AN. So... Chapter 11 hey... (fans self) That was some fucked up shit oui? Have to say my favourite reaction came from missbuffy67 "Fucking rip my heart out and toss it in the Cuisinart on high. Then microwave it with the leftovers from Christmas, 1992". That's exactly the reaction I was aiming for. Everyone went apoplectic with the big big rage after that mind fuck... purpose mother-fucking served! mwahahaha! I almost wasn't going to leave you with the PPOV – imagine how bad that would have been. Thank god for chairpire!

More importantly though, I've somehow managed to rustle up a beta... NCChris from Jasper's Darlin's! Who has graciously agreed to screen my atrocious grammar amongst other things. In return I promise never to leave her alone on the forest floor in the woods... I think this could be the start of something beautiful... lol! The Darlin's can be found at http://jaspersdarlins(dot)blogspot(dot)com and are dedicated to all things Jasper (seriously, what more do you need to know?!?!)

Also, I got bored (and drunk) on Wednesday night and made some banners and backgrounds for The Last Mile for pimpage purposes, because pimpin' aint easy and you have to advertise a ho... which you can find at http://tweetphoto(dot)com/edd4a0

Now that's out of the way, let's see where we left off shall we... I think it was with some BPOV, but now it's your home boy pervpire's turn.


Recap - End of chapter 11...

I just wanted to be warm again.
Not to be running.
To make a decision for myself with the time I had left – could be an hour, a day, a week, a month maybe if I'm lucky.
As you can see I didn't get that far"
I look up. That's my life. Summarised in.... oh, twenty minutes. How handy.
They are still frozen in their chairs.
"So... That's it.
Questions?"


JPOV

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(Jasper?)

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93.

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(Jasper...)

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147.

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(JASPER!!)

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What?

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(Are you in there?)

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Come back later.

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248.

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(Ummmm... Jasper... everyone is looking at us and waiting for us to open our mouth, so yeah, a reaction might be good right about now. At least fucking twitch an eye or something.)

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I'm busy.

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491.

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(Doing what? You're just sitting in the chair. It's been thirty seven seconds since Bella stopped talking. That's a fucking eternity! You're making us look like a stupid prick! What the fuck man?!?)

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I'm adding up all the possible ways to dismember and dispose of my ex-wife and the rest of those bastards. None of them are good enough. I can't get any of them to equate to the magnitude of the situation.

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I'm up to 637. Two of them involve a rusty spoon.

(A spoon, hey? Ohhhh.... Nice. That's very creative. I didn't think you could do that, but yeah... I totally see how that would work right about now. You know... you could introduce a George Foreman into that mix and I think you'd have something really special there...But, ummm... can't you do both? You've got a giant fucking brain – deploy it, bitch!)

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After her story, for a moment there, I thought that my original plan of smothering her with a pillow back when she found out about us would have been a mercy.

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(You're so lucky I'm in your head and can't fuck you up right now)

I know! You don't need to tell me. I shouldn't even be allowed to be in the same room as her! Christ, I can't think past it, because if I do then where the fuck does that leave us?

(Sitting in this chair acting like more of a pussy than usual...? Jasper, I'm more than disappointed enough for the both of us right now. We used to be a badass motherfucker! In the words of the lovely Senorita Bella over there, pero qué coño, Major!?!)

Damn it! I fucking KNOW! Christ, those bastards cut her down piece by piece, and she's still here. Fuck she's a strong lady. I swear if it's the last thing I do, I will make them pay for this. I'm disgusted, with them, with myself, with that fucking psychotic bitch!

(Well I'm glad we agree on something, she truly was a... oh what was the word Bella used... ah yes cuntpire. Magnificent!)

Why is my face on fire....? Internal Jasper? Any clue?

(Well... while you're off planning your campaign o'death, which you should know has taken you 31 minutes and 48 seconds, Peter and Charlotte got bored waiting for you to do something and went off to order some food in for Bella, who has been standing in front of you for 3 minutes and 14 seconds having some mini debate with herself on what to do with you. It's been hilarious – you should have seen the faces she's been pulling! But no, you were too busy being a pussy as usual. I guess she decided on a plan of action because, if you focus for a second there champ, you'll notice she's grabbed a hold of our face and looking us right in the eyes... Just thought I'd let you know...)

JESUS FUCK! Peter left her with us while we're like this?!? Get her away from us; we're not fucking stable right now!!!! Oh god! Why can't I get the words out!!!

My arms are slowly reaching out around her tiny waist and drawing her in, our eyes locked the whole time. I can't look away. She's not looking away. She doesn't look scared.

Oh fuck someone stop it!!!!

(You give me a little taste of that in the shower and you want to take it away? Hell no! I'm driving this train now!)

She's now seated on my lap. Our eyes are still locked. She just looks curious. Well that's just great Bella! Curiosity killed that bitch!

My arms have caged her.
The heat from her body is radiating out like a furnace.

(See. She's safe here.

She's ok now. I won't hurt her. We could never hurt her.

Just think where we'd be if that party hadn't happened... we'd still be that cunts lapdog, that's where)

Ok. It's not too bad. She's still not freaking out, so maybe she'll hold off on the restraining order.

The warmth is kinda nice...

(Damn skippy, J! I think this is what we've been looking for when we lay back in the sunshine...)

My body is relaxing millimetre by millimetre, but the previous panic must have been pouring out of me because Peter and Charlotte come bursting back into the house, obliterating what sounds like the front door and an end table in the process looking frantic.

And...

FUCK.
MY.
LIFE.

How in the HELL did I miss this?!?

(It's good right!)

Peter is crouched down in an attacking position, eyes darting all over the room, and it's only making this shit more... just fucking MORE!

There are three pipe cleaners glued to each side of his nose, bent and curled outwards. His nose has been coloured a rather fetching pink, with what smells like... a raspberry scented marker?

(You wait till he gets another whiff of it! His nose scrunches up and it's GOLD!)

The pièce de résistance though, is the hair band on his head with two pointy ears attached to it, which has been covered in some sort of fur.

"Peter. Why the fuck do you look like a cat?"

Apparently this is the key to reaction because I can't hold this in any more. Somehow I manage to slide Bella off me before I drop out of the chair and start rolling on the floor with laughter.

The emotions are all mine. This shit is just too good!

"This is Swan's doing. Terms were made to secure appendages"

Oh god, Bella can never leave!

She prances over, apparently undeterred by the flailing vampire who was catatonic only seconds ago. This woman really has no appropriate sense of self-preservation!

"Genius isn't it! And look..."
She's pulling out an iPhone from her pocket and waving it in my face. I concentrate and take a peak – Lolcats... What the hell is Lolcats?
"...518 hits already! Oh Chairpire, the public just loves your cute little fury face. Aren't you a pretty kitty! Yes you are!"

She's actually petting him like a cat with a disturbingly evil look in her eyes. He's giving her the pissed face and takes a mock snap at her hand, but his emotions are giving off relief, amusement, and only a fraction of annoyance. Until his eyes meet mine that is, and then that last one just cranks right the fuck up! He stalks off to the kitchen to retrieve what smells like pizza. Ugh!

And... oh yes! That, right there, would appear to be a tail tucked in the back of his pants.

"You'll forward me a copy right?"

Oh god, please, please, please, let me have a copy!

"Get in line Jasper, although we haven't discussed your punishment yet. Kidnapping is frowned upon in the good state of Texas you know, and would it have killed either of the two of you to pick up the phone and let me know I was aiding in a felony?!?"

Bella moves beside Charlotte, mirroring her stance. Arms crossed, stern face on, head cocked to the side, and her hip jutted out. Only their dancing eyes gave them away. Oh God. They've become friends. We're all in trouble now.

"It was all Peter! He told me to pick her up! I had nothing to do with it!"

I am not getting the wrath of Charlotte for that shit. She's worse than me when she puts her mind to it.

Bella's face falls.

Oh no.

(What the fuck have you done?!?)

She turns into Charlotte's body, who wraps an arm around her and draws her in, rubbing her hand up and down her arm. Bella's body starts to shake and quake.

"Char..." Sniff "... nobody..." Sniff "...nobody wants me!"

Oh God, I made her cry! After all that shit she spouted out, I made her cry! The look in Charlotte's eyes as she levels them at me is feral.

(You're on your own now. This is all on you! Fix this. NOW!!!)

"Oh fuck! Bella, that's not what I meant! I mean, shit! I want you! Ah fuck... Not like THAT! Not that you aren't beautiful, because you are... FUCK! I mean, you can stay here if you want. Please don't cry!"

The sniffing slows but her body is still shaking away. Her head pulls away from the crook of Charlotte's arm before she looks up into her face.

The two of them burst out laughing.

"And that Char, is how it's done"

She curtsies in place.

"I bow to the master, Swan"

Shiiiit. Peter and I are in trouble now. There are two of them! We stand no chance!

Speaking of whom, he walks back in the room bearing the offending pizza, tail swinging away behind him. He gives me a look and the message is clear 'You think Jasper?'

I shoot a bit of defeat at him. Oh I know, Peter. We are fucked.

I'm trying to muster up some annoyance at the pair of them for fucking with me like that but the fact that Bella is smiling away with Charlotte neutralises any of that. The fact that she can still smile at all after all she's been through is a miracle. The thought sobers me up and any amusement slithers away. I am cold, dead, and meticulous inside.

1,491.

I take a step towards the pair of them and place my hands on Bella's forearms.

"I swear. They will pay for what they've done to you."

She smiles wryly up at me. The look of acceptance in her eyes at her situation is all kinds of wrong.

"Whatever, Jasper"

I don't think she gets this. The objective is set in my head now, and I've never failed.

"No. Not whatever, Bella. I've told you before and I'll tell you again, you are worth it. They will regret the day they ever fucked with you."

Her hands reach up and cover mine, and the fire is back. Her eyes are searching mine. It's a little unnerving to have that stare this close to my face. I feel exposed. She'd make a fucking badass vampire...

I'm not sure what she's looking for, but she must have found it.

"Either of us, Jasper. They will regret the day they ever fucked with either of us. But right now, there's a pizza right there with my name on it. Those bastards in the hospital didn't let me have that in six months, and I'm fucking hungry!"

Us.

(She would make a great vampire you know... Plus she'd be able to deliver some of that justice you've been planning on her own... It's not fair if we have all the fun)

Peter's eyes meet mine. His lips move too quickly for Bella to catch.

"Not yet brother. Give her some time after she just dropped that bomb. That shit is too heavy for tonight."

Maybe.

But soon.


AN 2.0. NCChris made me a kittypire pic which nearly made me wet my pants! Then I thought "she can't have all the fun!" so made my own. They're both on my tweetphotos tweetphoto(dot)com/user/catonspeed – can you do better? Post it and let me know - I'll add them to the collection!

Photoshop. Some use you to make advertising campaigns to raise money to find a cure for cancer. I use you to make a man look like a cat.

L x