Finally, my muse cooperated with me long enough to start another KH story! This is pretty AU, but I've let the Organization members keep their special abilities and such. Also, the characters are out of character, but it's all in the name of comedy, ^_^ Another thing. I'm sure most of you already saw it coming, but there's hints of yaoi here as well. Nothing overly graphic though since this is a comical story first and foremost. There's a total of three chapters only, so it's not a long fic. Well, with all of that said, do enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the KH characters nor the body spray Axe. Suing me is futile, mwahahaha!
The Axel Effect
Axel towel dried his hair as he stepped from the bathroom. As far as he knew, there was nothing on his agenda for the day and so he felt quite light-hearted. Perhaps he'd actually be sociable with the others and see what they were up to in the Grey Room (the castle's common room). He knew Roxas had something to do, so until he got back, he'd enjoy a bit of R&R.
Upon entering the room, there were only four other occupants. Luxord and Zexion were battling it out over a game of poker. Great, one guy that could manipulate time to his bidding, and the other being an illusionist. They were going to be there for hours.
On the other side of the room, Vexen stood off in a corner, mumbling things to himself. Scientists…can't live without 'em, but man, they gave him the creeps!
The last person Axel spotted was Demyx, who was situated on a couch and strumming his instrument/weapon. Of all the people in the room, he was the one he'd feel most comfortable with and thus set out to join him.
"Hey!" Demyx greeted. "The great Axel has graced me with his presence." Axel quirked an eyebrow. 'The great Axel?' Hm…had a nice ring to it…
"You honestly don't have anything to do today?" Demyx said, intruding on the daydreams that Axel had started. Yeah, this was the downside of Demyx. A friendly guy all around, but at times he was just too friendly and didn't know when to leave others alone.
"As far as I'm aware of, I don't," Axel said, watching as Zexion shouted at Luxord for again freezing him in the middle of a play to sneak a peak at his cards. Luxord was shouting back that what he saw wasn't really what the man's cards were anyways, that he'd changed them at the last minute. How did those two stand each other?!
"If I were you, I'd act like I had something to do," Demyx advised. "Those two over there just got back from a long mission, so they're off the hook for the moment. And the boss thinks I'm too silly and goofy to be trusted with anything overly major, which hurts, but, eh, whatever. But you…you're the perfect blend of one not only willing to do dirty jobs but can play it off as though you're going to enjoy it as well."
Axel turned to him. "What?! Where the hell did you get this?"
The blonde was about to answer, but the door to the room slid open. Saix glided into the room, the air of one who knows his place in this world is important.
"Arrogant bastard," Axel heard Demyx mutter. "And if I were you, I'd leave the room now," he said.
As though hearing his words, Luxord and Zexion packed up their game and began to leave. Even Vexen snapped out of his musings to head for the door. Demyx was pulling on his black cloak, trying to get him to move faster.
"It has come to my attention that the kitchen is nearly out of food," Saix was saying. "I would like a volunteer to go do the shopping. I would myself but,"--And here he actually had the nerve to chuckle—"I'm far too busy."
"Pfft, shouting out orders isn't being busy!" Demyx snarled. Whoa, when was Dem like this? The other man continued to drag Axel along, hurrying to make their escape.
"And I choose…Axel," Saix finished.
The redhead came to a freezing halt. Okay, scratch any inklings of actually liking this guy he might've had. At the moment, Saix could burn in hell. "Um, me?" Axel asked, pointing to himself and looking around the room innocently.
"Yes, you," Saix said. "You're the only Axel I know of. Actually, no, I knew one back in grade school, but that's beside the point! Here, a list of what we need and just charge everything to the Organization account."
When the hell did they have an Organization bank account?! Axel tried to stifle back a giggle as he imagined Xemnas going into a bank and actually opening one. What did the tellers think?! And Saix doing it for him was no better an image.
"Look, I appreciate you thinking I'm up for the task, but…couldn't someone like Demyx do it?"
"You bitch!!" Demyx screamed at him. Axel mentally shrugged. Eh, every man for themselves.
Saix shook his head. "No, Demyx is needed at Castle Oblivion. Luxord and Zexion just got done with a mission and Vexen…well, Vexen's Vexen."
Axel was trying his hardest to hold back the fireball that he wanted to let loose on the man. Demyx, of all people was going to Castle Oblivion?! That little idiot goofball had surpassed him in status? Please let Zexion be playing another illusion trick on him!
But…the order came from the big guy upstairs. Looked like he couldn't refuse. "Fine," he sighed. "But am I getting a car or anything?" He was only half joking, but was shocked when Saix actually said yes.
"Here, take the keys to one of the company's cars," the man said, holding out the key ring. "That's the one for the Lexus."
Oh, a Lexus now was it! But…why did even the car have an X in its name? Now wasn't the time to ponder such things. Axel read over the shopping list as he took the elevator down to the basement garage. The moment the doors slid open, it wasn't hard to find the one that he was to drive.
The vehicle was a model that had only very recently been released. The sleek, silver car looked more like it was built for racing rather than grocery shopping. Well, if he was going to be doing something so degrading as this, he might as well do it in style.
The knowledge of how to drive came from a past life, one he couldn't really remember, but still made its presence known by giving him intuition on things that he never recalled studying in the first place. He revved the powerful engine. Listen to those horses run! He was somewhat happy Demyx had been sent to boring Castle Oblivion instead of him. Sure, the place was supposed to be only for the most trustworthy and powerful members but…heh, they didn't have a shiny new toy like this to play with!
It could go without saying that Axel broke nearly every traffic law has he zoomed down the street, caught up in the euphoria of speed. The speed of the car, not the drug! The vehicle even had a police radar in it, so he knew when he should hit the brakes and when the coast was clear to weave in and out of traffic as the machine allowed him to do effortlessly.
By the time he pulled up at the store, he was reluctant to get out. He'd become attached to it, reclining the seat to his preference, opening up the sun roof, blaring some rock song in a language even he didn't know…yeah, having to leave it even for a moment was going to be painful. Well, all the more reason to get this shopping done quickly.
The butterfly doors of the car made it to where at least one empty space on the driver's side was needed. As the door went up to allow him to get out, a small crowd of people stopped to see who the big shot was. Axel never was one to really gain a lot of attention (seeing as how he preferred to stay out of the spot light), but this was one occasion where he was proud of the staring. As cool as he could be, he stepped out, going over the area with eyes hidden behind expensive sunglasses. Xemnas's? Heh, his now!
Still trying to act like he was important, he pulled them off, listening to the "ooh's" and "aah's" as he revealed his green eyes with the unusual markings under them. Oh, wait. He was still in his Organization outfit. Well, that wouldn't do. With absolutely no shame, he unzipped it right in front of the crowd, showing off his muscles with a tight black shirt and black jeans. Was that a squeal he'd just heard? No matter. He threw the cloak into the back of the car and stepped away from it. As he walked away, he coolly held the keychain over his shoulder to press a button that would make the doors close and set the car alarm.
Alright, cool entrance, check. Now was the part he was dreading. The actual shopping. There were too many items on the list to just grab a basket and that would lower the cool factor he'd already set. So would a cart. In short, cool, famous people just didn't go grocery shopping! His confidence bubble popped. Like a normal, modest person, he grabbed a cart and pushed it further inside the store.
"Shopping sucks," he grumbled. "And quite frankly, so does Saix."