Disclaimer: Still not S.M. My words are mine though. The song lyrics I occasionally drop in to these things also belong to their respective owners.
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This is Chapter 13, where there's a lot of love in the air and this story ends.
I had been thinking about getting away from all the chaos ever since Edward had gotten home from the hospital. With things happening so rapidly, I needed a time out.
I didn't know where we'd go, not yet, but I wanted it to be somewhere warm, secluded and sunny. Somewhere where I could be just myself. I wanted that, to be able to be me and to be with Edward, without any interruptions.
I had been wracking my brain and then I got it! Esme would no doubt have some ideas and contacts I could never have. I made a mental note to contact her after I had talked with Edward about it. I was certain he'd love the idea but I didn't want to do anything behind his back.
Our life was good, together. Our routines were forming nicely and it was great to just come home to him or to have him take me to lunch and make out upstairs before I really had to work again. The little things he did for me showed me how much he truly loved me more than any big gestures or words could have.
One thing he did every morning he woke up before me, was to go brush his teeth and then put the toothpaste on my toothbrush so all I needed was to take the brush and begin brushing my teeth when I woke up. It's a small detail, really, but it was something heartwarming and cute to me.
If I woke up first, to go to work, I often set up the coffeemaker for him or set the morning paper in to sections in the order I knew he'd like to read it.
When I got home he usually had dinner ready or at least some plans for it or he had just called for takeaway from some place we both loved. He would give me a massage without me having to ask for one. If he noticed I was more tired than usual, he came up with a way to get me to rest for a while. Little things that meant the world.
He did help around the shop too, doing the things Leah couldn't. He also taught Leah a lot about books, what people who liked say Joyce might like or how some things related to each other or what were the most common things she could offer for someone who was looking for say, book about human anatomy or art or what ever.
Edward was shaking the party boy persona. Once and for all. He was becoming the man his parents wanted him to be, someone responsible and more controlled instead of just saying 'fuck it' and doing what ever he pleased when ever he pleased.
Funny thing was, he wasn't really trying. It was coming naturally to him. When I told her so, he told me it was all about me. That I had made that change in him, by showing he needed to work for me, for us. It made sense and I was honored and sort of slightly uncomfortable with the idea too. But his parents thanked me, over and over again. So it was good I suppose.
The night when I proposed my idea of a holiday to him, we talked a bit. We often spoke about things of the present day but rarely about the future and almost never about the past. I think we were hoping to get to a situation where it wouldn't affect us anymore, what ever it was that was in our past. We were not quite there yet.
I asked the question I had been thinking, about if he missed his life before he met me and got the answer I had been hoping for. It seemed like things were falling to place for us.
When he got that mischievous look to his eyes I knew he was up to something and when he pretty much attacked me, I couldn't do anything but to moan and respond to every touch and kiss he planted on me.
I had pretty much gotten over about my insecurities by now. He didn't think there was anything strange about me being scarred so how could I concentrate on that when he was making love to me like this?
We made out on the couch, he was straddling my lap but for some reason he didn't do the usual things, like rubbing himself against me. He was up to something, definitely. He kept touching me though, pulling my shirt off and then continuing with the extremely teasing touches and kisses to all of my upper body.
"Edward..." I moaned when his teeth grazed my nipple for the tenth time.
"What, Jasper?" he asked and when I looked at his eyes, the challenge there, the love and determination to get me to beg which I knew well by now, I grinned back.
"Oh...nothing. Bedroom maybe?" I shrugged like I wasn't affected by this at all.
One look at me would have told otherwise. My erection was clearly visible even though I was wearing jeans and I knew my eyes would betray me as well.
"Now, why would you want to go there?" Edward smirked.
"I don't know...a bit tired I suppose." I shrugged nonchalantly, or tried to, because the last word became a moan when he cupped me through the jeans.
"Hmm...well that is interesting. Maybe you should take care of that first?" he asked, nodding towards my crotch.
"Yeah, you're right. I think I'll just go take a shower and jerk off." I said and tried to look serious about it. Of course I didn't fool him for a second but this was a fun game.
"Okay." he said, a mock indifference and got off me and the couch.
I decided to play his game and got up, heading to the bathroom where I stripped the rest of my clothes off and tossed them in the hamper. I actually could shower now instead of in the morning so I did step in to the shower and turned the water on.
I think I stood there for a few seconds before I noticed him watching me through the glass. I smirked, I had left the door open for a reason and it had worked.
"What?" I asked before ducking my head under the water and getting my hair wet.
"No, just waiting for you to do what you said you were here to do." he said and leaned to the counter to watch me.
He had his jeans on still and he was making no effort with taking them off or joining me.
"Oh, sorry. Forgot about that already." I told him and smirked, it was pretty obvious my 'problem' was still very much there.
So I turned my back to him, the water was hitting my shoulder and side, and began to stroke myself. There was a slight huff from Edward but he said nothing. I knew he wanted to tell me to turn so he could see but he didn't. His game, not mine. I smirked and reached my other hand to play with my balls.
I moaned a bit at the sensation, my head lolled back and I knew how I looked like from where he was. This was actually quite a nice game...
I was hearing him make sounds he couldn't keep in. He moaned when I did couple of times. Then I heard his jeans hit the floor and soon there was the telltale click from the glass door.
I paid no attention to him, just kept stroking myself under the warm water.
Edward was doing something, I didn't know what until I felt his fingers on my ass, kneading the soft flesh and the muscles underneath. He was only touching me with his hands, but right now that was more than enough.
My hand began to move faster and then I felt his fingers slide between my legs from behind, he was stroking my perineum slowly but putting some pressure to his touch. I released my hand from my balls and leaned to the wall for support.
At one point in my life I couldn't have done this. Nobody had seen me do this to myself before. I wondered if I had ever told Edward that.
The thought spurred me on and my strokes became different, I was twisting my hand now, moaning with the sensations and my breathing was getting shallow.
He removed his hands just to do something and it wasn't until he slid one finger, rubbing lube to my ass, when I realized what he was doing. I moaned a bit when his finger went in, reaching for my prostate.
Edward turned the water off and pushed my hand away from my cock.
"I'm going to take that off your hands..." he murmured to my ear as he wrapped his fingers around it.
He didn't move his hand immediately, just the finger inside me moved, he added another finger and kept massaging my prostate, waiting for something. He got he was waiting for when my hips started to move involuntarily. My hands sought the smooth tiles and my head dropped between my hands as the sounds I was making became more wanton and loud.
"What is it, Jasper? What do you want?" he asked huskily, suddenly rubbing his own erection against my thigh.
"More...I want you...more..." I gasped and moaned and I would have taken anything he wanted to give me. I was sliding out of my own reach, out of control and in to the pleasure he was giving me.
His hand began to pump in rhythm with his fingers and it took me all of maybe a minute to groan and release my seed over the tiled wall. I was shaking as he moved his hands to hug me and turned the water back on.
Without asking, as he knew, he took my vanilla shampoo and began to wash my hair. It wasn't that girly kind of sweet vanilla you usually find, but more pure vanilla type of deal and it was mild. I alternated between it and some others, but Edward seemed to want me to smell like it today.
I briefly wondered if he needed his release, but had no time to ask as his fingers began massaging my scalp and I was lost in the sensations once again. Suddenly I knew what I wanted. The realization hit me enough to make me stand up a bit straighter and Edward's hands stopped their movement.
"Something wrong?" he asked, worriedly. He always worried when I froze even for a second. I knew why and my heart ached for his worry.
"Oh, nothing, just an idea I had." I said and I turned my head for the first time to properly look at him as the last remnants of the shampoo were floating to the drain.
"Oh..." he said, clearly wanting to ask but he had learned I'd tell him when I was ready.
I washed his hair, carefully avoiding touching his erection that had turned in to a semi by now and we then made our way out of the bathroom and in to the bedroom. I climbed on the bed and settled down, waiting for him to join me.
"Edward..." I begun and once he had settled down next to me he looked at me questioningly. "I was thinking...I want to make love to you." I said and he looked at me with an expression that told me he didn't know what I was saying.
"You know you don't have to ask." he just said and I nodded.
See, the thing was that we had had sex a lot more now. Or not really, it never was sex for us, it was making love in the very basic meaning of the word. We seemed to need to reconnect a lot. We needed it for our relationship and for ourselves too. He needed to be shown I loved him despite of his past and I needed it to know he really did love me, no matter what I looked like or how others still looked at me.
I had only bottomed for him once. After the night we met Paul in the park and it had been too soon then. I wasn't absolutely certain about my feelings then, not like I was now. I had freaked out a bit in the morning, distanced myself from Edward for a couple of days and as always he had given me time to deal. I had, but I had never bottomed again.
We had discussed it when I had gotten over the whole ordeal I had made happen all by myself. I had told him that when I was ready, and eventually I would be, it would be the last step for me. So he would know now, how special this was. I also knew that I might end up being the bottom in our relationship for the most part. Of course it had been proven we were both versatile, but those roles, as I was about to suggest them, were more natural for us for some reason. We could switch when we wanted to, but relinquishing control and letting go of my fears was something I was looking forward to do now and in the future. As long as I'd have him.
"No..not like we usually do... I think I want to give myself to you." I used his words on purpose.
He looked at me for a split second until his eyes changed, he let out a breath and looked at me, amazed.
"Jasper, love...are you sure?" he asked, but I could tell he was turned on by the idea. It made me want it more but it made me scared too.
"Yes. I'm sure. But..." I sighed a bit and looked at my lap.
"I know, love. I know. We have no rush and we don't even have to do it tonight." he said and shifted to sit closer to me to be in touching distance.
He still kept his distance to me until I initiated contact, especially in bed. I was sick and tired of this dancing around touching me when he wanted to. I was ready and I needed to show it to him.
"I want you to make love to me. Now." I told him in a determined, husky tone.
Edward's eyes darkened visibly.
"What are you waiting for...?" I taunted him, smirking in a way he probably had never seen me smirk before.
I don't know what he had had in mind at the couch earlier, but he sure was getting more aggressive now. I hope this wouldn't backfire for either of us. It could, I knew that, but I hoped it wouldn't.
Before I knew it, we were just a mass of limbs, mouths and moans. Even if it was evident that we wanted this, badly, there was still something tender and very loving about what we were doing. It was like we were setting up to fuck but would end up making love anyway. I kinda liked it.
"I'd really want...this to take a long time..." I gasped when he leaned his mouth over my nipple, "but I just want you inside me..." I said and he understood what I meant.
It was likely he wouldn't last for long. After the shower and not having any release and with all the extra excitement of the situation at hand... But I wouldn't mind. I just wanted to feel him.
He leaned to the nightstand for lube and a condom and prepared me quite fast. It was easy, I was ready and the shower had made me more responsive to relax my muscles.
"May I?" I breathed when he was about to unwrap the condom.
He grinned at me and gave it to me. I couldn't help but smile a bit at his expression and the way his cock twitched at what I was doing. I rolled the condom over his length and his hips moved a bit.
"Eager..." I murmured and he chuckled a bit sheepishly.
"Come on then, lover..." I nearly purred at him and kissed him almost violently which made him growl in to my mouth. "And I want to do it like this." I told him and moved from him and placed myself on the bed on all fours.
I looked at him over my shoulder and I knew I looked him with a challenge in my eyes.
I jumped a bit when he slapped my ass as he moved behind me, kneeling between my legs.
"You should know better than to challenge me like that, Jasper..." he murmured and took the lube to coat himself and my ass again.
I was shivering with anticipation. I wanted this so badly, I was willing to give this to him, because I needed to give myself to him in a way that would make this all so much more final for me. This had been the last thing I was holding on to. The last bit of myself I was holding on to in case he would leave me. At least I could have said to myself that he never got me fully.
If he had left yesterday, he wouldn't have all of me with him. If he'd leave tomorrow, I would be left with nothing that he hadn't had.
"I love you, Edward." I whispered, looking at him over my shoulder.
He looked back at me and even with the darkened gaze, he smiled at me gently, suddenly stroking my back with his fingers in a very loving gesture.
"I love you, Jasper." he said before slowly pushing in to me, filling me and taking what I wanted to give.
He stayed still for a moment, I could actually feel him growing in me which I found impressive considering his hard on had been probably painful by the time I put the condom on him.
Edward reached his hand and touched my back, scraping his nails against my skin because he knew I liked it. I didn't have to move my hips to tell him I was ready, he began to move very slowly and with surprising control.
The way he moved, slowly, agonizingly slowly, was almost too much.
"Edward..." I whimpered after a few moments, I needed more than this.
He didn't ask this time, he knew.
Edward gripped my hips firmly and began to move faster. My arms gave in and I settled to my elbows, making him groan because of the change of the angle.
My face was against the comforter, I was lost in the way he made love to me, how deep his thrusts were and how he didn't speak but still made sounds that drove me crazy. I could feel his emotions in everything. Like both of our emotions were separate beings in this room, on the bed and around us while we were wrapped in the most primal act and our mutual love for each other.
Suddenly, when he hit my sweet spot, I exploded, shuddering and spasming around him, with a long whimper escaping my lips as I was suddenly somewhere very different, somewhere in the outer space or just consumed with the emotional pleasure that the physical one brought me.
He came as well, with one deep thrust more and wrapped his arms around my waist, leaning to my body as his hips pumped involuntarily. He was breathless, gripping my waist so tight I knew he was somewhere very far at the same time he was so impossibly close.
When he finally released his hands from around me and pulled away from me, I pretty much collapsed to my side. Edward chuckled at my expression which was probably something close to being half alive and completely blissed out at the same time.
He went to do the mandatory things and returned with a washcloth to clean up both me and the bed.
"Oops." I said, looking at him with what was most likely a cheshire grin on my face.
"Someone looks happy." he smirked and I nodded, looking at him intently. "Thank you." I said and he shook his head.
"No, I know what it must have taken. And why you wanted it. Thank you, Jasper. I'm grateful." he said before going to the bathroom. He came back via the kitchen with a bottle of water we shared, snuggling together under the covers.
I didn't argue with him. I knew he had given to me as much as I had given to him. There were no words needed like it had come to be between us lately. I knew I was meant to be with him and he belonged with me.
It had taken us quite a lot of soul searching and conversations. There had been some key moments and even though it wasn't easy, sometimes something ugly from one of our pasts raised its head we got through those things together.
Things were to come, things that would change lives, many lives, but luckily that evening I didn't know that yet.
We laid in the bed, talking about where we'd go to that little vacation of ours. He agreed that we should talk to Esme about it. She could organize anything, Edward said and I didn't doubt him.
"I want to be like this...always..." he said suddenly, after we had been quiet for a long time and were almost falling asleep.
I was quiet for a moment. It hadn't taken for long for us, had it? I had thought I'd never get here. Let alone let anyone get close to me, suddenly here I was. It was like fate that had so cruelly pulled the rug from under me so many times had finally decided to give in. I hoped it wasn't just temporary.
"Me too..." I whispered to his neck, wrapping my arms around him in a slightly possessive way which I didn't realize until he chuckled softly.
"I love you." he whispered and leaned to kiss the first bit of skin he could catch with his lips. It was my cheek, as I had turned my head towards him. He kissed the right side of my face affectionately. There was no hesitance in the gesture.
My heart filled with something, I let the adoration and devotion wave over me as they radiated from him and realized I was reflecting them back to him like a mirror.
"I love you too."
AN2: Okay, I think this is the end of FYW. Don't worry, there is a sequel planned that deals with the things that they've been hinting at for the last couple of chapters. It's a completely different story though, so that's why it is a sequel instead of just more chapters to this one.
I'll write a few chapters of it first and post after my beta has checked them through. Might take some time but meanwhile there is a second chapter for Comfort In Pain forming in my head so you'll get that and maybe other things as well while you wait for the sequel.
Put me on author alert if you want to be informed about the sequel as soon as it has been posted. Shouldn't be for too long, I hope. :)
Also, following me on Twitter wouldn't hurt either. ;) DarkiraFF
This chapter's mandatory reading tip is starfish422's Deep Dish. It's a story about Jack, the friend of Edward and Jasper's who got his own outtake in Over the Top before. It is lovely, go check it.