A B'day fic for Tezuka! Also, a fic request by a1y_puff.
Title: Last Snow
Pairing: TeFu or is it FuTe? :D
Warning: AU, violence, un-beta-ed, uncooperative muses
Summary: One night Tezuka saw an angel. It was a demon.
A/N: This is a fic that's almost left unfinished for the rest of infinity. Was going to be a b'day fic for myself but my muses ran away from assignments and I have to bribe them return. My muses are still uncooperative till now and is very slowly returning. I hope this will be the first of many updates to come but since I'm working on my thesis I guess that's a little too much to ask -_- Anyway enjoy!
Disclaimer: PoT belongs to Konomi.
"You don't know what you're asking for…"
"I do…" The man gasps in answer with his deep, mature voice. He reaches out to caress smooth pale skin, unmarred by time. There is no fear, only longing for the forbidden companionship he has always desired. He looks into troubled blue eyes and smiles in assurance. He wants this, needs this ever since that night all too many years ago when they first met. This is the reason he lives. This is what he is always craving for.
"Please. Let me be yours." He voices his yearning once again, hopefully for the last time.
I want to be yours. I need to be yours. Take me. Possess me. Fully. Wholly. My love. My life. My everything. All yours. All yours, My Love.
He closes his eyes and leans forward, offering all he has to give. Seconds ticks by and he is almost afraid he has been left behind once more but then he feels soft lips brush against his briefly before sliding across his cheekbone, his ear, and down to his neck. His lips curves into a smile, hesitance doesn't cross his mind for even a second. Soon, he'll belong to him completely.
Those eyes were inhuman, Tezuka decided the moment his eyes locked onto the stranger's. They reminded him of the summer days children loved and winter nights such as this, chilly, bitter, and lonely. He felt cold but not from the chilling snow or the freezing wind. There was something that he couldn't quite place his finger on, something dark, dangerous but infinitely alluring. He stayed rooted to the spot, unable to choose between running and approaching, torn between the longing for the coveted eternity and fear of losing the familiar mortality.
"Who are you?" Tezuka managed to ask finally. His voice was steady, not reflecting the trepidation he felt ever since he saw the quiet figure standing quietly in his family's yard. The long-ignored instinct screamed an unheeded warning. His body as well as his mind refused to turn away from the stranger. He couldn't fight the attraction even if he tried, even though he knew he was mesmerized by doom.
The boy tilted his head to the side, his brown hair catching the dim light of the moon, the wind caressed his pale skin that was covered by thin blue shirt and jeans. Tezuka felt an urge to approach and embrace but seizing, knowing eyes stopped him. There was distance there, a wall he dared not but so desperately wanted to cross. The snow around them made the stranger seem to shine, like the moon, the silver sphere peeking above from behind the clouds, witnessing quietly, a cowardly observer. Tezuka trembled ever so slightly, captivated by the sight, knowing there was more, much more that he had yet to know, desperately needed to know, but was never supposed to know.
"Does it matter?"
The voice reminded Tezuka of the sound of a chime in a humid summer day; quiet, melodious, and soothing. But there was something else lying beneath, something foreign and cold and dangerous, something he must never approach but attracted him so. Tezuka cleared his throat, trying to sound braver than he truly felt but he knew the boy could see right through him. No, he couldn't lie to him. He wouldn't be able to.
"You are standing in my family's property. Who are you and what are you doing here?"
The boy blinked slowly then smiled and Tezuka swore the snow, the earth, and the moon suddenly cast loving silver glow on him, the fallen angel. His breath was caught, his heart pounded in anxiety, his body trembled. He was rendered unmoving by mystery. Cold wind caressed his body but he couldn't feel it, entranced as he was by the surreal image before him.
"Would you like to hear the truth?"
Tezuka gulped. 'No' , his logic said. 'Yes', his heart said.
"The truth is…" the boy began before stopping briefly and smiled again. "The truth is I wish I don't know." Then he turned and left, disappeared in the snow that perfectly matched the paleness of his skin. He left no trace, the white of the snow and the black of the night had greedily taken anything away, leaving nothing for Tezuka's craving. He could feel it deep in his mind, his heart, his soul; a gaping hollow that opened the moment the boy left, a gaping hollow only the boy could fill.
Tezuka blinked, gasping when he realized he had been holding his breath. The fear receded, the curiosity grew. He ignored his logic and instinct in favor of his heart. For the first time in his life he wasn't sure what to do. He had finally found exactly what he wanted and he wouldn't –couldn't stop pursuing it. The coveted was the forbidden.
He waited nightly, disregarding the chill and concerned warnings for what he knew not. Darkness and snow greeted his sight more often than not. Every tiny sound made his head perk up and his heart thunder. It seemed like he'd never come again but Tezuka didn't -couldn't stop waiting for reason he could not fathom. But did logical reasons matter? To him all that truly mattered was that he knew, he just knew that this was important to him, this was more important than school, more important than any responsibilities, more important than life. This, he could not live without.
Tezuka pulled his jacket closer to his body, ready to brace another winter night, his insensible hope his only source of strength. His body protested but his mind persisted. Quietly, he peered into the darkness, searching for a ray of light to shine on the dark turmoil of his heart. He would wait even if it took forever.
He turned slowly. His heart was pounding but not from surprise. Excitement coursed through him like a wild fire. Tezuka gazed at the boy, marveling on the paleness of his skin, the mystery in his eyes, the fragility in his body, the strength of his soul. Fear returned but couldn't take down the thrill of being in the stranger's presence. Tezuka clenched his fists tightly in a vain attempt to control himself. Those clear blue eyes easily broke down his defenses, reached inside him where he had never allowed anyone in, embraced him, broke him. Claiming him.
"You don't know what you're getting yourself into."
It wasn't a threat. Wasn't a warning. It was a fact. Yet Tezuka spared no time to hesitate, reaching out for what he somehow knew to be forbidden. "Let me know."
Can I? May I? I want, need to know. Allow me. Let me. Please. Please. Please.
The boy looked at him, curiosity glinting in bottomless blue eyes. There were knowledge and recognition there, wisdom beyond his years that was concealed beneath layers and layers of cold indifference Tezuka wanted to uncover. Tezuka held his breath in anxiety as if his life depended on the answer. And it was. He somehow knew it was.
Syuusuke came back every night. He said nothing to fill the silence between them as they watched the darkness and the snow until the time forced them apart and he bid him goodbye with a smile so beautiful it captivated Tezuka again and again and again. Tezuka dared not break the ease, comfort, contentment, and security he felt with voice. He never asked what Syuusuke was doing so late at night. He never asked how he easily found his way through the dark maze of Tezuka's family's yard. He never asked whether Syuusuke felt cold bracing the winter night in mere t-shirt and plain jeans. He never told Syuusuke how he felt the world narrowed to only them when they were together. He never told him how much he desired him. He never told him that already his heart belonged to him. He never said anything. He kept his thoughts to himself, pushed curiosity back whenever it came to the surface. He didn't wish to jeopardize this. He couldn't. He shouldn't. This was enough. This should be enough.
But it wasn't. And one night when longing overwhelmed him, he gave up waiting. He let darkness lead him, confident that he would find his way back for this neighborhood had been his playground since he was too little to remember. Perhaps he had overestimated himself, unaware how a youthful pride could take one over the point of no return where despair might be waiting to capture the unsuspecting and never let go. He kept searching in that dark, quiet, winter night, far too confident and foolish to turn back and wait as he should. It was too late when he entered a dark alley to discover what his instinct had been warning him about. There was no place to run to, no one to save him from what he chose for himself, what he secretly wanted. He could no longer deny what his heart had warned him of too many times to count. This was the truth. This was the bloody truth.
Black, white. And red.
Tezuka breathed heavily as his body shook violently. Blue eyes flickered over him briefly but Tezuka saw nothing humane there, only mindless thirst for other's life. Fear paralyzed him, robbed him of his ability to make any sound, to think, to move. He inhaled the cold air deeply as he helplessly watched the horror went on. He should run. He knew he should run. But he couldn't. He couldn't because despite his dread, his morbid curiosity still persisted. Wasn't this what he had wanted to know?
An eternity later Syuusuke finally stood up from his crouching position, walking over the limp body on the ground to approach Tezuka slowly, as if to give him time to retreat. Tezuka watched him in fear and wonder, unmoving, unseeing to the red that smeared over his lips and pale skin and painted his shirt. Blue eyes were hidden but Tezuka felt that he was assessing him, waiting for something. No, he wouldn't run. He couldn't. He wouldn't. He would never run. He would never turn away from Syuusuke. He would never turn away from his true passion.
Syuusuke's smile when he stood before Tezuka was unreadable but clearly untrue. "I've told you, you don't know what you're getting yourself into." He whispered almost teasingly. But was it regret that Tezuka heard in his voice?
Syuusuke watched Tezuka's face for something that would drive him away but apparently saw none of it because then there was soft, moist, warm lips pressing against Tezuka's frozen lips. Shock stilled the tall boy for a moment before warmth began to spread all over his limbs, filling his heart with strong, foreign affection that made him surrender completely and he knew, he knew that this was where he always wanted to be. He exhaled shakily as he closed his eyes, savoring the sensation, preserving it forever in his memory. Slowly he wrapped his arms around petite body, drawing Syuusuke closer, feeling the silence of his heart against the pounding of his. He sighed slowly, allowing himself to be possessed more and more and more by the mysterious beauty that was Syuusuke until he was gently pushed away. Another smile, no less deceiving than the previous one, curved his lips and Tezuka tightened his hold to no avail.
The chill and darkness suffocated him. Tezuka wasn't sure how long he had been standing there for time had ceased to have meaning to him. Slowly he brought his fingers to his lips, his body still tingled where they had touched Syuusuke's skin, his heart still pounding. He looked at the crimson liquid that covered his fingers blankly. He could only sense Syuusuke all around him and that was all that mattered.
The snow had begun to fall again, piling over unmoving body, hiding it from the world, covering every mark Syuusuke might have left behind and within moments whiteness was all Tezuka could see.
Gone. He was gone. Perhaps never again would he return. Gone. He was gone. And with him, he took Tezuka's most sacred possession; his heart. He had belonged to him. And Syuusuke might never return.
"Are you sure?" He whispers, lips lightly caressing pulse point, loving and hesitant despite the nearly unquenchable hunger he must have felt.
The man places a hand on still chest. He smiles slightly as he remembers sleepless nights filled with unreasonable dread of being left alone. Despite his own quietness, it takes him a while to grow accustomed to the deathly silence. Now he has nothing to fear. Now he looks forward to it. Soon he would belong to him. Soon not even time would be able to tear them apart.
Warm lips press a quick kiss against his neck. Not a second later it's replaced by sharp coldness softly digging into his fragile skin. The man's smile grows. The promised utopia is near. They will be together forever.
Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. Months turned into years. For eleven winters Tezuka had kept his silence. Not a word of the event that happened that quiet winter night ever escaped his mouth. The mysterious death of the man in the snow was nothing but urban legend now. Only few remembered the details. Even fewer were correct. Tezuka felt no need to correct them. The truth should remain only his, a temporary replacement of what he had lost. His heart, his soul, his love. Syuusuke.
The sensual exchange haunted his dreams and his waking hours too many times to count. Many a times he would stare at the tiny snowflakes falling from the sky, patiently waiting as memory taunted him mercilessly.
Where is he? What is he doing? Does he still remember? Will he return? Does he know that I'm waiting for him?
He got no answer yet he kept on waiting as if his life depended on it. It was his reason for living, strange and irrational as it might be. He must wait for Syuusuke, no matter how long it'd take for them to once again meet.
Tezuka lived as if in a daze, unaware, uncaring of the world around him. His mind was always searching where his body could not leave his duty. Restoring the family's former glory, producing an heir, replacing his father didn't matter to him. He allowed his parents to push into performing pointless obligations. He did them impeccably, worked tirelessly in his family's dwindling business, studied to prepare for a future he never wished for, spent time with fair young ladies his parents approved but he never bothered to remember afterward. What he was searching was not there and he was cursed to always wait until Fate kindly decided to return what had been taken away from him.
Where are you?
The unfriendly downtown bustled with activity despite the low temperature. Tezuka walked slowly, making his way quietly through the crowd. He felt admiring eyes on him, heard muffled giggles, felt deliberate brushes of hands but thought nothing of it. He had long since abandoned the desire of the flesh. Nothing of the material world could attract him. The only thing that forever caught his infatuation fled him already and there would be no replacement. There was only one in his mind, his heart, his soul. Only one person. Only Syuusuke.
Briefly he caught sight of a young couple, limbs entwined, lips locked, lost in their own passionate world where nothing else mattered, no one else existed. Tezuka felt a surge of jealousy. It made no sense, he knew. Syuusuke had only spent several silent winter nights with him, kissed him only once as a mean to say goodbye. He should've left it as a figment of teenage fantasy no matter how real it was. He should've moved on past that dangerous fascination now that he knew what dark secret Syuusuke kept. There were more urgent matters to attend to, responsibilities that should have kept his mind occupied. His parents would not live forever and they were expecting from him what general society would expect from a twenty-five-years-old; a family. Wasn't that why he was walking along the unfamiliar path in the city? To meet that young beauty introduced to him by his mother several days prior? Isn't that why he left the confines of his room where he usually would peer into the dark winter night to welcome Syuusuke's return? Then why couldn't he get rid of the image of Syuusuke's beautiful smile from his mind? Why couldn't he forget, even just for a moment, escaped that dream to live in reality? Why couldn't he move on?
Where are you?
The warmth of the café where the rendezvous would take place seemed very inviting but Tezuka slowed down instead. His heart clenched painfully as guilt and despair washed over him. He knew what was going to happen, he knew what was expected from him but his heart kept rejecting the idea, refusing to settle with ordinary expectancy. It had been his dreams but it had been forced onto him. He had no real desire to live the roles expected for him to take. It lacked something that he still tried to find and didn't wish to live without. He wasn't supposed to be here. He wasn't supposed to do this. He was supposed to be with…
His heart skipped a beat. His mind was reeling. His eyes sought frantically to find nothing but a silhouette that might be just a trick of light. Before he could think properly, his feet brought him away from the crowd. The snow began to fall from the starless sky but he paid no heed to it, running along vacant, dark alleys. His heart pounded in his chest from nearly overwhelming excitement. It didn't occur to him that it might be his longing and imagination playing tricks with him. He just knew that it was true, no matter how unlikely it seemed to be. He had no idea where he was going but he knew for sure that he was going for what he had been searching for all this time.
Syuusuke. Syuusuke. Syuusuke…
There he was, back turned to him as he threaded the dark street calmly. He stopped, as if sensing that he was being chased, and perhaps he did, Tezuka didn't know, didn't care. All that mattered was that Syuusuke was here. He was here. So close. So real. He was here. Right in front of him. Tezuka would never let him go again. Never again.
He seemed amused as he watched Tezuka pant for breath before him. There was recognition in his eyes and Tezuka was immensely glad that he hadn't been forgotten. Syuusuke still remembered him. After all these years and despite the changes time brought him, Syuusuke still recognized him. Warmth blossomed in his chest at the thought. He wasn't the only one keeping the memory.
"Syuusuke…" Tezuka whispered in disbelieve, almost too scared to believe that this wasn't just another taunting dream. Oh, but this was real. Syuusuke was really here, in front of him. No longer was he a mere fantasy. Syuusuke was here. Finally here. Finally with him. His heart expanded with joy so overwhelming he lost his breath again. This was so wrong. This was so right. Tezuka was finally right where he belonged.
Warm hand slowly lifted up to cup his cheek. Tezuka wanted to close his eyes to savor the longed-for sensation but wouldn't risk the chance of losing sight of Syuusuke. He swallowed thickly, powerful emotion clogging his throat. He turned his head slightly to kiss Syuusuke's palm, an affirmation of his surrender. He knew that Syuusuke knew it already. There had never been any need for speech between them. He didn't have to say it out loud, Syuusuke already understand, perhaps even more than Tezuka himself did. His heart, his soul, his life, his everything belonged to Syuusuke.
Clear blue eyes watched him for a long while, no doubt taking in the change in the boy Syuusuke once knew. The lithe brunette himself hadn't changed, his skin as pale and flawless as ever, his smile still as mysterious, his eyes as mystifying, he was still the mystery that allured Tezuka and not letting go. His youth, his beauty was preserved perfectly. He was everything Tezuka remembered him to be and the effect he had on Tezuka was still the same, if not stronger. He captivated him easily, so strongly, an unyielding but gentle force that Tezuka couldn't fight even if he wanted to.
Tezuka trembled slightly under the probing gaze, his desire to be possessed peaking. His soul burnt with passion so powerful he was almost overwhelmed. It's wrong, inappropriate, dangerous, selfish, terribly erroneous but Tezuka couldn't care less. He had been waiting for this moment for so long, too long. He wanted it. Needed it.
Make me yours. Make me really yours.
Time seemed to cease moving when Syuusuke's smile widened slightly, mischievously, beautifully. The shorter male leaned toward Tezuka slightly to brush his lips against his ear. Tezuka shuddered slightly, Syuusuke's presence assaulted his senses. He ignored the faint hint of metallic scent, focusing only on the sweet, fresh scent that was unquestionably Syuusuke.
He was here. He was finally here.
Smooth hand wiped his tears away when Syuusuke took what was left for him to take. But Tezuka felt no pain, only immense happiness and contentment for finally finding what he had always sought for. Warmth –no, heat spread out from his heart to his limbs, overcoming the cold of the gradually melting snow beneath them. Nothing else mattered then, the rest of the world no longer had any meaning to him. Syuusuke was all that mattered; his life, his world, his universe, his everything.
"Where are you going?" Tezuka asked groggily, holding onto Syuusuke's arm tightly when the delicate brunette sat up on the edge of make-shift bed. The last snow had fallen just a while ago but the chill still lingered in the dark abandoned building Syuusuke took him to. He tried to sit up but his body immediately protested so he tightened his hold, unwilling to let Syuusuke go.
Syuusuke turned to his with an affectionate smile then leaned down to kiss Tezuka's forehead. "Shh…" he whispered to calm Tezuka.
"Don't go." Tezuka pleaded. Not anymore. He had waited for so long for tonight. He had dreamt of it too many times. He had wished for it so much it hurt. Now that he already had a taste of his desire, he couldn't let it go, couldn't just let it be another distant memory. He couldn't let Syuusuke leave. He wouldn't be able to live without Syuusuke.
Syuusuke's smile was wistful as if he too was battling against his own desire to stay. Tezuka fervently hoped that it was the case.
Stay. Please, stay with me.
He heard Syuusuke sighed softly but before he could verbalize another plea his lips were claimed in a gentle kiss already. Tezuka closed his eyes as he wrapped his arms around Syuusuke, unwilling to give him a chance to go.
"You don't know what you're getting yourself into." Syuusuke warned him softly.
But Tezuka did. He knew exactly what he wanted and he was ready for it, willing to take whatever risk in order to be with Syuusuke. It made him a fool, a lovesick fool, but he didn't care. He didn't care at all as long as he could be within Syuusuke's arms. He closed his eyes, willingly surrendered his everything for Syuusuke to take as long he'd stay and never left him alone again.
Take me. Make me yours. Claim me, my body, my heart, my soul, my love…
However dreams were too good to come true. As the first ray of sunlight peeked through the barred windows, Tezuka woke up all alone, all traces of Syuusuke once again lost. Silence answered his desperate calls, cold darkness took away whatever mark Syuusuke might've left. Somehow he knew Syuusuke was no longer here. He had gone again, left him, left him all alone again. And this time the pain of loneliness stabbed so deep he cried.
What was worse, to have a brief taste of your true desire and lost it or to continue living without ever knowing the purpose of your life?
Tezuka swallowed the painful lump in his throat. He looked up to the endless dark sky in an attempt to stop his tears from flowing. The pain in his heart intensified until he had to choke for breath. He had thought that the wait had hurt but the pain dulled in comparison to what he experienced this time. He was torn apart by his foolish desire.
He should've realized it was far too good to be true. They were not meant to be together, that much of it was obvious. He should've known that he was only seeking to hurt himself. There was no chance for them to be together. They were simply not meant to be. He should've known, should've realized, should've stopped. He hadn't been able to stop hoping, wishing no matter how much pain he felt stabbing his heart with each second he spent all alone.
Should he wait again? Could he? There was no promise between them. Syuusuke might not come for him again. Tezuka might be left behind for good this time. He had been able to wait because he had faith, he had hopes. But he was too tired and too broken to hope now. He understood now what his optimism had prevented him from seeing the truth. He belonged to Syuusuke but Syuusuke didn't belong to him. He could go as he pleased. He might not wish to see Tezuka again. Tezuka might not mean anything to him.
Tezuka bowed his head as he entered his family compound, not ready to face his parents yet. They would no doubt question his whereabouts since yesterday night. His father would voice his displeasure and his mother would express concern that he could not deal with yet. What should he say? What should he tell them? The truth would only disappoint them. The truth would not help alleviate his despair. But he had no power remain to conjure up a lie. The pain of the truth was still too fresh, too painful but there was nowhere for him to run to. Tezuka could only face it, the consequences of his choice to be true to his heart no matter how much it hurt, no matter how numb he felt inside now that Syuusuke left him once again.
Suddenly a hard blow landed on the back of his head, rendering him temporarily unconscious. When Tezuka opened his eyes, he thought he was back to that day eleven years ago. There was blood everywhere, on the freezing ground, on his skin; metallic scent filled his lungs and he felt nauseous. What had happened? Where was he? He froze when he saw the bloody figure on the ground, his mind refusing to process the fact. No, it couldn't be. It couldn't be. It couldn't be his father.
Tezuka heard a broken cry of his name, managed to catch his mother's eyes briefly before he was kicked on the stomach before more blows landed on his body. Tezuka tried to protect himself but his aggressors were too strong. He choked on his own blood, the pain centering from his ribs began to spread, his strength reduced by exhaustion and pain, shadows began to creep on the corners of his sight but before he became unconscious once more, the attacks stopped. He tried to see his mother again, worried of her well being when he heard her call out his name again but only saw glimpses of men surrounding her helpless form on the cold ground. His eyes widened in horror when he realized what was happening to her. "Okaa-san…" he managed to gasp out before one man knelt, grabbed him by his hair, and began punching him.
Tezuka flinched in pain when his hair was pulled back so that he'd face his attacker but the man paid no attention to it. He didn't know the man but recognized him as one of the thugs of the local yakuza. Why were they there? Why did they do this to his family? He tried to ask but could only gasp in pain and coughed up some blood instead. He could only look back helplessly as cold, evil eyes assessed him before the man spoke to his comrades. "This guy here seems pretty strong, not like his old man. He could work to pay off his father's debt. Old man could've worked for us too if he hasn't died." He looked pointedly at one of his companions who merely shrugged as an answer. The bulky man didn't seem to particularly care either. He returned his gaze to Tezuka's shocked expression, turned his face this way and that before pushing him back to the hard ground and standing up with a cruel sneer that made Tezuka's heart sink, his hatred and grief temporarily forgotten. "We'll take him to the boss later but for now let's have some fun with him." He announced.
Tezuka began to struggle when he heard that but the thugs held his legs and arms tightly as a man pinned him down and began to tear his shirt. No! Not this, please! Not this! They couldn't do this to him! He frantically tried to push groping hands away but couldn't escape their strong grips and he was in too much pain to fight. He gasped in pain when he was flipped onto his stomach, his ribs protesting the cruel treatment. The remaining clothes were ripped off and his struggles earned him more kicks on his battered body.
He could no longer hear his mother now. Had she met the same fate as his father? The strong scent of blood assaulted his senses and somehow he knew that his mother had died. Fear and grief gripped him in a cold, tight embrace and he felt tears begin to form in his eyes. He closed his eyes as calloused hands ran over his skin, sickening him. Tezuka closed his eyes as he desperately tried to block his senses. Tezuka surrendered himself completely to fate. There was nothing for him to fight for, not his parents, not his future... not even Syuusuke. Everything precious to him had been taken away, never to return. Everything had gone. He was alone. All alone. What was the point of living now that he had been left behind? There was no reason to fight. No reason to move on. No reason to live. Nothing at all…
Chill seeped into his body and he briefly wondered if the snow was going to fall soon. Would they end up like the man in the snow, a case unsolved that slowly deteriorated from the memory? Would they be forgotten? Tezuka saw flashes of his life behind his closed eyelids. He remembered his father's kindness and his mother's gentle smiles, the rare times they could spend together as a family and the important moments they missed. He remembered lonely nights and silent days. He remembered his childish foolishness and teenage search for his self. He remembered Syuusuke, his beautiful smiles, his sweet kisses, his warm hands, his gentle caresses... Would they forgive him for giving up so easily? Would they forgive him for not being strong enough? Would they understand that he had no other reason to go on now that they're gone? Would they understand that they were his reason to live?
Tezuka ignored the first shouts, was struggling to detach himself from the rest of the world when some of his assaulters left him. He held his breath when the man pinning him down moved away but dared not hope for anything. What was the point of breaking himself further? He waited in stillness, his senses dimming as pain stole his consciousness bit by bit, he distantly heard voices and felt snowflakes falling gently from the sky onto his battered body. He just wanted this to end quickly…
A soft touch on his shoulder startled him, roused him from the state of half consciousness. He didn't fight when he was carefully turned onto his back again, fearing more pain as his body was unable to take much more. His eyes widened in shock when he saw Syuusuke's bloody face just above him. His hand, also covered in blood, gently caressed the bruises all over Tezuka's body.
"Are you all right?" He whispered softly with a sad smile.
"Shhh… It doesn't matter."
Tezuka sat up slowly, wincing when the effort made the pain intensify, and gasped in shock when he saw what had happened to his attackers. The view that greeted his eyes could only be described as a massacre. Redness covered the dark earth, seeping into pure white snow. Knives and guns dropped to the ground uselessly close to their owner's mutilated bodies. They hadn't even had the chance to use the weapons before they were brutally killed. Those who tried to run met the same fate, none ever reached the front gate. Ripped bodies lay on the ground, torn body parts missing, two puncture marks on their necks; the stench of blood permeating the air; gravely silence enveloped the place, emphasizing the bloodbath that had just took place.
Tezuka returned his gaze to Syuusuke. The brunette seemed calm despite what he just did, as evident by the blood covering his body. He looked at Tezuka expectantly, patiently. It took him a moment to understand the choices he was offering. He never forced himself on Tezuka, he gave him choices and time to think. He was not ignorant of what risks he presented, he was aware of how much he would take from Tezuka. It would be dangerous, it would be unfair, it was all up to Tezuka and he would wait for his decision no matter how long it took because he loved Tezuka enough to let him go.
There was no question as to what Tezuka's decision was, he had decided long ago, or rather it had been decided for him long time ago when they first met, when their eyes first met. He was meant to be with Syuusuke, they belonged together now and always, there was no question for it. Tezuka smiled lightly and grasped Syuusuke's hand tightly.
Take me with you. Make me yours. Let me be yours only.
Syuusuke's smiling face, haloed by the white snow, was the last he saw before he succumbed to unconsciousness. But he felt no fear of being left alone. Syuusuke would never leave him again. He would never be alone anymore. He would be with Syuusuke and finally, finally he would be right where he was supposed to be.
Tezuka spends another ten years with Syuusuke, traveling to wherever Syuusuke whims take them; Asia, Europe, America, Australia, Africa, everywhere Tezuka has never been and Syuusuke has visited at least once during the many centuries he has lived. Tezuka arranges their accommodations, wisely keeping questions regarding where their money was coming from to himself as he is sure he'd rather not know. While occasionally insecurity would visit when he compares his visibly aging physique to Syuusuke's youthful appearance, it would immediately be banished as Syuusuke convinces him without word how little physical change affect his feeling for him. He spoils Syuusuke as much as Syuusuke occasionally treats like a child Tezuka always will be to him. There is nothing immature about what they feel for each other, though, only constant and deep affection and passion they will never feel for any other. He supposed he should be surprised as they can't be more different from each other yet still manage to stay together for so long but somehow he isn't because this feels like the right thing to do, the most natural thing to happen, the way things are always supposed to be between them.
Never once he mentions the nights when Syuusuke's skin feels colder than ice and the brief disappearance that follows soon after. He keeps his opinions to himself when Syuusuke returns with a warm embrace, a light metallic scent, and a new destination. To offer assistance is out of question, Syuusuke will never allow Tezuka to soil his hands for his morbid satisfaction and Tezuka is grateful for that. Yet despite all the luxury Syuusuke provides for them, something was still missing, something no amount of expensive jewels, outfits, mansions, and other material could replace.
Syuusuke hasn't made him completely his. No matter how much Tezuka begs and tempts, he wouldn't do it. Many nights he is teased by only a brief taste of what he needs most when Syuusuke worships the long column of his neck with kisses, licks, and nips. Tezuka knew he is tormenting them both, that Syuusuke wants him as much as he wants to be possessed by Syuusuke. He doesn't have forever, his time isn't limitless, his aging body was a constant reminder of that fact. No, it isn't forever that he craves. It is the deep connection he had only heard of from others like Syuusuke that he wants. There has always been little need for words between them but Tezuka knows there's something more, a connection that transcends distance and time, an unbreakable bond that will chain their souls together, something to tie them together so that he will never be left behind ever again. Syuusuke is careful in sharing that part of him, kindness and idealism won't allow him to carelessly curse others for infinity. But hasn't he chosen Tezuka? Hasn't he allowed Tezuka enter his heart? Hasn't Tezuka made it clear that his everything already and always will belong to him? Tezuka tries to be patient, tries to be understanding, tries to be persuading but even he has his limits and one winter night he decides to wait no longer.
He pulls Syuusuke toward their enormous bedroom when the brunette is going to hunt, persuades him sufficiently enough that he won't be able to leave to satiate his hunger but not enough to make him forget that forbidden need, and offers himself one more time. He can wait no longer. His time, like his patience, is not infinite. He needs this. He needs this too much to wait for much longer.
Make me yours.
"You don't know what you're asking for…"
"I do." Tezuka caresses his lover's soft skin as he looks into the beautiful blue eyes he so often drowned inside. "Please. Let me be yours."
I want to be yours. I need to be yours. Take me. Possess me. Fully. Wholly. My love. My life. My everything. All yours. All yours, My Love.
The first touch of those lips on his neck makes him tremble in anticipation. Oh, how long he has been waiting for this! He senses hesitation in the touch but hunger and desire will eventually win out. He just knows it. Soon he would belong to Syuusuke.
"Are you sure?"
Sweet Syuusuke, so kind, selfless, and loving even when Tezuka selfishly hurts him. Tezuka places a hand on his chest and smiles. "Yes."
The quick kiss sends his pulse racing. He knows what that means, there is never and there won't be any need for words between them. There is no turning back now. Syuusuke would finally fulfill his desire.
Yours. Yours only.
"Ah…" He gasps when the pricking sensation starts. The pain grows and grows until he almost can't bear it anymore, his body trembles as he withstands the seemingly endless aching. Then he is slowly drained, as if Syuusuke hesitates yet again. But there is no need for hesitation. Tezuka clutches the sheets as pleasure washes over him, gasping and moaning softly as Syuusuke finally grants his wish. It's sharp and intense, unlike any other time he shares passion with Syuusuke, it's so strong and overwhelming that he can't help but cry. Tezuka's gasps grow softer as darkness creeps on the edges of his vision and his body loses its power. He is barely aware when Syuusuke removes himself carefully from him and cuts his arm with a knife Tezuka has prepared on the bedside table.
"Open up, now, Love." Syuusuke urges him gently, assists him to open his mouth, and lets his blood flow into Tezuka's waiting mouth. When he feels that he has given enough, he pulls his arm away and waits as Tezuka struggles to come to consciousness.
It feels like waking from a deep sleep. It feels like he just has a dream where he is soaring through the endless night sky. It feels like being in the gentle, warm embrace of a lover. It feels like being reborn. Nothing feels different yet everything feels new. In a way he has never felt more alive. Is this how it feels to be Syuusuke? He looks at Syuusuke who is looking at him with calmness that doesn't reflect the turmoil in his heart.
"I do not regret this. I do not regret being yours." Tezuka firmly states, not wishing to trouble his lover with unnecessary guilt. He wants this, asks for this. He knows he will never regret this.
Syuusuke sighs then leans to kiss his cheek affectionately. Tezuka felt warmth sparks in his chest, an echo of what Syuusuke is experiencing. An unseen bond ties them together, something that has been there all along has only grown stronger. There's a familiar tingle in his heart, a presence that could only be described as Syuusuke gently wrap his being with deep, unconditional love.
My persistent boy, are you satisfied now?
Tezuka wraps his arms around his lover's smaller figure. He has yet to comprehend it fully but then again now he has an eternity to learn to understand. Tezuka pulls away and gazes into his lover's eyes, seeing infinite future they will share together. They will be alone no more. No more separation, no more loneliness, no more fear, nothing can tear them apart. They will be right where they are always meant to be; together forever.
Forever with you. Forever, Love.
A/N: Am honestly not entirely satisfied with this but I just don't know what to do with it anymore T.T Also, this fic is heavily influenced by a brilliant Swedish movie called Let the Right One In. Watch it if you have the time. It's so glorious and dark and is a great movie! I really want to read the novel because apparently they cut some important details. Is anyone willing to send me a belated b'day present? *gives puppy look to kind readers* And I just couldn't help the last part because DBSK's song was playing and Forever Love just suddenly popped into my twisted brain. Actually this fic doesn't sound anything like the song that should've inspired it at all. Link could be found at my LJ page as usual. Oh well, err... comment please?