn't.

Afterwards, he felt so, so guilty.

He forgot about the condom (string) in his wallet.

Quinn had cried and made him promise not to tell. He was no good with crying girls.

He had avoided Finn for nearly two weeks. Luckily, Finn hadn't really noticed.

He was going to be a father.

Except he wasn't.

This might be a good thing. He had not a single fucking clue as to how to go about being a father. But he was willing to try. But Finn got to do that too.

Finn is scared and desperate. He danced in front of hundreds of people. And Finn does not dance.

Puck kind of wants to tell him the truth. But is he did Quinn would hate him and Finn would probably break his nose (because Puck would let him, since he deserved it) and never speak to him again.

He joins Glee to be around Finn and Quinn and the baby. And to be an asshole, truthfully.

He really shouldn't have told everyone about the baby. He was just so pissed it kind of came out. Quinn deserved to hurt a little.

But Glee. He actually kind of likes it. Not that he will ever admit it.

He's played guitar since fifth grade. Because that's cool. Rockstars? Cool. He doesn't know a whole hell of a lot about singing. He has a good enough voice but it bugs him that some of these freaks are so damn good. Wheelchair kid can play guitar better than anyone he's ever seen. Mercedes? Is better than any singer he's ever seen on American Idol (which his mom watches).

And the gleeks are not actually as bad as he thought. He has to stop himself from laughing sometimes when Kurt makes a joke. The kid might be flaming but he's funny.

And Rachel Berry.

Rachel Berry might actually be a star. This is the worst thing of all. He finds he has a hard time not watching her when she sings. When she sings she is everything she tries so hard to be. Confident and kind of hot. When she sings he actually admires her.

He isn't nice to her, but he no longer buys an extra slush at lunch.

Not watching Rachel while she sings is turning into not watching her at every available opportunity. How did he ever fail to notice that she dresses like a schoolgirl in a porn movie? Those skirts are short. He thinks her two gay dads must leave for work before she comes down for school. He spends more time than he cares to admit to speculating about what she has on underneath.

Also, she is smart. She's in his English class. He entertains the idea of asking her for her help with Shakespeare. But then he'd owe her and Noah Puckerman does not owe anyone anything, especially not anybody like Rachel. Plus she'd probably just think he was pulling some sort of trick. He wonders if she's ever seen Carrie.

He watches her MySpace videos. All of them. Occasionally he'll get a song stuck in his head that he doesn't know. It's probably a show tune but he doesn't really want to know. Is it less gay to like a show tune if you don't know it's a show tune? Puck thinks so.

He wants to sing with her.

He sort of wants her to look at him the way she looks at Finn.

Which is not to say that she still doesn't annoy the shit out of him most of the time (okay, just sometimes). She is still everything she was before: pushy and loud and full of herself.

Although, he supposes he can't really judge too much on that last one. He is not a modest guy.

And really, she needs to cut it out with the stars thing. There is such a thing as asking for it. God.

But maybe she doesn't deserve it.

When Ms. Sylvester kicks Quinn off the Cheerio's, and her obvious belly gets her ousted from Celibacy club Santana and Brittany kind of shun her. They stay in Glee and the whole situation is way, way, awkward.

Quinn looks sadder, and more tired every day.

She breaks down one day near the end of Glee. She just sits down and cries. Mr. Shue dismisses them, and leaves, saying something about Miss Pillsbury. Santana, Brittany, Mike and Matt flee. Artie and Kurt leave too, but at least they look like they feel bad about it. Finn looks lost. Tina, Mercedes and Rachel freeze and glare at each other awhile. Finally it is Rachel who huffs, goes over to Quinn and starts talking a mile a minute. Puck is too shocked to catch much.

Rachel helps Quinn up and herds her out of the room. Tina and Mercedes follow only a little reluctantly.

Puck looks at Finn and says, "What the hell just happened?"

What happened is that Rachel Berry has a marshmallow center.

Finn calls and tells him about it later. Rachel brought Quinn, Mercedes and Tina to her house, introduced Quinn to her dad's, and insisted they all stay for dinner.

Rachel is tiny but fierce. Even Quinn Fabray knows when she's beaten.

Quinn looks better the next day. Almost like her old self.

One of Rachel's dad's is apparently makes the most amazing pecan pie. He made one for Rachel to take to Quinn at school. Quinn actually thanks her. Nicely. Apparently they have a family friend who's a baby doctor.

The pie looks super good.

Quinn's parents aren't currently speaking to her.

Quinn snaps at the next person (Santana) who takes a crack at Rachel's family.

Puck might actually have to apologize to Rachel. And find some way to thank her dad's. Maybe they have a pool.

They're taking care of his baby.