Truth

By THECURSOR

I own nothing in this story please don't sue

Note: This is most likely the last little Angelfirenze challenge I'm going to answer (Unless I get a good one) It should also be noted that 'Small Miracles' was supposed to be a one-shot but what the hey…

All right, I'm just going to do this.

I'm outside the hotel right now, getting soaked, all I need to do is walk in and say what I need to say. It shouldn't be this hard, I've been practicing for months so I know what I'm going to say. I'll just walk in and tell him.

I'll say 'Angel, I love you' and everything will be fine.

BULLSHIT!

And the worst part? I know its bullshit! Angel wouldn't love me if I were covered in warm blood and I had the words 'Good guys only' tattooed on my forehead. He hates me!

He hates me and I don't care!

No, that's not true.

I do care.

All I have to is go in there and see if…

…maybe, just maybe…

…I can change his mind.

******************************

It was about 7:30 and I had just put Conner down for the night, when I heard the knock on my door.

Cordy, Gunn, Fred, and Wesley had decided walk to a restaurant down the street, so naturally I thought they had seen the rain pouring outside and decided returning home was better then a fancy steakhouse. Imagine my surprise when I opened the door.

It was Lilah.

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He opens the door and I see him. My breath catches in my throat.

Haven't seen him in a few days, I had forgotten how handsome he was. Apparently father hood works for some guys because I think he's gotten better looking.

God, I must look terrible. After all, I am standing around in the rain.

Okay just calm down and do this step by step.

I'm actually embarrassed of how my own voice sounds. "Can I come in?"

*******************************

Something about her just infuriates the hell out of me

"Why? So you can bring another platoon of violent sociopaths in here?" I feel like I should scream it but I don't. Wonderful thing, self control.

Lilah looks a little hurt for some reason but I try not to notice. "Please." She isn't on her knees but the sound of her voice doesn't feel like she's far from it.

I stand aside and let her in.

She walks over to the nearest chair and sits down. She motions for me to sit but I keep standing, I'm waiting for the snarling hellhounds to burst through the door.

It's quiet in the lobby for few minutes, then Lilah starts talking. "Do you hate me?" Again she does that begging thing with her voice.

I feel like I should lie to her , say I hate her guts and think she's a bitch, but I'm supposed to be a hero. I have to be honest. "No."

She seems a little shocked. I don't think that was the answer she was expecting. "Why?" she asks a little breathlessly. Again, I know I have to tell the truth.

"Because that's not the world I want my son growing up in." I say, "I want him to live in a world where there's at least some good in everyone." I look her dead in the eye and keep talking, " I can't give him a world like that just by going around hating people. It wouldn't be fair, to him or to myself. Forgiveness is a double-edged sword, I can't get it without giving it." She smiles a little and part of me is glad to see a more familiar Lilah return. This new Lilah was creeping me out. I'm about to ask her what was going on when she knocks my world sideways.

"I love you."

**************************************

I get the feeling he hadn't heard me. Or if he had, that he hadn't listened.

But I can tell when it finally sinks in. His face goes pale, Well, paler then usual, and his eyes seem to jump out of his sockets.

"Yes Angel, you heard me correctly." I say fighting back the tears, "I'm head over heels in love with you." Angel is trying really hard not to freak out "When? How? Why?" he stutters. I smile again but it still doesn't stop the tears "All very good questions." I sniffle. Jesus, I haven't 'sniffle'- ed since the third grade. "All I can say is that I do and I don't know how. Every time I'm in the same room with you I feel alive and every time we're apart I need a drink. You make me feel ashamed for all the things I've done and I don't think I mind very much. You are changing me inside and it's really starting to scare me!" I take a deep breath, just trying to get through this, "So I guess the real reason I'm here is not to tell you how I feel but to ask you…do you love me too?" I'm very hopeful. Things haven't gone so bad so far so they could get much worse.

"No, Lilah I don't."

*************************************

The hurt on her face is like a bullhorn.

God, this honesty thing isn't all that it's cracked up to be. I know I have to salvage the moment, give her something to hope for,

"But…"

*************************************

It's that 'But' that saves my life. That one word keeps me from jumping off a bridge somewhere.

"Lilah, the reason I don't love you is because I don't know you. The Lilah Morgan I met obviously isn't the real Lilah Morgan." He runs his fingers through my hair, "This Lilah, the one I'm seeing now, has hopes and dreams. She cares about people and obviously is a very wonderful human being." He starts drying my tears with a handkerchief and smiles, "This is the Lilah I might start to like if I saw her a little bit more."

I stop crying and try to regain my dignity. I stand before I talk to him. "My name is Lilah Morgan, I'm a very well trained and experienced lawyer who just recently resigned from a major California law firm on moral grounds. I need a job and a place to stay."

He smiles. It's the most wonderful thing I've ever seen.

"Hello, Lilah" He says "My name is Angel and I run my own private detective agency. I've recently been thinking about hiring a full time legal advisor. If you're interested I could provide room and board."

**************************************

I take her hand and lead her up stairs to a vacant room on the third floor. I suddenly remember why I like being the good guy.

"Oh um one thing," she says as she pulls out an envelope and hands it to me, "I found this last night in records before I cleaned out my office and apartment."

I open the envelope and look it over. "It's a soul spell," she says as she starts walking up stairs, "I think it might help with that happiness clause." I almost laugh at the absurdity of it all. Just when you think you know some one they surprise you.

I'm starting to like her already.

THE END