My latest masterpiece! I mean really, everything I write is AWESOME!. . . right? (Ok so Secrets and Desires came out pretty bad... hardly any reviews -sigh-) Well, not much to say here, but the Kyuubi will be rather ooc ("out of character" for you new internet type peoples) The Kyuubi will act a bit... well, just read and find out!

Note: This is rated M because I just want to be able to write and not worry if what I have put down is too mature... in the end, it might not really deserve the rating, but we'll see...

"Inner self/demons."

"Thought speech"

"Normal Speech." (Note, should Naruto ever talk to the Kyuubi face to face inside his head, the Kyuubi's speech will be shown like this)

Rude Awakening

"It's amazing that he's alive. His injuries were horrific."

"I know, I'm the one who healed him."

"Hmph, he still looks like a mummy."

"At least he isn't dead and in the ground."

"Fair enough."

Naruto slowly opened his eyes. The light hurt, so he shut them again. However, he soon grew restless and tried again.

"Hey, he's awake." It was a female voice, the one who thought he shouldn't be alive.

"Yes, I see." It was the one who had apparently healed him, a man. Wait, he had? He had thought it would have been Tsunade... then again, he had thought he wouldn't be coming back after... "Sasuke..." He grabbed a fistful of blankets, biting back tears, "Sakura..."

"Hey, how are you feeling?" The man asked. But Naruto just looked away.

"He's supposed to make a full recovery right?" The woman, who must be a nurse, asked the man.

"Well, yes, but-"

"Then leave him alone, it's obvious that's what he wants, you can ask him questions later."

"You're not in char-"

"Yeah yeah, I'm not in charge, but I'm also not an idiotic man." The nurse argued, and dragged the doctor off. It was one of the few times Naruto was glad women were so scary.

- - -

"Naruto?" A familiar voice spoke and he heard the door to his hospital room slide open.

"Sakura-chan?" Naruto looked over to the door.

"It's probably a dumb question, but how are you feeling?" She asked.

"I've been better." Naruto admitted, "Err, Sakura-chan... I... I couldn't-"

"I know." Sakura leaned on the window sill in his room, staring outside.

"I'm sorry... I couldn't keep my promise..." Naruto slumped in defeat, "She must hate me, she'll start yelling any time now."

"It's fine, and you haven't failed yet, you'll succeed next time I'm sure." She glanced at him.

"Uhh, I... err, yeah! Definitely!" He could barely contain his excitement, another chance!

"And I'll help you, so there'll be no chance of failure." Sakura said.

"W-what?" Naruto looked confused.

"I know I've been useless, but I'll figure out some way to get strong and help you, it's my turn to make a promise." She said.

"Sakura..." Naruto wasn't sure what to say.

"Hehe, just rest for now OK?" Sakura giggled, "If you die form stupidity I'll never forgive you."

"Heh, r-right." Naruto chuckled, grinning slightly.

"Well, I think I'd better get started on keeping my promise, so I'm gonna go now, bye." Sakura started for the door... but then, suddenly turned and kissed Naruto on the cheek before quickly leaving.

"Wh-... I... wow..." Naruto just stared at the door, face turning bright red, "Cool."

"Ah, well that's just the beginning, kit."

"Wh-Kyuubi? Wait, why am I not talking to you in that filthy sewer?"

"You could say we've bonded. Don't tell me you forgot what happened in that accursed valley." The Kyuubi said.

"No..." Naruto replied glumly.

"Oh stop being a pussy! Look, things are going to be better now, you're gaining more of my power, as you've just noticed."

"What? Nothing happened, what are you talking about?"

"Dipshit, she just kissed you, she has been annoyed by you for years! I am the one who made her attracted to you."

"WHAT?! NO! That ruins everything, stop it! I'll make her fall for me myself!"

"Are you kidding me? This is going to be fucking hilarious! No way kit, no way. I gotta get my kicks somehow dammit!"

"I hate you even more now..."

"Well, you may hate me now, but you'll want to kill me after this, the nurses will be here soon."


"Because after that kiss and getting pissed at me, you're over heating. . . though I'll admit I raised it a little bit myself."


Suddenly two nurses walked in,

"You're over heating a bit, so to be on the safe side we're gonna cool you down real quick." One said.

"Uhh, what's with that bags of ice?" Naruto asked nervously.

"Didn't you hear what she said?" The second nurse asked.

"Oh no..." Naruto cringed, "Hey, wait! NO! NOT BETWEEN THE LEGS! NOOO!!"

- - -

Sakura was blushing furiously, "Gah! What the hell was that?! Why did I kiss him?!"

"Well he is kinda cute..." Her inner said.

"It's not like I like him, I'll just say I was overcome with emotion or something, yeah that's it, I'm a girl, they'll believe that."

"Even if you don't..."

"I like Sasuke not him! But then again, Sasuke ran away from the village and knocked me out... but he had a reason! I mean, I was willing to go with him. Gah, but almost the entire team sent after him ended up near death! And it's all that bastards fault, revenge isn't that important! Wait, NO! Stop thinking like that, there's still hope! Then again he doesn't even like me... or does he?"

"AUUUGH! WHAT IS MY PROBLEM!" She shouted out loud, clutching her head and drawing numerous stares.

"Good work, now they all think you're insane."

- - -


"Dammit, what do you want now you stupid fox?"

"Nothing... just thought I should explain your new powers. I might want something later though."

". . . fine, but I won't give you anything, I'm still pissed over that thing with the ice!"

"I know, that was funny..."

"I hate you so much."

"I try, anyway, you would normally have nine powers, one for each of my tails, but you only get eight."


"Shut it, I've used up so much power saving and healing you I won't be able to give you that power! It's not easy holding off DEATH dammit!"

"Fine fine, what do I get?"

"Well, the power you lost was control over all the elements. That was tail number one, tail number two is the ability to summon things without using a contract scroll... just be careful, some of them won't be happy about it."

"Great, more pissy summons, Boss Gama is already difficult..."

"Right... well, tail three is hypnosis."

"Is that why Sakura suddenly likes me?"

"Nah, that's tail number five. Makes you as attractive as I am with the ladies."

". . . but you're ugly."

"Oh really, well just for that I'm not telling you anything else!"

"Drama queen..."

"Shove it."

- - -

"Hey, Naruto." A voice said, it sounded like Jiraiya.

"Ero-sennin?" Naruto looked around.

"I'm outside, and stop calling me that!" Yup, Jiraiya. Naruto looked out the window and jumped slightly when he saw the huge eye of a toad. He then noticed Jiraiya was riding said toad, "It's degrading to call me ero..."

"Yo degrade yourself all the time writing that smut!" Naruto argued.

"Hey! I have legions of fans." Jiraiya argued.

"Legions of pervs..." Naruto muttered.

"I heard that." Jiraiya grumbled, "Hmph, and to think I was going to sneak you out of there."

"Oh, sneak us out on a giant toad? Very subtle..." The Kyuubi commented.

". . . for once I agree." Naruto answered.

"Ah, we're getting along better already."

"No, I just agreed with you, I still hate your guts!"

"You're mean."


". . . I'm going to eat your soul for that. . ."

'WH-WHAT?!!?" Naruto panicked.

"AHAHAHAHA! Oh, that was priceless, relax kit, I can't eat your soul... as much as I wish I could sometimes."


"Hello, Naruto, hey, stop spacing out!" Jiraiya said, "What's wrong, brain damage? Maybe I should leave you in there..."

"Wh-what!? No! Get me out!" Naruto pleaded.

"Ah, that's more Naruto-ish, come on, out the window and on to the toad!" Jiraiya patted the toad's head.

- - -

"So, I wanted to talk to you about something." Jiraiya said. The two were currently standing on top of a tall building, looking out at the Hokage monument.

"What is it Ero-sennin?"

"Stop calling me that!" Jiraiya growled.

"Whatever, just tell me!" Naruto demanded.

"You sound like a five year-old sometimes you know that?" Jiraiya said.

"Will you just tell me what you wanted to talk about already." Naruto crossed his arms impatiently.

"Fine, fine." Jiraiya sighed, "There's a group called Akatsuki, did I tell you about that yet? Well regardless of whether I have, they're after people like you, Jinchuurikki, people with demons."

"Oh that's rich..." The Kyuubi muttered.

"Right, that time in the hotel with Sasuke!" Naruto nodded, shuddering slightly at the memory, "Sasuke..."

"Oh will you quit it already, forget about that punk!"

"Exactly." Jiraiya nodded back, "I have reason to believe that they will be regrouping and planning for some time, three years approximately if we get lucky."

"If we get lucky." The Kyuubi muttered tauntingly, "So reassuring to know that I MIGHT be safe for three years..."

"Will you be quiet!" Naruto complained. The Kyuubi grumbled but shut up for the time being, "Hey, isn't that how long we have to save Sasuke?!" Naruto said, slightly excited, "That means I have three years to get ready to save Sasuke and fight the Akatskees!"

"Akatsuki." Jiraiya corrected, "And about Sasuke..."

"Wh-what about Sasuke?" Naruto asked.

"Forget about him." Jiraiya said simply.

"SEE!?" The Kyuubi boasted.

"SHUT UP!" Naruto roared at the Kyuubi.

"What do you mean!? No way!" Naruto argued with Jiraiya.

Jiraiya sighed, closing his eyes, and then opening them again, "Look kid, you don't wanna go down that road, he left of his own free will, and if you don't give up on him, you're gonna get hurt, and in more ways than one."

"And if you die, I die..." The Kyuubi added.

"Well I don't care! I'm going to bring him back whether he wants to or not, I made a promise!" Naruto shouted.

"Stop being a fool Naruto!" Jiraiya scolded angrily, "You're a ninja, and being strong and knowing lots of jutsu just isn't going to cut it, you need to be smart, you need wisdom!"

Naruto just clenched his fists and looked at the ground, "Well..."

"Hm?" Jiraiya looked at Naruto expectantly.



"If that's what being wise means, then I'll be a fool for life!" Naruto stared at the sannin defiantly. Jiraiya just stared at the kid in shock, jaw dropped. However, then he chuckled,

"You're crazy, but you're lucky too, maybe just lucky enough to pull it off." Jiraiya said, grinning slightly, "But you'll need to train hard."

"Oh come the fuck on!" The Kyuubi complained, "I thought he was on my side!"

"Y-yeah!! I'll train everyday, I'll even skip missions if I have to!" Naruto said determinedly.

"Are you kidding me? No matter how much you train you're screwed." Jiaiya said. Naruto nearly fell over in surprise at the words.

"Wh-what!?!? But you just said-"

"Unless you come and train with me." Jiraiya said.

"Really?! Cool!" Naruto grinned.

"For three years, out of the village." The Sannin added.

"Out... out of the village? F-for three years?" Naruto asked, looking nervous.

"It's the only way I'll train you, and it'll help keep Akatsuki from knowing where you are, though we will be a little more vulnerable if they can manage to find out our location..." Jiraiya said.

"Right..." Naruto mumbled, however, "HA! Stupid fox, now you can't force Sakura to like me!"

"Which means she won't like you period and she'll probably forget you even exist and start going out with some other guy... like Neji... or maybe even that freak Lee." The Kyuubi said.


"Hey, are you OK?" Jiraiya leaned over to look in Naruto's face, "You look sick."

"Err, I-I'm fine... can you move your face?" Naruto replied. Jiraiya obliged and stood back up straight,

"So, will you do it?" Jiraiya asked.

"I... I guess." Naruto said.

"Good, now no changing your mind." Jiraiya said, "Oh, and don't tell anyone. Also, we'll be leaving in a week so you have time to finish recovering and so I can plan things out."

"OK..." Naruto said, "But I really can't tell anyone?"

"No, if anyone has spies, I want to limit the chances of them catching wind of this." Jiraiya explained seriously.

"Right, I understand." Naruto sighed.

"Hm, good, I expected more of an argument from you though." Jiraiya shrugged.

"I might be a fool for life but I'm not a total idiot." Naruto grumbled.

"Good to hear, well, I'm off to start planning, you better find a place to hide before someone drags you back to the hospital." Jiraiya advised.

"Gah! Seriously!?" Naruto twitched.

"You did sneak out after being admitted with near fatal injuries..." Jiraiya reminded.

"Crap..." Naruto grumbled.


- - -

One day until he had to leave. Well, less really. It was the night of the day before, tomorrow morning while it was still early, he'd be leaving. So what was Naruto doing sneaking through the night?

"Jiraiya will be pissed." Kyuubi warned.

"And you actually care?"

"No, just contemplating what sort of humiliating punishment he'll give you." The Kyuubi laughed.

"Fox bastard..." Naruto grumbled. He had something he wanted to do. Only a few people knew he was leaving, but there was one other person he wanted to know. Sure, she'd figure it out soon enough, but he wanted her to hear it from him, even if it wasn't face to face. He had a letter for Sakura.

"If you give it to her now, she'll get it when she wakes up and probably come to the gates on your way out, and Jiraiya will definitely find out then."


"Ha, you're hoping for that!"

"N-no! I just won't get another chance to give it to her!"

"Sure kit, sure..."

Naruto reached Sakura's house, and was relieved to see it was open a crack to keep the room from getting to hot in Konoha's heat. It was the middle of a rather warm summer. Naruto quietly slid the letter through the window, and pleased with where it landed, quietly took off.

- - -

Sakura woke up and began going through her morning routine. A routine that was going to be a bit different since just two days ago she had asked Tsunade to train. She had been very relieved when she had been accepted. Her routine was going to take an even bigger turn in just a moment though. She spotted a letter lying on the table near her bed just under the window in her room. She picked it up an read it:

I'm not supposed to tell you, so please don't tell anyone I did, but I am leaving the village. Not like... well, I'm going with Jiraiya to train so I can bring Sasuke back. So yeah... don't forget me or anything like that. I'll probably be gone by the time you find this, or even if I'm not, I'll probably be gone before you can get to the gate, I'm leaving pretty early in the mor-

Sakura stopped reading it. Checking to make sure she was fully dressed, she dashed out of the house, nearly knocking over her mother on the way out.

- - -

"Ready kid? Take one last look, you won't be seeing the village for a few years." Jiraiya said.

Naruto did that, looking out at the village, the houses, the Hokage Tower, the Hokage monument, and his gaze lingered on the fourth for a second, and then he turned back to Jiraiya, "Yeah, I'm ready."

"NARUTO!" Naruto suddenly heard a voice shout. It was Sakura. For a moment he was excited, but then he noticed Jiraiya glaring at him suspiciously.

"Uhh, I have no idea how she found out?" Naruto chuckled nervously.

"Smooth, real fucking smooth." The Kyuubi sighed.

"Naruto!" Sakura was panting as she reached him and Jiraiya, "H-how could you?!"

"Wh-what? I'm coming back..." Naruto replied confusedly.

"NOT THAT!" Sakura glared, and then slapped him, "How could you suggest that I would forget about you!" She shouted, looking close to tears.

"Ha! You wrote that because of me! Oh! OHHH! I owned you, bitch! HAHAHAHAHA!" The Kyuubi roared with laughter, oblivious to the mood.

"I-I'm sorry..." Naruto hung his head in shame.

"No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to slap you I-"

"Ahem... we were trying to leave without attracting attention." Jiraiya grumbled angrily.

"Oh... uhhh..." Sakura looked nervous.

"Bah, too late now, you two say your goodbyes or whatever, but make it quick!" Jiraiya said, turning and walking to the gates to wait.

"I'll be back, so don't worry OK?" Naruto tried to reassure her with one of his goofy grins.

"R-right, you better!" Sakura said.

"Of course I will, so train and get strong, because when I get back we're gonna bring Sasuke back, together!" Naruto said determinedly.

"I will, we'll both keep our promises!" Sakura nodded.

"Hehe, you bet!" Naruto grinned, "I think Ero-sennin-"


"-is getting impatient, so I should get going. . . so. . . bye Sakura-chan."

"I could probably make her kiss you goodbye."The Kyuubi said, "I just know that could lead to something hilarious."

"Will you shut up for five freaking minutes?!" Naruto yelled at the demon fox.

"Oh fine... five minutes, go."

"Bye Naruto." Sakura smiled... and kissed him on the cheek.

- - -

Naruto and Jiraiya were walking down the road from Konoha, about five minutes down the road to be exact.

"Five minutes is u-"


"What? That kiss on the cheek? I didn't do anything, honest..."

"W-... wait, really?"


"Ha! I made her like me on my own!"

"Of course, it could just be left-overs from the last time..."


"You hate me don't you?"

"A lot."

"Good, wouldn't have it any other way."

Well, there you have it, chapter one! I take it you get what I mean about the Kyuubi being a bit different eh? (annoying little bastard!) Well, here's hoping you were entertained, review please!

And just to make sure you all understand, I am writing this with the intent to throw in as much comedy as possible, so expect some characters to be a bit strange, or their personality quirks exaggerated. Especially the Kyuubi.

So, please leave a review if you like this. I have multiple ideas I'm working on, and I want to know how much you like this. Cuz if it ends up being really popular I'll work on it more. Otherwise I can work on something else. Also, reviews make me happy. And happy is good. And if I'm happy, I'll write more and better, which makes you happy. It's a happy cycle. Please don't make me unhappy... then I'll have to kill you. Which also will make me happy, but it's far more effort.

'Til next time!