"But, I love you!" I screamed, "Why…no how can you do this to me again?"
"I don't know what happened. You have to believe me, please. I'm sorry, I love you more than you know." I knew he was begging but I couldn't find it in myself to forgive him again. Steve crossed the living room and I stepped back. I didn't want him anywhere near me. It's bad enough that he slept in my bed last night.
Darry entered the room through the kitchen. "Alright that's enough! Steve out! Come here boy." He said while wrapping me in a half hug and walked me into the kitchen. Not a normal reaction from him I know but the last time Steve and I fought like this I asked him to stay out of my love life that I could take care of it. Well we see how well that went. Yet again Steve stepped out on me and I do believe this is it. My heart couldn't take this shit anymore and it was straining the gang's relationship with us both. They wanted to take sides but I wouldn't allow them to completely push him out, mostly because for some stupid and unknown reason I loved the man.
I smiled at Darry as he set down a cup of hot chocolate in front of me. Not something you usually find in our house but considering what or rather who Steve cheated on me with I became the exception to the rule of only on occasion. Every time Steve would do this the routine for the next few hours would be the same: hot chocolate, telling everyone to stay out of it, and getting ready for the day. Soda entered the kitchen with a long face.
"Don't start Soda. Just be there for him. Your supposed to be his best friend, okay?" I said becoming annoyed, although I didn't know if he could after everyone found the truth.
"No it's not okay. You're my brother and I have to act like it doesn't bother me that he keeps screwing up like this. Pony you really need to leave it alone for good this time. I'm sorry but I don't want to see you hurt like this anymore. Specially after Johnny's accident." I winced at the name.
"I know and I do believe that was his last chance, but you two have to remember I love him for some stupid reason." I said looking between my two older brothers. I knew this would definitely take awhile to fix and I didn't know if I wanted to apply the effort. Evie was one thing that was his ex-girlfriend but another man was something else. Especially when it was a friend like Curly, a very taken friend. Curly had been hooking up with someone in the gang, besides Steve, for awhile and I was going to give him twelve hours to tell that person or I would tell him myself I mean for fucks sake it was my brother. Yes, Curly and Sodapop had been together for quite sometime, and now my boyfriend screwed his boyfriend. I could guarantee when Soda found out about all of this he was going to be livid and so would Tim. Lately, the whole gang was pairing off. Soda was with Curly, Steve and I, Two-Bit and Kathy were still together, Dallas was on and off with Sylvia whenever he was out of jail, and Darry was Darry we still have no idea but we suspect there is someone. I see Curly coming up the back steps and my expression is hardening and I know he sees it because his head drops.
"Hey, Soda. Darry. Ponyboy." I got up and walked out of the kitchen.
I watched Soda slip his arms around Curly's waist before leaving. I gave him a knowing look and he nodded.
"Don't mind him, Steve was a dick and cheated on him again." Soda said smiling up at Curly. I stood around the corner waiting to see how he told him. I was the only one besides the two in the act that knew what was about to happen.
"I know all about it Soda." Curly whispered to Soda. Soda's head popped up. I could barely hear it on the other side of the wall.
"How could you know? Steve just told him this morning." He asked cocking his head to the side.
"I don't know how to tell you this so I'm just going to spit it out: I'm the one Steve cheated on Pony with." I walked back into the kitchen at this point. Mostly to see how the damage of what Soda was about to do.
"What? This can't be true!" Soda turned to look at me and I nodded my head. "I can't believe you." Soda dropped all contact with Curly and stepped back. Darry took a step forward but I grabbed him.
"No, let them go. I don't take any pleasure in this either but Soda needs to get it out of his system now rather than holding it in." I whispered to Darry. The fight continued on in front of us. Well the screaming from Soda, Curly didn't say much.
"Look Soda I'm really sorry and I know that doesn't mean anything right now but if you could maybe forgive me…" I had realized for the first time that Curly was crying. Steve never cried when we fought, maybe this is the end. I walked away just as Soda nodded and finally calmed down. Darry followed me.
"Hey you alright?" he asked making me sit down.
"Steve never cried, never even really showed remorse. I hate it. It's like he doesn't care. That's it I'm done, Steve and I are over for good." I said just as he walked through the door. I took one look at him and walked upstairs.
"You screwed up badly this time, boy. You had better go apologize to your best friend he's in the kitchen and he knows." Darry said following after me.
Steve entered the kitchen seeing Curly and Soda cradling each other after their first fight made him feel even worse. If he hadn't gotten so damn drunk this would have never happened. He would have came home to his boyfriend, hell he would still have his boyfriend. He had heard every word Pony said. He did care and Pony should know that, but the feelings and crying thing he was no where near good at showing.
"Hey guys," Steve said very quietly, "Soda before you say something you have every right to be pissed at me, but I wanted ya to know that I started it. So the blame is mine, and I also wanted ya to know not to worry 'cause I'm gone. I ain't sticking around here." Soda stood up to stop Steve from leaving but before he could he was gone.
"Where did Steve go?" Darry asked joining Curly and Soda in the kitchen. Noticing the boy's faces he knew it wasn't good. "What da hell did he do this time?"
"Man he's dropping out of our lives." Soda exclaimed.
"What is he that damn stupid? Which way did he go out?" Soda pointed to the front door. Darry exited it soon after.
It was necessary that I caught up with that stupid hood. I couldn't let him leave not when Pony needed him now more than ever. 'He knows he's sick' I thought to myself. I stuffed my hands in my jean pockets, I wish I knew where he was heading. I'm sure it's one of two places though and both have to deal with Buck, so I'll head there first. I see him as I round the corner on Buck's.
"Steve you stupid hood, what the hell are you thinking?" I scream as I run to catch up with him. "Didn't this get you into trouble in the first place.
He shrugs and looks up at me "What do you want?"
"I need you to come back, Pony's really sick and all he keeps saying is that he wants you. Steve he does love you he's just really upset about everything, HELL, I'm upset you almost screwed both my brothers. The fact is he needs you, no he wants you there. So move your ass or I'll pick it up and carry it back!" I said huffing as much air into my lungs as possible. I was angry but all I cared at this point was that Pony was happy.
"Okay, I'll go back." he said looking worried, "Hey Darry,"
"Do you think if I quit screwing up Pony will take me back?" he asked his focus on the floor.
"I don't know but he's worried sick over you, literally sick. All he's done since this morning when you told him is make himself sick. He can't keep anything down, so…." I let off as I seen tears in Steve's eyes. Then all of a sudden I was alone, he had taken off running. By the time I opened the door I heard nothing but silence. I checked in on Pony and he and Steve were curled up in a ball together on Pony's bed. I assumed that Curly and Soda had left after me so I went to 'my chair' to think and read the paper.
Darry's talking and I quit listening. Pony was very sick and it was my fault. I had to get back to him quickly. I took off running for the house. I busted through the door and up the stairs to where I assumed Pony was. I opened the door to the bedroom only to find him in a ball crying.
"Pony, I'm so sorry. God please forgive me." for the first time I realize I'm crying. Not just two tears but streams going down the sides of my face. "You have every reason to hate me but…." I trailed off looking into his eyes.
"Come here Steve." he said patting the bed. I crawled in behind him and wrapped him in my arms. I loved him more than I had ever loved Evie. My last thought before sleep over took me was how I was going to prove every bit of my love.