I was laying on my bed, a book flat on my stomach, glaring down at my pajama clad body. Even in this skimpy tank top and shorts, I saw nothing alluring about myself. Plain old Bella. Why couldn't my breasts be larger? Why couldn't I be the picture of sexual perfection that Rosalie was, to match Edward?
I grabbed my breasts and pushed them up and together, looking at my faux cleavage. I sighed. I would need the best push up bra in the world, and even then when – if, I groaned inwardly—the top ever came off, I'd still be left with nothing. Letting my chest go, I picked up my book again, slapping it against my forehead once before opening it, starting to read again.
Just in time, apparently, for I heard the window shift and suddenly the bed dipped. I looked up to see a freshly golden-eyed Edward crawling up my body on all fours, a playful glint in his eyes, He kneeled over me, a soft smile on his face.
"Hi." He whispered, pressing his chill lips to my own. I smiled into the kiss, letting my book drop to my chest again. My hand twined itself in his hair, urging him closer, and he obliged. One hand rested on my hip, and the other behind my head. He gently rested himself against me, our mouths moving slowly against each other in open-mouthed kisses.
Eventually, he pulled away, and lay on his side beside me, his one hand playing with my hair, the other tracing my hipbone. "How are you?" He asked, pressing one more kiss to my shoulder.
"Good now." I murmured, turning on my side to face him. "How was your hunt?"
Edward's grin grew. "Good. Caught two lions."
"Two?" I joked. "Someone was thirsty." I ran my hand over his side, as if I could feel the bulge that usually came from humans eating too much. Of course, Edward's body wouldn't ever change. I had to wonder where he stored it all.
"I couldn't resist." He chuckled. "Plus I won't have to go again for a while now."
I grinned at that, leaning towards him and pressing a kiss to his collarbone. "Good." I rolled into his chest, and pressed a kiss to his shirt. "You're warmer."
"What have you been up to?" He asked, picking up my book. "Being studious?"
I shrugged. "A bit."
An amused glint came to his eyes. "What were you doing right before I came in?" He fished.
I, the fish, gaped open-mouthed, and then blushed. "You were watching?" I squeaked.
He grinned. " I didn't want to just walk right in. I had to make sure you were dressed."
I groaned and rolled onto my back, throwing my arm over my face. "Crap." I stated bluntly.
Edward laughed softly, stroking my hair. "What were you doing exactly?" He asked, leaning over me with bright eyes.
I moaned, refusing to answer. But he began tapping his fingers on my stomach, drawing me out of my humiliation.
"I was trying to see what I'd look like if I were… better endowed." I said carefully. "Like Rosalie or Jessica."
Edward frowned. "Why?"
I blushed again, trying to turn away from him, but his iron arms rolled me back. "Bella?"
"Because maybe you'd like them bigger. Sexier." I said, sure my face was scarlet. I wanted to die in humiliation. I could feel my insides shriveling, and I wanted to melt into the mattress.
"What?" He scoffed, indignant. "We've been over this. You're perfect." He scolded.
I grabbed my chest again and pushed my breasts back up and together, so that they rounded out of my tank top.
"That's sexy though. They're so little, and barely round…" I argued.
He put his hands over mine and pulled mine down, staring intently in my eyes.
"You're perfect, just as you are."
But I had stopped breathing. His hands covered mine over my chest, his cool fingers touching the tip of my breasts over my tank top. This was the first time he'd ever touched me there. Blood rushed in my ears and I knew I was bright red.
Edward seemed to realize at the same moment I did, and snapped his hands back. Instantly he was on the end of the bed, hunched and wary.
"No," I whimpered. "Come back."
Edward hesitated, then approached, laying beside me again.
"I'm sorry." He murmured, pulling me towards his chest again. "I didn't realize."
I felt hurt and offended. "Of course not." I sniffed, hiding my head under his chin. "Why would you want t touch me?" I mumbled. I knew it was stupid. He touched me all the time, and claimed to love doing so, but only on the face or innocent areas. Didn't he know I longed for his touch, everywhere? I'd made the deal with him, he had to know.
"Hey." He said, anger touching his voice. "What's that supposed to mean?"
I flushed redder still, trying to bury myself under him and suffocate myself in my blankets.
"Bella." He groaned, pulling my out from under him. He was clearly annoyed. I met his pained look with one of my own. He huffed and ran his hands through his hair. "You know I… want you. I want to touch you. So much." He tugged me forward, so that I was against him again. "I'm just terrified of hurting you. If I lose control." He moaned, and pressed a kiss to my head.
"You promised." I whispered. "And it would be easier to… ease into it slowly, wouldn't it?"
"But?" I drew back, trying to look him in the eyes. He wouldn't meet my gaze. "Edward, what?"
He buried his face in the pillows suddenly. I was shocked. Was he embarrassed?
"Edward? What's wrong?"
He reluctantly looked at me. "I don't know what to do?" He offered, and his face was full of embarrassment. I'm sure it would be red if it could be.
I laughed, but nicely. "And I do? That's why it's called 'experimentation'."
Edward sighed mournfully. He propped himself on his elbow and looked down at me, his eyes soft. I stuck out my bottom lip, reaching out to him. He smiled weakly, and leaned down to kiss me again, slow and steady. He was clearly nervous, but I clung to him desperately. After a few minutes of kissing, I clasped his hand in my own and guided him towards my chest.
His breath hitched and his lips paused on my philtrum as I placed his hand over my breast, shivering at his chilled touch through the tank top. But it felt so good, and my nipple tightened under his hand. Edward moaned softly in awe.
I clasped my other breast in my own hand, squeezing and kneading it gently, and he watched and tried to imitate it with his own hand. Truly, I didn't know what I was doing, but his hand felt so much better on my chest than my own did. His stone cold fingers made me tingle. I whimpered, pressing my lips back to his hungrily.
There was a whirl of movement and suddenly I was on his lap, and he was against the headboard, and I was pressing against him as close as I could get. Edward's hands traced my waist, bringing me closer. His ice hands rubbed up and down my spine, making me shiver delightfully. His lips were hard against mine, his tongue tracing my lips. I could feel his hardness beneath me, and moaned.
"Bella." He groaned against my neck. "What you do to me."
I decided to test his limits. "Can I take your shirt off?" I breathed, afraid of the answer. "and… maybe mine? I want to feel you."
Edward stopped breathing, his nose buried in my hair.
"If we go slow." He begged. "Please."
I nodded, running my hands under his shirt, tracing the marble features. Edward's lips pressed butterfly kisses to my shoulder and neck, down to my sternum, breathing cold air down my shirt, making me whimper desperately. My nipples tightened impossibly.
I pushed his shirt up and off, wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing myself against him, delighting in the chill. My brain was cloudy, his scent blurring my thought process and I could only kiss him deeper, more urgently. His thumbs caressed the sides of my breasts, and I gasped.
"More, please." I panted, rocking against him, my eyes shut tightly. "Touch me."
Edward groaned, mumbling "oh, god," against my lips and palming my chest again. I felt him raise his knees behind me, and I leaned back against them, his hardness against my ass. Edward gently massaged my breasts and his mouth attacked my neck with fervor.
The heat in my stomach and center flared, and I rubbed against him as hard as I could.
Edward gasped and pulled back. His eyes were dark, his breath fast.
"Bella." He breathed, closing his eyes. "We have to stop."
I covered his mouth with my hand. "No." I insisted. "We're okay. You're in control, right?" I removed my hand for his answer.
He groaned. "Yes, but barely…" I slapped my hand over his mouth.
"Do you want this?" I continued in the same way as before, and leaning forward to kiss his chin lightly.
"Yes, but…" I covered his mouth again.
"This is good. I love you. I want you."
I felt him open his mouth against my hand and stopped him.
"Not everything. I'll keep my promise. But I want this. I need this. Please, please don't deny me this."
We sat like that for minutes, it seemed, before he finally nodded. He took a deep breath and kissed me again, softly. His fingers went to the hem of my shirt, and I raised my arms. He slowly removed my shirt, fingers touching my stomach and sides as he went, but his eyes remained locked on mine. Strong man.
Once my top was off, I immediately felt shy, and my arms retreated to my chest to cover myself. All my insecurities from earlier hit me full blast, and I suddenly wanted to cry. I did not have a perfect body. I'd seen Alice naked and had been jealous of her beauty, and Rosalie would of course be perfect. I felt awkward, and knew I was blushing terribly.
Cold hands covered mine, pulling them away. "Please don't hide yourself from me, my love." Edward's soft voice begged. "You're much too beautiful to hide." His face edged its way into my downcast vision, his eyes concerned and loving. He pressed a kiss to my sternum, and met my eyes again. "Please?"
I dropped my hands resignedly, and closed my eyes. "I know they're not perfect, not even decent…" His hand covered my mouth. Seconds later, I felt his hair tickling my chin, and his nose between my breasts. I shivered, but my hand subconsciously gripped his hair. Suddenly, his wet cold mouth lay an open mouth kiss to my nipple, and it tightened in pleasure. I moaned.
It started again, his mouth sweetly torturing me as I gripped him, grinding against him. It was strange to feel those hard muscles ripple like water under my touch. I knew he was restraining himself, because occasionally his hips would twitch against me, which I loved, but he seemed afraid to do it intentionally.
I shifted so that we were lined up, his hardness against my center. My panties were so wet I was sure it would mark his pants. We both groaned, and I leaned forward, rubbing against him harder as I whispered, "Please, Edward. Let go a little. Let me feel you."
His hips leapt towards mine, and I cried out. He stopped and cupped my face. "Are you okay?" He asked, concerned. He'd never heard me make such a noise, I was certain.
"God, yes." I groaned. "That felt amazing."
His face lit up. "Really?"
I groaned. "Edward… please, I need more."
His hips met mine again and again, and I cried out in my incredible pleasure. I was so glad Charlie was out with Billy or someone tonight… I could care less whom, just so long as he couldn't hear us.
Edward and I finally found a perfect rhythm, me rocking against him roughly as he palmed my breasts and kissed me with fervor. Each thrust to my core was like a lightening bolt, and I was quivering hard before long. My insides were coiling in the oddest way, and I felt totally out of my element. I pulled back to look him in the eye, and groaned at what I saw.
Edward's eyes were dark and hooded with urgency and pleasure, but the love held there was too much for me to handle. I ground myself even harder again him, and he gasped, his rhythm stuttering for a moment before returning with even more intensity. I felt like I was about to explode.
I cried out one last time, fastening my lips to his as I began to shake, feeling my peak hit so hard I almost blacked out. Edward moaned into my mouth as I felt him hit his, his hips hitting my core twice more before faltering, his entire body shaking with the force of his orgasm. I whimpered at the sheer beauty of his face as he stared at me with awe.
We sat like that in complete silence save for our breathing, until I started to feel uncomfortable in my wet shorts. I laughed softly. "I think you've killed me." I said, trying not to sob in happiness.
Carefully, his shaking hands tucked my hair behind my ears, and his lips touched mine softly.
"I love you so much, Bella." He mumbled against my lips, before pressing his cheek against mine. "You are my everything."
I wrapped my arms even tighter around him, emotion sitting heavily on my chest. "Oh Edward." I gasped, trying not to cry. "I love you, I love you." I whimpered, and he pressed me closer to him, if that was even possible.
After a few minutes of just holding each other, Edward pushed me back a big, smiling. "You might want to change," he chuckled, "before that gets really uncomfortable." He motioned to my shorts.
I laughed, wiping any excess wetness from my eyes. "You probably need to as well." I said, getting off his lap with shaky legs.
He touched my hand and I turned back to him, his eyes golden again, and concerned. "I don't want to ruin the moment, but you're sure I didn't hurt you?" He asked.
I leaned down to kiss him. "I'm fairly certain. Nothing feels hurt. I might be sore tomorrow, but I'm not in any pain now."
Edward nodded, then stood up after me. "You're right, I should change. Do you mind if I leave for a second?"
I nodded. "Only as long as it's just a second." I winked.
He picked me up and kissed me again, twirling me around. "You were right again." He said, putting me on the ground. "Why are you always right?"
I grinned. "Maybe you should listen to me more often then." I said cheekily. I picked up a new pair of sleep shorts and headed for the bathroom. "Be back soon, okay?"
I heard the rush of wind that told me he was gone, and smiled, closing the bathroom door behind me.