YO! I'm here! I published mo' stuff! And you be readin' it bwah!

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN JACK SHIT. Don't sue me, I don't fucking have anything…

Shikamaru slowly walked to the gates of Konoha, sighing as he went. Man, this is such a drag…

He wasn't pleased to have to wake up earlier than noon to find orders to escort some neosound ambassador around the village. Friggin' Naruto… why is it always my job? I have enough to deal with with Temari… he just loves giving orders, doesn't he…

Arriving at the gate, he saw a… person. He wasn't like any shinobi Shikamaru had seen. His oversized brown pants were sagging on his upper thighs, and with the wind, Shikamaru could see bright blue shorts and grey underwear. Jeez, he dresses worse than Naruto… His bright yellow shirt had a skull-and-fleur pattern on it, and he had white shoes that surrounded his feet, unlike the typical shinobi sandal. As he got closer, Shikamaru saw that he had a black hooded sweatshirt sitting next to him.

"Yo! You the guide dude?" Shikamaru sighed. It was gonna be a long day… "Yeah, yeah, let's just get this over with…" the two started walking towards the center of the village, talking.

"What, am I annoying you already? Nah, just kidding, I'm Miles by the way."

"Shikamaru. I have to ask, what's with the clothes? It seems like it'd be hard to fight like that."

"Not really. The upside is that with my shit all loose, I'm hard to read."

"Hm. Point. So what's up with this new- sorry, neosound village? I heard that it's really small."

"Yeah, we have few ninja, but our ninja clans are off the chain!"

"The what?"

"Sorry, personal slang. It means awesome. We got the Quinns, which is where I come from, the Gallivans, the Millers, and the Marquez's."

"I don't recognize any of the names. Where are they from?"

"All of us are from the eastern part of the country. My clan specializes in sound based techniques, and a few of us breed ninja cats. The Millers focus on earth jutsu and they have a general trait of superhuman strength, even for a ninja. My friend Quentin once lifted a mountain during training."

"Jeez."

"Hell yeah. The Gallivans are mostly ninja cat breeders, and they came up with a technique that lets them suppress their fear without sacrificing reason. It's weird though, my friend connor gallivant has dated six girls and all of them went lesbian out of nowhere."

Shikamaru dropped his cigarette and stared in shock.

"Yeah, I know. Anyway, the marquez's are real cool. My friend uses this jutsu that brings his drawings to life and lets him size them however he wants. You have a guy like that here, right?"

"Yeah, Sai. He's going out with my teammate Ino."

"Okay, well- Damn, dude, who's that? She's fuckin' smokin'!"

"That is the Hokage's wife, Hyuga Hinata."

"Oh. Hehe. Ouch."

Suddenly, a yellow and orange blur popped out of nowhere and wrapped Hinata in a huge hug.

Miles said, "The Hokage?"

"That's the one."

As this conversation took place the happy Hokage and his wife started getting into a game of tonsil hockey, with Naruto lifting Hinata off the ground and her wrapping her legs around his waist.

"Um, intimate."

"Yeah, but I'm glad I don't have to do that with my wife. That'd be such a drag…"

"Well, I think I've had enough excitement for one afternoon. I'm gonna go find the hotel. Seeya."

"Sure. Later."

But Miles had already stuck two white wires in his ears and started walking away, bobbing his head to music that apparently only he could hear.

And that's Chapter One!

I'm gonna update a second chapter later, even if no one reviews.

But I will do that thing where I give a shout out to everyone who does review. Later! Z-to-the-L-to-the-O-to-the-T, with an eight-fo-seven flyin' atchu, B!