Battle of the Aliens!!

Starfire looked out into the vast, open sky... somewhere up there was her home. She would be leaving for home today.

Ever since she has heard the news of the building war, she had ached to be home on Tamaran. And now she would finally be leaving Earth to help her people. The problem was, her friends didn't know yet...

"Starfire?" Came a voice from the other side of the roof of Titan Tower. She turned around abruptly. This was her chance.

"Robin..." Starfire replied. "Listen, I..."

"I know. I found the letter in your room." Robin replied sadly. "So... you're leaving for home?"

"Yes, Robin. But only until this war has been ended... which could be only a few days. Or months..."

"I understand completely." Robin reassured her. "They're your people."

"They are my people, but you are my friends. And when I come back, I promise to indulge in much festive activities with you!"

Robin giggled. "So..." he continued, "Who the heck is this war with, anyway?"

"The vicious, cunning Irkens and the utterly DISGUSTING Yugopotamians." Starfire replied.

"Are they allied?"

"No – I suppose you'd call it 'Every species for themselves'."

"Heh," Robin laughed, "That's weird. Interplanetary alien war. By the way, how'd they get that letter to Earth?"

"Don't ask."

"Well... good luck."

"I wish the same to you." Starfire announced. They hugged. Starfire watched as Robin walked back down the stairs to the top floor of the tower.

"Tell everyone I'll miss them!" She shouted after him.

There was a long silence.

It was time for her to leave.

Zim was in his base. It was just about the most boring day since... EVER. He had resorted to watching "the Scary Monkey Show" with GIR on the couch in the living room. But frankly, it was starting to creep him out.

"ZIM!!" Came a sudden voice from the TV. Zim jumped. He watched as the image on the screen flickered from a creepy monkey to Tallest Red, looking rather peeved.

"Saved by the bell!" Zim stated, relieved.

"Awww... that was the best part..." GIR mumbled.

"Zim, listen." began the Almighty Tallest.

"Of course, Tallest!"

"There's a war starting in the middle of space, and we can't afford you messing it up."

"WHAT??!! A war?! Tell me more!" Zim said, more out of curiosity than fear – he was almost glad, given the eventless day he'd been having.

"It's between us and our arch rivals." Red explained.

"Ah..." Zim knew immediately what he meant. "The mud-wallowing, spinach-eating Yugopotamians."

"Yeah, but the Tamaranians have decided to get involved too, so we're bringing in TWICE the ships, and – well, it doesn't matter, just STAY OUT OF IT!!"

The Scary Monkey show flickered back on.

"Ah," Zim said confidently, "Reverse psychology. Well, the Almighty Tallests can count on me! ZIM!"

"Yaaaayyy!" GIR screamed. "You're Zim!! WAHOO!"

"Uhhh..." Zim began, slightly freaked out, "Yeaaahh... Well, let's get going, GIR!"

"I'll bring taco sauce!"

And with that, they were off to the attic to drive Zim's voot cruiser all the way to the stars...

"Hey, Mark!" Said Timmy Turner as he tossed the garbage-encrusted frisbee to the tentacled being about ten yards away.

"Got it!" Mark "Chang" called back. He caught it with one of the many tentacles he could have chosen to use.

"Hey!!" Timmy yelled, ticked off. "That's an unfair advantage in the game of frisbee! Tie 6 of your 8 arms behind your back!"

"No way!" Mark replied. "It's anything goes."

"In that case..." Timmy began deviously.

"EXCEPT magic."


Suddenly, a high-pitched, annoying beeping sound came from a pocket on Mark's belt. "Oh," he said, "Hold on a sec..."

Mark proceeded to pull a small pager out of his pocket, and read the message on its tiny screen. "Uh-oh..."

"What?" Timmy asked.

"Ummm..." Mark replied. "I gotta go..."


"No, I mean I REALLY gotta go."

And with that, Mark walked into his spaceship/home, turned on the ignition and flew away at nearly the speed of light. Leaving Timmy, very confused, in the Dimmsdale dump.

At this point, I'm sure you know why he had to leave.

"AAAHHH!!" Martha half screamed, half grunted as she was forced across the control room of the TARDIS and landed on a random panel. The entire ship had been shaken violently by an unknown force, but stopped just as suddenly as it had come on.

"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT??!!" Martha yelled, confused and quite shaken.

"I don't know yet!!" The Doctor replied, struggling to get up off a pile of random cardboard boxes in the corner. He then made his way to a screen on the center control kiosk of the TARDIS.

"Oh." He then said matter-of-factly, looking at the screen. "An explosion."

"What kind of explosion?" Martha inquired.

"That's odd..." the Doctor continued. "A bomb."

"An ordinary bomb?"

"A quite ordinary, war-intended bomb... although an extremely advanced one. It must have accidentally managed to penetrate time... sent a shockwave to us."

"Is that bad?" Martha asked.

"Could be..." the Doctor answered. "We should probably check it out. The TARDIS is landed now. Allonzi!" With that, he helped Martha up, and they both proceeded to the door.

What they opened when they saw it confused them both.

Here's what Martha saw: Some green kid and these two taller guys that looked a lot like him screaming at him to "GET OFF THE SHIP!!" Then the kid said "Fine... I'll go use Invader Kub's ship..."

Here's what the Doctor saw: The inside of a ship from the Irken Armada, with various ignorable chaos going on.

"What the...?" The Timelord and the human mumbled in unison.

Suddenly, one of the beings known to the Doctor as the Irken Tallests said to the other, "What was that whirring noise...?" They both turned around.

"Uh-oh." The Doctor said.

"What?" Martha asked him.



"JUST RUN!!" The Doctor took her hand and led her down the hallway that the smaller Irken had walked down. Back in the main room, they could hear one of the Tallests yell "It was a Timelord! Get 'im!"

"They know you?!" Martha said frantically as the Doctor practically dragged her down the hallway.

"Looooooooong story!" The Doctor replied.

They were catching up to the Irken boy, who was looking backwards, very confused. The Doctor and Martha ran up to him and stopped.

"Hey!" the Doctor said to the Irken. "You're going onto another ship?"

"Yeeeaaaahhhh...?" Zim replied. Who WERE these people?? WHAT were these people??

"Bring us!" The Doctor demanded.

Zim knew better than to refuse a much taller being's request. He motioned for them to follow, but when he began walking, they ran, so he ran too.

"So..." the Doctor pondered, "This is YOUR ship?"

"No," Zim corrected him, "I haven't been promoted to ship level yet. I still have a stupid little A-7 model Voot Cruiser. This is Invader Kub's ship – he always lets me on." Zim laughed. "I remember this one time, when I – Wait, who the heck are you?!"

"Er..." the Doctor began awkwardly. "We're... officers of the U.P..."

Martha stifled a giggle.

"The who what?" Zim inquired.

"The United Planets?"

"Hm... yeah, I think I've heard of it. Well, let's see some I.D."

The Doctor pulled out a wallet with a small square sheet of psychic paper in it. "Officer John Smith of the UP, and this is officer Martha Jones." He lied cleverly.

"Weird names..." Zim replied. What he didn't know is that he'd fallen for the bait. (That happens to Zim a lot.) "So, you're here because of the war?"

"Uh," the Doctor uh-ed, "Yes. We... our radars are off, so we weren't able to identify the nationality of the ships... who are you up against?"

"The stinky squid people of Yugopotamia, and the over-confident humanoids of Tamaran." (Yeah, and Zim's one to talk.) "But insectoid hominids are clearly the superior species. No offense, John and Martha."

"None taken." the Doctor assured him, although Martha looked a tad ticked off. "So...?" He gestured for Zim to tell him his name.

Zim took the hint. "Zim." He told 'John Smith'.

"Zim," 'John Smith' repeated, "Any idea how this war was started?"

"All the Tallests would tell me," Zim explained, "Is that there was an insult involved. If it was from the Yugopotamians to us, than we must be AVENGED!!!!!"

The Doctor and Martha flinched a little.

"But," Zim said, returning to his calm demeanor, "If it was from the Tallests to them, they deserved it!"

"Interesting..." Martha noted. "I think I need a word with my... uh... coworker. John?"

"Alright." the Doctor said. They walked a few feet away and Martha began to frantically ask him various things.

"Okay, whatstamaranwhatsyugopotamiawhatsanirken, and HOWDOYOUKNOWTHOSEGUYS??!!"

"I'm the last Timelord!" the Doctor replied, as if it should have been obvious. "I get around."

"Okay, but what are all those planets that kid was talking about?"

"Well," the Doctor began, "Let's start with the Irkens,

the dominant species of the planet Irk. They're basically a warlord-type race with a distinct talent for taking over planets and using them for really stupid purposes. And they rank each other by height. They're ruled by the two tallest Irkens on the planet. Really, quite a volatile society."

"That doesn't sound... eh..." Martha thought, "GOOD."

"It probably isn't," the Doctor assured her. "Then there's the Yugopotamians of Yugopotamia."

"Well, that makes sense." Martha noted.

"I know, right?" the Doctor jokingly agreed. "Anyway, the Yugopotamians are a squid-type species who are disgusted by cute things and absolutely love disgusting things. In other words, what's gross to us is their piece of cake. That's their main strength. And, last but not at ALL least, the Tamaranians of Tamaran."

"That's just weird!" Martha said, rather loudly.

"Yeah, well, humans and Timelords are amongst a minority of dominant species not named after their home planets." he explained. "The Tamaranians are a relatively peaceful race of hominids, but they're somehow remotely related to butterflies. They have special fighting abilities, and they go through a metamorphosis around age 16 in which they gain new, stronger powers."

"With a cocoon and everything?" Martha asked excitedly.


"Ok, now that's just COOL!"

"Anyway, all Yugopotamians hate all Irkens, and vise verse. The Tamaranians, though? I have no idea why they're involved here."

"Weird." Martha said.