Okay so this is my own version of how things could have gone down after 5x03.

Very emotional and a little OOC.

Warning: Attempted suicide but nothing major. Minor language.

Enjoy!

I OWN NOTHING!

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Sam sat on the edge of the bed staring at the pale yellow wall of the hotel room. He had been in this position for the last two hours and yet he felt no desire to move. His eyes burned from a lack of blinking and his back ached from being hunched over for so long. But still, he didn't move. The glow from the moon was the only light in the room.

Vessel. Lucifer's vessel. The Devil's vessel.

The words replayed over and over in Sam's head. Taunting him, mocking him. Sam brought his hands up on either side of his head, grasping his hair tightly in each fist. He clenched his eyes shut but quickly opened them when all he could see was him. Lucifer's sympathetic face. His confidence that Sam would say yes.

"You will say yes to me."

Sam shook his head in defiance. He wouldn't give his consent. He would never let him in. Sam cast his eyes desperately around the room. There had to be a way. He had to ensure that Lucifer never took control. Sam's eyes rested on his gun lying on the bedside table. For a moment he just stared at it then slowly reached for it. His mind was made up. He wouldn't let him win.

Sam wasn't sure what to expect. The devil had said that he wouldn't let Sam die. That he would just bring him back. It didn't matter to Sam, he had to try. He had to fight back.

His hand brushed against his cell phone sitting innocently next to his gun. He set the gun down for a second and reached for the phone instead. He flipped it open and scrolled through his list of contacts. Dean.

Sam had done so much wrong over the last year. Had caused Dean so much worry and hurt. It would be better for Dean...when he was gone. Dean would keep fighting, he would win. Sam's finger hovered over the talk button. After everything he had put Dean through, should he call him? Did he deserve to?

Sam considered it silently for a few minutes before determinedly pressing talk. He owed it to Dean to say goodbye. And if he admitted it to himself, he knew he needed to do this.

Hey you've reached Dean. Leave a message.

Sam sighed, answering machine. The disappointment was pushed aside for relief. This is easier.

"Hey Dean, it's...it's me."

Xx

Dean walked out of the bathroom after taking a long shower. It had been one hell of a hunt and he had desperately needed it. Hunting was a lot more exhausting without...more exhausting now that things were different. So different.

Dean stared sadly at the bed furthest from the door. Two beds. He would have to remember that he only needed one bed now. It made him sad to think about it. They had always been together. Dean had always slept closest to the door. A habit he developed when he was young and wanted to keep Sam safe in case something broke in. Sammy.

Dean sighed and walked over to the other bed in the small room. He passed the table and stopped when he noticed the blinking light coming from his phone. 1 New Message. Dean picked up his phone and hit the appropriate buttons to retrieve the message.

"Hey Dean, it's...it's me." Sammy. Dean listened as Sam cleared his throat. "I...I..." Silence. Dean waited. "I don't know what to say...how to tell you this..." Dean held his breath. What was wrong with Sam? What was he talking about?

"I guess there's no real way to say it so I'm just going to get it out there. I'm Lucifer's vessel, Dean."

Dean felt the emotional blow hit him hard. Worse than anything he had heard up to this point. Lucifer's vessel? How did Sam find that out?

"He found me, or came to me in a dream I guess, he wasn't really here. At least I don't think he was. I guess he needs my consent, angel and all that you know. I told him no."

Obviously he told him no. Dean didn't doubt that for a second. Where was Sam? He had to get to him now. He went back to listening to his brother's broken voice. Maybe he would reveal where he was.

"I won't let him in, Dean. I've already done so much. I won't give my self the chance to say yes." What was he talking about? Wouldn't give himself the chance...

"I don't know if it will work. Lucifer said he would just bring me back but I've got to try. Should have done it a long time ago. I'd rather die than be his vessel." Wait, Sam wasn't saying-

"I'm sorry Dean. I'm sorry for everything. I wish there was a way...Anyway, just take care of yourself okay?"

The voicemail went silent. Dean was rooted to the ground by shock and horror. When had Sam called? Was there time? Where the hell was he?! Dean shook his head, he had to move. Grabbing his jacket, he raced out to the impala. He peeled out of the parking lot, heading west. Where was he supposed to start?

He pressed speed dial number two. Maybe he could reach him. Stop him. It's Sam.. Dean yelled in frustration and hung up. He thought quickly and pressed speed dial number three.

"Bobby, tell me you know where Sam is."

Xx

Sam through the knife against the wall in anger. The bastard wouldn't just let him die! Sam had tried the gun but the bullet just bounced off his head like a ball. Further trying showed that the knife wouldn't work either.

It wouldn't work. Sam couldn't die. Lucifer was going to win. Sam let out a cry of despair and fell against the bed. He would let Lucifer in. Experience had proven that Sam was weak. He would lose.

"Sam!"

Sam folded his arms across his knees and dropped his head into them. He wasn't strong enough. Lucifer was right. It was inevitable. He would get in.

"Sammy!"

Sam raised his head slightly. He thought he hard someone calling him. But who would be looking for him. This was all his fault. His entire life he had messed up and now he couldn't even end it.

Dean kicked the hotel door in. He looked frantically around the room, panicking at the blood he saw. He searched desperately for Sam. Dean opened his mouth to yell again but stopped shortly

"Sam..."

Sam raised his head completely this time. He looked up into the relieved eyes of his big brother. Dean. Dean was here. Dean had been yelling his name.

"Dean." Sam whispered.

Dean dropped down beside Sam. He wrapped his arms around his little brother's body and pulled him into his chest. He tucked Sam's head under his chin and breathed out a sigh of relief. His eyes filled with tears. He thought he was going to be too late. Thought he had lost Sam forever.

"I couldn't do it Dean. I tried, but he wouldn't let me."

"Thank God for that." Dean's voice broke.

Sam scoffed. "Yah, God."

The shock of seeing Dean and the bitterness at failing began to ware off and Sam could feel the despair crushing him. He grasped the back of Dean's shirt in his hands and sobbed quietly. Dean heard him and held him tighter, pressing his cheek to the top of Sam's head.

Dean could smell the gun powder on Sam's head and had to force down the bile he could feel in his throat. Sam had...He closed his eyes against the images brought on by that scent. He couldn't think about it. Sam was here. He was alive.

"It's gonna be okay Sammy."

Sam pulled back enough to look into Dean's eyes. "How? How is anything ever going to be okay again?"

Dean took a deep breath. "He won't get in Sam. You won't let him in. I know you, better than anyone, you won't give in. He won't win. We won't let him!" Dean spoke fiercely, leaving no room for argument.

Sam nodded slowly. He didn't think it would be as easy as Dean was making it sound but he would try. He wouldn't let Dean down...not again.

Dean took his eyes away from Sam to look around the hotel room. He could see a knife lying on the ground and Sam's gun still smoking slightly. The blood in the room on top of the weapons was too much. Dean let the tears he had been holding back since Sam called fall. What if Sam had succeeded?

Sam followed Dean's eyes around the room. He started at the tears that fell from Dean's eyes. His brother rarely cried. It was Sam's turn to wrap his arms around Dean.

"I'm sorry Dean. I thought it was best. I thought it was the only way to escape."

Dean forcibly pushed back the tears. How could Sam think that?

"How did you think I would feel hearing that message Sam? Did you think I would just accept it and move on?" Dean didn't speak with an accusation. He really did wonder what Sam had been thinking.

Sam looked down at his hands. He hadn't thought a lot about it. He knew Dean would mourn, but he hadn't given it honest consideration.

"I guess I figured you would be sad but I also thought you would be okay eventually, and keep fighting."

Dean had to restrain himself from throwing a punch at Sam. Be okay? Move on? Keep fighting?

"I wouldn't have been okay. And I definitely wouldn't keep fighting. You need to promise me something." Sam nodded and Dean paused to look around the room again. "Never again."

Sam was confused. "Wh-"

"This Sam! Ending your life...never again, Sammy." Dean's voice broke a bit but the message was clear.

"I promise." Dean nodded. "Good."

"What are we going to do now Dean? What's next?" Sam asked quietly.

Dean's face was set in determination. "We win. We find a way to stop the evilest son of a bitch of all time, and we win."

Dean spoke with such confidence that Sam couldn't help but nod his head. "We win." he repeated.

"Now let's get out of here."

Dean stood and headed for the door. He couldn't stay here another second. Not where Sam had...he couldn't stay. Sam stood to follow him out. Seeing Dean like this made him feel guilty. He hadn't thought about how he would react. Sam couldn't even imagine...He wouldn't let it happen again. He would keep living and he wouldn't let Lucifer in.

Dean turned back to Sam, reassuring himself that he was still there. He didn't think he would be able to let Sam go far anytime soon. Not after this. Sensing Dean's conflict, Sam squeezed his shoulder.

I'm right here. I'm sorry. Never again.

Dean breathed out a sigh and Sam slowly removed his hand. Dean nodded his head at Sam, grinning softly.

I know. We're going to be okay. We'll win.

The brothers got in either side of the impala and Dean turned the car on. They pulled out of the parking lot without looking back at the hotel room. They glanced at each other then turned to face the road ahead of him.

You're my brother and I love you. We're going to win this.

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Review and let me know what you thought please! : )