The "final" decision
Marluxia anxiously stared out the window of his room, wondering how long it would be till morning. He hardly could sustain himself during the long night, and found himself waking up on and off the night. How on earth could he just stay asleep though? In one day two members returned to the organization, one being gone for months and the other in a deep sleep. It was a lot to take in, and then there were other things as well.
The Nobody glanced over to the small crib in the corner of his room, his blue eyes focused on the small, silent figure sleeping in it. Marluxia frowned as he watched the small infant slowly inhale and exhale his tiny little chest the only thing moving as he slept.
Marluxia pulled himself away from the small crib, not really wanting to think about the fact that he would possibly lose Zilx. He knew Zilx was never his to begin with, but even after thinking about how easy it would be once Luxord took him back, or how he simply didn't have the time to raise three kids; he was very distraught at the idea of losing the boy.
To put it simply; he was a bit upset.
Even though Zilx was hard to take care of, and he was pregnant to begin with, making childrearing even harder on him, he still cared about Zilx. He still enjoyed Zilx, even after all the messes and lack of sleep.
Today was going to be just as long and difficult, of not more now that both Roxas and Luxord were awake.
Marluxia sadly sank into the bed, finding it harder to sleep.
He had hardly spoken to Vexen. Things had been so hectic that it was impossible for him to get a private word with the other. Marluxia was pretty sure he wouldn't get to see much of the blonde today either, seeing that missions would be reassigned and Vexen was sure to be sent on one, if not, then he would be working all day in the lab.
Either way, Marluxia didn't win.
…what if Luxord didn't want Zilx?
Marluxia's eyes lifted up to the ceiling as he shook his head, disagreeing with his very thought. It was rather selfish of him to think that Luxord would toss the child away so easily, especially considering how upset he was when Marluxia confronted him about it.
But then, Luxord would discover how much time had passed since he woke up. And perhaps he would be in a state of shock. Maybe he would flock to Zexion, maybe he would try to reconcile. Maybe a child was out of his capability.
And could Marluxia blame him for not being able to take in a child he hardly knew?
No, he couldn't.
Luxord never really had the time to plan for a child, since he had been pushed aside by Zexion from the beginning. He was told to not buy anything for the child, he was told to not prepare for the child, and for the longest time he was told to assume there would never be a child.
And what would Xemnas do once this situation erupted between the two nobodies?
Marluxia knew Luxord wouldn't be willing to lose to Zexion. Unfortunately, Marluxia didn't exactly know what the form of "winner" would be, whether it was claiming Zexion back or simply ridding of Zilx, or keeping Zilx as a way to spite Zexion, or perhaps out of love, or just removing all from his life.
Axel leaned deep into the white sofa as he watched Roxas make his way into the Grey Area. His eyes blinked a few times as he smiled at the blonde, his expression tired and weak from a night of hardly any sleep. Roxas waved back, and was about to approach him, when suddenly Demyx appeared.
"Roxas," Demyx said in a cheery tone. He practically skipped over to the teen. "Guess what, we got a mission together!" Demyx grinned at Roxas, his hands grabbing on to the boy's shoulder as he jumped for joy. "Pretty awesome huh?"
Roxas' first day out and he was told he would have a mission with the laziest member of the organization. Even Demyx's excited face was not enough to get him uppity for a mission. Roxas forced a clumsy smile on his face as he nodded his head to Demyx.
"Sounds great," he said. It sounded so very forced.
"I know, right," Demyx said, ever cheery. He didn't seem to notice much.
Axel rolled his eyes as he watched Roxas try to remove Demyx from him.
Everybody was acting as though nothing had happened. It was though Roxas had never left. Missions had already been assigned for the week. Talk about future plans for Kingdom Hearts were back in motion, and all that stress about never finding your heart was long gone.
It bothered Axel.
"You seem dreadfully upset," a voice said from behind.
Axel turned his head and faced Luxord. His eyes widened as he turned his whole body around and stared at the older nobody.
"Lux," He said in a shocked tone. "What are you doing here?"
"I woke up," Luxord said, "and I came here." He chuckled. "The same as I usually do."
"But what about…" Axel froze and kept himself from finishing. He looked over to where Saix stood, watching him give orders for Roxas and Demyx, as well as Xaldin and Xigbar.
"About what?" Luxord asked.
"…they told you, right," Axel asked. He faced Luxord once more. "About Zilx?"
Luxord's smile faded a bit as he folded his arms and stared hard into Axel's weakened expression. He gave a sigh and took a few steps over, making his way to the front side of the furniture.
"I've been told I have a son," he said, looking off into the distance. "Last night, right as I was about to leave the ward." he looked to Axel. "Can you believe that? A man who barely can walk on his own is told something so ludicrous and unbelievable? And right after being told he's been out for more than a month?"
Axel gave a weak smile.
"I guess you're not too happy about that," he muttered.
"I actually have nothing to say about that," Luxord responded, sitting himself on the couch next to Axel. "How on earth do they expect me to react?" He sighed and placed a hand over his head. "I'm still trying to adjust to the fact that I've missed out on so much…and now I have that to deal with as well." He glanced over to the stairs. "Not mention a whole mess of other things as well."
"What do you mean?" Axel asked. He placed a hand on the nobody's shoulder. "What did they tell you?"
"I have till night to decide the fate of the child," Luxord answered. He lifted himself up and pouted. "Apparently, Zexion wants nothing to do with him, and he is being raised by Vexen and company." He shook his head. "I need to decide whether to keep the boy or have him sent off to another world."
Axel grumbled a few word to himself as he gave a glance over to the hallway.
Wonder what Marluxia was up to now? Would Marluxia be willing to raise three kids? He seemed content enough with Zilx, it didn't seem out of his character to just give up and toss the boy away now that Luxord was around.
And, of course, Axel saw nothing wrong with Luxord not wanting his son, should he declare that raising the boy would be too much for him.
"Do you know what you're going to do?" Axel then asked with some interest.
He still had some hopes about him and Marluxia. And as horrid as it sounded, he saw Zilx as a way to gain access to Marluxia. Vexen was busy with work and missions, as well as arguing with Xemnas, as per usual with many of the superior members, leaving Marluxia alone to fend for him. He knew a child was a lot to handle, especially one with a handicap. Maybe he could help Marluxia. Maybe Marluxia would appreciate it.
"I barely know the boy," Luxord said, giving a shrug. "I do not think it would be right for me to come to that sort of decision."
"I guess that makes sense," Axel replied.
"Though, I can come to the conclusion that Vexen shouldn't have to bear my weight of the work," Luxord continued, "it wouldn't be fair for him and the others to have to raise the child during their free time."
Axel frowned a bit, not really enjoying the direction of the conversation.
"Did you ask their opinion on the matter," Axel asked. It was a long shot, but he hoped he could persuade Luxord to consider giving his son to Marluxia.
"Why would I do that," Luxord said with a frown. "I'd rather not involve too many people in this ordeal. Xemnas and Saix are enough, and I have you right now…"
"I think they'd want to know," Axel said, pressing on. "I mean, they did help raise him."
"If I'm to tell anyone else, it would have to be Zexion," Luxord said.
"He doesn't care," Axel stated.
"But he does deserve to know what decision I'm coming to," the blonde went on. "I couldn't hate him anyways, even though I'm trying with all my might." He grit his teeth together and looked away from axel. "I simply cannot."
"He pushed you and your kid away," Axel said solemnly. "And you can't hate him?"
"No," he said, "I can't…"
Axel slowly nodded his head as he rewired his thought. He wished he could get closer to Marluxia, even after everything that has happened. Even though Luxord had told him otherwise and even though it would mess everything up. He still wanted…
And now Luxord was going through the same feelings as well. Or something close to it.
It really wouldn't be fair for Luxord to give up his son to Marluxia. Luxord would have to deal with watching his child grow up in with another family, and he would be reminded that he, as well as Zexion, didn't have what it took to give the child the same love that he'd be getting from another.
At least if Luxord dropped the child off to another world he wouldn't have to get a constant reminder.
But the fact that Luxord would take the child away from Marluxia and drop it off was another problem to bear with as well. Axel had watched over the rose haired Nobody, and he knew both Marluxia and Vexen, despite being busy as ever, enjoyed the child's company. They…Marluxia would be devastated to have to watch the child leave forever.
"Yes," Luxord said.
"Why not consider raising him on your own," Axel asked. "Surely you could be a decent parent."
Luxord looked away from the redhead and sighed.
"I know absolutely nothing about children," he said in a very matter o' fact tone. "I know where my professions lie…raising an infant isn't one of them."
"You don't need Zexion," Axel continued, "I know he's part of the reason why you're so discouraged." Axel raised his voice a bit. "Consider this your way of still having him…just in a smaller form."
"That has nothing to do with it," Luxord said defensively.
"I think it does," Axel retorted. "You were trying to get him to reconsider for months, so you both could raise the child together."
"He would never get back-"
"Luxord, I doubt that was the reason," Axel said, rolling his eyes just a bit. He was rather keen on picking up Luxord's excuses, which was a bit odd considering how well Luxord was with hiding his emotions. "You didn't like the fact that he told everyone about the pregnancy before you, you didn't like it that he pushed you away, and you didn't like the fact that he lost a child without consulting you…"
Luxord bit his lip as the last reason was said, and a stinging feeling of guilt hit him deep in the chest.
"That's…not entirely the reason," he muttered in a guilty tone. "Up until that last one, though, you hit it pretty dead on."
"Where did I screw up?" Axel asked with a smile. He figured some progress was being made.
Luxord sank a bit.
"I wasn't upset because he lost the child," Luxord said disdainfully. "I was upset because I screwed up and made him suffer…by only losing one."
Marluxia glanced over to Larxene and Vexen, watching the two, along with Xaldin, talk about something. He sat quietly on the white chair, muttering to himself over today's festivities. He wasn't sure how Vexen was managing to keep a straight face, especially after being told that Zilx was to be moved today. The fact that he could see Vexen in front of him chatting away in his regular tone, made him wonder if he knew the seriousness of the situation.
Xemnas had personally informed the two that the boy would either going to his biological parents, to be properly raised by Luxord, or would be sent away to another world inhabited by human shaped specimens. Of course, Vexen did point out that there was the fact that he would be willing to take the child in himself, but Xemnas only smirked at his attempt.
"He may approve of it," Xemnas had said, walking away form the two and looking out of one of the huge windows that occupied the room, "but the process itself needs to be approved by me."
Marluxia very much doubted that Xemnas would give the right away.
Suddenly Marluxia felt two thin arms wrap around his upper half. He didn't have to give a glance to figure who it was.
"Poor Mar," Larxene said, resting her head on his. "You seem awful quiet." She got on her toes and lowered her head, staring back at him with a smile. "You're supposed to be happy today, no more stupid babysitting!"
Marluxia grimaced a bit, though he did give his friends points for trying to be nice. It was more than what he was used to from her.
"It's not that simple," he said, staring at her slightly upside down face. It wasn't awkward to say the least. "The fact that Xemnas is getting off of this!"
"Try to not think about it too hard," Vexen said, making his way to the two Nobodies. He leaned against the table and carefully examined Marluxia's tense state. "Worrying over it will do you no good. And you'll only be putting yourself into danger by getting upset at Xemnas."
Marluxia glanced over at Vexen, "how so?"
"He wants you to get angry and speak out," Xaldin answered. He turned to Vexen, who nodded at the Lancer, and then turned back to Marluxia. "It's best that you not worry about what happens to Zilx from here on out. It wouldn't do you any good."
Marluxia glared angrily at Xaldin, not finding that comment to be satisfying. Of course. He turned to Vexen, hoping for support, but was astonished to see that he was looking the other way. The older blonde didn't seem to want to look Marluxia in the eye.
"Vexen?" Marluxia said in an almost threatening tone.
"Not even honesty could help express what I feel about this," Vexen muttered, still looking away from Marluxia. "But, when it comes down to it, I want to ensure the safety of my own children…I hope you understand what that means, Marluxia."
Marluxia was rather surprised to hear this come from Vexen. It was almost shocking. Hadn't Vexen been the one to adopt Zilx during the time Luxord was asleep and Zexion had pushed the child away? Vexen was the one who had persuaded him to take in the child. And now he was asking Marluxia to keep quiet about the possible abandonment of Zilx? All those times he had seen Vexen acting like a father to the babe, and now he was going to toss that aside for the twins?
True, Marluxia was a bit happy that Vexen cared. But that was all, and it was only a drop in the bucket compared to the other emotions that were tossing about in him. It was flattering that Vexen wanted Marluxia and the twins to be safe, but at the costs of losing Zilx, whom he had accepted as a son, greatly unsettled him.
Perhaps it was Nobody reasoning. Or maybe scientific evaluation…whatever the case; Marluxia saw it as a poor excuse to agree to Vexen's warning.
If it was a warning.
"So you'll cower beneath him," Marluxia hissed.
"That's not what I said," Vexen said in a startled tone. He frowned at Marluxia and looked to Larxene, "I didn't say that at all."
"Marluxia's upset," Larxene said, siding with Marluxia almost immediately.
"You're willing to leave him defenseless," Marluxia said, standing up and staring down Vexen. "Even after all you did for him."
"Calm down, Number XI," Xaldin said in a warning voice.
Marluxia sneered at Xaldin, and then went back to Vexen.
The blonde merely stared back, his expression calm and confident.
"Why would you take in a child without thinking about the risks of getting into trouble," Marluxia said in an aggravated tone.
"I thought of the risks," Vexen said, "though, I never figured they would go this far…"
"But you should have thought about it," Marluxia exclaimed. "You should have realized what you were getting yourself into…" He crossed his arms and looked away from the older blonde. "Because now I've grown attached to him, and I can't bear the idea that I might never see him again…"
"How unlike you," Vexen said.
"I'm proud," Marluxia said, "but I will admit I've grown very fond of Zilx. He's every thing we can never be, and everything we want to be." Marluxia winced as he felt a hollow sensation grab hold of him; that reminder that everything he felt was a mere illusion of what he could once produce. "He was more than just practice for our future kids…he was our-"
"Don't say anymore," Vexen said suddenly.
"Vexen!" Larxene said in mild surprise.
The blonde looked away from the two and bit his upper lip. He let his hands turn into fists, tightening up and releasing them in a quick rapid motion.
"…Marluxia…" Vexen said hesitantly.
"Yes," Marluxia said, anticipating the change of heart that Vexen was sure to admit to. Vexen had to see that what he had said was selfish, even more selfish than what he had thought of last night.
"I need you to go do a check up with Lexaeus," he said in an almost stoic tone. The small cracks at the end of his mouth said to Marluxia he fighting in an urge to show his true emotion, be it anger or sadness or guilt.
Still, Marluxia's jaw dropped a bit when he didn't hear the answer he was expecting and he stood there silently as he felt Larxene's arm wrap around him tightly as Vexen stomped off, Xaldin trailing behind him.
"I'm at a loss of words…"
"People tend to be when they see their child for the first time," Lexaeus said as he offered the sleeping child to the silent blonde.
Luxord stared worryingly at the child being offered to him, his expression weak and hesitant as he wondered whether or not he ought t take the child in his arms. He glanced up at Lexaeus, who's expression seemed a bit strained from the growing tension. And although he could not see Axel, he was sure the redhead's expression was just as tense. Luxord made it a rule to not look behind him…he didn't want Axel's facial expression to get the better of him. Thinking of that, he deiced to lower his head again as he realized Lexaeus' would probably do the same to him as well.
It was hard for him to even get down here, let alone make a decision as important as this. Luxord really wanted to ask one of them whether he should go along with this. He didn't feel comfortable treading these waters…alone.
What did he know about children? About raising them?
Did any new parent know anything about raising babies?
Luxord eyes the small figure in Lexaeus' arms. The boy was staring right back at him with his pale hazel eyes. He had Zexion's eyes. Most of his physical traits had been inherited through him though, and Luxord almost felt as though he was staring at his other's younger self.
"You don't have to take him," he heard Lexaeus says. Luxord looked back up and stared solemnly at the tall Nobody. "Don't feel obliged to take him just because you were given those two options," Lexaeus added. "If you take him, it's because you want to raise him, on your own, as a Nobody."
Why was he doing this again?
Was it ok for him to want to right a wrong? Was it bad that he wanted to show Zexion that he wasn't something so terrible? That he was sorry for what he did several months ago, and that he would take it all back if it would fix everything between them?
Luxord gave a sigh. No, it wasn't that simple. What the two of them had would never be. He couldn't just take Zilx and show Zexion that he was caring and compassionate, and then assume things would be back to normal again. They would never be normal again. Zilx wouldn't change anything. Zexion didn't want Zilx to begin with. He had broke off the relationship…Zexion didn't want anything to do with him after that.
Remember…he tricked you, so you broke away from him before falling in love.
But then he fell in love with you…doesn't that account for anything?
He didn't want your children though…he made you act without a thought of remorse when you killed Zilx's unborn sibling.
Can you really mend a relationship after all of that?
No. You can't.
Will you take him out of the possibility of learning to love him, and raise him, and earn a place underneath Xemnas' ever watchful eye as you come up to Saix and give a reason as to why you can't go on a mission? Will you spend hours at a time trying to satisfy a selfish creature, knowing that they'll only want more and more, and then, thirteen years from now, grow to hate every little thing about you? Will you able to explain to him that you can never really love him? Will you love him? Will you even try?
"Luxord?" Axel said from behind.
"Yes," Luxord asked without turning his head over and looking to the redhead.
"I'm going to leave," he heard Axel say, his voice gentle and quiet.
"No," Axel said. "I think I should leave…and let you think about it on your own."
Luxord lowered his head a bit.
"I don't want my presence affecting your choice," Axel said. He could hear the sound of boots making soft 'clanks' as he slowly walked over to the door. "And I'd rather not be here when you make your decision…whatever it is."
Luxord nodded his head, his eyes still locked with the child's. He said nothing as Axel made his way out of the room, his gaze still stuck on the infant.
"Does he knew," Luxord suddenly asked.
"He's never been introduced to you," Lexaeus said. "He just finds you interesting…"
Luxord nodded his head. His throat felt rather dry.
"Won't he be upset when he's taken from Vexen and you," Luxord then asked.
"He's still young," Lexaeus answered, "but it's not like you'll be raising him on your own. You have full right to ask for assistance."
"That's supposed to make me feel better, right," Luxord said nervously as he leaned over and better examined the small boy. He let his gloved hand hover above the infant's head as he anticipated the child's reaction to being touched by a stranger.
"I'm simply trying to reassure," Lexaeus said. "I'm not here to help you make a decision though. You'll still be the one to raise him though."
"You can touch him," Lexaeus said. "He won't cry."
Luxord looked up, "well, he can't cry."
"Mute or not, all babies cry," he said with a smile. "You'll have to keep a close eye on him."
"Will I," Luxord muttered.
"If you don't think you're ready for this, then don't take him," Lexaeus said in a calm tone. "There's nothing keeping you from simply going on from here."
"There is," Luxord answered.
Lexaeus raised an eyebrow and eyed Luxord.
"And what's that?" he asked.
"The idea of leaving him…after being abandoned from the very start," Luxord replied. He felt his chest tighten a bit as he thought about Zexion. God, all those months where he had tried to get Zexion to reconsider. Zexion had ignored him, fought him, threatened him, and he had the audacity to keep coming back.
Why…why did he want Zexion back, after this huge mess?
"I don't want him to be alone," Luxord said, feeling a huge weight being lifted from his.
"He was never alone, Luxord," Lexaeus said.
Luxord bit his lip and nodded his head.
"We made sure he was well taken care of up until this point," Lexaeus said. "And trust me when I say we would have made sure whatever world he would be sent to would be a safe one, far from here and away from the heartless."
Luxord looked up to Lexaeus, holding his breath as he tried everything in his power not to fall prey to his almost real emotions.
Luxord lowered his head, looking sadly at the small infant. The child had no idea what was going on or who he was staring at.
"I'm…alright," Luxord said, forcing himself to stand up straight and push away the painful feelings welled up inside of him. He faced Zilx and smiled. H lowered his hand and let it rest on the child, giving the boy a small pat on the head.
"I'm sorry," he said in a soothing voice. He wouldn't let himself sound weak, scared, unsure. If Zilx was so have one memory of him, he wasn't going to let it be one that made him look anything less than what he was. "You…deserve so much more." Luxord forced a smile on his face as he removed his gloved hand from Zilx small hand, watching a few blonde strands lift up before falling back down. "But I can't be the one to give it to you…"
Marluxia made his way through the dark portal, giving a small shiver as he felt the temperature take a drop when making his way into the lower level.
He was pissed.
No, he was more than pissed.
How dare Vexen do this to him! How dare he betray him like that!
Marluxia spat a few foul words from his lips, hurriedly making his way over to the rooms where Lexaeus was sure to be.
Lexaeus, perhaps he could help him in his plight to get Zilx from Xemnas' clutches. He couldn't bear to lose the child, and to Xemnas of all people.
Marluxia felt a horrid sensation rise inside of him as he remembered that Zilx was with Lexaeus. His stomach did a flip flop as he wondered how he could face the poor boy. Zilx recognized him, he was sure of it. He didn't want the child to hold on to him or beg to be held by him, especially with the knowledge that he might never see him again.
Vexen, how could he take such a side? Was he worried that Xemnas would order his children away? Marluxia would never let such a thing happen! He'd fight with every fiber of his non-being before finally falling to his superior. But he would never let him take away his children…
No, this wasn't right.
And Marluxia knew why too. Zilx…belonged to him.
He had held him when he was sonly a week old…when he was so fragile and weak. He had fed him and tucked him in at night, and he had rocked him and grown to love him as if he were his own.
And now he was.
Zilx was his!
"Damn," Marluxia hissed between his teeth as he stopped himself from continuing any further.
He couldn't possibly let Xemnas take the boy somewhere else. No, he had to take Zilx in, where he could be safe from the heartless.
But how? Xemnas would never let him take the child in. If Vexen had been right about one thing, it was that. His submitting did one good thing, and that was assuring the safety of their unborn children. If Marluxia wanted to get Xemnas to reconsider, he would have to…have to…
He would have to go in front of Xemnas and grovel before him.
Marluxia grimaced at the very thought of it. He was never one to submitting. He was never one to give up. He figured death was far more appropriate than begging to live another day. But the only way for Xemnas to listen was to lower himself and let the man have his way wit him…
Marluxia felt nauseous from just thinking of it.
He gave a long, forced sigh as he looked down at his round stomach.
"Come on," he muttered, his voice holding that tone of frustration in it. He forced a small smile on his face as he let his hand rest on his stomach. "Let's go save you brother…"
Brother…his twins had an older brother.
Marluxia lifted his hand and summoned up a dark corridor. He knew he was going to hate every second of this…but it was the only way to keep Zilx.
Marluxia gave a glance behind him.
"Axel," he said in a somewhat menacing tone.
"…what are you doing here," Axel asked, smiling at the Nobody. "I'd figured you'd be busy with Vexen today."
Marluxia didn't have time for this.
"Vexen and I had a disagreement," Marluxia said flatly. "But don't worry; things will be quite fine by tonight." Of course Marluxia could have cared less about what Axel thought at this point.
"What's happening tonight," Axel asked with a small chuckle.
Marluxia smirked as he stared menacingly into the swirling darkness.
"I get what rightfully belongs to me."
And…this just might be it.
…I'm not sure how to break it to you guys, but this or may nor be the last chapter of the story.
I'm not angry with any one of you, and I haven't lost the spark or inspiration to write this story. Basically, some drama came up, and because of the drama, I have no idea where my standing is with a certain someone.
Long story short; I don't know whether this story should be removed or kept.
For those of you who've read this story, favorited it, alerted it, I'm sorry if this comes as disturbing to you. I'm sorry if you think I'm being unfair.
Please do not ask me who's to blame here. Don't ask me to talk with this person. Don't go and assume who it is and talk with this person yourself.
Because I may keep going. Now, I obviously cannot force you to review this story, asking to give your opinion, because I'd be breaking the rules and making this story interactive. Since I now know what I can and cannot do, I won't do it.
Instead, I ask that you leave a review by your own will. Tell me what you usually would do. I don't want you to feel forced to keep this story alive and well.
Also, PM me and give your opinion as well. But only if you want to, not because you have to.
Depending on what happens from here, this story will either be kept on, or completely removed. I will place a AN in case such a thing happens, so that you can copy this story, though it will only be up for a short time so that I don't get reported for having AN chapters.
I'm sorry that this has happened, especially since this story is more than halfway complete. I hope you can be understanding, I really do.
Brink V. Veritas