The orginal characters belong to .. the twisted ideas of what I make the characters do is all mine *evil laugh*


Bella's POV

So they say that admitting that you have a problem is half the battle and I'm going to pretend they know what they're talking about.

My name is Bella Swan, I'm 17 years old and I'm an Edward-aholic. Yeah, it's not really a disease, so fucking sue me. Well hell, that made me feel a whole hell of a lot better. NOT!

My life has been fucked up for as long as I can remember and it all revolves around Edward fucking Cullen.

I live with only a few truths in my life.

I love Edward Cullen

I hate Edward Cullen

Edward Cullen's sister is my best friend.

See there, I told you my life is fucked up. The most important person in my life is the sister of the person that is my love and my enemy all rolled up into one.

And all throughout growing up in Forks, WA, my life revolved around the asshole that was Edward Cullen. Did I mention my life was fucked up? Yeah, thought I may have.

Can you even imagine being in love with someone that doesn't even know you exist? Okay, that isn't quite right. He knows I exist all right. Enough to treat me like a bug he can squish on the fancy grill of his fancy silver fucking Volvo. I really hate him. I mean really hate him.

He seems to take great pleasure in rubbing my face in the fact that he overheard a fucking private conversation between his sister and I, where he got the idea that I was head over heals in love with him. It was true but I certainly hadn't wanted him to know about it, especially when I was only fucking 15 years old at the time. Once he had heard that, he had made it his mission in life, or at least it fucking felt like it, to make my life hell on earth which he and his friends thought was fucking hilarious.

And do you know what the worst thing is? My best friend in the whole world, Alice, is caught in the middle between us.

So maybe I should start at the beginning.

Alice and I met in kindergarten. I was the daughter of the Chief of Police and she was the daughter of the Chief of Staff of the Forks General Hospital. We hit if off immediately according to our parents and were inseparable from the moment we sat at the same table together. Edward, on the other hand, who was 2 years older than us, was a total little brat. Even when I was a child, I realized that there was something about him that drew people in. He used it. He was like the devil's spawn and his little friends Jasper and Emmett were his minions. They were quite willing to do anything he wanted them to and most of the time; he wanted them to pick on us.

So it was all through my childhood. You'd think that we would grow out of it but not us. When I got to the age that I started to really notice boys, who did my hormones kick up for? You got it, Edward fucking Cullen. He was like a rock star to me. He was allowed to date at 15 and there I was at 13 with my hormones in a tizzy over him. I got to hear all the details about his dates whether I wanted to or not. If I wasn't hearing it 2nd hand through Alice, I got to hear about it when Edward took to bragging about his conquests. I'd hated Edward ever since I knew what the word meant but that didn't stop me from falling in love with him too. Alice finally caught on that I had feelings for him the day he overheard us talking. I was mortified. We'd been talking in her bedroom about boys and we had forgotten to shut the door. I heard a noise in between my ranting about her brother and we both went to the door to find out what it was. There was Edward practically rolling in the hallway with laughter.

Believe me when I say that he was like a dog with a bone with that one. He hasn't let it go from that day and it's almost like he loves to torture me with his conquests of the opposite sex. Like I said, it was not something I wanted to hear. I think the worst thing of the whole situation was that my feelings for him coloured everything in my life. I couldn't even really get interested in another guy and, believe me, I tried. I would try to date guys in school, but they just weren't Edward. This is why I hate him. Whenever I tried to get close to another guy, all I could see was his gorgeous emerald green eyes, his sexy bronze hair, his nicely toned body (yeah, I probably didn't mention the pool parties I attended at the Cullen house), his nicely defined square jaw which he always wore a 4 o'clock shadow on, and his beautiful pianist hands. Everything about the man was sex on wheels.

So, what is a girl to do? Well, I came up with the brilliant idea that I was going to seduce Edward Cullen. Yeah, go ahead and laugh. Alice was all for the idea now that she was dating Jasper. Apparently Jasper had had a thing for her for years but didn't tell anyone. They hooked up at some party when they were both drunk and that was that. Now I had to listen to her talk about her wonderful sex life while I pined away for her brother. Yeah. My life is fucked up.

So, anyway, getting back to my seduction of Edward Cullen, Alice decided that it was a good idea and roped her very experienced cousin Rosalie into the planning. Now, I'm not being mean by saying Rose was experienced. She freely admits that she has had a lot of boyfriends and had sex with most of them. She is kind of a free spirit and basically just loves to be loved, I guess you could say. There was no way anyone would say anything bad about Rose though, especially to her face, she'd kick their ass.

So this was how it went down.

Alice and Rose decided to throw a pool party at the Cullen house last summer. Her parents were quite cool with it. They had a policy that their kids could have parties at the house as long as all car keys were locked in the safe when everyone arrived and if anyone wanted to leave, they took a cab. They even went so far as to create an account with the cab company so none of the kids needed money. We were all allowed to drink at their house at parties, with permission from our parents once we got to 17, but no one was allowed to drive.

So this party was planned during the summer right after Edward's senior year. He was supposed to go to college in September so it was also kind of a going away, end of summer party too. Alice invited practically the whole freaking school to it, which just happened to include every girl Edward had gone out with. I wasn't sure why she did it but it pissed me off, especially knowing that Tanya was going to be there. The bitch had hung around Edward all through high school and I know that they'd hooked up a few times. I also knew that she had done something to piss Edward off and he hadn't been near her since Christmas which was absolutely fucking fine by me.

But, I digress. They then decided that it was make-over time for Bella. So Alice took me shopping. She is totally and completely addicted to shopping. It there a 12 step program for that, I have to find it, because I really think she needs one.

They had me looking "hot" or so they said. I didn't even recognize myself when they were done. They had me in a tight royal blue mini dress that didn't leave anything to the imagination and matching pumps. It wasn't something I normally dressed in but I was willing to do anything at this point to get Edward's attention. I didn't feel any different except I was scared shitless that I was going to make a fool out of myself. Luckily, I talked them out of putting me in stiletto heels or there would have been a total disaster on their hands. I could just see myself falling off those and landing in the pool or something equally stupid. Did I mention that I'm one of the clumsiness people on the planet? If there is something to be tripped over, bumped into or fallen into, I will most assuredly find it. I think I spent more time in the Emergency room than anyone in town. Dr Cullen knew me quite well, beside me being friends with his daughter he saw me in the ER every other week. I was pretty sure he saw me more than my own father while I was growing up.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. The party. I wasn't sure how it all happened but the night was a disaster for me. Oh, wait a minute, its my life, how could it not be a freaking disaster. Three big things happened over the course of the night. I got a little drunk, I got into a fight with Tanya that included biting and hair pulling, I got more drunk, and I lost my virginity to Edward Cullen in that order. Ha. Bet you didn't see that one coming. That's just another reason on my list of why I hate him and Alice doesn't even know about this latest reason. Okay, it's not exactly that I lost my virginity to him that makes me hate him more, its that he acted like he didn't know it happened afterwards.

Yup. First I got a little drunk. Actually this part wasn't really my fault. Alice and Rose thought it would "loosen me up" for the big seduction scene. Funniest thing is, Edward didn't even recognize me when I walked into the party. I hadn't thought I really looked that different or maybe it was because he had started the party with Emmett and Jasper about 5 hours before anyone had arrived. I really wasn't sure if I should have felt insulted or complimented.

So, drinking led to me and Tanya getting into a really bad fight. Knock down; drag out, cat fight galore. Jasper and Emmett finally escorted her to a cab to take her home. It definitely wasn't a pretty sight but you know, I wasn't impressed that she kept rubbing herself all over Edward knowing he was too wasted to stop it. I'd had enough of her.

This made me drink even more and I guess it got to the point that I just went after what I wanted and what I wanted was Edward. So, knowing he didn't recognize me, I somehow managed to get him to dance with me. Rosalie had given me lessons in dancing over the previous 3 weeks while they planned the party and I had to admit, I was pretty good at it. She had taken lessons in belly and pole dancing and managed to teach all the steps to me. It was all arranged between Alice and Rosalie that as soon as Outside by Staind came on, I was to manoeuvre Edward out onto the dance floor and to my surprise, it actually worked. He looked at me with no recollection at all. He had no idea I was Bella, his kid sister's BFF. I knew I should have clued him in but by this point, I was determined to have him.

Even drunk, Edward was a fantastic dancer and Rose's lessons really did help me. We kept dancing as the music changed to Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon, Your Ghost by Kristin Hersh and finally Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy. By the end of the last song, I knew I had him in fine state of arousal. Somehow we made it up to his bedroom without anyone seeing us. Later, I was extremely grateful for this fact. I wasn't sure if I should be grateful or not that I remembered every single moment of the next few hours before my fairytale bubble was burst.

When we reached his bedroom, he led me over to the black leather couch and hit the remote for the stereo on our way by. I had to admit, he was the master at seduction even when he was intoxicated. Being that I was already in love with him, having Far Away by Nickelback come on as he started to kiss me was just about perfect. I could almost pretend that he knew who he was kissing and truly wanted me. Because You Loved Me by Celine Dion came on after as he shifted my body to lay across his lap and his kisses became more passionate. I'd read in novels about a man making a woman's toes curl but I had never thought it could happen outside of a book. He was so strong he moved me with little effort but his touch was so gentle it sent shivers throughout my body. As he started to kiss his way down my body from my lips, my head fell back to give him access to my throat, Fade by Staind started to play. He nibbled along my collar bone while his hands started to caress down my body. I felt the heat from his fingers course a path along my exposed skin. My hands moved up to grab his shoulders; my fingers gripping his shirt as my body shuddered at the feelings running through me. I felt his hands slowly undo the zipper of my dress. His hand moved around to my shoulder to draw my dress down my body as his lips came back to mine. His tongue teasingly licked my lower lip and I subconsciously opened my mouth as I moaned deep in my throat. I hear him moan in response has our tongues danced together in time with the music. Like the Rain by Clint Black came over the speakers and as we kissed with more passion than I thought possible, I could see Edward wet from being in the rain and my body shivered again. He gripped me tighter with one hand and moved his other to caress my now exposed breast. My back arched as he touched me and he moved his mouth down to take my nipple between his lips and gently sucked. The feeling was so intense I screamed out. I could feel his slight smile against me. He moved me off his lap, his mouth never breaking contact from my skin and laid me down on the couch. He sat up beside me for a moment, just looking down at me and for a moment I was afraid he was going to recognize me. I looked into his beautiful lust filled green eyes and reached up to caress his hair. I pulled hard and managed to invoke another moan from him and I pulled him down to kiss me once again. The couch was wide enough to accommodate 2 people laying side by side on it and he moved to lay next to me. He moved his hand to caress my other breast and the music changed again. How You Remind Me by Nickelback started to play as he moved his body down to continue kissing and caressing my body moving my dress out of the way as he went.

He kissed and caressed my stomach and my muscles quivered in reaction. I was starting to get a little nervous the lower he went. I'd only ever been to 2nd base with a guy. Edward was going a lot farther than that. I felt him push my dress off my feet as he caressed his hands down my legs. His lips brushed against the front of my panties and I could feel myself getting wet from his caresses. I raised my head to see what he was doing and our eyes met as he looked up at me through his wonderfully long lashes. He continued to kiss his way down until I felt him lick my centre through the thin material covering my folds. My hips gyrated in reaction and I could hear him moan again. I suddenly felt the pull of my panties being drawn down and his lips were right there. I could feel the flat of his tongue lap at my folds and his thumb found my clit and started to caress it in small circles. My legs closed in reaction and I was gripping his head between my thighs. He brought his other hand to slowly caress the inside of my thigh and my legs relaxed slightly. He put his tongue sharply inside me and then moved it up to take the place of his thumb on my clit. I screamed out his name, thankful that Bring Me To Life by Evanescence had started to play on the stereo. As my body was reacting to that sensation, he put a finger inside me and started to caress my sweet spot. This man was a master fiddler and my body was the fiddle. My breath was coming faster and faster as he added fingers and kept pushing them in and out of me. I could feel the heat rising in my stomach and I felt like I was being ripped apart with pleasure. He kept up the pace of his fingers until it felt like I wasn't going to be able to take it anymore. I screamed again as my body clenched around his fingers and his tongue continued to flick out at my clit. He raised his head to look at me through half closed eyes.

He was so sexy.

He slowly raised his body up and over mine, shucking his shirt as he did so. I reached out to caress his chest as he rose to kiss me again and I moved my trembling hands down to caress him through his jeans. He moaned into my mouth as he felt my hands rubbed the denim against the bulge straining against his fly. He reached down with one hand and undid his pants and I helped him push them down his legs with my feet. I whimpered as I felt his heated skin against mine. Music continued to play but I couldn't tell you at this point what songs were playing. My world now revolved around Edward and the fantastic feeling of him against me. I tensed a little when I felt the head of his dick against me but relaxed as he kissed me once again, teasing my tongue with his. He moved his hands underneath me to position my legs around his hips and I felt him slowly push into me. He was still for a moment while my body adjusted to his size and then he pushed all the way into me. I cried out as he broke through my hymen and he went very still. I breathed deeply as my body became used to the intrusion. He slowly withdrew until he was almost out of me and I gasped at the sensation. He pushed himself back in and then out. He adjusted my legs again to increase the sensations he was causing throughout my body. Damn he was good at this!

Edward kept the pace slow and sensual for a while until I could feel tension start to build in my body. He must have felt it too because he started increasing his pace until I was gasping his name and he was moaning. My hands moved to his hair and pulled roughly. He hummed and kissed me roughly. I reached down his back to hold him tightly to me. My breath started to come in great gasps as the sensations caused by the friction of his body in mine increased to a frenzy. His hands moved up to my shoulders and held me tightly as I could feel my body tense up and clench around his. The muscles within me milked him and we both cried out as I felt his release pour into me.

I collapsed on the couch with Edward on top of me. I laid there just enjoying his weight. A few minutes went by and I felt him pull out of me. I felt devastated by the loss. He didn't look at me as he got up and drunkenly grabbed his clothes from the floor at the side of the couch. He mumbled something as he wandered over to his bed and literally fell into it, passing out instantly from the alcohol and spent energy.

I lay there stunned for a moment, then slowly reached down and grabbed my dress off of the floor and stumbled into his bathroom, grateful he had his own. I cleaned up, dressed and went back into Edward's bedroom, silently walking up to his bed. I stood there and looked at him for a few minutes. He had moved around the bed so that his head was on his pillows and he was on his side facing me. I was just going to leave but couldn't resist reaching out and touching him, caressing his hair away from his face as my eyes started to tear up. He murmured something unintelligible and grabbed my hand. I waited a few minutes, tears silently falling down my cheeks and slowly withdrew my hand from his.

I loved him so much. It felt like he was so much a part of me that I almost couldn't breathe. I went over to the door and quietly opened it. I peaked out to see if there was anyone in the hallway and seeing no one there, I left his room and closed the door behind me.

I wiped my cheeks with the back of my hand and wandered back downstairs. I wasn't sure what would happen next but I was a little afraid of the future now. Alice and Rose were downstairs when I reached the pool area and instantly came over to me. I didn't want to admit to Alice that I'd just had sex with her brother and he'd passed out afterwards. Their plan had worked but at what cost to me?


Thanks for reading the story. Let me know what you think. mahika on Twitter if you like Brit Boys :-)