Today is the happiest day of your life. Today is the day you promise your soul to someone else. Today you let go of what you truly love the most.
You stand in the front of the mirror, for the first time in your life fussing over your appearance. The reason, well you know that if you don't look perfect, you'll have an angry bridal party to contend with. You adjust your tie, yanking it to the left and right because it won't stay in the center and you even wonder if it's actually you who are unbalanced and not your clothing.
You frown at the idea of getting married; because with this pledge of faith and adoration, you're making everyone happy, right? You're making sure that your parents get grandchildren and another daughter; you're showing your appreciation to all your friends by paying for them to eat expensive food; you're fulfilling the promise you made to the perfect girl… you're making up excuses.
Smile, you are marrying the most beautiful girl you've ever laid eyes on, shouldn't you be happy?
Someone appears behind you and you glance up anxiously, eyes begging this person to give you some good news. "Is he…?"
"No." Your best man gives you a sympathetic smile because he understands all too well the way you feel. He's subjected himself to a life of persecution by inadvertently stealing his brother's wife. Takeru knows all about the stares and hurt that come with following your heart… he wishes you'd see that even though it's hard, you suffer less.
But you don't see that, do you?
Of course not. For you it's always been about acceptance. You just wanted everyone to like you and you just wanted everyone to be happy. But this time, are you thinking about your happiness?
You could be happy, like you were the first time you saw that person, the one that you hold even above your soon-to-be wife. You could stare into those eyes forever; you could hold that lithe body in your arms and breathe in that comforting scent until the end of human existence.
"Daisuke, it's time."
Her brother calls you and you follow, your feet moving without your brain telling them too. Subconsciously, you want this. You want to be the center of attention and proclaim a "truth," no matter how false.
You're standing there, a rugged boy who has never looked more handsome. You swallow the fear that's bubbled up into the back of your throat, and it's harder than ever to keep down the lunch you ate only hours ago.
You feel it, the searing kisses that once coated your neck, and the tender bites that nibbled across your collar bone. And you ache for those sensations again. It's now that you consider running. Maybe it's not too late, she's not here yet. When she does get there, you know there'll be no chance of escape; you'll be bound for life.
Taichi looks at you and he smiles, genuinely happy that he's giving away something so precious. That's guilt that you're feeling now. Takeru's eyes are compelling you to rethink this. And the music starts.
They're coming in now: Sora, Mimi, Miyako, all dressed in your fiancé's favorite color. The tempo changes and she's about to come out but you could care less.
It's because you've seen the only person who makes your skin tingle, the one who makes your heart skip a beat, the one who can render you senseless with one look. It's now his face that's burning itself into your mind.
There's a collective gasp as your blushing bride makes her way toward you, her small hand grasping tightly to her father's forearm, pink lips smiling anxiously. You're grinning like a fool and everyone is convinced it's because the beauty has arrived at your side.
You kick yourself because he asked you to choose and then you had the nerve to send him an invitation to your wedding! You're despicable.
You shake your head and the crowd laughs because they think you're being your usual dopey self. Her father nods in approval and hands over his daughter, his only daughter – his baby. Her hand tries fit into yours, but it feels all wrong and you chance a glance back; the one you really love is standing in the rafters. His expression is serene, like he's happy but how can he be when there are tears clouding those beautiful blue orbs. You're breaking his heart.
You stare at your shoes, your shiny reflection once again mocking you for being pathetic and weak. You gaze down for most of the ceremony before you hear an innocent, "I do."
It's your turn. Daisuke, the priest just asked you to have, hold, and adore; through sickness and in health, for all the days of your life! What are you going to say?
Isn't it funny how when you take the "f" out of life, it becomes lie?
You aren't even sure you said it. You just know that the words were spoken. Numbly, you lift her veil and kiss her, there's too much tension in your lips but hers are soft and she's smiling into the lip lock. The feeling is suddenly revolting and tears come to your eyes. You don't want her! You never did!
Motomiya Hikari takes your hand in hers and leads you down the aisle, past all your cheering family and friends. Your body is jolted by congratulatory claps on the back and kisses on your flushed cheeks. The saline rivers are running down your face as you look up to those rafters and find that he's gone.
You close your eyes as you're ushered out the church doors. The sun paints your lids and you hope and pray with every fiber of your being that you can learn to truly love the angel at your side – despite how much your heart burns for someone she will never be.
She's not Ken.
October 2, 2009
This was supposed to be a birthday fic for CatchingRain. Rain, my lovie, it didn't exactly come out the way I wanted it to and if you don't like it, I understand and I'll write you something better. I just felt really compelled to post it. It's not exactly yaoi but it has those hints. This was weird to write but I had a good time doing it. It was originally based on a song called "Doushite" by TVXQ. It's a J-Pop song that Rain introduced me too! :D When translated, the basic meaning is, "Why did I fall in love with you?"
So I took that concept (and the concept of the MV for the song) and TADAH!
Please review! Thanks. Toodles!