AN: Started watching Dark Blue when it premiered and got inspired to write a fanfic back when Dean and Jaime first started hooked up, so I typed this up after the episode when Jamie turned Dean away from her door. Its my take on their thoughts afterward. I never completed my original idea because my thoughts on what to write changed as the episodes came out.
Please enjoy what I did come up with and let me know what you think. :]] I love feedback.
I'm Bad for You: Your Bad for Me
"I cant." That hadn't been what he'd been expecting to hear. He had tried to explain that he hadn't come just for that, and he really hadn't. He needed to talk to her, and that thought alone scared him to death.
He didn't like to need anyone.
Then she had explained that her boyfriend was asleep. Asleep in the bed he had hoped to fall asleep in with her tonight. To wait until she drifted off before holding her against him, and wondering what it would be like if it could always be that way.
Before he'd gone to her, he had spent time watching Ty enjoy the life he had created for himself. A life Dean had avoided, a life with a family. He considered as he grew more and more envious that maybe that hadn't been the right choice to make.
Dean walked into his apartment. He knew he need to get home quickly if he was going to try and stop himself from going back to her place and begging her to choose him. The drive hadn't removed the idea from his head but it did give him the chance to consider doing it another time.
Then again, maybe he would just let her have her way. If he really cared about her wouldn't that be the best thing for her. He could admit that he wasn't the best choice for someone on paper. Maybe, if you skimmed very lightly he could appear to be, he was from a nice family, he was serving the greater good, and he took his job seriously.
That was the problem though.
His job was why he hadn't dated anyone seriously since being transferred into Carter's unit. There wasn't anyone he thought he could trust with that side of his life.
She was different. She was already a part of it.
Jamie closed the door and literally had to pry her hand off the knob. She could not go after him. Dean wasn't who she was supposed to be with. He wasn't even who she cared about, and yet she had to wonder why letting go of that knob felt like her heart was breaking. She held the hand to her cheat, pushing against where her heart was, hoping maybe that would stop the ache.
She glanced in the direction of the bed. Scott was there, Scott the perfect-on-paper boyfriend. She couldn't make herself walk over to join him, instead she slide down and sat with her back against the front door.
Dean showing up had been the last thing she'd expected, and yet it was exactly what she wanted. Jamie knew though that Dean wasn't any good for her. He was reckless, and hotheaded, and most of all he was complicated. She didn't need complicated, and she knew he didn't either; Carter was already suspicious of them.
That, Jamie knew had been the reason why she'd let Scott in earlier. She needed Carter to believe they were together so he wouldn't look into her and Dean.
Because of that choice...
She might have just lost Dean.
That thought triggered the ache again. It was crazy, she decided, how much he had gotten under her skin in such a short period of time. She'd been with Scott for months and he'd never had a hold on her like Dean did now. Maybe it stemmed from the fact that Dean knew who she was, knew her history and still wanted her regardless.
She couldn't say the same for Scott, and that meant Dean would always have a grip on her. She couldn't even be with Scott earlier without thinking about him. It had taken closing her eyes and imagining she was with Dean to even think about actually reaching orgasm. She'd purposefully bitten into a pillow to keep from saying the wrong name.
This is exactly what she didn't want.
Dean didn't even bother with the lights, he just walked straight toward his bathroom, discarding clothes as his went. He needed a long shower. Something to relax him, somewhere he could just be.
He let the heat of the water pound against the knot at the back of his neck. Let his mind drift, let himself feel the loss he was feeling.
It was only here in the privacy of his own shower, in his own home that he allowed himself to freely feel everything.
He'd lost Jaime, and the weight of that hit him behind his eyes. It was then in that moment that he really honestly knew he loved her, because he hadn't cried in years. He was in love with her and she'd never know.
Dean finished his shower but stood behind the curtain for a while, just taking it all in. The night had gone a completely different direction than he'd thought. He'd figured he would confess to Jaime that he wanted to talk about them becoming something real. Admit that he wanted more, that he needed to have more of her in his life. He'd that at worst she would say she didn't want more, and he could at least suggest they continue what they were already doing.
Instead he was dealing with,
and the cold realization of Loneliness.
AN: When I had originally written this I hadn't seen the later episodes or the season finale yet, so I was going to write an entire second scene where Jaime shows up and they have a happily ever after, but I decided to stop her with Dean accepting they are over... Maybe i'll write a Predict-A-Fic for my thoughts on how Season Two will go down! :]]