Disclaimer: Gakuen Alice doesn't belong to me, but Tachibana Higuchi. [That so rhymed.] Calvin and Hobbes isn't mine. Du Maurier owns the bottom quote. :)
Special Thanks: chris3169512 [because your review to Void inspired me to write something morbid] and Heartbroken Confession [who bugged me about writing another oneshot in second POV, though she might've wanted something less… sadistic. TAKE WHAT YOU CAN GET, MOSES.]
Inspired by: This line I wrote down when I first read Chapter 116 of the manga. "Persona hated looking at her." Don't ask because I have no clue how that popped up. I have been in love with writing canon lately. :)
Warning! Persona-centric. I hope this is In-Character. :) Beware of dangst.
Calvin: Do you believe in the devil? You know, a supreme evil being dedicated to the temptation,
corruption and destruction of man?
Hobbes: I don't think man needs the help.
It was no secret.
You hate her.
You've always hated her.
She's the only one that actually makes your heart ache for the briefest of seconds. Or at least, the place where your heart is supposed to be. You think it must have shattered the moment you found out you'd just killed your teacher, your closest friend, the one that was the closest thing you could've had to being a father. He was the only one, the first one, that believed in you and your abilities. He was the only one that said you could control it. He said you weren't a bad person, really. You just had to learn how to control yourself.
He believed in you.
It's a funny thing, the fact that you ended up killing him for it.
You look past the curtain out the window where your Black Cat and her are sitting, chatting like there are no wrongs in the world. You can't help but want to snarl and turn her skin blackblackblack just like her father's had. She may not be the spitting image of her father, but her obnoxious attitude and positive personality match his perfectly. It's one of the reasons you hate her so much.
She is the perfect picture of innocence and purity.
That is the other part you hate about her because you hate it.
You hate innocence and purity.
She was just like her father. And he…
He really was such a stupid thing.
Thinking about it is almost enough to make you laugh. It's funny, the fact that you've managed to kill each and every thing you've found yourself the least bit attached to. Perhaps it's the reason you really don't give a damn anymore. Or maybe it's because you're far too tainted to care like a normal human being.
You are corruption.
You learned that, not when you killed him…
"We'll practice your Alice and master it for your own sake."
No. You think it was the moment you looked frantically behind you and saw the Elementary School Principal's eyes fill with glee. But you knew it the moment, a week later, when the man promised, "It wasn't your fault." His eyes had looked so sincere. Then, "Your Alice is truly amazing. I won't hold you back like he did."
And then you had started.
Not the 'you' that sensei knew and believed. The 'you' that became tainted, stained with a black even worse than your own Alice. The something that sensei would never want you to become…
But he had never really understood and you find yourself hating him for it.
You disregarded what Yuka-sen—that person said when she burst in with tears in her eyes a few days after you killed him. You vaguely remember her catching you hiding when your sanity was at the breaking point.
You said something stupid. You admitted to killing him and she'd looked so disgusted. Or angry. Or murderous.
Or at least, that's what you wished.
But she was quietly shocked when she spoke in her calm, shaken voice. "'Sorry,' you say… you were there and you let yourself be overwhelmed by your emotions again and you released your Alice…" Her voice cracked. "Didn't sensei tell you that control is important?"
You were struck, you remember. But what stilled your bones to the marrow was the fact that she apologized to you afterward. As if she honestly did anything of consequence to you.
One thing that you hate the most is people that apologize when they aren't even responsible. It makes you feel as though they're trying to make you feel guiltier. You knew guilt to the very core when you were younger.
You don't feel it anymore.
But you still hate Yuka Azumi. You hate the whole Yukihira family, to be exact. And everything that has to do with them. There are too many unhealthy reminders where those three are concerned—
The boy is up and is looking furiously in your direction. It takes a second for you to collect your thoughts, to realize you've completely destroyed the curtain and that you're in full view of the murderous red eyes attached to your protégé's face.
You hate him, too.
Because he is just like you.
He has an Alice that destroys, that slowly eats away, that comes up like a flame and devours everything in sight. His old village is a testament to that. It is like yours.
What you hate the most is the fact that he has the control you wished you had when it counted. You hate him more for forming attachments with that girl, or still being able to form attachments.
You and sensei.
Him and sensei's daughter.
You and Natsume are far too alike, attracted by positivity in a bleak, grey world. But unlike you, Natsume is going somewhere with his Alice and his life and his… friends. He doesn't kill those important to him. He protects them.
You know that.
You know that and you hate him for it.
You wish you could erase all of his purity and innocence. You've tried everything within your arsenal of power to corrupt the boy to the bone, you think there was a point where he was almost completely yours… and then the most bigoted turn of coincidence led her to him.
You don't believe in fate. There is only coincidence.
And you are corruption.
One day, that boy will break just like you had—
You're heading to the Elementary School Principal's room when there is some strange sensation in your chest. It isn't exactly horrible but it doesn't feel good either. It is something you should've gotten used to by now.
It is your ugly, instinctive ambition; it is the part of you that keeps all of your hate.
—the Black Cat would break and you know you want to be the one that does it to him.
You stride with swift feet but those eyes are behind your eyelids, no matter how many times you try to blink them away. Those red eyes remind you of someone. It's disgusting, how you immediately think of Yukihira-sensei when you see those eyes.
It reminds you of the fact that you keep Aoi Hyuuga in the same cell you loathed when you were her age. And it reminds you of the fact that you're almost like him. But you really can't compare yourself to Yukihira. You aren't under orders to keep her in your cell. You do it because you can, because it gives you the upper hand and because sometimes, she helps you believe you're not exactly that bad.
Just like him.
You feel the disgust, that comes with every hypocritical truth that crashes down on your brain, slide up your stomach to your throat. One would think you'd have been disgusted at the thought of putting her in your exact position, but you aren't. She will never be anything like you. You can't understand if you're happy that she doesn't have an Alice anymore or bitter that she, not unlike her brother, had an Alice much like his and can still maintain disgusting positivity and stubborn density. Or perhaps, that the both of them were able to gain recognition and relationships with those around them.
You were never given such a privilege. And when you were, you took it for granted and made it disappear.
You'll never be given another chance again.
Not that you'd want it if given the choice. You don't have time for friends and trust. You don't believe in petty things like that. You live to destroy notions like those.
You open the principal's door.
You hate because you have no other choice.
It's too late for you.
You don't have a slip of goodness in your body. You haven't had innocence the day you—and purity has disappeared along with its brother.
Your Alice is meant for destruction. There are no two ways around it. The Mark of Death would always be a part of you. You might've had the petty hope that you'd have the Childhood Alice like sens—Yukihira mentioned years [so many years] ago but you are twenty-three years old now, and the curtain—or what it was—has served to be a healthy reminder that you have sinned, you have killed, you have beaten and you have scarred.
You are corruption…
"Serio, you're late. Have you dealt with our most recent problem?"
Briefly your hand tingles and you clench your fist behind your back before answering in the affirmative.
But you can't possibly be as bad as him.
Corruption continues with us beyond the grave and then plays merry hell with all ideas.
You think you might be worse.
Persona? I kinda like him. Honestly, the big lug just needs a hug. [That so rhymed!]
My Hopeless Romantic