Hi! So this is my first EVER Hikaru/Kaoru fic (and my second ever fanfic!) I hope you enjoy it. So let me know what you think, pretty please :)
I know the beginning is kind of "angsty", but it lightens up - so if you're an angst fan: you'll like this, if you aren't: I hope you'll like it when you'd finished reading it :)
WARNING: This fic hints towards yaoi and twincest, if it isn't your cup of tea, then move along and find another wonderful "only-brothers-fic" to read :)
Disclaimer: I don't own theese yummy and shady twins, they belong to their immensely talented creator Bisco Hatori.
The Choice of Words
"AAH! NO, please… no DON'T! Please… HIKARU!" Hikaru bolted up from his bed, knocking his head hard on the huge steel constructed lamp on his nightstand. He cursed through his teeth and staggered towards the linked bedroom. As he navigated the dark room to get to his brother, Kaoru started screaming again, this time his voice was mixed with sobs.
"N-ah, n… plea… don't leave me… please… plea… Hikaru… no… noo..." Hikaru could hear his brother's voice break into more violent sobs accompanied with heartbreaking moans. The sound made it almost impossible for him to breath. The panic rolled over him, made his throat burn and his insides hurt. He hurried through the darkness a bit too quickly, slamming his toe on one of the heavy leather and mahogany chairs that were placed in the middle of the large bedroom.
"Damn it!" he hissed furiously. He resisted the urge to scream at Kaoru and wake him up this instant; he knew it would petrify him to be woken from a nightmare that way. He didn't want to set his brother into a state of catatonic chock. Cause that was what could happen right? Anyway he couldn't afford to risk it. Clumsily jumping on one foot he closed the last distance between the chair and the bed. The curtains had been pushed aside from the open window by a small breeze, allowing a crack of moonlight to fall over the bed. Kaoru was casting himself from side to side, sobbing and moaning wordlessly, gasping for air as if he was drowning.
"Kaoru," Hikaru carefully put his hand on his brother's shoulder. Though he'd been waking Kaoru from nightmares ever since they were kids he always found it hard to know exactly how to deal with this. He didn't want to start shaking him violently, he had to be careful, but at the same time he wanted to do this as efficiently as possible. He hated seeing his brother in agony; it was as if his pain bounced off him and drilled itself into Hikaru's soul. Kaoru screamed out wordlessly again and made Hikaru's body act on pure instinct. As Kaoru threw himself in his direction Hikaru locked his arms around him gently but firm enough to hold him still. Kaoru didn't wake but continued to writhe in his arms, shaking with sobs.
"Kaoru!" He hadn't seen his brother in such agony for a very long time; he seemed to be totally lost inside his dream. Hikaru had problem finding his voice, his words came out hoarse and more quiet then he intended. "Please Kaoru, wake up… It's alright, wake up. It's just a dream… please."
"No! Hikaru," Kaoru wailed, still locked in his nightmare. "I can't breathe! I can't… I can't see you. Please… Hikaru!" Tears were streaming down Kaoru's face now. Hikaru could feel the panic rolling over him with new force, the same panic he could read in Kaoru's face, suffocating him.
"I'm here. C'mon now little brother, wake up! Kaoru!" Why didn't he wake up? Was something wrong with him? Really wrong with him? Hikaru felt his own breaths become uneven and realized he was on the brink of hyperventilating. Damn it! WAKE UP!
With a last yelp and gasp for air Kaoru's eyes flew open. They bolted around the room for a short second, panicky searching for the matching pair, before finding his brothers face.
"Hikaru," he breathed in an almost inaudible whisper. "It was so real, I almost thought…" He started shaking violently and broke into sobs again, clutching his arms convulsively around Hikaru's waist.
"It's okay… It was just a dream little brother…" Hikaru tried to sooth him. "Breathe, just breathe…" But he was shaking too; his throat was burning painfully and his eyes were stinging. He was also half aware of some sort of pulsating notion coming from his foot area. But he didn't care about any of that. All he wanted right now was to have his brother close to him, make sure he wasn't in any pain.
The two brothers froze in that position, holding each other tightly, unaware of the time passing by. They fled to the world that were just their own, the secure haven they'd spent a lifetime creating. The same place they'd always had gone to when something had frightened or threatened them, their sanctuary – the comfort of each other. After a while Kaoru's sobbing slowed and his body relaxed. Hikaru on the other hand couldn't keep his body from shaking; it was like someone was pouring cold water with ice cubes down his spine every time he thought he was ready to calm.
"Hey," Kaoru said, his chin rested on Hikaru's shoulder. "I'm okay. It was a bad one, but I'm fine now." He lifted his head and gazed at his big brother's still troubled face. "Honestly," he promised. "I'm fine." He squeezed Hikaru's hand in his, smiling faintly.
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I am," Hikaru flinched as he realized too late what his poor choice of words must have sounded like. And indeed Kaoru's eyes widened for a mere second but then his expressions softened and he gently brushed his hand through Hikaru's untidy fringe.
"I'm sorry if I scared you… Like I said, this was a really bad one…"
"I didn't mean I don't… You know that right?" Hikaru was a little surprised to hear the desperation in his own voice. "I don't blame you Kaoru," Hikaru continued, whispered weakly. "'tis not your fault."
"What is it then?" Kaoru's eyebrows were furrowed together. His eyes a bit weary. Hikaru hated himself for putting that expression on his brother's face. Damn! Why couldn't he get this right?
"I didn't say that wasn't it, just that it wasn't your fault." And how did this come out!? The words almost sounded defensive! What was with him tonight? He'd seemed to have forgotten all about how to properly put together a sentence. Kaoru still looked confused. Hikaru quickly added: "We can't choose what we dream."
"So you were scared then?" Kaoru asked, his voice still unsure.
"Out of my fucking mind." Hikaru confessed with a dark smile. He couldn't help being completely honest with Kaoru, not at a time like this when they were both upset. And why would he hide it from his brother? Even though he obviously had a problem making any sense at all right now, he knew Kaoru would have figured it out eventually.
"Well weather I can control it or not, you know I'm sorry Hikaru. Right?" Kaoru's voice was a bit cautioned but soft again. "I hate seeing you go through this too…"
They squeezed hands again and leaned back against the bedstead. Hikaru sighed, deeply relieved that they finally understood each other. They were usually so attuned; they used to end each other's sentences for crying out loud! What was different tonight?
* * *
Once he could hear his brothers breaths even out Kaoru was about to drowse off. His eyelids got heavier and heavier as the minutes ticked by without anything breaking the silent rhythm of their breathing. He finally felt comfortable shutting his eyes and quickly felt his mind drifting towards lighter dreams this time. He knew he wouldn't have any more nightmares this night, or was it morning by now? He felt safe, and above all, exhausted. But a small chuckle from his brother made his mind return to the dim room, thou he kept his eyes closed, too tired to open them.
"I told Mum this separate bedroom thing wasn't going to work. She should have done this years ago for it to stick." Hikaru mumbled, and Kaoru could hear the smile behind his words.
"Yeah sure, but we didn't really jump at the idea when she brought it up all those times when we were younger, did we?" he replied, smiling when he felt Hikaru shift to face him.
"That's true, separate playrooms is one thing-"
"Though we never used them separately either, did we?" Kaoru couldn't help but interrupt.
"Again, true" Hikaru laughed before continuing.
"But we're far too used of sleeping in the same bed to just stop it cold turkey."
"Nice choice of words." Kaoru said with a small laugh.
His brother chuckled again. "Besides, it gets too lonely without you beside me…"
Kaoru realized that this last confession probably had just slipped out of his brother's mouth without any real intension. It wasn't like Hikaru to say things like that, when they were playing around in the Host Club, sure, but not like this. He didn't want to embarrass him so he decided not to comment on it. It did however get Kaoru to open his eyes and for a quarter of a second he didn't recognize what he saw in the identical eyes looking back at him. But whatever it was, it was long gone before he had time to figure out what it reminded him of.
"Sometimes it's nice though." Kaoru laughed, maybe just a little bit louder than he would usually do. "I mean to actually get a whole night's sleep without you kicking me out of bed. Now that's a part I can get used to."
"Hey! It doesn't happen that often, and when it does it's purely in self-defense from you steeling my pillow and elbowing me in the ear." Hikaru defended himself.
Kaoru aimed to slap Hikaru over the back of his head but he casually ducked and tried to jab his brother in the ribs with the same empty results. They knew each other far too well to know when to duck or move away when they were play-fighting like this. Both of them where of course aware of this fact but it didn't stop them from going at each other from time to time, hoping to get a lucky strike. They laughed and tried to punch each other a few more times before yawning simultaneously, which only made them laugh harder. Once again Kaoru could feel his eyes getting heavy and he sunk down on his pillow with another great yawn. With a sleepy groan Hikaru violently threw his face into the pillow next to Kaoru's, making them face each other again.
"So I'll take it you'll stay then?" Kaoru mumbled drowsily.
"Mm, there's really no point in going back there now."
"'Kay. Night then. Or whatever it is now…"
"Yeah you too." Hikaru mumbled back.
Kaoru couldn't be sure if he was dreaming or just barely awake. But from the shapeless grey mist that was beginning to roll over his mind he could hear his brother's voice grunting just before all went comfortably black and silent around him.
"By the way Kaoru, tomorrow you're carrying me around on your back… I think I've broken my toe."
Sooo?? What did you think?! :)
Please comment, review - it's all love!