Hellu my dear readers. I just wanted to say that 1: I am so grateful to all of you for your wonderful reviews, they were what motivated me to get this chapter done and 2: I am so sorry that it took this long. I hope you find it worth the wait even with my horrible writing skills.
P.S. I do have an idea of where I want WFTS to go, but seeing as it is getting pretty long, I might split it into two parts and write the rest as a sequel somewhere along the line, but anyways, this is just my own musings xD
Gil didn't dare believe what he was hearing, he hadn't expected everything to move so fast, what shocked him the most was that Oz was the one to voice it. Did the blonde even know what he was agreeing to?
Gil was 24 and Oz was only 15, the depth of their knowledge was probably worlds apart, was what they wanted even the same?
His chest swelled with insecurity, he couldn't risk doing the wrong thing, he couldn't lose Oz now. If he misinterpreted this, he didn't even want to think of what the aftermath would be like.
Gil's obvious hesitation sent a stab of fear through the boy, he'd done it; he'd said the wrong thing. He'd stupidly thought to assume what Gil wanted was the same as he wanted, he'd been selfish to think that Gil would want that just because he did.
"Oz…I-I…are you really…ready f-for…that?" Gil sounded afraid.
Oz realised that Gil must have been feeling the same way he did; unsure if they both wanted the same thing, he could've cried at the relief that washed over him.
"Y-yeah." Oz said, the slightest of quivers in his voice, he just hoped that Gil wouldn't notice.
With that, Gil lifted Oz into his arms as he stood. Oz allowed himself to be carried, not believing for a second that he would have been able to muster to strength to stand on his own; his entire body felt like jelly and his stomach felt as though someone had let loose a cage of butterflies inside him. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, trying to squash his nerves as much as possible.
I wanted this, I've…no…we've come too far to-
His thoughts slowed down and stopped when Gil kissed him, softly, almost shyly. He responded in kind, making no attempts to take control, just slowly moving his mouth against Gil's; losing himself in the pleasant sensations he was experiencing.
Gil walked slowly, it was complete and utter turmoil inside of him. He couldn't form even a single coherent thought, he was barely in touch with what he was doing now. All he could see, hear and feel was Oz; all he knew at that time was the boy in his arms. His feet took them to the bedroom; where he gently lowered Oz on to the bed.
Oz's heart skipped a beat when he felt Gil climb on the bed on top of him, he could tell without opening his eyes that Gil's knees were on either side of his legs and it was his hands on either side of Oz's head. He opened his eyes to gaze up at the man currently hovering above him. Lying there beneath him, Oz noticed how truly different Gil's body had become during the course of his absence. Physically; he was nothing like the skinny, awkward and clumsy 14 year-old that Oz had left behind that fateful night.
The thoughts of how much time he'd lost, how much he'd missed; while he'd been in the Abyss returned.
What would Gil say when he saw…him? Would he be repelled by the underdevelopment and immaturity of Oz's 15 year old body? Could he - in any way - compare to Gil's previous partners? That sent a jolt of pain through Oz's heart, he just had to look at Gil - the perfectly formed cheekbones, those sharp but bewitching golden eyes, his soft and oh-so-inviting lips - to know that the raven haired man had probably had numerous women throwing themselves at him. Ten years was a long time, what were the chances that Gil had refused each and every one of those girls?
How Oz wanted to believe that his servant had remained untouched to this day, he truly did, but he knew better than to hope for something so ridiculously selfish. It really did bother him that another person had had their hands on Gil's body, someone else had had their lips on Gil's, someone else - and not Oz - had been Gil's first.
But it's not like they meant anything to Gil, right?
Oz felt horrible for that thought, he was actually hoping that Gil had simply used those people for his own physical needs, but Gil wasn't that kind of person, was he?
"Oz?" Gil's voice brought him back.
He looked into Gil's eyes and regretted it, Gil always saw too much.
"Are you…having second thoughts?"
Oz's eyes widened a fraction, no, he really did want this, he was just over thinking as he always did, he shook his head.
"No, I'm just…" Oz couldn't even find the words to say what he was thinking, but he had unleashed a whole new breed of insecurity and he needed an answer if they were to continue. "Gil?"
The man's golden eyes became concerned and fearful, Oz had known he would end up spoiling everything, he hated himself at that moment.
"Ten years…is a long time, I understand that," He had to pause, his heart was breaking. "But…Gil has…been with others, right?"
Oz felt Gil stiffen, he knew it, Gil had-
Oz almost hadn't heard him, he locked his gaze with Gil's and searched for any trace of a lie, for any trace that Gil was simply denying everything to spare Oz's feelings.
"I haven't…I've never been with anyone else." There was only a slight waver in his tone, but the resolve in his eyes couldn't be denied.
Oz was overwhelmed at the torrent of different emotions he was experiencing. He was determined not to cry, he'd done enough of that and he hardly thought that this was the time for tears, whether they be of happiness or otherwise. He reached up and tightly grasped the fabric of Gil's shirt.
"That…that's so hard for me to believe, Gil." He half-laughed, feeling his eyes growing hot.
Gil seemed hurt by this, obviously not realizing that Oz was joking.
"I wouldn't lie, not to you Oz." He said, his voice quiet but completely serious now.
Oz stopped and realized that Gil had taken him seriously, he believed that Oz really doubted him. Oz dropped his hands and smiled, shaking his head slowly.
"If you thought the truth would hurt me, you would." Oz hadn't meant to say that out loud, he'd only meant to think it to himself.
He saw the man above him flinch slightly at his words and immediately felt guilty. That aspect of Gil was not something to be made fun of, he only ever did what he thought was best for Oz; what would cause him the least amount of pain or upset and the way he'd just said it made it seem like a betrayal. Oz pushed himself up on one elbow, raising the other arm to wrap around Gil's neck; pulling the man down to press their lips together. He dropped on to his back again, forcing Gil down on top of him. Oz had to admit, he liked the feel of Gil's weight on top of him, closing his eyes; he pressed harder into the kiss.
Gil was carefully watching out for any sign that his body weight was too much for Oz to handle, but the boy seemed perfectly fine; he certainly hadn't missed a beat with his kiss; lips still firmly locked against Gil's own. Gil leaned on one arm, slipping the other around to Oz's back, fingers tracing lines up and down his skin through the thin cotton shirt he wore.
Gil's light caresses sent pleasant shivers throughout Oz's body, he'd never experienced anything like this before and in all it's foreignness, he never wanted it to end. Moving his arms from around Gil's neck, he began to undo the buttons of the man's shirt, slightly frustrated that it was taking more effort than he'd first thought. With the last button undone, he hesitated slightly before pressing his hands against his servant's chest.
He was fascinated by how warm his skin was beneath his hands, he could feel Gil's heart beating against his palm. He could also feel the line of the scar that he himself had inflicted, that all too familiar stab of guilt penetrated his heart. Breaking the kiss, Oz looked straight into those golden eyes that he loved so much.
He realized that he'd never truly apologized for what he'd done to Gil, he knew that Gil didn't blame him for what had happened, he didn't even need to, Oz blamed himself enough for the both of them.
"Gil, I-" He tried to apologise but he was cut off when Gil kissed him again.
But only briefly.
Pulling away, Gil shook his head, smiling gently.
"There's nothing to apologise for Oz, it wasn't your fault."
Oz went to protest, but the man put a finger to his lips. He couldn't believe just how easily he had been forgiven. No, that wasn't right. As far as Gil was concerned, he'd done nothing that needed forgiving, he'd never held a grudge even after 10 years.
Gil…I really don't deserve you.
Gil couldn't believe that Oz was still blaming himself over what had happened at the coming-of-age ceremony. How could he make him see that he didn't need to? How could he make Oz understand that all he wanted was for him to be happy?
"Gil…" Oz's utterance of his name slightly obscured by Gil's finger still pressed to his lips.
"Oz…I want you to promise me you'll stop this nonsense." He said, his voice soft but serious.
He moved his hand to brush away a loose lock of Oz's hair, but his gaze remained unwavering in its intensity and its sincerity.
But…but it was…all my fau-
"Promise me," He said, his voice slightly quieter than before. "Please…Oz."
Oz's resolve crumbled. He would finally let it go, but not because he had forgiven himself, but because Gil had forgiven him.
Gil smiled then. It was a true smile, and it was completely and utterly for him. It took Oz's breath away. Gil lowered his head to nuzzle Oz's collarbone, the man's hot breath sending shivers throughout his body. Oz wrapped his arms around Gil's shoulders as he began to unbutton the blonde's oversized shirt.
Oz sucked in his breath as the cool night air washed over his bare skin, without his shirt, he felt incredibly exposed already, but he didn't care…because it was Gil. Suddenly he felt the man go rigid above him, Oz froze as well, fearing he'd done something wrong. He followed Gil's gaze and found the source of the interruption was the seal that marked him as an illegal contractor. The revolution was almost half completed. He could almost guarantee that their thoughts were exactly the same: how much time did he have left?
A wave of bitterness stabbed at his heart as he thought to himself: they'd been mere moments from rescuing him from Abyss when he'd made the contract with Alice, he'd resigned himself to an early demise for what exactly? A temporary freedom to gather as many of Alice's memories as possible before that darkness reclaimed them, and what of Alice's memories in the first place? What if they failed? What if they weren't able to gather all of her memory fragments before the clock ran out? Everything would be for naught! If he'd never contracted with Alice, he could've been rescued by Break, Gil and Sharon, picked up the pieces of his shattered life as best he could and spent the rest of his life with the people he loved, more specifically; the person he loved.
How could he think like that? Was he really that selfish? He couldn't imagine his life now without Alice. She was like the sun, something that without it, the day could not begin. She'd saved his life, barely knowing who he was and merely for her own personal reasons, but even still he owed her a debt.
However the same could be said for Gil. No matter how deep Oz would be immersed in his own pit of sorrows, the man had always had a way to lift him out of it. He understood Oz on a level he barely understood himself, very rarely could he hide anything from his servant. Sometimes he hated it and other times, he was never more grateful for Gil's ability to know what was bothering him without him having to say it out loud, some things were too painful to say but he still wished to be comforted from them. Even when they'd both been children, the boy had only ever had Oz's best interests at heart, he'd always gone above and beyond the call of duty as a servant. And perhaps the biggest of all, his entrance into the Nightray family and subsequent contracting of Raven. He'd given up so much for Oz without ever asking for anything in return. For a moment, Oz pondered whether or not Gil's contract with Raven had stopped his aging; like Break and Sharon.
Oz was brought back from his reverie by the touch of Gil's fingers against his flesh, gently brushing the surface of his contractor's seal.
"Does it hurt?" The man asked, his voice low and sounded somewhat strained.
Oz frowned, he was unable to see Gil's eyes.
"No, it doesn't hurt." He answered softly, hoping to ease some of the tension that had descended in the room.
"But it does when the dial moves, doesn't it?" He said harshly.
Oz flinched at his tone, he tried to open his mouth to reply, but no sound would come. He wanted to lie, he wanted to say he barely noticed. The truth: it was the worst possible pain imaginable, it felt as if he was being gutted from the inside out, for a few short seconds he'd wished for death to descend and free him from the agony. Suddenly Gil's hands slapped down on the bed on either side of his head, his body shaking with some restrained emotion. Oz was scared now, he couldn't tell what Gil was thinking at all, he was still hiding his eyes. He knew that he was in no physical danger, Gil would never hurt him he told himself, but this was delicate territory. The past always was.
"I…hate her so much!" Gil said through gritted teeth.
His fists clenched in the sheet so tightly that his knuckles turned white.
"Who?" Oz asked, keeping his voice low and cautious.
"That…that…that damned chain!" Those words could not have contained more loathing.
Ah, so it seemed fate had decided now was the time this issue would finally be addressed.
"I see, you mean Alice. Why do you hate her, Gilbert?"
"She's killing you and you are the only one who seems hell-bent on ignoring it! You're sacrificing everything for that stupid rabbit and for what? Have you even thought about this at all? What about Ada? Oscar? To lose you again would kill them."
Oz gritted his teeth as it all hit home, he'd thought about it and he hadn't, he didn't want to.
"I know that."
Gil audibly growled, finally looking up to meet Oz's eye. So much pain and anguish was reflected in those golden eyes, it shocked Oz into silence, he'd never seen Gil so upset before.
"Then tell me why? Why are you so eager to throw your life away for such a meaningless, impossible quest? I just…can't understand it!" His voice was a mix of anger and desperation.
Oz reacted defensively, he had no explanation to offer and that itself stirred within him a bitter anger.
"Why do you care so much? We both know I'm not worth it." He said coldly.
Gilbert seemed taken aback by Oz's response, surprise was quickly replaced by hurt.
"Because I love you!"
It is said that anger blows out the lamp of the mind, which is precisely why those words didn't completely register in his mind until after he'd already spoken.
"Do you? Then why are you being so cruel to me? Is it your intention to hurt me so I'll tell you what you want to hear?" As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Oz tasted the poison on his tongue and was horrified to realize what he'd just said.
Gil moved off the bed and walked to the door, stopping in the doorway momentarily as he cast an eye back at Oz.
"We'll go back as soon as you're up in the morning. 'Night." His voice was a flat monotone.
Without another word, Gil slammed the door behind him, leaving Oz in the dark.
"Because I love you!"
Oz squeezed his eyes shut, pulling the blanket over his head, his chest heaved with the effort it took to stifle the sobs that wracked his body as he slipped into a fretful sleep.
Gil stood with his back against the bedroom door as he listened to the quiet sobs that came from within. Sinking to the floor, he rested his head in his hands and silently wept.