My heart, it's breaking. Can you feel it? Can you see through my fake smile? Can you sense the pain I feel from seeing you? Can you taste the salt from my tears? Can you hear me calling out your name? Do you even care? I have loved you for years now, and yet you don't know. I thought that we were close, that we were friends. Why can't you see inside me? I feel that I can see through you at least a little bit. Is it that you love another? That maybe I was too late? Am I not worthy of recognition? Please, tell me, ease my hurt, what is it that keeps us apart?
My name is Yagari Yuu, and I'm a professional vampire hunter. My partner is Kiryuu Zero, but it is only because of our master, Yagari Touga. At least, that's how it started. Master had placed us together because of our "common interest", but I knew better. Yes, it was true that we both desired the death of the Kuran family, but we easily could have gone in alone or with a better partner. I knew it was some stupid plan of Cross Kaien, Zero's "father", to play match-maker, but I said nothing, letting him watch his plan fail, or so I thought.
It happened so instantly and so randomly, and yet I remember it perfectly, the day I realized that I was in love with Zero. We where out hunting for clues about the whereabouts of the Kuran clan, and we were ambushed by a massive group of level E vampires, which of course was easily dealt with. However, what we weren't counting on was the fact that they had a master.
"Seesh, these guys need to learn not to deal with us!" I shook my head and looked at him sitting on a boulder, cleaning off his anti-vampire gun.
He merely nodded as he glanced lazily at me, "Duck,"
"Huh?" I turned to look for a duck behind me.
The shot whizzed past my face before I realized he meant for me to duck so he had a clearer shot at the vermin behind me. I gaped at him in shock, surprised that he saved me. He just holstered his gun and glared at me.
"Zero, you saved me?" I finally managed as he stood up.
"You're my partner, aren't you? Besides, its my job to save humanity from those beasts," He said coolly, bitterness etched into his words both by birth and experience.
"Yeah," I was at loss for what to say, even though question after question raced through my mind, "You can be pretty cool, at times,"
He looked at me, or rather passed me, as if remembering something he didn't want to, "We should get back,"
"Wait....I want to know something first. Why....Why do you keep being so distant? We've been together for a long time now, and yet I feel as if I know nothing about you," I didn't expect an answer, but I had to ask anyways.
"Yuu, I.....I'm not.....A person you should worry about," He looked at the setting sun, leaving me with a feeling that he was hiding something.
"But we're partners, so we should trust each other, right?" I walked over to him and put my hand on his shoulder to make him face me.
"Are we? My last parter, she.....Well, you're not like her," He again looked bodily pained, so I reached into my pocket and pulled out a small tin that master gave to me to use in such times and gave him a small, white, unmarked tablet and my canteen.
"Yuu, why do you have these?" He was puzzled, thinking someone had told me something about him that I shouldn't have known.
"Master gave them to me, telling me only to give these to you if you get a pain expression. He wouldn't tell me why though," I mused as he handed my canteen back.
"Thanks," He said it meaningfully, not just fleetingly like one does when given medicine for a migraine.
I sighed and looked at him, seeing the blood-red sun reflecting scarlet off his silver hair, his pale skin bathed in a soft rose-pink light, his eyes soft and thoughtful, not scowling. It was then, in that one moment after that conversation that made me feel protected that I realized it, that I had not just fallen for him, but that I had loved him from the moment I had laid my eyes on him.
"Zero!" I blushed, half hoping that the light would cover it.
"Yuu?" He asked at the sudden way I uttered his name.
I shook my head, glad and disappointed that he didn't see, "It's nothing. We should return, or Kaien will have our heads,"
"Tsk, I still don't get why he lets you call him that," Zero shook his head as we headed back to Cross Academy, our home.
"Yuu, you seem awfully quiet tonight. Something on your mind?" Cross Kaien, legendary ex-vampire hunter and chairman of Cross Academy, asked me as we cooked dinner while Zero finished bathing.
"It's nothing," I shook my head as I set the table for three like I did every night.
He rolled his eyes at me as he finished stirring the vegetable soup and poured it into three separate bowls, "Of course not," He handed me the bowls and when my back was to the door, he pointed in terror, "Zero, where are your clothes!"
I jumped, turned to face the door, and spilt Zero's soup down my front as saw that I had been duped, "Kaien!"
I chased him around the table a few times, my arms outstretched to strangle him, "Yuu, calm down! It was just a joke!"
"Idiots," Zero suddenly appeared, already seated, and muttered into my soup, which I would have given him anyways.
We stopped and sat down, but not without scowling and face-making. Zero was silent and pensive as always as he ate, finishing first and retiring to his room. Kaien and I ate slowly, talking in muted voices after he was gone.
"Why did you do that?!" I pouted childishly.
He smiled at me and patted my head, "Yuu, you came here as a request of your father, didn't you?"
"What does that have to do with anything?" I sighed in annoyance and continued, "Yes, and no. I came here because of his request, but we both know it would have ended up like this anyhow,"
"So, you really do want to destroy him then?" Kaien asked seriously, dropping his stupid act.
I looked at him, wondering how he knew, even though it struck me as normal that he did know, "Yes. I knew going in that it was a sham, but I thought that in the end.....Well, the point is that I am going to kill him, and everyone else in his care as well," I clenched the tablecloth, staining the white material blood-red.
"What if it hurts Zero?" He put his hand on my shoulder, "There is something you should know, even if its not my place to tell you,"
"I knew that he was hiding things from me," I frowned, hurt that it was true.
"Once, there was a human girl who went here, Yuuki, and she and Zero became close, but he found out that she really was a pure blood. Being a vampire hunter, he has to kill her, but he let her go out of respect for their friendship. I know he's strong, but I'm not sure he can kill her, but if you do kill her, he'll most likely never forgive you," He smiled weakly, removing his hand.
"Kaien, I'm sorry. Every time a Yagari gets mixed with you, you get hurt, don't you?" I grabbed his hand, "I'm sorry, I can't forget the past, even though I'm caught up with the present,"
"Yuu, I don't blame you," He placed his other hand over my hand.
I looked the door toward Zero's room, "You should. You fought so hard for co-existence, and still do. As a family friend, I feel terrible for wanting to set back your dream, but I just can't let the past go,"
"You can't help what's in your nature," He shook his head dramatically, "I just wish there was another way!"
I snorted, "Kaien, death is inevitable,"
"Yes, it is," He nodded.
I saw where his eyes stopped, and I got up, "Damn you and your hints!"
"Ohh, come on, Yuu, don't be that way," He puffed his cheeks out.
I looked at him sadly, "Then how should I be? Pathetic as it is, being anything else is a lie,"
"Then just tell him and end your suffering!" He pleaded, knowing it was useless.
"Yeah, it could end my suffering, but it could only be the beginning. I love him with all my heart, and he barely acknowledges me. Sure, it could be a ploy, but what if it isn't? What if I spill my guts, and he rejects me? My tears, already enough to drown me, they would be enough to kill me. I love him, and I-"
"Yuu, how can he not like you? You're......." He wasn't sure what to say.
"That undesirable, huh?" I crossed my arms, grinning cockily, as if I were proud about that trait.
"Yuu, you're practically a daughter to me! I can't be saying those kind of taboo things!" He shook his head shamefully.
I chuckled, "I suppose you're right," I suddenly became serious, "But as for Zero, I just can't do it. No, even if I was dying. I'm just too-"
"Scared?" Kaien offered politely.
"I was going to say stubborn, but you're right," I smiled at him even though I was disappointed in myself.
"Yuu, you're too down on yourself," He ended the conversation there to let me think about something besides Zero before I fell asleep.
I was silent as I went to bed. It was kind of him to care, but pointless and a waste of time. Its not like I haven't tried, I have, it's just that I can't think of anything else. Even on the rare occasion that I do manage to think of other things, it always is tied to Zero by the time I fall asleep. And I know that thinking of nothing is not a an option, because the three times that I've went that route, I cried worse than usual, alerting both of them. Not fun.
"Yuu?" Zero called softly, shaking me awake.
I curled myself tighter around my body-length pillow,"Mmmm, grff ouff!"
"Fine, I'll go after them myself," He stood up straight.
I groaned and sat up, "Jerk. Just give me a second, then we can go,"
He sighed and sat on the edge of my bed. I looked at him for a second, considering jumping him, obviously deciding against it, and crawled from the bed, grabbing something random from my open dresser.
"That's not very lady-like, changing in front of me," He commented, staring at the ceiling as I put on a shirt that covered most of my torso.
"I'm not naked, so I see nothing wrong with it. Besides, you don't look," I shrugged, sliding into a pair of pants.
He looked at me side-ways once I was properly zipped and buttoned, "What makes you so sure?"
I scoffed, "For one, there's not a lot to look at, and for another, you're a good guy," I blushed as I thought of the third reason; I watch him watching me.
He was silent as I put on my boots. He remained speechless as we grabbed our weapons before heading out. Kaien was busy with his own work, like normal, so he wasn't there to see us off. Shockingly, on the other hand, our master was waiting for us.
"Yagari-shisho?" Zero asked, only mildly off-put to see the man who trained us.
"Zero, Yuu. I see you're both ready to go, however, the situation has changed," He looked more at Zero than at me, but I was used to that.
Zero looked back at me, aware of how I hated being ignored by shisho, not knowing why though, "Shisho, what do you want? Yuu and I are very busy,"
I smiled, glad he stood up for me like that. Shisho acted like Zero hadn't said that and continued, "The beasts are having a party to promote inter-species cooperation. Cross has requested our presence,"
"And you agreed?" I raised my eyebrow, surprised that he was being so calm about the current situation.
"It's a good opportunity to get valuable information," He shrugged, "Oh, but it's a formal event," He looked at me and threw me a box that was hidden behind the door.
I took it and smiled gratefully, "Thanks,"
He just nodded, "See you later,"
Zero slammed the door shut, "Dammit! Why do they always do this to me?"
I set the box down and put my hand gently on his shoulder, whispering in a comforting way, "I'm not sure what you mean exactly, but I'm here with you. These creatures hold these events to prove they have a shred of humanity, but its all a lie, not only to others, but to themselves,"
He looked at me, really taking me in, "Yuu...You, have a way with words,"
I frowned, tightening my grip on him for the briefest second, "You always do that. You go to say something, but you don't say it right. Why?"
"It's not you, know that," He looked down, speaking again after I turned away, "Do you think that humanity is your choice?"
"You mean like if you were bitten and turned, but refused to become a vampire?" I said the word without realizing how venomously, "I say that it's impossible. No one is that strong,"
"So, to you once bitten your a beast like the rest of them?" He asked to clarify my point.
I nodded, "Yes,"
He looked down and handed me the box, "Here, you should change,"
I took it from him, feeling closer to him, and yet miserable at the same time, as if I had made him suffer, "Yeah, I guess I'll see you again later,"
Hours later, after I had stuffed myself into the dress shisho had given me and Kaien had practically ripped my head bald, it was time for us to go. I envied Zero, only having to wear something simple, which would probably be his old uniform. Regardless of the pain it took to get us to this point, Zero stood waiting for me by the door.
He gaped at me in amazement, "Wow, you look....."
"Yes?" I whispered, not believing where this was going.
He cleared his throat, "More like a girl,"
"Oh," I sighed, "You look nice too,"
"Oh, for heaven's sakes woman, he's in his high school uniform!" Kaien snapped, "And as for you, look at her, she's radiant!"
I blushed, "Shut up,"
"No, he's right. You do make a beautiful woman, Yuu," Zero walked over to me and offered me his arm, "Orders,"
I nodded my tightly wound hair, shaking a stray curl from my face, "I wonder what'll kill me first?"
They just looked at me. I shrugged and grabbed Zero's hand, dragging him to our destination to get this over with. He had a very inconsistent pace as we went, sometimes leading, sometimes trailing eons behind me. For as much I thought about it, no answer came to me to explain his strange behavior.
We arrived at a grand ball, decorated white and black, silver and gold, little rubies here and there. I had to admit, the leeches did a good job decorating even if their coldness shone through spectacularly at every turn. I was quickly one of the most looked at guests, however that was soon mended, because luckily that's one of the perks of having Zero by your side; absolute peace and solitude.
Everything was going good, well, as good as an event with "former" mortal enemies can go, when suddenly, out of nowhere, Zero started to act stranger than normal. He was less hostile, but that wasn't too out of the usual, considering our mission. Then he started to hold his head, like it would split in two as soon as he stopped trying to force his head to stay together. I gave him some of those tablets, but they absolutely nothing. He ran out when he thought I wasn't looking, even though he mumbled some weak excuse about the bathroom. Worried, I chased after him.
"Zero, what happened?! You just ran out of there without any explanation! I was worried about you! Zero, are you alright?" I walked around his back to face him, scared for him.
"Yuu, leave me alone!" He shouted, stopping me with a blindly outstretched arm.
I walked around and looked at him, seeing his tattoo glowing red and his eyes stained the color of blood. I covered my mouth, horrified to discover what he had been keeping from me.
"Yuu....." He hung his head.
"Zero...? You mean that this whole time, you've been...a....vampire? No, this isn't right! You can't be a vampire, you just can't be! Zero, please, tell me its not true!" I clutched my hands together, tears sliding down my cheeks.
"It's true," He slid closer, his thirst for blood over-powering his will bit-by-bit.
"A vampire killed my mother, did you know that? My father saved her log enough for her to lose herself and become a level e, but not before she almost killed me. Ever since that day, my father has refused to let me acknowledge him as such, because he still blames himself and doesn't think that he's worthy of that title," I told him, not sure why the words just came out like they did.
He was silent as he held his head, struggling to stop himself from attacking me. I wanted to help him, but my distrust of what he was coupled with the fact that this was his battle prevented me from moving. Standing there, waiting to see what he did was one of the most horrifying moments of my life so far.
"Yuu," He coughed out my name before grabbing me and throwing to the ground like a rag doll.
He pinned me down with a single hand while his other appendage removed my necklace. I tried to get free, but was unable to against his supernatural strength. I wanted to cry out, but I knew that would only make matters worse for me.
His fangs pierced my neck, a slight burning tickling my throat as the blood rushed between us. I heard my gushing blood as he drank on, and I really thought that I was going to die.
"I love you," I whispered, afraid that I was dying and that if I didn't say it now, he'd never know.
What ever my words triggered inside him, Zero stopped. He looked at me, not moving an inch. We just stared at each other, breathing slowly, afraid to move should the action cause another vampiric attack.
I blinked and turned my head so I was looking at him fully, not from the side, "I-"
He released me but stayed on top of me, "Yuu, I'm a monster. I'm not fit to love anyone,"
I wanted to tell him that I did love him, but my own fear and hatred for what he was prevented me from doing so. All I could do was shake my head without looking at him and curl my fingers around his wrists unseeingly.
"Zero, what have you done?" Kaien came running to us, pulling me from under Zero.
"No," I shook my head more fiercely to hide my tears.
Kaien wrapped his arm around me, "Yuu, it's alright. She's not going to hurt you. Shh, you're safe now. Your mother's not going to harm you anymore,"
Zero looked at us in cold realization, obviously concluding that I was flashing back to the time when my mother attacked me and that what I told him wasn't meant for his ears. But he's wrong, I did mean it for him. That is, before I found out he was a vampire.
Shishou is the Japanese word for master.
OK, this is my first Vampire Knight fic, and just so you know, the information I have collected is purely from the anime, most of it at least. What I mean to say is that I have watched both Vampire Knight and Vampire Knight: Guilty to the end, though I am still reading the manga. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed this first chapter!