A/N- Last chapter! Oh. My. Gosh. I actually finished a story that wasn't a one-shot... AMAZING! *Dances around gleefully* Hope you liked the story as much as I liked writing it!

Chapter 4- "He didn't want people knowing about what he did. Besides, to him it was my fault." Tsuzuki sighed slightly as he continued with his explanation, not letting Hisoka get a word in after he told him about his parentage.

"Your fault?" Hisoka asked incredulously. "You weren't even born when he was, er, with his sister!" He stumbled slightly as he tried to think of an not-rude word to use.

"But to him I was a demon, not really their son. And I somehow made it so he sinned, making it so I was conceived and I could cause them pain." Tsuzuki muttered again. "I don't understand it either, but Father was always right so it has to be true." He shrugged. "Mother watched us, always. Father watched Luka, making sure that no one knew I was related to them. Mother didn't really talk much, but it was just the way she looked at me that made me be sad with her. They all looked exactly the same," He forced a chuckle out. "Luka took after Father, while Father and Mother were often mistaken for twins. I was the odd one out, always.

"And Luka was usually nice to me. But I think she had multiple personalities, or something. Because one minute she would be nice and be teaching me how to cook, and the next she would be mad at me. I usually deserved it, but even so..." He laughed again, eyes watery. "But no matter how she acted, no matter which 'Luka' she was... If she was happy with me, or angry...She couldn't look at my eyes without flinching. None of them could. And I was hidden away almost always. It was always so cold in the manor. And when I was ten, we moved to Japan. We had been an upstanding French family. Well, they had. No one knew about me.

"I liked Japan. There I was allowed out. You'd be surprised to know that I spent most of my time at the library. It was the one place I wasn't thrown out of. The librarian was so nice. We lived in a small village, it was painfully behind the times, almost like the feudal era. It was odd, and while I liked it, I wanted nothing more then to move back to France and be locked up again."


"When you're locked up, you can't be hurt by anyone other then your captors. I was used to being in pain from Father and I was used to being hurt emotionally by Luka and Mother, but in Japan, everyone disliked my eyes. I was the demon of the village, and my family got sympathy from everyone for putting up with a messed-up freak of a child." Tsuzuki laughed slightly. "Yet through all of the name-callings and beatings I still wanted to be one of them. I wanted to please Luka and my parents. I wanted to do everything I could to make them proud of me." He shook his head as he sat down on the floor, back against the wall. "But it was never enough. And the hurt and pain kept coming and I was so tired, Hisoka." His voice was gaining a hysterical note to it. "I just wanted it to stop. There's so much pain someone can cause when you repeatedly heal. I had the shinigami healing when I was alive, I think it was even faster. But no one knew about it except for me. The larger injuries left faint scars that my father was content enough to accept. He never saw anything out of the ordinary.

"When I was sixteen, everything seemed to just add up. They were chasing me again, the other teenagers, and throwing rocks. And I did something so incredibly stupid to make them stop. Someone had spilled gas on the ground, and I lit a match. They had brought guns and were about to shoot me. I panicked, I didn't mean to I swear, Hisoka, I swear! I didn't know what to do, I was confused, and the next thing I knew they were all going up in flames and I was sprinting away." Tsuzuki was crying again. "T-the next ten years I found another place and I did small jobs for others to live. And when I was finally settled I went back to see what had happened. I had just turned twenty-six when I went back."

Tsuzuki had his head in his hands as he choked out the rest of the story. Hisoka had sat down next to him and was listening patiently.

"They weren't happy. Luka screamed that I shouldn't be there, that I should go back to wherever I was. And I tried to talk to her, I tried to tell her that I was sorry. But she wouldn't listen. And then Father appeared and suddenly he was throwing knives and bullets at me. I panicked again, and something... Magic, or shadows, or something built a shield around me and it rebounded onto all three of them. I don't know what it was. But it went out of control. And it was me... I was doing it... And I was screaming for it to stop, but it wouldn't. And before I knew it, everyone was dead. There were so many bodies, and screams, and blood... And I caused it... I caused all of it..."

Tsuzuki was crying silently by that part.

"And everything just broke. And when the... Magic, whatever it was... Finally stopped... I was in a hospital, miles away... Muraki's grandfather was there..."

"What did he do to you?"

"What didn't he do?" Tsuzuki choked out, a sob escaping his throat. "He tested my healing. There was fire, poisons, knives... And every time I saw him do it, I saw Father with his belt..."


"It's how I was punished." Tsuzuki said distractedly. "Muraki's grandfather was just as bad as the Muraki we know now. Eight years, I was stuck in a frozen state. I couldn't move, eat, sleep, or drink anything. I just... Sat there while Muraki's grandfather experimented on me... Eight years of doing nothing, of feeling nothing but pain... And repeatedly wanting to end it, to want it to finally stop..." Tsuzuki's breathing had hitched as he covered his hand with his mouth, tears falling from his eyes.

Hisoka had him in a hug before he knew what he was doing, gently soothing him and whispering reassurances to him.

"It's not your fault... It's okay... They won't hurt you again, I promise..." Hisoka murmured softly to the broken man in his arms.

"I-I didn't want to kill them!" Tsuzuki sobbed, burying his face into Hisoka's shoulder and clutching at Hisoka's arm. "I just wanted to be accepted!"

"I know, Asato... It's not your fault, honey, it's not your fault..." Hisoka murmured, unconsciously adding the endearment.

For a long time they sat there, Tsuzuki sobbing and crying over Hisoka, while Hisoka tried to calm him down, gently rubbing his back. When Tsuzuki was calmed down, only hiccuping and sniffling, Hisoka raised his chin so their eyes met.

"None of what happened is your fault, Asato," Hisoka told him firmly. "It isn't your fault you acted in self-defense, and it's not your fault that you had some ability that protected you. It's not your fault that your parents were idiotic people who hated you, and it's not your fault you have unique eyes that ostracized yourself from everyone. It. Is. Not. Your. Fault."

"Then why did they have to break me? Why am I such a disaster now?" Tsuzuki cried, tears still falling from his eyes as he asked the question.

"You may be a disaster," Hisoka told him softly, eyes softening towards him as he held Tsuzuki's chin in place so they were still looking each other in the eyes. "But you're my beautiful disaster." He murmured, leaning forward and gently giving him a kiss on the lips.

Tsuzuki, when he pulled away, shyly ducked his head and hugged Hisoka, nuzzling his neck. Hisoka couldn't help a slight laugh that escaped him at the soft sensation.

"Je t'aime, chéri." Tsuzuki whispered to Hisoka. "Merci... Merci beaucoup..."

"Ai shiteru, koibito." Hisoka replied with a soft smile. "I love you, my beautiful disaster..."