"Back2Skool UNFmett" Contest
Title: Sweet Revenge
Category: AH, Cannon.
Disclaimer: Characters belong to SM… but I'm sure she wishes hers were hot like mine.
All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.
A/N: My entry for the "Back2Skool UNFmett" Contest. Although this is a one-shot, it does relate to what happened after Working Lunch. See my profile for link.
Special thanks (again) to ChocolateBrownEyes, who's actually the lovely Robs, for being my beta. I love you bb.
Holy shit that was the most fun I've had in ages! Laughing hysterically to myself, I smack the steering wheel again. I'm so hyped up. God I love buggin' my sister-in-law, it's so easy.
The look on their faces when the kids busted into that room was fucking priceless. Damn, I gotta get one of those new iPods with the mini video recorders; it would be perfect for moments like that… Shit, I could be a YouTube God.
The Adventures of the Cock-block King! Dun dun dun dunnnn…
I pulled in my driveway and saw the love of my life standing in the doorway. Fuck… my candy-assed brother's wife called her. She's standing there glaring at me with her arms crossed and shaking her head. Uh-oh… She does not look happy.
"Hey baby-cakes! Daddy's home!" Let's see if I can charm my way outta this.
"Don't you 'Hey baby' me Emmett McCarty. I told you to take those kids to the park, NOT to take them home. I promised Alice we'd look after them while she and your brother had some time to themselves."
"I did take them to the park…" Well we drove by the park at least; cue the evil laugh in my head… "They said they wanted to go home, what was I supposed to do?"
"Uh… Jeeze, I dunno Em, tell them no?"
I walked up to my girl and got as close as I could. She was standing one step up from me and it brought us nose to nose. Rosie was a hard-ass when she was mad, but it was nothing I couldn't handle, she was sort of like a Popsicle in the sun when it came to my natural charms.
She pushed me back, flicked her hair as she spun around and slammed the door in my face. The noise echoed in the yard.
Or maybe not. I rolled my head to crack my neck and looked around to see if any of the neighbors might have seen that. Coast was clear; I put my hand on the door knob. Maybe I needed to up my game a bit.
"Rosie, it was just a little joke… the kids didn't see anything." I whined, God I hate it when she's pissed at me. "Jasper and Alice thought it was funny. Honestly…"
"I don't think so Em… I just got off the phone with Alice and she didn't sound like she was laughing."
"Oh she'll get over it, it was damn funny. You would have loved the look on their faces. Rosie, it was priceless." I played it up, trying to get her to crack.
Finally I saw her smirk just a little. I knew she couldn't stay mad; she loved razzing people just as much as I did. "Yeah baby, come on... don't be mad." I slowly crept closer and wrapped my arms around her from behind. I didn't want to spook her 'cause I didn't want any bruises; I gently rested my chin on her shoulder. "I'm sorry she went all 'Wrath of the Pixie' on you."
She huffed, but she didn't push me away. And that gentlemen, is how you calm the beast… Score! I did a victory lap in my head.
"Really Emmett, that wasn't very nice. Alice and Jasper planned this day together for a while and they were looking forward to it. You can't blame her for being upset."
"So we'll make it up to them." I shrugged, moving my hands down her body.
"I already told her we'd take the boys overnight next weekend."
"See, that'll be better for them to get their naughty on. They'll have all night." I ran them over her flat tummy, feeling her belly button ring under her t-shirt.
"Yeah well, that'll make her not mad at me anymore. What are you gonna do to make it up to them?"
"What? I'll be here too watching them next weekend." Seriously, that should count… I worked hard tiring the little rug rats out…
Now where was I? Oh yeah… I dragged my palms up her body and rubbed circles over her perky perfect breasts, her nipples jabbing into my hands. She would succumb to my wishes any minute now.
"No, that's my olive branch… you're gonna have to come up with your own sword to throw yourself on buster."
Fuck… she should be putty in my hands by now, what gives? I tweaked her headlights between my finger and thumb.
She slapped my hand away.
"Ok fine, I'll think of something." I gave her neck a loud sloppy kiss, "What's for dinner sweetheart, your man's starvin'."
Rosie snorted, "So what else is new. Dinner's at six go do something to stay outta trouble till then." She shooed me out of the kitchen.
I faked her out and stepped around her, turning to slap her ass as I headed off to the den to watch some TV… or nap on the couch. Either way, life was good.
A while later I felt pressure on my big toe. Rosie had it in her fist, shaking my foot back and forth to wake me up.
"Dinner time Em, wake up."
"'Kay baby, be right there." I was totally groggy, I fell asleep fast and slept hard.
I rolled off the couch and jogged to the kitchen, the fantastic aroma leading me the whole way there. Damn my girl is a great cook. I stretched as I sat down, flexing my muscles to give her a show. I saw her lickin' her lips and eye-fucking me. I know what she wants for dessert.
Dinner was delish… Steak, baked potato and salad. Could life get any better than this? I grabbed Rose as she was clearing off the table and pulled her into my lap. She giggled and squirmed as I nibbled and licked my way up and down her neck, trying to get my hands under her t-shirt.
Soon I had her worked up pretty good and she quit trying to fight me off. God she's so fucking hot. She kissed me hard, her tongue giving my tongue a big workout as she ran her hand up into my hair and grasped a handful. I felt a delightful sting of pain when she wrenched my head back. Her lips were swollen and she was breathing hard. I risked more pain as I pulled against her hand to suck her bottom lip into my mouth again.
Just as I worked my hands into her pants and cupped her beautiful firm bare ass she moaned in my ear.
"Em… there's dessert." She gasped as she pulled me away from her again.
"I thought this was dessert." I yelped as she pulled harder. "Careful honey, I don't want a bald spot."
"There's cake." She jumped up and skipped out of the way before I could grab her back. "Focus Em… Cake!"
She reached the counter and turned with a plate in her hand. It held a huge double layer cake with dark brown glossy icing.
"Double chocolate-fudge layer cake?" I asked, my mouth watering.
She nodded with a smile and waggled her eyebrows at me. OK so I was wrong, apparently life could get better.
Rosie gave me a plate and a knife and I cut a huge piece. I couldn't wait. I started stuffing my face, "Mmmm cake," I did my best Homer Simpson with a full mouth. I finished my first piece, licking my fingers and nodding 'yes' when Rose asked me if I wanted more milk. As I bit into my second helping I motioned to her to ask if she wanted a piece.
"Nope, that's all for you. Ali specifically told me it was all yours. I guess you were right, there are no hard feelings."
I stopped chewing, "Alwi mabe dis?" I tried to talk around the cake in my mouth.
"Yep, didn't you hear the door bell? Oh, you must have already fallen asleep. She dropped it by and said you deserved a thank you for helping with the boys."
I lurched up and spit the cake out in the sink, slurping water from the faucet to rinse out my mouth.
"Emmett, what the hell?!" Rosie sounded pissed. She hated when I did stuff like that.
"Why didn't you tell me Alice made that cake before I ate it?" I was wiping my tongue with a paper towel trying to erase any traces of crumbs.
"What difference should that make?! You love her cake."
"Yeah but…" I swallowed hard as I thought of the implications.
"Yeah but what?" I watched as Rosie crossed her arms again, "I thought you said she thought it was funny too?"
"Yeah well… maybe not so much." I admitted. "Do you think she could have done something to it?" I pointed at the cake, "You know like…" I didn't want to think about the things she could have done.
"I don't think she poisoned it if that's what you mean. She wasn't that mad was she?"
I thought about it for a moment. "I dunno, I don't think she was that mad…"
"What do you mean; you don't think she was that mad? What did she say?"
Alice's voice repeated her last words in my head. I said them out loud, "Be afraid Emmett, be VERY afraid," I looked up and saw Rosie's eyes regarding me with concern.
"Oh Em… Maybe you should sit down." She pulled out my chair. "Do you feel ok?"
I sat down hard with my hand on my stomach. Was I feeling ok? I tried to figure out if I was or not. "I- I think so." I stammered.
She wouldn't do anything just because of a little joke would she? Surely Jasper would make her stop before she did something rash. I thought about that for a moment and I remembered some of the things we used to do to each other as kids to exact our revenge on each other. A certain incident with a pair of electric sheers came to mind… Jasper was kind of anal about his hair even back then.
"I think I'd better go lie down for a bit." I stood up and shuffled off to the bedroom.
"Ok baby… I'll call Ali." She kissed me on the cheek and patted my rear as I left the room.
"So did it work?"
Alice could barely contain her excitement as she made me describe everything Emmett said and did when I told him the cake was from her.
"Oh. My. God… Ali, he turned absolutely green. I thought he was going to force himself to yak just in case you poisoned it." I kept my voice low in case Emmett decided to come see what I was doing. "He's taken to his bed, waiting to die." I snorted.
I listened as Alice squealed with laughter. I waited till she calmed down a bit; I could still hear her clapping and jumping around the room.
"What did you put in it?" I was curious and a little worried I was going to have to rush him to have his stomach pumped or something.
"Nothing…" She snorted. "I didn't have to, I'm using psychological warfare."
"It'll be too easy." I heard Jasper yell in the back ground.
I laughed quietly along with them. "It's not fair if it's two against one." I kinda felt a little bit bad for helping them retaliate against my husband. Even if the poor sap deserved it.
"Oh he's not getting involved." Alice said, mimicking Jasper. "He's being a pussy."
"No," Jasper defended himself, "I've been involved in his prank wars and I don't have time to be constantly watching over my shoulder anymore."
"Yeah well, when I'm finished with him. He won't be pranking anyone ever again."
"That's what you think." Jasper and I said together. Sending Alice into another fit of giggles.
"Well, I better go tell him he's gonna live."
"Aw… don't tell him yet. At least wait till tomorrow." She begged.
I hung up and finished cleaning up the dishes from dinner. Snickering to myself every now and then as I thought about the look on Emmett's face when I told him Alice made the cake. I flipped off the lights and went to the bedroom to check on him.
He was propped up in bed, watching TV, looking totally pathetic.
"You ok baby?" I pouted for him. He liked being coddled when he wasn't feeling well. Usually I didn't give into his twisted little fantasies, but like I said, I kinda felt bad for betraying him.
"No, my stomach hurts."
"I spoke to Ali; she said she didn't do anything to the cake."
"Sure, that's what she wants you to believe." I rolled my eyes.
"I'm pretty sure I believe her Em."
I changed into yoga pants and a tank then got into bed. I crept over to his side, rested my hand and cheek on his chest to watch TV with him.
My mind kept wandering back to the things he was doing to me in the kitchen before all this nonsense started with the cake and as usual it wasn't long before I thought of a few better ways to relax than watch TV. I couldn't help myself, my he-man made me hot.
I started dropping hints. I pressed every inch of my body along side of his, subtly grinding my hips against him like I was trying to get comfortable. I innocently started tracing idle circles around his bellybutton with my finger while I pretended to be lost in thought. I did all the things that normally got him worked up, but tonight – nothing. He just stared at the TV. I finally resorted to pinching his nipple, hard. He just brushed my hand away and said not tonight, he still wasn't feeling well.
He's gotta be fucking kidding me?
I huffed as I turned over, cursing my cock-blocking best friend as I fell asleep.
OK, it had been weeks… well almost a week, but it felt like longer. I wasn't used to going without and I wanted it now. Like right now.
Emmett and I had a very active sex life. He was insatiable, usually more insatiable than I was, but not lately. God I thought I was going to combust if I didn't orgasm soon. I knew I could get myself off, but that's not what I wanted. I wanted him. Hard, hot, urgent…
Oh fuck… so not helping Rosalie!
So many things had happened to stop us from getting it on, I was about to call Alice and threaten her with bodily harm if she didn't call off this feud. How the hell she knew every single time we were about to go at it I'll never know, but somehow she'd manage to cock-block us every time.
The phone would ring; someone would knock on the door; the box of condoms would completely disappear. Jesus, I just went to Costco and bought a super sized value pack and I was carrying the entire thing in my purse for safe keeping. Nobody was going to mess with my booty call today.
I was just about to call Emmett to let him know I was coming, I snorted… Well that I wanted to be. God get a grip Rose. When my cell rang.
"Hey Rose it's Bella, how are you?"
It was my other sister-in-law, the one married to Emmett's brother Edward.
"I'm fine Bella. How are you and Edward doing? It's been so long since we've seen you guys."
"Well that's sort of why I'm calling. We were wondering if you and Em would like to come for dinner on Friday night."
"That sounds great, we'd love to. I'm just on my way home right now and I'll check with Emmett. I'm sure it's gonna be fine though. What can I bring?"
"I'm so glad; it'll be wonderful to see you again. Jasper and Alice are coming too. Why don't you bring a salad or the dessert?"
I laughed out loud. "I'd better bring the dessert, Emmett's still a little gun shy about Alice's baking."
"Ummm… I heard about that. Edward and Jasper were hysterical over it the other day on the phone."
"Yeah, boys will be boys and Alice just holds a grudge."
"It's that bad?"
"Well, let's just say I've had to resort to taking time off work in the middle of the day just to get some. Nothing like having to sneak around with my own husband so no one will find out we're having sex."
Oops, I wondered if I just shocked little miss prim and proper into silence, but she continued.
"That's terrible, I'm sorry Rosie. I hope it blows over soon. Let me know for sure if you're gonna be able to make it on Friday."
"'Kay Bella, I'll be home in about twenty minutes and um… well… I'll have to call you later."
We both chuckled and hung up.
I can't believe I was about to tell Bella I'd call her once we were done with our afternoon delight.
"She's on her way home now. She said she'd be there in twenty minutes."
"Ok… I'll call Esme. Thanks Bella."
"She better not find out I'm involved Alice. I don't want to get on her bad side, she kinda scares me."
"Don't worry, she won't find out. Thanks again. Bye."
"Hi Alice dear, are we still having lunch today?"
"Yep, I'm looking forward to it. I was wondering if you could do me a favor though."
"Sure what do you need?"
"Jasper left the boys diaper bag at Rose and Emmett's and was wondering if you still had a key to their place?"
"I do. Do you want me to stop by and pick it up on my way to meet you?"
"That would be great! Rose said it's on the dresser in their bedroom."
"No problem dear. I leave right now and then meet you at the restaurant in twenty minutes like we planned."
"Thanks Esme, you're a doll."
Back to Rosalie……
"Hey big boy… what'cha wearin'?"
Holy shit, it's dirty phone call girl… "Why, nothin' but a smile baby."
"Good, I'm just around the corner… Em, you better be ready for me."
Thank you lord… I'm finally gonna get some. This fucking dry spell is about to end. Can I get a hallelujah brotha?!
I strip, leaving a trail of clothes to the bedroom. Damn, I love afternoon nookie with my Rosie especially when she wants to play 'Smut Girl'… Oh God, I love it when she's all horny and bossin' me around and shit. I launched myself at the bed, flipped in mid air and landed on my back; naked, willing, ready and waiting. "Yes, ladies and gentleman… he sticks the landing, the crowd goes wild!"
She said she was just around the corner when she called so any time now she'd come walking in that front door stripping as she walked. It was sorta our thing.
My hand wandered as I thought about Rosalie, storming into the house all hot and bothered, ripping her blouse off, buttons flying and ricocheting off the lamp and wall. She shimmies out of her skirt, stepping out of it as it falls to the floor, her stiletto heels lifting one by one, never breaking stride. I stroked myself as I imagined. I was hard as steel now. "Fuck…" I groaned. I could hardly wait.
I was so busy doin' what I was doin' I must have missed her coming into the house, but I looked up when I heard her footsteps approaching the door. "How's this for ready baby?"
It was like time stopped for a split second, only prolonging the mind-fuck that was my mother standing in the doorway of my bedroom while I'm lying on the bed proudly holding my fucking hard on. What fresh hell is this?
Then time resumed its normal pace and my mother's voice split my eardrums.
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Emmett Andrew McCarty put your damn pants back on! Oh my God!" She used my discarded jeans to cover her eyes as she bolted from the room.
"Holy fuck… Mom what the hell are you doing here?" I dropped my goods and jumped off the bed turning around and around searching for something to cover up with. Oh my fucking God! I was holding my dick in front of my mother. I'm going to hell.
The sound of my mother ranting and screaming how I should be ashamed of myself, how she raised me better than that, reverberated down the hallway at me. Fuck, Carlisle is going to fucking kill me for traumatizing my mother. Our Brady Bunch style family had enough 'not so' g-rated moments when we were kids. Esme, my mother, married Carlisle Cullen when I was seven and Jasper was nine. He had a ten year old son named Edward and well, let's just say the only child syndrome needed to beaten outta the little twerp and Jasper and I made sure he adjusted right quick to having brothers. We had been reprimanded more than a few times for inappropriate behavior involving certain appendages when we were younger.
I scrambled to pull on a pair of basketball shorts and stood listening at the bedroom door. I'm not too cool to admit it, I was afraid to go out there. I heard muffled voices then the front door slammed shut and I figured she'd left; I was just about to go see when the door flew open smacking me in the nose and knocking on my ass.
"Emmett Andrew McCarty, what the hell did you do to your mother?" Rosie yelled down at me.
What hell was it with chicks and using middle names when they were giving you shit? "I don't want to talk about," I mumbled around my hand holding onto my swelling nose. "God damn it Rosalie, I think you broke my fucking nose!"
"Well, it serves you right. What were you standing behind the door for anyway? And seriously Em, your mom looked really shaken up. What the fuck went on here?"
"I thought it was you. You said you were just around the corner."
She looked down at my clothes in her hands. My mom must have given them to her before she left and then looked back at me, on the floor, in just my gym shorts. Her face blanched as she pieced it all together. "Oh God… Em, you didn't?!"
"I didn't jump her or anything," I whined, wanting to make that perfectly clear before I continued. "I just was sort of getting ready for you… you know." I gestured with my hand.
"Oh. My. God!" She dropped my clothes, turned around and walked away.
"You said you were only around the corner. How the fuck was I to know she was going to come over right then?" I yelled to her back.
I picked myself up off the floor and went to the bathroom to check my nose in the mirror. It was purplish-red and swollen, but it wasn't bleeding. I ran my finger along the bridge and I didn't think it was broken.
Rosie stalked into the room and I flinched a little as she shot out her hand at me.
"Nervous?" She snorted.
"Fuck yeah... Jeeze, you know what kind of week I've had." I finally noticed she was handing me the phone, I took it tentatively. "What?"
"Call Alice. Put an end to this vendetta before someone really gets hurt."
Her words sunk in and realization hit. "Fucking evil little troll… you think she did this?"
"Watch your mouth Emmett; she's my best friend and your sister-in-law... She's a fairy, not a troll. Besides, you provoked her; it's your own fault."
"Yeah, but I didn't do anything this bad…"
"You tried to get them caught in the act by their two year old boys."
"She tried to get you caught in the act by your mother."
Ok… so I could see some similarities. Crap.
"It's been two weeks Em… I'm about to explode I'm so horny." She wined with her cute as hell fake sob. My dick stood up and took notice. What a trooper… ready for action so soon after trauma. Way to go buddy.
"It's ok baby… I'm recovered, I got what you need."
"Oh no you don't…" She stepped away, "I'm not getting naked with you until you settle things with Alice. You're a marked man. At this point I wouldn't be surprised if she had hidden camera's to catch her revenge on tape and I don't want my reputation sullied on some amateur porn-site."
Great, now she was going to steal my idea too.
"Fine, I'll call." I couldn't help but look around some, seeing if I could spot a hidden camera. "Do you think she could have done that, hidden camera's?"
"Tsk… Don't be such an ass –" Rosie stopped. "Wait… How would she know we would be home and how did she get your mom to stop by?"
"You really think she did?"
"Esme doesn't just come over and let herself in does she?"
"Nah… my mom's not like that."
"I know." Rosie walked a few steps, thinking.
"Your brother invited us over for dinner on Friday night."
"No Edward." She paced back again and snapped her fingers, "That's it!" She narrowed her eyes, "Bella…"
"That's it Bella what?" She lost me.
"I was talking to Bella just before I called you; I told her I was on my way home to jump you."
I snorted, "You told her what?"
"Never mind, but she knew and I bet she leaked the info to Alice."
"I only thought I had to worry about my brothers, not their sneaky little wives."
"Yeah, well maybe it's time we showed them exactly who they're messin' with."
"Baby, you make me hard when you talk like that."
"Yeah? Well come show me while we plot our revenge."
"Ooo, stop… you're killin' me." I couldn't hold back any longer so I pounced, grabbing her wrists and pinning them over her head while I feasted on her neck.
It wasn't a joke when I said she was making me hard. My wife was fucking sexy as hell and when she was being devious, talking shit and being conniving… Oh God!
I transferred her hands to one hand allowing me to use my other for better things. "Can I Rosie?" I asked as I toyed with the collar of her blouse.
"Fuck yes Em… Do it!" She groaned.
The words were barely out of her mouth when I grasped the front and ripped it open, sending the buttons scattering around the room. The site of her smooth skin tempting me to further violent acts and I plunged by hand into her satin white bra pulling out a handful of perfection. I latched on with my lips and teeth… her moans and groans making me suck and nip harder. She started to struggle in my grasp, trying to lower her hands. I held her tighter, pushing them higher above her head.
"You like that baby? You want more?" I trailed my hand lower, over her hip. I started to collect the fabric of her skirt in my hand, gathering it up until my finger tips found skin again. I moved my hand to between her legs and was once again blocked by fabric. "Damn Rosie, you're wearin' panties." I whined.
"Rip 'em!" She ordered me.
"Hell yeah!" She didn't have to tell me twice. I hooked my finger over the edge and tore it from her body. God I was so fucking turned on by that I actually saw stars as more blood rushed to my dick. I was already so hard if she touched me I was going to cum.
My hand went back to her pussy, it was hot and slick. My fingers slipped easily between her lips over her clit making my girl writhe and gasp. I nuzzled her ear and found my favorite spot on her neck to suck and set to the task of marking her as mine all the while I played with her below.
I noticed Rose had gotten quiet and when I raised my head to see why, she wasn't looking at me; she was watching us in the vanity mirror. He eyes trained on my hand as I plunged my fingers into her, my thumb circling her clit. She was mesmerized as her hips made slight pumping motions towards my hand.
"You like to watch that Rosie? You think that's hot?" She was nodding over and over, biting her bottom lip. "You want to watch me fuck you?" A loud moan escaped her lips and she nodded faster.
I released her hands, turning her around. She removed her bra as I unzipped her skirt and removed my shorts. We were both standing naked looking at our reflection in the mirror. I took her arms and raised them above her head again, placing her palms flat against the wall. I pulled her hips slightly back so her back was just barely arched.
"You look so beautiful." I told her.
She really did, I reached up to pull her hair to one side so it fell back and wouldn't be in her way. I wanted her to watch as I drilled her with my thick hard cock. I ran my hands over her shoulders and down her back, bringing them to rest on her hips my thumbs almost meeting over her tailbone. "Open your legs." I gently nudged her foot with mine and she moved them apart. I dipped down and slid home, burying myself to my balls in one fluid motion.
I roared and she called out my name. This wasn't going to take long. Between the pent up frustration of being cock-blocked for over a week and the fuck-hot show in the bathroom mirror I was gonna blow any minute. In fact, I was gonna need her help if I was gonna get her off too. "Rosie, play with yourself baby, I want you to come with me."
She went to work and I concentrated with all I had to wait for her. Her face in the mirror told me she was almost there. "Are you ready Rosie? Tell me when baby, tell me when…"
"Fuck Em, NOW!"
I pounded into her and exploded, the stars returned, they really did look l like fireworks this time. I rode out my orgasm with Rosie's walls clenching around me.
I pulled out and turned her around, pinning her body to the wall with mine and kissed her hard. I whispered 'I love you' over and over and thanked her for giving herself to me once again. I'd be thanking this goddess for the rest of my life if I was lucky and I didn't mind one single bit. She was my life.
I scooped her up and carried her to our bed. We crawled under the covers and held each other quietly, we were both spent. Rosie was the first to speak.
"Well that was a great way to end a particularly disturbing day."
I chuckled, she could say that again.
"So… we have till Friday to plot our revenge." She snuggled down, making herself more comfortable. "Any ideas for 'Operation Payback'?"
Man, I fucking love my wife!
A/N: Hmmm… I think it's Bella's turn to watch her back, don't you? Maybe there should be another one... Maybe for the next contest!