A/N: Naoto Shirogane and the two Inaba investigations, transcribed from her personal notes. (Basically crack, sorry. Spoilers through end of game. Credit to Rayless Night, who ought to know which part)
***Notes from the Inaba Investigations (May 2011 - ????)***
Arrived in Inaba yesterday and located apartment. Grampa is very kind to pay for one, but I am sure this case will be over quickly.
Today, police station.
* Ryotaro Dojima (unshaven, disheveled, inhales coffee)
* Tohru Adachi (smiles too much, possibly stupid?)
Had discussion with Detective Dojima re: errors in handling of Yamano investigation. Somewhat discouraging. My hearing is excellent; unnecessary for him to punctuate sentences by banging coffee cup on desk. Helpful comment re: caffeine-induced stress was ill-received.
Case records are a mess. Department staffed by idiots. Dried noodles and cigarette butts DO NOT belong with lab samples.
* Dojima-san, regarding correct evidence management.
Meeting unrewarding. Brought up the caffeine issue again. Dojima-san loudly suggested I continue my investigations outside the station.
Spent the morning investigating inexplicable disappearance of my desk. Dojima-san claims ignorance.
Gave up at noon and went to the shopping district. Thought it might be a suitable place to continue ruminations. Investigated tofu shop, book shop, shop with grizzled man selling weapons to minors, textiles shop. Lattermost contained exceptionally large teenage male (~16 yrs), wearing skull shirt and lining up spools of thread by color.
Recall seeing his photo at police station - Kanji Tatsumi, I believe. Had something to do with biker gangs and beating people up. Possible connections to sinister underworld of deceptively peaceful rural town???
Theory: sewing shop a front for Yakuza activity. Further investigation required.
Located my desk. In a holding cell, curiously.
Didn't want to inconvenience whoever borrowed it, so left Dojima-san's there as a replacement.
* Kanji Tatsumi (tall, muscular, wears metal in face)
Tatsumi is odd. Very, very odd.
Where do they sell skull shirts with hearts for eyes? Does his mother make them? New theory: sewing shop a front for skull-and-hearts themed street gang.
Tatsumi doubtless involved in many nefarious activities. Expect he will provide valuable information.
- Meet Tatsumi tomorrow at school gates
- Conduct reasonable conversation re: unusual events in town, transparent connections to organized crime
- Blackmail if necessary; failing that, shoot him
* Kanji Tatsumi, again
Had vague impression we were being followed. Must monitor paranoia.
Tatsumi was no help at all. Appeared intimidated by my presence. Some sort of complex concerning detectives, perhaps?
Tatsumi has vanished. Did Yakuza kidnap him?
Have decided to investigate.
* Tatsumi-san (did not know location of son, kept offering me tea)
* Souji Seta (accidentally)
Unsure how diminutive individual like Tatsumi-san could sire such a son. Future investigation: chemical composition of Inaba's drinking water.
Seta is apparently Dojima-san's nephew. Approached me in Junes foyer with three other individuals (Green, Red, Headphones) and made inquiry re: Tatsumi and our earlier meeting.
Inexplicable urge to tell Seta everything twenty seconds after he started speaking. Disconcerting.
Re: Tatsumi - mentioned complex, also odd behavior. Nothing that would compromise investigation. Still uncertain why they asked, though. Will think on it.
Thought on it.
THEORY: Seta is Yakuza. Kidnapped Tatsumi, approached me to present facade of ignorance.
May have just found my Professor Moriarty.
But why would he kidnap Tatsumi?
Perhaps Seta did something terrible and is silencing witnesses. Yamano and Konishi included.
That sounds just like him.
Dojima-san still refusing to talk to me. His loss. Complete lack of detective skill ensures he will never solve this case without my assistance. Or locate his office chair.
Tatsumi is back. No idea how. Attempted to interview him but his mother insisted he needed to rest and started talking at me about dyes and the universe.
Still, at least he isn't dead.
Tatsumi is now with Seta. Saw them together at food court; Green, Red and Headphones also present. Tatsumi, biker-gang-beating ruffian, sat quietly at table and called him 'senpai'.
Probability Seta = Yakuza: 87.4%
No progress on case.
Brought Dojima-san coffee peace offering. Didn't tell him it was decaf. Choice was for his own good, also that of department crockery. He has broken six coffee cups since my arrival.
Asked about his nephew and learned that Seta spends his evenings making envelopes. Malicious envelopes, no doubt. Must determine true depraved purpose.
Police station was deserted this morning. Apparently a famous idol is in town. Possible target for Seta???
...Not sure what Yakuza would do with a pop star, though.
THEORY: Seta planning world-domination, beginning with prepubescent girls and perverted old men.
Probability Seta = kidnapper: 99.999%
Kujikawa returned. How very shocking.
- Insinuate to Seta that I know exactly what he is up to.
- Review novels for information on diabolical arch-villains. Must do this whole nemesis thing properly, you probably only get one.
Went to see Kujikawa. Said she couldn't remember anything after being kidnapped, or how she was kidnapped to begin with, or how she arrived back at her grandmother's store.
Went back to see Kujikawa. Detectives are persistent.
Kujikawa stated that investigation team found her unconscious on Junes roof. Transparent lie. Asked her about Seta, said she'd never met him before he found her, diverged to conversation re: his looks (and allegedly handsome nature thereof)
CONCLUSION: Seta's subordinates and victims all either living in fear or tragically delusional.
- New corpse showed up. Big teeth, bad hair, skull smashed in. Waste of time, since clearly unrelated to case.
- Went to see Kujikawa, again. She threw a block of tofu at my head. Interviews now concluded.
- Met team outside shop. Was super-cool and unflappable.
- Also hinted knowledge of television connection. Seta wore mask of indifference. Certain he is quaking inside.
Suspect for Morooka case has been apprehended. Suspect is an imbecile. So are police, evidently, because they are pressing charges against him for all three murders.
Probability Kubo is the killer: 0.00000001%
Probability police are all raging idiots: 99.9999%
Miserable over the whole thing, to be honest.
Spent afternoon observing Seta's group at food court. Kujikawa has now joined, sparkling exchange student also present. Six members in total, plus Seta.
TO DO: Research cults on internet.
.. why are they always at Junes?
Kubo vanished. Departmental panic. Pointless; halfwit probably forgot to keep breathing and passed out in a corner.
I am always right. Cannot fathom how people fail to grasp such basic truths.
HE ISN'T THE MURDERER I HAVE TOLD EVERYONE THIS
Followed Seta and henchmen inside Junes post-meeting. Trailed them to electronics department.
Somehow, they vanished in the middle of the television section. Inexplicable. I was following them at a reasonable distance and would have noticed them doubling back.
Do they build secret passages in department stores? We have them at the estate.
Investigate possibility of insider job on Headphones' part.
Team vanished again. Television section.
Where are they going?
Cannot get close enough without being seen, but vanishing into the ether is impossible. Even for Seta.
Kubo recaptured. Big surprise. Seta responsible. Even bigger surprise. Probably wants Kubo to take the fall for his nefarious deeds.
Seta called the police from Junes. Electronics Department. Is he stashing people inside televisions?
... Must get more sleep.
Dojima-san also unconvinced of Kubo's guilt. Had mature, adult conversation that did not involve coffee cups, raised voices, or stealing each other's office furniture. Felt something was missing.
Team at Junes again. Kubo not with them, presumably only because he is in jail.
Why does Seta have so many friends?? Investigate possibility of bribery, coercion, blackmail, connections to sinister underworld of deceptively peaceful etc.
Other detectives tired of me talking about Kubo. Apparently there have been complaints.
Repeatedly and loudly informed superintendent that it is not my fault department is staffed by cretinous dolts. Slammed a few doors to emphasize point. Rhetoric was unsurprisingly wasted on him, therefore imparted knowledge re: his own breathtaking idiocy.
Have been taken off case.
No access to police station, records, etc. Difficult to continue investigation.
Went to Junes to watch team again, on off-chance Seta might confess. He didn't.
The five separate letters of protest to Grampa were futile. Therefore, will start at Yasogami High tomorrow.
Better than hiding in food court shrubbery, I suppose.
Encountered possible new investigation - how Yosuke Hanamura continues to function while lacking a brain - but have concluded it is not worth pursuing. Unsolvable mystery of the universe. "Pint-size detective", indeed.
Team invited me to Junes. Clear attempt at kidnapping. Devised cunning excuse, ran away.
In retrospect, perhaps they were just being nice.
Is Seta capable of that? He does seem quite charming. Objectively speaking.
Love letters received: 7 (5 female, 2 male; judgment based on handwriting)
Starting to miss the shrubbery.
I wish people would stop trying to talk to me. I am very busy. Important thinking to do re: case and team.
Stuck in Port Island.
Surveillance of team continues. Trailed them to shopping center; as expected, they went to night club. Amazing detective work on my part. Same said amazing detective work discovered that club does not serve alcohol, rendering rest of night even less explicable.
* Yukiko Amagi, beautiful and delicate heir to the Amagi Inn, is an imbecile
* So are the rest of them
* Except maybe Seta
All irrelevant to case. As are Personas and Shadows. Dissatisfied.
NOTE: Must work on conversational skills. Team are too irrevocably stupid to appreciate fascinating life of a detective. Try talking about Featherman R instead, everyone likes that.
Still stuck in Port Island.
* Giant red and blue bear in noodle shop
Not sure about that one.
Back in Inaba. Thoroughly disheartened. Team still not forthcoming with information, police still intensely stupid, Kubo still not the true culprit.
Formulating a plan.
Love letters received: 10
One of them sealed with a penguin sticker. Very odd.
- Organize case notes; transcribe on computer, encrypt all files with 4096-bit RSA key
- Follow-up on interview arrangements with Niteline (recording time and date, Nitewatch segment length)
- Get kidnapped
Uncertain. Really hope Seta and his friends aren't actually idiots.
Quite busy lately.
- Appeared on Niteline show. Not pleasant.
- Was found out as a girl. Even less pleasant.
- Learned that Seta is involved with neither Yakuza nor strange religious cults. Disappointing.
- Have been stuck in apartment, receiving visitors every day. Excruciating.
- Investigated possibility of having the whole team incarcerated to prevent both spread of information and horrific daily visits. Apparently no legal justification. Law is very short-sighted.
Also: discovered existence of secret world inside television where, after confronting a deranged manifestation of my deepest fears and accepting my true inner self, I can now summon a magical demon from inside my head.
When are they going to stop visiting???
TO DO: Change locks, set bear-trap on doorstep
Will return to school tomorrow in attempt to remove possibility of further visits. Hope it works.
Joined team. Exciting new era of fruitful cooperation and empty apartment. Informed Seta I have concluded that he is not a vicious, cold-blooded murderer - and, as peace gesture, immediately arranged physicals for us all. Severe miscalculation.
I don't understand why my measurements are so fascinating.
Letters have not ceased despite wildfire spread of rumors re: my physical sex. Took a week to shred the pile that accumulated during my absence. On the bright side, can reach my shoes again.
Yasogami High clearly full of confused individuals.
How exactly am I supposed to make Tatsumi a man? Isn't he one already?
UNLIKELY THEORY: Tatsumi is world's most successful cross-dresser
Not much chance of being true. Not much I can do to help, either.
Reminder: Never cross Chie Satonaka. Liable to sign you up for mortifying activities without prior consultation.
She is absolutely terrifying. Still, this will provide definitive evidence re: Tatsumi's cross-dressing skills.
Plan to officially withdraw from contest. Shouldn't be difficult.
I HATE EVERYTHING
Slightly calmer. Burning hatred now focused on the following:
- Taking part in beauty contests
- Winning beauty contests
- Beauty contests in general
- Yosuke Hanamura
Initial intention to shoot everyone who saw the contest is unfortunately impractical. Not enough ammunition.
Have settled for hiding rosette, destroying photos, instructing Tatsumi to shove following individuals down the stairs:
* Hanamura (re: idiocy)
* Teddie (re: perversion)
* Myself (re: assisting the above in winning)
* Female population of Yasogami High (re: apparent mass psychosis)
Am certain he will acquiesce. Tatsumi is very helpful. Also clearly not a cross-dresser.
First excursion inside television tomorrow! Very excited.
Possible forms for my Persona:
* Giant mechanical three-headed fire-breathing Cerberus (23%)
* Giant Gundam with shoulder-mounted laser cannons (36%)
* Robot Vishnu, destroyer of worlds (20%)
* Something else really really big and fierce and possibly robotic (21%)
- Research mythological robots. Must exist. Too amazing not to.
Day 177, AM
Persona is a midget. A blue, hovering midget with magic success rate of 0.000001% (approx.)
Also not a robot. Clearly there has been a mistake.
Must write a letter to someone about this. Consulted Seta to find out who handles these things. Lengthy and intelligent discussion was terminated when he mumbled something about needing to make envelopes then ran away.
Will email him later re: this very important matter.
Day 177, PM
Seta's reply via email:
"Saintly" understanding? Who decides these things?
Penned concise fifteen-page response re: the connection between effective leadership and listening to ace detective team members.
Am now enumerating love letters on a weekly basis. Far too busy being a detective to count them every day.
So far this week: 27 letters. Two with penguin stickers. Shredding birds seems cruel; will discard at a later date.
Seta ignored my email. Couldn't find him at lunch to continue our crucial discussion re: trading in the blue midget. Suspect he doesn't appreciate just how important this is, since he has 57,452 Personas to choose from.
Seta is a big jerk.
naoto-kun why don't you just write the date??
hey Naoto-kun!! ^__^ so this is your diary or something?? IS THERE STUFF IN HERE ABOUT SENPAI OR KANJI-KUN I BET THERE IS
all shall be revealed by the inner thoughts of the detective prince!! havent found anything really juicy yet but im gonna keep looking ok?
btw you should totally stop leaving things lying around inside your zipped-up bag. that is just ASKING for trouble. you're lucky i'm so trustworthy :3
like im gonna sit here and count days -___-
Naoto your diary is BORING. im putting it back in ur bag. write something more interesting next time!
PS. you totally deserved to have that tofu thrown at you
PPS. Senpai isnt a jerk!!!!!!!! he's amazing~~~ :3 :3
- Engineer locking mechanism for schoolbag capable of severing fingers
- Hide this book
- Plot revenge
In future, all notes on murder case will be stored separately, in logbook easily accessible to rest of team. No future notes in this book. Seta stealing all my thunder anyway; nothing much to write down.
Twenty-four solved cases. That's twenty-four more than YOU, Souji Seta.
WHY DID SETA FIGURE IT OUT FIRST THIS IS COMPLETELY UNFAIR
Had to pretend I'd suspected Adachi all along. Think I convinced everyone. Would have deduced his involvement a month ago if I hadn't been spending all my time explaining things again and again to a group of layabouts with the attention spans of hyperactive chimpanzees.
Seta probably just guessed anyway. Mere beginner's luck.
(Did not want to write this in main logbook. Seta frequently consults it and 'saintly understanding' only stretches so far.)
Adachi captured. See main logbook for full detailed report. Fog now dissipated.
Surprisingly simple. Aside from near-lethal battle with glowing, pulsating eyeball, but we're all trying to forget that happened.
Seta hogging glory, naturally.
Aimless. No investigation. Feeling oddly bereft.
Thought about investigating meat bowl challenge at Aiya - is it truly bottomless?? - but my heart isn't in it.
Tatsumi keeps talking about Christmas Eve. Reason uncertain. Don't really feel like investigating that, either. Sick of hearing about Christmas Eve in general, since everyone is apparently obsessed with who Seta will be spending it with. Particularly girls.
... hold on
Day 217 - IMPORTANT PART
Re: Romantic entanglements of one Souji Seta. Specifically, philandering.
THEORY: Souji Seta is a compulsive womanizer and dating five girls at once.
Further investigation required. Positive I'm onto something here.
- Consult with Rise Kujikawa
- Consult with Yukiko Amagi
- Consult with Chie Satonaka
- Consult with Ai Ebihara
- Consult with Yumi Ozawa
IMPORTANT: Do NOT try to save time via group interviews.
Met separately with:
* Rise Kujikawa
* Ai Ebihara
Ebihara insulted me at length. Rise tried to hug me.
Conclusion: Rise infinitely more terrifying of the two.
... oh yes, also asked them about Seta.
Rise: squealed for five minutes re: Senpai's dreaminess. Near-impossible to extract useful information without endangering ears, sanity. Might've heard something about meeting him on Sunday. Possible romantic encounter?
Ebihara: loudly accused me of trying to steal her boyfriend. Quite conclusive there, then.
NOTE: I am not a cross-dressing gender-confused moron. On the contrary, I am highly intelligent.
* Yumi Ozawa
Ozawa very dramatic. Ten minute monologue on Seta's virtues. Somewhat explicit at the end. More information than I ever needed.
Fairly certain they do not make bleach suitable for application to brain tissue. Research anyway.
- Seta is definitely dating Ebihara
- Quite likely to be two-timing her with Ozawa
- Triple-timing them both with Rise also a possibility
Probability of Seta dating all five girls: 12.6% (logistics, exhaustion)
Probability of him dating just one: 0.0001% (requires harem to reassure him of his supposed brilliance)
I still get more letters than him. Thirty-four this week. Three penguins.
Unable to find either Chie-senpai or Yukiko-senpai. Cannot both be with Seta, surely?
- Friends share that sort of thing
- Pure coincidence
- Seta has one in the the bedroom, the other in the kitchen
Noticed that Seta has no need for detectives in his harem. Probably intimidated by intelligence.
* Chie Satonaka
In interests of investigation, had to train with Chie-senpai to obtain interview. Painful experience.
Fortunately, emergency room doctor said cracked ribs heal quite fast.
- Chie-senpai frequently visits Aiya with Seta
- Has seen his bedroom (!!!)
- Trains with him three times a week (Note: must discern precise meaning of 'train')
- Uncharacteristically reticent; kept trying to derail conversation by kicking me in the head
Bet she cracked his ribs too.
MUST HIDE TH
It's still day 222, I think?
Hello there! This is Yukiko. I'm not really sure what this book is for. But the last three pages or so... oh dear.
Chie and I are trying to work out what to do. I don't want to ruin Naoto-kun's notebook and she seems to like lists, so I'm going to make one too.
Potential solutions regarding Souji:
- We kill him. This is Chie's favorite.
- We forgive him and kill the other three. I like this one best. Souji's just so charming! It would be a terrible waste.
- We forgive him and the other three and kill Naoto-kun for not telling us sooner.
Naoto-kun isn't fond of the last option - at least, I don't think she is. Chie's been holding her face-down on the floor for the last ten minutes, so it's all a bit muffled.
Day 222 - Addendum
Wish people would stop writing in my notebook, which is meant for DETECTIVE NOTES written by DETECTIVES. Also wish people wouldn't sit on me. Still sore.
Have heard nothing else from Seta or his harem since departure of Chie-senpai and Yukiko-senpai. Vague sense of foreboding.
Location: Tatsumi Textiles stockroom, in hiding. Tatsumi kind enough to seclude me here.
Everything smells like dye. Feeling slightly light-headed.
All five harem members are insane. Somehow it is MY fault that Seta is quintuple-timing them and they were all too stupid and/or willfully ignorant to notice. Spent entire afternoon being shouted and squealed at for not telling them.
IT WAS AN ONGOING INVESTIGATION
Stupid Seta for making everything happen and knowing how to get under my skin
and stupid stupid people writing in my notebook and making me hide in here being dizzy
Kanji-kun is a very very very nice person
must tell him that when he comes back
Vaguely recall doing something inappropriate. Can't quite remember what or to whom.
Am assuming it wasn't important.
Kanji is avoiding me. Leaves room when I walk in; very curious. Keeps touching his lips, too.
End of the line for Seta. Entire harem confronted him. Was later found in music room, stuffed inside a tuba with his trousers missing. Ayane Matsunaga distressed by cancellation of music practice (understandable, she needs all she can get).
Think I might feel sorry for Seta. Girls are terrifying. Have had much time to contemplate this while hiding underneath the bleachers in the gym.
He still doesn't know how they found out. Intend to keep it that way.
Ebihara still on the rampage. Chie-senpai and Yukiko-senpai calmer, but threat of being sat on remains. Ozawa indulging in theatrics. Seta in hiding at unspecified location.
Rise seems to be taking it quite well, though. Conversation has switched from Seta to exclusive focus on Kanji. And kissing. Specifically, kissing Kanji.
Have deduced, based on compelling evidence, that she is interested in him.
Day 227 - Addendum
Concerned re: Rise-Kanji situation. Position as third wheel undesirable.
Fairly certain she isn't his type, anyway.
Day 227 - Addendum #2
He is, after all, supposed to be scared of girls. And detectives. Which I believe he could overcome.
Day 227 - Addendum #3
Not that he needs to. He just could.
Day 227 - Addendum #4
TO DO: Convince Rise to forgive Seta, spend Christmas Eve with him, go back to talking about him nonstop instead.
I DONT KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS SORRY
NAOCHAN I FOUND YOUR NOTEBOOK RISECHAN HELPED
I SAW MY NAME IN HERE I HOPE YOU SAID NICE THINGS!!!
I ASKED SENSEI TO TELL ME BUT WHEN HE READ THE BOOK HIS FACE WENT FUNNY
Seta investigation closed.
- Burn this notebook
- Ask Kanji to throw Teddie down stairs/out window/inside television/all three
- Wash all clothing, send formal note of thanks to fisherman who reeled me in
New investigation: how to retrieve my hat from the Samegawa and choke Seta with it.