This was a part I almost put in Abandon, but I kept it strictly Jacob/Bella. If I had to imagine what Edward was thinking about Bella, besides friendship, this is what I would imagine him to go through. I almost put this in chapter four, right before Jacob and Bella met in the rain. And then almost did an EPOV after Sacramento. I'm actually glad I didn't.
"I was not the one she was destined to say yes to. It was someone else, someone human and warm. And I could not let myself - someday, when that yes was said - hunt him down and kill him, because she deserved him, whoever he was. She deserved happiness and love with whoever she chose.
I owed it to her to do the right thing now; I could no longer pretend that I was only in danger of loving this girl.
After all, it didn't matter if I left, because Bella could never see me the way I wished she would. Never see me as someone worthy of love. Never." -Edward Cullen, Midnight Sun p108
We were in town a whole week before my dad got us completely registered for school here. I was extremely depressed with the idea of moving to Forks, Washington. I'd never even heard of the place until my dad told us we were moving here. He accepted a position as the chief of emergency medical services. Everyone seemed to be taking it in stride, even my frustratingly angry adopted sister, Rosalie.
We were living in Juno, Alaska for the longest time. It had started to feel like home.
My parents were married at a very young age, while my father was still attending medical school. Esme, my adopted mother, fell severely ill the first year of their marriage. She wasn't able to have children so she and Carlisle decided the best thing to do was to adopt.
My sister Alice and I were the first to be adopted. After us came Jasper and Rosalie, and then Emmett.
I don't know how on earth my dad and mom decided they could handle all of us. Part of me always wondered if they weren't a little insane. I myself was very thankful that they got Alice and I out of that horrible foster home we lived in. The conditions we suffered through should not be wished upon any child.
My first impressions of Forks left me devastated. I was used to the cold, yes that wasn't a problem for me. But the rain got to me the most. The day we moved into our house in the woods, it rained. It hasn't stopped since we got here, and if it does, it's only for a spurt.
When the first day of school finally arrived, I couldn't wait to get out of this house. Since we had arrived, I had been holed up in my room and didn't budge. I was still angry with my parents - and at the world in general.
I got dressed and headed downstairs to meet up with Alice. She and Jasper were riding with me today and the two of them in the same car was more than enough for me to bear. They'd been a couple almost since the first day Jasper and Rosalie came to live with us.
My dad almost sent Jasper and Rosalie back to the children's home they came from, but Esme quickly turned that down. She told my dad that they would just have to live with them as a couple. She couldn't bear to tear them apart. When Emmett moved in with us, he and Rosalie hit it off instantly. I was glad - she was becoming increasingly annoying in her advances to me.
I'd always been the one kid in the house that never brought home a date. I'd never even attempted to be interested in the whole dating scene. The useless things that girls my age would talk about seemed to turn me off -I couldn't find someone on my level. So I pushed away the desire to be with anyone and concentrated on other things like my music and poetry.
As we pulled into the parking lot of Forks High School, I looked out the rearview mirror to watch the other students, waiting to see them begin to file into class. I had no desire to be stared at that day, and Alice and Jasper were in their own little world in the back seat of my car. I put my ear buds from my iPod in and listened to music, still watching the students.
Then I saw her. She was standing beside a decently pretty girl with dark hair and glasses. Despite her average dressing, she held beauty in her face unlike anything I've seen before. I worried about her, though, because looked like she hadn't slept in weeks. I wondered what on earth could possibly keep her awake night after night.
I watched as she stared back at my car and she whispered something to her friend. The bell finally sounded and the students started to file in. My hand reached for the door to open it, but then I saw her turn back around and look again. I stopped myself and when she turned around to back into the door I finally opened the car door. Alice and Jasper filed out with me.
The first day of school seemed to go by so slowly for me. Watching everyone stare me down the first two periods seemed to wear me out. I tried very hard to not make eye contact with everyone - and tried not to be irritated that the girls couldn't keep their eyes off me. I met up with Alice in the lunch room and we found an empty table big enough for us and the rest of my family.
I glanced up to see the beautiful brown haired girl step foot into the cafeteria. She stood for a second staring my direction and whispered something to her friend again. They took a seat and she kept looking back towards our direction. I wanted to knnow all about her - and then it was as if Alice read my mind.
"Edward, what are you looking at?"
I nodded in the direction of the girl. Alice smiled back at me.
"That's Bella Swan. She's my lab partner in Biology."
I watched as she walked towards our table and instantly felt my toes tingle and my heart speed up. She walked so gracefully, yet she had a small stumble in her step. She looked nervous as hell, and I longed to know what was going through her mind.
Alice immediately started talking to her. The entire conversation floored me.
This girl had gone through the same kind of things that my brothers and sisters had. I felt even more attracted to her than I should.
On Tuesday morning, I sat in my car watching the students head into class again. This time I noticed that Bella was consoling her friend and I was worried to death about the situation. Her friend seemed to be crying and Bella hugged her tightly. The bell sounded and Angela, as I had learned the friend's name was, took off to the building. Bella stayed behind, finding shelter from the rain under the tree. She took a seat on her book bag and put her face into her hands.
It didn't take me long to see that she was crying, too. I wanted to jump out and see what was bothering her, but I didn't want her to know that I was watching her from afar. She stood up and put her hood from her jacket over her head and began walking off campus. I wanted to follow her and make sure she was ok. But again, not wanting her to see me, I waited until she was far enough away so that I could pull my car out of the parking lot.
I sat patiently watching. I was far enough behind her on the side of the road that she couldn't see me as I continued watching her walk farther and farther away. She seemed to be determined as to where she was going - and then stopped. She reached for her iPod to change songs and then started on her march again. I was two seconds from pulling up behind her to see if she needed a ride somewhere when a rusty, red-colored, older model pickup truck stopped in front of her.
I watched as the driver got out and stood behind the truck waiting on her. I was worried about who this guy was, but as soon as I saw her embrace him, my heart broke.
I quickly realized that she had a boyfriend and I was overcome with sadness. For the first time in my existence, I had allowed myself to fall for a girl and she was unattainable.
I watched as they got into his truck and drove away. I blinked away the tears before they started to fall.
The next couple of days were spent with me trying to play the nice-guy, friend role - but I didn't know if I could handle it. I had no way of telling Alice how I felt, so I left it alone. I didn't want her to think I was uncomfortable being around Bella. Alice needed friends. I didn't want to ruin what seemed like a wonderful friendship for her. Besides, I'd rather have Bella around me than to push her away.
I wanted to test the waters to see how involved she was with the mystery man in the truck.
Right after lunch one day, I decided to make my move. When I asked her about Jacob, she said that they were just technically roommates. But when I looked into her eyes, I realized that she was hiding something. She was keeping their relationship a secret. I felt a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, I still had a chance.
After she turned me down, I knew I would see at the campsite how she really felt about this guy. When she confessed to me that they were in fact a couple, I smiled to hide the pain I actually felt.
I was being tortured as I looked at her, knowing that the angel staring back at me would never be mine.
When Jacob left her, I wanted to tell her how I felt more than anything in this world. But she was in so much pain that I didn't want to confuse matters more for her. I decided that the best thing to do was to help her get Jacob back.
The two days we spent together on the road trip to Sacramento were the best days of my life. Bella was such a fun girl to be around, and it took every bit of strength I had to not tell her how I truly felt.
When we arrived in Sacramento, I didn't want to pull up to the house. My heart broke when she leapt from the car and the two of them embraced.
But I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'd done the right thing for once in my life. I only hoped that one day, I'd find a love as strong as what they possess.
Until then, I'll just sit back, and watch him take care of my Bella. And when, or if, the day comes that he makes the wrong move again, I'll be there. And I'll gladly pick up the pieces for her again.