I'm sorry for updating so late, but I suddenly had an urge to continue writing this fic.
I encourage any leftover KH fan to read on and review, please. :)
Chapter 4: Day 11: Keyblade of Fury
As expected, the XIII Nobody knew that there was training to be done today (or tonight? It's hard to know if it's day or night with that dark sky always blocking anything beyond it, and by anything, we mean everything). Roxas was hopeful that his teacher today was going to be someone as friendly Axel was.
Unfortunately, destiny itself liked to screw the poor little Nobody's mind a lot. So what did it do to him today (tonight)? Saïx was good enough to work for Lady Destiny by walking to the fully awakened Roxas, who had entered the Grey Area.
"Roxas. Larxene will be your partner today," Saïx said. "If you provoke her, it will be very possible that she'll slit your throat before you can even scream."
All Roxas could reply to this was, "Where is she?" oblivious to the fact how a feral lion Larxene could be.
"She already left. Meet her on-site."
"Oh… All right."
The VII Nobody eyed Roxas. "(This child will most likely die today, and I know it's day. I keep a clock in my room just in case, then again, its batteries ran out of power, but I'm sure I always wake up at 1:03:42 PM,)" Saïx thought confidently, before realizing his big mistake. "(…)"
"…Hello?" Roxas said confused, snapping the still Saïx.
"This time, we expect you to try out magic for a change, instead of relying solely on the Keyblade," he told Roxas. "And we hope you make good use of them. Those Final Fantasy crews are suing us KH characters for altering their well-known spells. We'll show them that we handle them much better with our alterations for real time combat gameplay, hopefully. Are they forgetting that we let them change their looks and appear here or what? Thanks to us, the fangirls can draw as much yaoi as they like."
"Surely, you'll not," Saïx said.
"(What's magic?)" thought Roxas. "(I'm pretty sure it has something to do with…Disney…)" He looked up at Saïx. "I know magic?"
"Only if you arm yourself with some before you leave for the mission. See the Start button on the lower right corner of the DS we're trapped in? Press it and go to your custom menu. From there, go to 'Panels' and arrange your magic panels."
Roxas was just waking up, and he was already getting confused. It was a good thing he didn't know what a fourth wall was. If he did, if could have been wrecked down to debris.
"We're trapped?" Roxas asked.
"No," Saïx said. "Go get yourself ready, Roxas. See me when you are ready. But beware of Larxene. She's pissed because she won't appear too much in this game." He walked away to the usual spot he would always wait Roxas for around three-hundred days.
"…" The XIII Nobody, at this point, walked away from the serious moon fighter. Looking around the empty room, he found Xigbar sitting on the couch.
"Get practicing so you can make yourself useful," Xigbar told Roxas. "As if."
Close to the sniper, he found Vexen smirking evilly over his crossed arms. "Hee hee… Interesting… So much to inspect… To dissect…"
Roxas tilted his head. "What is dissecting?"
"I will teach you what it is by dissecting you," Vexen said.
"Oh, sorry, I need to go to Larxene to train with magic."
Vexen sighed. "And another one bites the dust…"
Confused (as always), Roxas went to Saïx. "You still haven't installed any magic panels? Be quick about it," he said.
"But…I don't know where this Start button is."
The VII Nobody sighed, deciding to hack the system and set Roxas right.
Roxas, walking out of the dark portal, appeared in the Sandlot area. As usual, he puzzled his mind why he always arrived at sunset. Furthermore, it was creepy to think he was in a town where he never saw a single living soul walking the streets. Did the Organization kill everyone or what?
"Nice of you to show up," spoke an annoyed female voice from the right. Roxas turned to the same direction and found Larxene standing next to him. Her blue eyes were somehow signaling a fearsome glare into Roxas' spine.
"Umm, hi," Roxas said.
"Ugh, this is the worst," Larxene said. "Whose idea was it to send me along on your stupid baby mission? Do I look like I run a nursery school?"
Three seconds later…
He didn't know how the hell everything happened, but as soon as Roxas noticed, he was yelling and screaming for his dear life (that had no meaning to exist according to other fellow Nobodies) while he was being pinned down by a rather aggravated Larxene, holding out several knives just a centimeter away from slitting Roxas' throat. "L-LET ME LIVE! P-PLEASE, LET ME LIVE!" he screamed.
"Listen to me, you poor excuse of a Sora character copycat," Larxene began, "if you make me angry ONE MORE DAMN TIME, I'm going to go ahead and put you out of your misery, you got that?"
"W-what's so bad about being someone who runs a nursery school?"
"You want to cross the line further?"
"N-no, miss, no!"
Larxene sighed and pulled back her knives, making Roxas' face turn back to its usual color. "Well, then don't piss me off! I hate the fact I'm not going to be around for much longer in this stupid game. Who cares about this if YOU are the protagonist? I swear, they chose a dumb guy for the most important job."
Roxas didn't mind what she was saying. All he wanted to do was stand up and inhale fresh air.
"Let Demyx handle this stuff. It's not like he's good at anything else," Larxene said, just for Roxas to see said sitar wielder waving from behind a window on the second floor of a house. He was apparently continuing plundering, Larxene not even noticing this.
"…" Roxas learned his lesson before. You can't blame Demyx without getting hit. In Larxene's case, you can't blame Demyx without getting killed.
"What? WHAT? You got something to say?" Larxene asked angrily.
"N-no!" Roxas yelled out.
Larxene mumbled a bit and looked away. "Pfft, you'd be nothing without that Keyblade. Anyone who wears a Keyblade is instantly a key-character… Dammit, I made a pun out of that thing." The XIII Nobody got very frightened after seeing Larxene smirking a bit at him. "Oh ho! I just got an idea."
"Does it involve killing me?" Roxas asked.
"Don't make me sad now. You don't really want to see me when I'm sad."
"You can do today's mission WITHOUT your Keyblade," Larxene suggested.
Roxas shook his head so many times. "What? Why? You'll take it away from my hands?"
"Be a good damn thing those things have an instant-returning system to their owners' hands!" Larxene complained. "Thanks to that, not even a crying boy can be a key-character!"
Roxas sweated bullets, afraid of thinking his instant-returning key could be stolen, making him an NPC; a term he didn't know. "Why?" he asked again.
"Because I said so, that's why! Whatever I say, it goes, period," Larxene said. "That's one advantage of being a girl. You're a gentleman (SUPPOSEDLY), so you'll listen to me, right?"
"If it doesn't have me being ki-"
Larxene grunted so loudly that made Roxas change his statement.
"Good!" Larxene said. "Saïx told you to practice magic today, didn't he? Well, sink or swim."
Roxas shifted his eyes. "I don't see any pool… What's a pool, anyway?"
"It's a saying, you idiot."
"Well… Sink!" Roxas said, not sure where he was going. "I don't know how to use magic."
"Well, you're not gonna learn if you keep whipping around that oversized key. We MUST make ourselves look good against those Final Fantasy characters, especially that Cloud guy. Sadly, you're our only chance to look good, so you better not screw up for the team, understand?"
Roxas looked down. "Yeah, but…"
At that moment, some…plant flower-thing appeared next to them, tumbling its head as it faced them. Larxene smiled at it. "Ah, perfect. There's a Heartless. A Dire Plant."
"Can Heartless…take any kind of form?" Roxas asked.
"Yeah, and by that rule, you'll see fat Arabian Heartless, ANNOYING bumper cars in KH II, some trumpets that heal all foes COMPLETELY, and last but not least, even though worthless, tea pots, small and BIG. Shit, you'll see anything resembling these guys."
"That's a drag…"
"Go on, take it out-and you have to use magic!" She sighed. "I'll stand here and watch."
"What if I get killed by that plant?"
"It's a fucking plant with PETALS!" Larxene complained. "If you SERIOUSLY get killed by that, I'll kill you myself!"
"B-but how am I going to get killed twice?"
"Just go before those Disney guys notice I'm using M-rated words!" Larxene demanded. She was about to rip her hair just by conversing with the dumbfounded XIII Nobody. Why wasn't she a number further away from him, anyway? She had to be a number away.
Roxas dodged a BIG seed aimed at his face from the Dire Plant. "H-how do I use magic again?" Roxas asked frightened, his Keyblade begging to be used to save his butt.
Larxene pressed her brow a bit and extended her hand at him. "Just focus any sixth sense you have into your hand!"
Roxas extended his own hand to Larxene. "Like this?"
And a fireball was shot at Larxene's face.
A miracle later…
The Dire Plant was no more, thanks to getting itself killed in a mad dash that Roxas had made Larxene commit for the fact that her face was covered in soot, and some hair (especially her two long ones) was missing. She cursed, swore, and cursed Roxas' name so much that she began to lose energy to keep chasing the boy. He had to be livelier than her. After all, boys had more energy than young girl adults did.
"Alright, you win!" Larxene yelled out, making Roxas come to a halt. "I won't kill you, twerp. Next time, though, be more careful where you aim that dirty, fucking hand of yours!"
Roxas panted heavily. "O-okay! I-I'll remember!"
"You BETTER remember if you don't want to die!" Larxene yelled.
Right after cursing a bit, two Dire Plants and three teapots (Yellow Operas) appeared in the middle of the sandlot. The two turned to them. "M-more of them!" Roxas said shocked.
Larxene, miraculously, came back to her calm demeanor, even though she was missing some hair. "Ooh ooh, here come some more." She turned to glare at Roxas. "Listen to me, you little ass. BURN THOSE THINGS instead of BURNING ME, got it?"
Larxene rolled her eyes. "Ugh, at the speed you move, we'll be here all month…or maybe even 348 days, but that ain't happening, right?" She frowned. "Go ahead, you wuss. You can use your Keyblade this time."
This was probably the only good instance of kindness that Roxas was going to get from Larxene. He let out a sigh of relief. His mind, however, wanted him to ask something. "Wait, what happened to learning magic?"
Larxene responded by brandishing her knives between her fingers, shooting a death glare at Roxas. "Do you want to finish this shitty mission or don't you? Just get to it, fuck!"
Roxas yelped and lunged towards the five enemies, only for him to be bullied by BIG seeds crashing on his face, and flying teapots raining bolts of lightning on his head.
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" Larxene cursed loudly, joining to fray so the day could get over for them. If she stayed one more hour with Roxas, she was surely going to commit suicide or kill Roxas, the latter that sounded very tempting.
After pummeling the Heartless to their deaths, a heavily aggravated Larxene fumed with anger to herself. Noticing this (and being careful), Roxas looked frightened to ask. "W-what's wrong? The mission was completed, right? T-the day is over, right?"
"Yes, numskull," Larxene muttered. "But thanks to you making me swear, the producers found out I was cursing very badly. Don't you dare blame Square-Enix, blame those Disney bastards! They're the ones who did this to us! Now, every time someone from here curses, those Disney scum will censor any high-rated bad word with something to kiddy and stupid!" She took a list with the actual soundtrack. "…What the Winnie the Pooh? Waltz of the Diamond? Dance of the DARLING? FIDDLESTICKS!" she cursed. "Are they THAT worried about the words Damned and Daring being displayed to children? They're not even high-rated bad words! We're in a T-rated game, anyway! Those Tarzan idiots!"
Roxas didn't know why Larxene was cursing out very incoherent words. As far as he knew, those weren't even considered curses of swears. Even if he was told all high-rated bad words were going to be censored, they didn't make any sense whatsoever.
"Anyway…" she sighed, "the day's over. Sheesh, about time. Worst…I love IkeXMarth pairing…Mission…Ever…"
"…" Roxas knew asking anything could make Larxene leap at him and kill him off. He looked down in depression.
"If you're our big-shot Keyblade wielder, then we're in deep doo-doo," Larxene said, starting to get angrier at something. "Deep doo-doo? The Bambi are those Disney workers making us say? That shouldn't be in the Stitch was here script!" She grunted more. "Do they even know what censors are? Those words are like making the Beast dance with Roo!"
Larxene narrowed her sapphire eyes at Roxas. "Why aren't you saying anything? Ugh, can't you even hold up your end of a sweet conversation?"
"Speak to me, darling!" She started to get even more furious. "You'd better pull it together, or we'll never finish Kingdom Hearts. And no, I'm not talking about the series, but the ACTUAL Kingdom Hearts!" She turned around. "Unless, of course, we put somebody else on Keyblade duty…" Her anger started to vanish, much for her relief.
Roxas looked up. "What? You have somebody else?" he asked.
"None of your beeswax," Larxene replied. "You just worry about defeating doo-doo Heartless and collecting awesome hearts for us…" She tightened her fists and restrained her anger. "(Well, at least those guys can't meddle in our lovely thoughts… AAAAAAAAAAAAH!)"
Roxas looked worried as Larxene panted heavily for no apparent reason he could find. "U-um, Larxene?"
Larxene snapped out from her anger and sighed. She wanted the day to end. Now she knew why it was intolerable to train Roxas. "…Maybe…one sweet day…you'll be almost mediocre at it…"
"Ugh, let's go—before you kill any more of my blond brain cells," Larxene said annoyed.
Larxene, grunting loudly, turned to Roxas. "What is it, you big whacko?"
"I think I forgot, but…how come you're saying very random things instead of saying those high-rated curses? Somehow, I think you're starting to grow nicer towards me. I'm glad, though. Maybe, just maybe, you're starting to be nicer to a guy like me. Maybe…you want to be a friend?"
"…I LIKE PIIIIIGLEEEEEEET!" Larxene 'cursed' loudly, making Roxas wonder who Piglet was.
"Er…okay? Now I know you like somebody named Piglet. Maybe you could show him to me one of these days. I'd like to know more of your friends, Larxene," Roxas said confused, before Larxene promptly snapped out, lunged, and pinned him down.
"And there I was, putting the clueless Roxas' skin back together," an angry Vexen told Xigbar, both sitting on a couch. "I knew he was going to get severely hurt by Larxene. He shouldn't have bothered her thoughts."
Xigbar rolled his eyes. "Those two are very close together. They should marry one of these days. As if…"
"We were lucky that Demyx was working off-duty in Twilight Town," Vexen said. "Although he was punished, it was very lucky of us that he alerted Axel that Larxene was cutting Roxas' wrists. If he hadn't told us sooner, Roxas could have died, and all our plans could have ended in failure."
"That's good to hear," Xigbar said with some relief. "We need the boy to complete Kingdom Hearts, after all."
Vexen, angrily, stood up and grunted. "Well, if you'll excuse me, I have to treat that sweetheart Roxas."
Xigbar blinked a bit at this sudden nice word only to realize he lost his chance to ask Vexen why he would say such a contagious word like that, for the mad scientist was gone.
Next Chapter: A Very Closed World
I'm glad to be writing this chapter. It's so much fun to continue this after a long wait… But seriously, Waltz of the Diamond? Dance of the Darling? These new titles don't make any Rabbit sense.