Title: Blood Red and Sky Blue
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek, and I do not make any money from these fictions.
Summary: Due to an unavoidable meld, Spock found out that his captain was in love with him. In a relationship with Lieutenant Uhura and committed to the propagation of his species, Spock logically rejects him. But times changes things, and you should never say never...
If he had to pinpoint the precise moment he fell in love…
"Permission to come aboard, Captain?"
"Permission granted, Mister Spock."
It was then.
One year later…
"A meld would facilitate the exchange of information, Captain."
Jim looked apprehensive, but it was for the sake of the mission.
More importantly – it was for the sake of the Enterprise.
"Go ahead, Mister Spock."
"My mind to your mind." My thoughts to your thoughts.
Spock fell into his captain's mind, searching…and there was the information he needed. The captain had pushed it forward for him, with more precision than expected for a non-telepath. Spock focused on learning what the captain knew and sharing his own information.
They did not have much time. As such, he shuffled his inquiries about the tracks his elder counterpart had left on the captain's mind for later. He would have to have a discussion with his captain, anyway.
His superior officer and close friend would have to be let down gently. His entire mind resounded with love.
Love for Spock.
But procreation between two males was not possible – not even in the 23rd century. It would not be logical to leave a functioning romantic relationship with Nyota for emotional reasons.
It would not be logical.
But Spock compartmentalized those thoughts for later. He had a mission to complete now.
"Captain, may I speak to you in private?"
"Of course, Mister Spock. Business or pleasure?"
"I do not understand the question, sir."
"Does this have to do with the Enterprise, or is it persional?"
Jim sighed, knowing exactly what they were going to be talking about. This was why he was apprehensive about the meld – he knew Spock would most likely find out that Jim was in love with him.
"I know what you are going to say, Spock. Do we really have to go through this?"
"Yes, Captain. I do not want any emotions on your part to compromise our successful working relationship."
Jim frowned, annoyed.
"I can be professional, Spock. You never would have known I was in love with you if not for the meld."
"A relationship of a romantic nature between us is infeasible, Captain. Even had I felt the same way, I am committed to Nyota and to the propagation of my race."
"I know, Spock. Why do you think I never said anything?"
"I do not presume to guess your intentions, sir."
Jim sighed, turning away from his friend and unrequited love.
"It hasn't affected our working relationship before. And it won't now. Just try to forget about it."
"This is not possible, Captain. The memory of a Vulcan…"
"I know. Spock. I know. Just…try. Nothing has to change."
"I do not believe that to be true, sir."
"Dismissed, Mister Spock. I refuse to talk on this any further. Ever."
There was a long pause.
Jim did not turn his eyes from the wall as he heard Spock's footsteps and the door opening and closing.
That wasn't as difficult as he imagined it would be…
Who was he trying to kid? It was just as difficult and painful as he imagined. Even though he knew that Spock did not feel the same – would never feel the same – keeping his love secret had allowed him that one last flicker of fragile hope…
But it was gone now. Spock had chosen Lieutenant Uhura – not that there was ever any competition – and the half-Vulcan had made that perfectly clear. Now all that was left for Jim to do was salvage their friendship.
Jim closed his eyes, trying to stop thinking about it. There was nothing he could do.
Spock had made his choice.
Now Jim had to live with it…
Two years later…
Jim was running…running…Spock was just beside him, but he didn't know where the rest of the away team had scattered to. He hoped they were okay, that they were safe…
A bullet glanced the tree next to Jim's head, and he stopped thinking about anything but getting himself – and Spock - out of there.
This civilization was still pretty primitive – and angry.
Really, really angry.
Nowhere near ready to join the Federation.
Jim panted as he continued to run, Spock keeping pace behind him. He could hear their pursuers gaining on them…
The trees opened up, and Jim almost breathed a sigh of relief. Now they just needed to find somewhere to hide and they could comm Scotty to beam them up…
But there was nowhere to hide. Jim felt his heart stop with fear as they came face to face with the bottom of a cliff – they were trapped.
And their pursuers knew it.
Jim and Spock turned around as the natives entered the clearing, surrounding them.
There were not as many as Jim had imagined – three.
The other red, lizard-like bipeds must have gone after the others.
Jim went for the element of surprise, and he jumped at one of the natives, tackling him and grabbing for his gun.
It went off – glancing past his hip – and Jim did not have to look to know that he communicator had just been destroyed.
That was okay – Spock had one too. And Jim had more important things to worry about right now.
He managed to wrestle the gun from the lizard, and one shot was all it took to spray orange blood all over the blue grass of the clearing.
Jim got up and turned to see Spock fighting hand-to-hand with one of the lizards – its gun was lying to the side by a rock – while the second held its own gun up, waiting for a clear shot.
They didn't have very good eyesight, these creatures – or at least Jim assumed so, because they weren't very good shots.
The lizard fired a shot – hitting his fellow.
Jim didn't want to let him take another, so he pulled the trigger.
The chamber was empty.
Just as Spock managed to snap the one lizard's neck, the other fired again – at Jim, this time.
Jim felt the bullet tear through his stomach, and it seemed as if it took forever for him to fall. He distantly noted that Spock had taken down the last of the natives and was dropping to his knees beside him.
"H-hey. W-we got'em."
Spock did not reply, tearing Jim's shirt off to get to the wound and applying pressure with one hand. Jim watched as Spock's hand turned red.
Spock's skin wasn't supposed to be red…
"Mr. Scott, please transport us up to the Enterprise."
There was only static.
"S-Spock? I think…I need B-bones."
"Dr. McCoy is aboard the Enterprise at this moment, Captain."
Jim gave a weak smile, bringing his hand down to help apply pressure to his wound.
"Scotty's not answering?"
"The communicator is not functioning adequately. I believe it was damaged during my fight with the Za'do."
"J-just my luck, hey, Spock? To bleed to death on some planet. Bones once told me that a stomach wound could take hours to kill you…"
"You will not die, Captain."
Jim looked up at Spock – the Vulcan's lips were pressed into a severe line and his forehead was scrunched together in worry – but darkness was surrounding him and growing.
Why was it getting so dark?
"'m sorry, Spock."
"Apologies are illogical, Captain."
That got a weak laugh out of Jim – but then he couldn't stop his coughing. He tasted copper on his tongue.
"Take care of her? And the crew. Don't…don't let Bones drink too much, 'kay?"
But Jim heard no more – the buzzing in his ears intensified, and the last thing he saw was Spock's moving lips before the darkness claimed him…
Spock could not stop the panic that filled him at the sight of Jim's eyes fluttering closed. And red…there was so much red.
Spock hated the color red.
He hated the red spattering Jim's face and neck, and he hated the red staining his hands, and he hated the red slowly seeping out of the wound in Jim's stomach.
And he hated the red of the Za'do's scales.
He hated…because he loved.
He wanted to shake Jim awake, and tell him. Tell him that though apologies were illogical, Spock was sorry. He should not have forced himself into denial – he should not have been ashamed of his feelings.
Spock was in love with his captain – and he should have told him.
He should have terminated his relationship with Nyota when he discovered the captain's feelings for him – but instead he denied his love and hurt his captain.
And he could have - should have - gone to Jim after Nyota had terminated their relationship.
And in the year since the end of his relationship with Nyota, how many chances had Spock had to admit his love?
But instead he had denied his t'hy'la – denied him and hurt him and Jim's blood was red…too red.
Spock knew his thoughts were not logical, but he could feel Jim's pain through his red, red blood and too white skin, even though his captain was unconscious.
If Jim never woke up…
Spock closed his eyes, feeling moisture dripping down his cheeks. He had thought that he had Vulcan eyes.
But Jim proved him wrong, as he so loved to do. He proved that Spock really did have human eyes – eyes that could cry.
Not even when his mother…
Spock would not think of her – not now.
If only Jim would wake up…
Spock heard a rustling in the bushes, but he did not bother to remove his hands from Jim's wound – if it was the remaining Za'do, Jim would die either way. Spock would rather die at his side, than fight against the natives to save his own life – knowing that his captain was bleeding to death on the ground all alone.
But it was Lieutenant Sulu who burst out of the tree line, relief on his face as he spotted Spock – and then horror as he saw the red, red blood of his fallen captain.
"I found them, Scotty. Three to beam up, NOW! And make sure medical is on standby!"
The next second, Spock felt the always-strange sensation of his molecules separating…and then he was on the transport pad on the Enterprise, Jim still below him and seeping too much of that precious red liquid…
Sulu grabbed Spock by the shoulders and pulled him off the transport pad – away from the captain – so the medical team could do their job.
Spock watched with blank eyes as Doctor McCoy stepped up, barking orders and commanding nurses and Spock could tell that the doctor was not feeling much hope.
Spock distantly heard someone screaming…and when the sound cut off as he felt the needle of a hypospray slide into his neck, he realized that sound came from him.
The half-Vulcan tried to fight off the sedatives…he needed to be there for Jim…but the drugs won.
And the darkness claimed him.
Spock's eyes snapped open, taking in the starch white of sickbay.
The half-Vulcan shot out of bed, scanning the room for signs of his captain – his t'hy'la. His breath caught as he saw the white screen partitioning off a segment of the sickbay.
It was illogical, but Spock did not want to look. What if he went to Jim, only to see a white sheet covering his still form?
Spock pushed those thoughts away, walking towards the screen. As he approached, he heard the beep of a heart monitor – steady, if a bit weak.
Hope built in him, and Spock could not deny the relief he felt as he walked around the partition to see the unconscious form of his captain.
He was still so pale – but there was no more damning red. It was all inside Jim, where it belonged.
"It was touch-and-go for a while, but he managed to pull through. The kid always was too stubborn for his own good. I'm just glad that he put it to use when it mattered."
"Don't even start with that, right now. You can call me Leonard. It wasn't eight hours ago that you beamed onto this ship covered in the blood of my best friend. You were screaming, Spock – we had to sedate you. So don't mention logic or how you're satisfied that you haven't failed in your duties as First Officer."
Spock did not have a response.
"You know…he won't know how you feel unless you tell him. And he's never going to say it first – not after how you broke his heart two years ago. But Jim still feels the same."
"That is your assumption, Doctor."
"I would bet my goddamn medical license on it, Spock. Just don't forget that if you hurt him again, I can kill you without leaving any evidence."
Spock had not moved his eyes from Jim's still form for the entire conversation. He had come so close to losing him…
"Tell him, Spock. You only get so many chances, in life. You don't want to wake up years down the road and wonder what could have been. And with this dangerous life we all lead? Maybe next time he'll be in the morgue, no matter how hard I try to save him. Wrap your Vulcan mind around that."
Spock did not look up as the doctor walked away.
Leonard was right.
And as Jim's blue eyes fluttered open, all Spock could think about was how blue was undoubtedly a better color than red - and Spock did not want to have any regrets.
Author's Note: I wanted to practice my character voices a bit, so I didn't indicate who was speaking any of the lines. I hope that it's obvious, anyway. Let me know what you think…