Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing or any of its characters (although I would like to).


A huge victorian-style study was lighted with only the screen of a notebook PC, perched on a big old-fashioned desk. Lady Integra Wingates Hellsing was working. Actually, she was trying to work. Lots of important reports had to be read and some decisions had to be done, but...

"Damn, I'm bored! Why can't I go to a mission? I have to check my new Jackal gun, after all! You keep dispatching humans to every job out there, and I sit in this dull mansion like some bloody turkey on a festive dish! Booooring!"

Integra's brow twitched. She had listened to this old song far too much for this afternoon already. She raised her head and looked at her special agent. The very special one. Right now Alucard's head and torso were sticking out of the ceiling while he was wandering in circles around the chandeleur and complaining. Integra silently sighed. She knew that Alucard's 'oh-poor-me-how-bored-I-am' mood. He could rant about that for ages, being even more obnoxious than usual.

Why don't you go and read something? Or watch TV?" – made she a weak attempt.

"Hmph. Stupid entertainment for humans. Who do you think I am? A housewife?!" - he retorted angrily.

"Internet then. Why not? Walter spends a lot of time browsing the Net. He says it's very amusing."

"For Walter maybe. He's old and doesn't need much physical activity. Do you know what nickname that old geezer uses in chats? Spiderman! Bwahaha!" - Alucard temporarily snapped out of his gloominess and snickered evilly. Integra saw her chance to get rid of the workaholic vampire and made her voice as stern as possible: "You should pay more attention to your duties, Alucard. Victoria Seres is your assistant and she's quite a rookie in our business. You are responsible for her new state and she knows close to nothing about her abilities. So go and train her. "

"Huh? That little police girl? - Alucard stopped his circling about the ceiling and started to vanish slowly. - Oh, well. OK. Better than nothing. It's been awhile since I taught somebody..." The last words came from the now empty space near the lamp. Lady Hellsing sighed with relief and resumed her work.


Victoria lay on her back in the coffin bed. The lid was closed to provide her a good afternoon sleep, but she still couldn't get used to the new schedule. So she just lay and gazed mindlessly on a poster pinned to the inner side of the lid. She kept a rotating collection of posters or photos there... Always something sunny, bright and peaceful. Anything to distract her mind from the eerie details of her new nature and life... Afterlife. It was completely dark inside when the bed was closed, but she could still see every detail of the poster.

"Hmmm... What should I do? I can't sleep. It's kinda boring to just lie here and do nothing..." - she thought. - "I haven't made friends with anybody here yet. So I can't go and have a chat or drink coffee together or... Oh, hell. What I'm thinking about. Most people upstairs act as if I have a highly contagious skin disease every time I try to walk up and join a conversation. I wonder if any tranquilizers might work on me now..." Suddenly she felt a familiar presence close by. She hastily pushed the button to open the lid.

"Master! What's happened?"

Master was sitting in his favorite position with his boots on the table and grinning mischievously to her. "Nothing's happened. - he shrugged. – I've just dropped in to talk." Alucard stretched his arm and helped himself with a full goblet of blood. "Umm... Not bad. Fresh enough... And not too much anticoagulants. Want some?" Victoria shook her head negatively. "Why? You should have a proper diet. it's essential for your health." Victoria smiled. When Master started his lectures about food, he sounded almost like... like a worried granny. She sat in front of him, put her elbows on the table and asked:

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Hm? Ah, that... You see, our Lady-Boss thinks that you should know more about the specifics of our bodies and such. You are a true vampire now, Victoria. Potentially, it gives you a lot of handy abilities. For example, you can walk through walls, regenerate your body, change it's shape... not that you need to change that shapes, mind you... - Alucard's smirk became broader, - Hm... What I was talking about? Ah, yes. Transformations. We, true vampires, can turn into fog, bats, insects..."

"Insects?! - interrupted Victoria nervously. - I hate bugs!"

"Shame on you, cop. Hating bugs, hah! Ridiculous! Anyway, this type of transformation is a little bit early for you. Let's start with something easy."- with this words Alucard grabbed Victoria's arm and headed to the door. -"The topic of today's lesson - How To Walk Through Walls. To do that you must believe that the wall is just an illusion. Do you follow?" Saying that, he walked through the closed door, holding his assistant's hand tight. Bang! Victoria's head met the heavy iron door with an interesting sound.

"Ow-ow-ow! Master! It hurts!" – whined the girl, sitting on the stone floor and rubbing her forehead, - "I've probably got a concussion thanks to you!"

"No, you have not! You forgot who you are now... So stand up and try again! Remember - the door is not real for you."

"Y-yes, Master..."

Bang! Bang! BANG!!!

After an hour of hard efforts (Victoria's ones, of course, Master just sat at the table, toyed with the Jackal, sipped blood and inserted smartass comments) she succeeded to pass through the closed door. Standing in the dungeon corridor, the young vampire looked at the solid metal of her training facility and sighed.

"Drat it, I would've never believed that some day… night, I mean… I'd be banging a door for an hour. In such a way... And with such an outcome. My life is full of wonders, that's for sure."

Seres made a few steps back, clenched her fists, closed her eyes, prepared herself with a mantra "It's an insani... er... It's an illusion! Illusion! Three bloody inches of a friggin' illusion!!!" and ran forward to check the success. When Victoria opened her eyes again, the first thing she saw was an arched eyebrow of her senior. He holstered his black gun and slowly rose from the chair.

"You learn faster than I've expected, police-girl."

Breathing heavily, the girl staggered to the table.

"What now, Master?"

"Why, celebrating, of course! We'll make a glorious pair of burglars - you and me... Let's rob the British Museum for practice! Bwahaha! Just kidding, cop. - added Alucard, noticing his student's frown, - Hey, I have an idea... Why don't you change into something more casual? This uniform of yours can attract some unneeded attention... We'll go out to the city."

"Attention, he says. - mumbled Victoria, changing into her favorite pink jacket and jeans skirt. – Duh!!! Just look, who talks. In that hat he looks like a king-size mushroom!"

"I hear everythiiing, Victoria! - chimed Alucard, suddenly popping his head out of a mirror. - Young girls these days... No fashion sense at all! Besides, it covers from sun rays. I have sensitive skin, you know... Don't want to get it sunburnt."

"Master! - fumed the girl. - Stop peeping already! And eavesdropping!"

"Who, me? How could you say such despicable things... Well, you are ready, I assume. Let's go! The fun has yet to begin!"

"Oh, my... - thought Victoria on their way out of the mansion, stealing a glance at alarmingly cheerful Alucard, - he's really unpredictable... What exactly is he going to do in the city? Ah, whatever... It's definitely more fun than sitting in this gloomy dungeon."