Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters
Another chaper from Emmett's point of view. Will be the last one for a while I think.
I burst through the living room door puffng and panting. "Jesicca...Lauren...police...killed the baby...almost...running...home...here...out of breath...poo..." I managed to choke out in between gasping for air.
"Emmett, why the hell are you panting – you don't even need to breathe." Rose's sharp voice made me break character and stop.
"Well excuse me for trying to add some excitement to your day. Little miss fun-sucker." I glared at Rosalie and returned her dirty look. Then she smiled and patted the spot next to her on the sofa. I swear girls make no sense what-so-ever!
"What were you babbling on about before?" She grinned and delicately took Emmett Junior out of my hands. "And what have you done to my baby, he smells like crap."
"Oh yeah the baby did a poo, I'll let you have the pleasure of changing him seen as he's quiet at the moment." Rose looked like she was about to start an argument with me but she decided not to bother. She just walked over to the changing station in the corner of the room and got on with it without fuss. I then told her all about my 'revenge scheme' that didn't go so well. It was so weird – I mean she laughed a all the right parts and even smiled the entire way through. I needed to know what was going on – because this was just creeping me out. She was acting like one of those perfect robot wives out of that film. So at the risk of my own life I decided to confront her.
"Baby, you're in an awfully good mood this morning. Any reason in particular?" Now I've asked this question before and the answer I got involved a saucepan being thrown at my head and an hour's rant that went a bit like this ... 'Do I have to have an excuse to be happy? Are you saying I'm never usually happy? Is it really that unusual for me to smile?' Blah blah blah, you get the idea. So I flinched when she turned to me and put her hand on my knee. I thought she was about to punch me in the face – which was apparently hilarious to her.
"You'll never guess what happened! I was in our room – totally pissed at you – when I Edward came in and asked me to look after one of the triplets for him because he was crying and generally being loud while Bella was trying to sleep and he didn't want to wake her and at first I was really against it and nearly bit his head off for even asking me to do something like that," Her voice was steadily getting faster and more excited, "So then when I took him off Edward he was crying his eyes out well not literally obviously but he was being really loud and stuff, but after I held him for like thirty seconds he stopped crying!" A smile was stretched across her face. Personally, I didn't think that story was that great. So what? A baby stopped crying? I didn't tell Rose that though. I wanted to take advantage of the happy Rosalie for the short amount of time it would last.
"That's really great honey, I'm so proud of you. Well done, congratulations..." I trailed off not really knowing what to say.
"So babies don't hate me after all!" She readjusted the baby in her arms with a a proud grin on her face. Ohhhhh, so that's what she was on about! I get it now!
"That really is great." I said a little more genuinely this time before leaning over to give Rose a celebratory kiss however Bella interrupted by throwing open the lounge door so it crashed against the wall and scared the living crap outta me. "Morning mommy." I called to Bella. She just groaned and threw herself down on the sofa opposite me, completely wrapped up in her duvet.
"Don't even remind me. All I've heard is crying all night, I'm sooooo tired." Bella burried her head into the seat of the sofa. Something gave me the impression that Bella would be doing more stupid stuff today. Yipee!
"Howdy y'all!" Alice breezed into the room with her baby bouncing on her hip. "What do you think about baby's outfit?" She made the doll do a miniature catwalk on the coffee table. It was dressed like a cowgirl – Alice had even put a little hat on it's head. No-one said anything, just stared at the tiny posing doll.
"I told her not to, but you know how much she loves playing dress up." Jasper piped up from the corner.
"I certainly do!" Bella sat up, deciding to join in the conversation.
"Well, it's way better than that blanket she was wearing before." Alice pouted and sat down on the floor. "I think she looks beautiful, yes I do!" She tickled the baby's exposed tummy and made it giggle.
"Does she have a name yet?" Carlisle poked his head into the room.
"She doesn't actually, none of them do." Jasper answered sting down next to his wife.
"Well, that just won't do. You can't have nameless children." Carlisle grinned as he backed out of the room. He has a fair point. Babies need names.
There was a moment of thoughtful silence before Alice jumped up and started spinning around n circles with excitement. "Oh my God! I've just had a completely brilliant idea!"
"What? What is it?" Bella groaned from the floor. Seems like Alice's sudden outburst had made her jump – right off the edge of the sofa. Oh Bella! What would I do without you in my life. Well ... laugh a lot less I guess.
"Our babies need names right? So who's up for a little game of name roulette?"
"Perhaps if you told us what the hell that was we could consider it." Jasper playfully grabbed her ankles "And stop spinning – you're making the baby dizzy!" he added.
"Okay, so instead of spending hours agonising over the right name to choose for the babies, we use a random name generator – and whatever a we get on our first go, we have to stick with. No matter how stupid it is." Alice squealed and started bouncing again. What is that girls problem?
"But what about if my ikkle angel gets a stupid name. We can't have that can we sugar plum? No we can't! No we can't." Rose was holding our son in the air and rubbing noses with him, just like those unnaturally happy moms from the baby commercials. But when moments like this happen, precious moments which seem too good to be true – they usually are! So literally two seconds later, the 'little angel' projectile vomited all over Rosalie's face. I personally sound this hilarious, but I knew way better than to laugh out loud, so I honestly tried my very best not to. I'm quite proud of myself actually, I lasted a whole ten seconds until I burst out into uncontrollable fits of giggles. As soon as I started, I knew it was going to get me into a whole heap of trouble – but it was one of those times when if you try to stop laughing, it makes you laugh harder.
Rosalie turned to face me with a face like thunder. Holy crap, it's about to go down! I coughed to stop try and bring and end to my fit. "Rose," *ahem* "Rose honey. Are you … umm … are you all right?" I bit my lip to stop the laughter, but my voice did that funny thing when it goes all high-pitched because you're trying not to laugh. "Baby?" I added at the end, just to make sure she knew I meant well.
I think she handled it pretty well considering she had a habit of being over-dramatic and kicking off over insanely minor things. She just stood up, shoved the baby into my chest and walked out the room – but not before whispering into the dolls ear "I take back everything nice I ever said about you. I hope you get a really stupid name because then at least it will match your personality."
As soon as she left, everyone released the laughter they had held onto while Rose was in the room. "Dude, am I he only one that thought that was awesome or what?" Jasper walked across the room specifically to high-five me.
"No, that was the best thing I have ever seen in my life. Just don't tell my better half that. I think she may beat me with a saucepan again." I grinned back.
"Soooooooo, are we naming our kids or not?" Alice interrupted our bro-talk.
"I'll just shout up to Rose and see if she wants to be here for the ceremony." I bounded out of the room and stopped at the bottom of the stairs.
"ROSIE? BABY, DO YOU WANT TO COME DOWN AND WATCH THE NAMING THINGY?" I called up.
All of a sudden she appeared beside me hissing in my ear. "Do you honestly think that the most important thing to me right now is watching you lot mess around on the computer? No, in case you were wondering, no it is not. Now I am going to go upstairs and run myself a scorchingly hot bath, which I will fill with lovely girly smelly bath stuff – and I will wash the vomit out of my hair. I do not want to be disturbed at all. If I am I will literally rip you limb from limb and burn the pieces. When I come back down I will pretend that none of this happened. Understand?" And then a second later she was gone again. I guess I'll take that as a no then.
"Errrrm, she says she's gonna pass this time. Where's Eddie boy? Surely he won't want to miss the naming ceremony of his first, second and third child." I plonk myself down next to Bella, which bounces her about two feet in the air.
"I'm here and I've just got all three of the dolls to sleep, so I would really appreciate it if you could keep the noise down." Edward tip-toed through the door and delicately lowered himself down next to Bella with his triplets all perfectly balanced on top of each other. "Morning love. How did you sleep?" He asked as he pecked her on the cheek. She blushed and mumbled out some sort of answer.
"Yay! Edward's back!" I whispered in a mock excited voice. "Can we please name my children already, I'm getting bored."
So we all tip-toed over to the computer and waited in silence for it to turn on. Personally, I think this is a little excessive for the whole quietness thing, but hey – I'm not the one to make waves.
"Okay. Who wants to go first?" Alice span round on the computer chair and grinned at us.
"Oooooh! Memememememememememememe!" I stuck my hand in the air as high as I could, and waved it around. She was bound to see me now.
"Okay then. Emmett, do you want to name your son or daughter first?" Yes! She picked me! I did a little celebratory dance before returning my answer.
"Errrrm … the girl, nonono the boy." I beamed, barely containing my excitement.
"All right. From now on he is to be known as ..." she clicked around on the computer, keeping us all in suspense. "as Marco". So much for getting a stupid name – Marco is quite normal. What a disappointment!
"Now the other one." I whined, waving Marco's sister in front of Alice's face.
"Do you have to?" she asked batting her away. "The name of your daughter is Melissa. Congratulations! Your children now have names." I did a little curtsey before stepping to the side and catapulting Bella into the middle of the circle.
"Bella next! Bella next!" I tried to get a chant going but I was the only one making any sort of noise. "You guys just suck the fun out of everything." I sat down on the floor cross-legged in protest."
"Just do all the names at once, so I can get something to eat – I haven't had a chance to eat anything since yesterday." Bella yawned and adjusted the baby in her arms.
"Okay … two boys and a girl was it? Hang on a second … there. Okay so you're two sons are called Robin and Geoffrey and your daughter is called Breanna."
"No, I cannot allow this to happen." I said pushing Bella aside a little harder than intended. Luckily, Jasper caught her before she hit the ground. "Sorry." I whispered in her general direction before turning back to face Alice. "I cannot allow this to happen."
"So you said. Any reason?" Jasper asked, hauling Bella to her feet again.
"Yes. That child is called Robin." I turned dramatically to face the group.
"So?" Edward glared at me – which I don't understand because Bella never even hit the floor!
"So, I believe it is your moral obligation to name his brother Batman." I grinned. I mean come on, this is just perfect. "All those in favour raise your hand." Everyone except Bella and Edward did. "Democracy, isn't it beautiful." I winked at Bella.
"Whatever, am I done?" Bella yawned again, and walked out of the room with Edward at her heels – who was still skillfully balancing Batman and Robin on top of each other.
"That only leaves my perfect little cherub." Alice makes an unnaturally high pitched squealing sound before turning back to the computer. "And your perfect name is … Cobler? What the heck? Is that even a name?" Alice swung around on the chair. "I can't name my baby Cobler."
"Oh no, you know the rules sis, one name and one name only, no matter how stupid it is." I grin, which starts a huge argument.
After several minutes I get bored and give in. "Fine, one more go though – but you have to stick with that name even if it's even stupid than the first name you got."
"Deal!" Alice turns back to the computer before I can change my mind. "Jayme. Oh that's much better!" She beams and dances out the room with her little cowgirl. Jasper follows shortly after, so I'm left all by myself. I place Marco an Melissa down on the duvet that Bella so kindly left on the sofa, and wrapped them up to keep them all warm. I checked to see if anyone was watching before I kissed the two sleeping twins on the head and darted to the computer chair. The name generator had been left on the screen. I was about to exit it when I saw an advert on the side of the web page. "Pirate name generator?" I smile. Hell yeah I wanna see what my pirate name is! So I tapped my name in and clicked go.
"Mast Hugger Nigel? That sucks!" I say, outraged. Then I spot another advert, "Vampire Name Generator. Well, this should be interesting." I thought clicking around. "Once -Bitten Tristan? How did you manage to get Tristan from Emmett?" Then once again, another advert. The best one yet! Unicorn name generator. So basically, this is how it went for the rest of the morning – a complete waste of time, but I had nothing else to do seen as the twins were asleep an Rose was de-vomiting upstairs.
Best morning ever! Wooooooooo!
And in case you were wondering, my unicorn name is Lilly Golden Frilly, which is what I am going to make everyone call me for the rest of the day!
Okay, so I know it's been ages since I've uploaded anything, but It's been kinda crazy recently, so I've not had any time or motivation to write. But I've decided to try and sart updating more often - not sure how well it will go but I promise to try. :) Thanks to everyone who's been reviewing my stories, even though I haven't been writing them, it made me happy to read the reviews for other chapters. If you feel like reviewing this chapter - feel free ;) Let me know what you thought about it and if you want more chapters from Emmett's point of view. Hope to update soon!
p.s. If you have anything you want to see in future chapters, let me know and I'll try my best to work it in :D