I spend Sunday working, glad for the excuse to ignore Wendy's calls. And call she does, and when I listen to her first voicemail on break I hear she's found out I went to a party. She's pissed. I listen to her most recent voicemail and she's in tears. Fuck. I feel simultaneously guilty and annoyed. I know the right thing to do is to cancel with Kyle and take her out. The right thing to do is not cheat on her.
As I drive home, I call Wendy and explain away the whole thing. Or try to. She answers the phone and immediately launches into a speech about commitment and sacrifices and personal responsibility and that with me being barred from her house, I had to be more giving with my weekend time. Knowing Kyle's waiting for me at my house, I almost tell her to fuck right off for good.
I hang up.
When I throw open my front door, Kyle's stretched out across my couch, watching TV. He sits up, holds out his key and smiles, as if I could have forgotten. He's had a key to my house since sixth grade. "My parents here?" I ask. Their vehicles aren't there but you never know. He shakes his head.
"We're alone." Alone. I don't need more encouragement than that to plop down on the couch next to him and pull him into a hug. His body feels nice in my arms and I'm mad I waited this long. Of course, it's only been two months. Crazy. It feels like a lifetime, now that I know what I was missing. Wait. When the fuck did I turn into some kind of romantic girl? Basking in the hug of her boyfriend. Ha. I push Kyle down and kiss him, rough, hard, and he likes it. And I'm thinking, fuck it. I don't need Wendy as a cover to hide this. And really, she doesn't deserve it. Doesn't deserve to be cheated on and lied to and thought of as a piece of obnoxious shit when really, she's nice. Really. Nice. For someone else.
I kiss Kyle once, twice. Then take out my phone and call Wendy back. Kyle's not smiling anymore. "Hey, Wendy," I say.
"Stan? Did we lose our connection? " she asks
"Wendy, I've been doing a lot of thinking. You're a really great girl and I love you as a friend but this isn't going to work," I say in one breath. Not sure what to expect. Most likely anger. Tears. Accusations and pleadings to get back together. There's silence on the other line, then an exhalation.
"I see," she says. Another breath. "Okay. Well. I'll talk to you later." Hangs up. I close the phone and set it down on the table next to me.
"That was weird. She just...took it." I look over at the phone, as if expecting it to ring and it be the emotional girl I've been waiting for.
"She probably didn't want to cry and embarrass herself," he says. Not callously. Obviously not concerned, though. "So, you're gay then?" Fuck. Why did he bring that up now? Now, when I just want to kiss himand hold him and all those other...gay things.
"No. I'm just...Kylesexual," I say. It's supposed to make him smile. He doesn't.
"That's bullshit. What happens when we break up? Are you going to go back to girls or dating guys?" he says. I'm surprised at how angry he is. I slide off his lap and grab the remote, acting like I can hit the buttons hard enough to calm him down.
"I don't fucking know. And you're not going to get some sort of epiphany out of me. Just stop. We have time to talk about this, okay? I'll figure it out." There's silence.
"Well, if it's not clear enough, Stan, I'm gay. Homosexual. Is that wrong?" he asks. Oh. Oh.
"Oh," I say. "Kyle. Come on. I don't think being gay is wrong. I think me being gay is wrong." He's obviously not happy with this answer but he doesn't push it. Just crosses his arms over his chest and I'm irritated this moment was spoiled. I should have called Wendy after we fooled around. I just thought it would make him happy.
We sit side by side for a few minutes, allegedly watching TV but I can't focus. Then he reaches out and takes my hand. Squeezes gently bfore lifting my hand and putting my fingers in his mouth. Jesus. I guess he forgives me then. I know later I'll have to deal with my sexuality, later I'll have to talk to Wendy, later I'll have to choose between revealing my relationship with Kyle or losing it. But for right now I'm happy, and fuck anyone who wants to take that away from me.