A/N: I don't know the lady's name so I'll make one up for her. Sorry if it's wrong. I love this scene and if you want to know what the episode is, or where to watch this clip, it's called Driven and it's the first part of the episode. I do not own NCIS
Summary: A closer look at the famous teamwork seminar scene!
"Sexual harassment can take many forms…a coworker can show you a picture or cartoon of a sexual act…"
"If you're lucky," the tall, ruggedly-handsome fellow in the middle row grins. I try to move on with my lecture. After all, this is important information that I need to get across.
"Or perhaps a coworker's hand could 'accidentally' brush up against you…"
"If you're lucky," the woman behind him smirks.
I am growing tired and frustrated with the interruptions but there's always a few class-clowns in every session.
I go on to describe the three signs of physical contact – green, yellow, and red. As I am explaining, a very scary looking woman in pigtails gives me an earful about hugging.
It is quite disturbing how eager she is to hug everyone she works with.
"You will have to get their permission first," I tell her and she gets quite offended by that.
She even asked everyone if they do, in fact, get offended by her hugs. Everyone denied it but I know the truth. The workplace is a very serious, uptight area of living that needs to be shown the respect and formality it deserves. Bars and hangouts are places for hugs – not work.
As I go to explain the red light, the most dangerous of the three, the woman behind the handsome man leans forward and actually licks him!
I can't believe what I am seeing! What kind of workplace is this? There are absolutely no boundaries here! Everyone invades everyone's space and no one seems to give a damn about protocol. Surprising, considering in the file, NCIS was voted one of the best units for cooperation and teamwork. Maybe the file had been tampered…
"I have a question."
Oh great. It's little Mr. Cocky with a grin on his face. Wow, he is hot, but that is inappropriate and as the instructor of this seminar, I know my boundaries.
"What if someone was to slap the back of your head…like this…"
Oh good Lord he actually demonstrates it on the unfortunate soul sitting next to him. The man hits him back where it hurts and I have to fight to stay calm.
"You mean someone actually does this to you?"
He looks out of the corner of his eye to the boss, Jethro Gibbs, who glares at him. If looks could kill, Casanova over there would be dead and buried.
"No, of course not," he answers and I can tell he's lying. Oh well, that's another issue to address at a different time.
I go on to explain about how touching people is inappropriate at work when a little squirrelly looking fellow in the front raises his hand.
"What if my job entails touching naked people."
Oh holy cheez-its. What have I gotten myself into here.
Take a deep breath.
And answer, "Touching people at any time is inappropriate."
"Even if they are dead."
What kind of place is this?
"Why are you touching, dead, naked people?"
I am beginning to wish I had never accepted this session. I should have just gone over to NCIS: LA. Surely they don't have this kind of problem, right?
"I work in autopsy…"
Oh, that explains it.
"Please," I say, "try and keep these questions on topic…"
Roll? Roll where?
"Excuse me," I say as everyone packs up and starts to the door, "This session isn't over and you only get your certificate if you are here throughout the duration of this session!"
But no one pays attention. I roll my eyes as the director says something about how she's accountable for all of them. I sigh and begin to pack up my powerpoint and notes.
"So," the director grins, "What did you think?"
"Ma'am, honestly, this unit is the most screwed up embarrassment of an establishment I have ever seen. You have a woman with a hugging-fetish, a woman who is very sexual in her attitudes toward the, what I consider, to be the worst agent I have ever seen, an abusive leader, and some little sicko with a thing for dead, naked people."
"Oh," the director nods.
"Yes. In my own opinion, these people cannot work together."
"See," she smiles, "that's where you are wrong. The woman with the hugging-fetish, Abby, is the glue that holds them all together. She is the sunshine in everyone's day. The 'worst-agent' is actually one of the best we have ever had. That abusive leader, is liked and respected by everyone. They all look up to him. And then there's that 'sicko' with the thing for dead, naked people."
"Just try and explain him."
"He works for autopsy. It's what he's paid for."
"Alright," I try and take everything in, "So what you're saying is…"
"You've just seen the best teamwork, the best dedication, and the best passion you ever will."
"Well, that's a matter of opinion…"
"No," the director shakes her head, "No, it is not."
I finish packing my things and head out when I see the briefing take place.
"Alright, we got a dead hooker in a marine's house with the marine nowhere to be found…"
"Hooker?" The hot one asked.
"Tony," the woman with no boundaries smirked, "Try and keep it in your pants during this investigation."
"But it's a hooker!"
"Dead hooker," McGee reminded him.
"Still a hooker."
Oh wow! The boss just slapped him.
"Like Ziva said, keep it in your pants."
Holy heck, what kind of place is this?
"Lost your way?" Gibbs asks me.
"N-no I was just leaving."
"Nice seminar by the way. I am sure we all got something out of it."
"I am sure," I roll my eyes and quickly walk out the door faster than a speeding bullet without even looking back. As the elevator shuts, I hear commotion, yelling, and laughter.
How disgustingly inappropriate!