Butterflies filled and fluttered within my stomach as we sat in the waiting room together. I was so nervous, I couldn't even speak. Johnny just sat there next to me, staring straight ahead at the wall in front of us. I desperately wanted to know what was going through his head, but couldn't form the words to ask. I had no idea what the exam would entail, and the very thought of a doctor examining me made my stomach churn. Yeah, I had done it with Johnny…but that was a mistake, right? Things just…got out of hand. I didn't want anyone touching or looking "down there."
"Are you okay?" Johnny asked, "I mean…I could go to the cafeteria and get you…"
"No," I interrupted, swallowing my fear that had lumped in my throat like a tumor, "I mean…I'm fine. Well…not fine, but…"
"I get it," Johnny leaned back in the chair, "So um…do you want me to come back with you…for the exam?"
"I don't know," I hadn't really considered that. Would it be weird for him to be back there with me? Husbands do it all the time, I'm sure. But this is Johnny and he most certainly was not a husband. My head was spinning, and I felt as if I was floating – like this whole thing was a dream.
"Mom wants us to meet us at the cafeteria after your appointment to meet you. Is that okay? She really wants to meet you, and it's the only time she's off today."
"Sure," I agreed, trying to keep my nerves from creeping back up again, "Johnny…what does she think of me? About all of this?"
"She is a little upset," Johnny said earnestly, "But she wants to help us in any way she can. She even is going to help us figure out the apartment bit."
"Really?" Instantly, I was jealous. My parents had been far from helpful. And then here was Johnny's mom, eager to do whatever she could to make this easier for us. It didn't seem fair that our parents could be so different from one another.
"Yeah," Johnny put a lazy arm around my shoulders, "She's really cool, Backwoods. You'll like her, a lot. She's not going to go all psycho like your parents. Shit. I'm sorry. That wasn't okay of me to say," Johnny instantly adverted his gaze to the linoleum flooring.
"It's okay," I reached over and squeezed his hand, "Don't apologize. My parents are…difficult. I just never imagined they'd throw me out of the house like that."
"Ali Bhandari," the door swung open, and a woman in Snoopy scrubs called my name, "Please head down that hall. Is this…"
"Boyfriend," Johnny spoke up, "Johnny. Nice to meet you."
"You too," the nurse smiled, "Johnny, Ali, my name is Amanda and I am going to be helping out with your appointment today. Ali, if you could just slip out of those heels and onto that scale?"
"You're pregnant and wearing heels?" Johnny rolled his eyes, "You're unbelievable."
I slugged him and hopped on the scale, "Don't look," I hissed, and Johnny turned around.
The nurse moved the little metal band down the measurements, until it finally balanced out the scale. One-seventeen. At least I wasn't gaining weight yet. I began to wonder what I would look like as the baby grew. Would I be completely huge? I hoped they made cute clothes for pregnant women.
"Alright," Amanda pointed down the hall, "Go into that third room there, and the doctor will be in to see you momentarily."
I thanked her, and hopped up on the examining table. My heart fell to my stomach when I noted the stirrups that were on the edge of the table. Johnny flicked at one with his finger.
"The hell are these things?"
"Stirrups, for your feet. You put your feet in the stirrups for the exam."
"Oh," I noticed a blush creep over Johnny's cheeks, "Will that…hurt?"
"I don't know," I chewed on my lip, "I hope not. I just want this all to be over, Johnny."
"I know," he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, "I know."
The door swung open and the doctor entered. She seemed like a nice woman, with blonde hair and blue eyes. She looked more like a super model than a doctor. A woman with brains a beauty? Now this was my kind of doctor.
"Hi, Ali, Johnny," she smiled, "I am Doctor Breyers. How are the two of you this afternoon?"
"Okay," I tried not to let it show how nervous I was, but Doctor Breyers caught on.
"Ali," she said, "There is no need for you to be worried or scared about this appointment. It's all procedure. Every girl and woman in your position goes through this. You aren't alone. What I am going to have you do is lie back on the table and I will do the pelvic exam first. I will just check inside to make sure everything looks and feels healthy. It will be a bit uncomfortable, but it shouldn't hurt. After that, I will also take a sample of cells to have the lab look over just to make sure there aren't any infections or diseases."
"Diseases?" I felt myself grow nauseous.
"It's all procedure," Doctor Breyers smiled again, "Don't worry. After we perform the exam, we can move on to the fun stuff – your baby! But first, let's get you taken care of first. We want to make sure mama is all healthy."
"You may stay if you want," the doctor told Johnny, "Or you can wait outside. It's whatever the two of you prefer."
"You don't have to stay," I said, "You can wait outside."
"I'll stay," Johnny held my hand, "Don't worry."
I felt myself falling for him all over again. Why was he being so great?
"Alright," Doctor Breyers stood up from her stool, "I will let you change into that paper gown and then I'll be back in to perform the exam."
"Thank you," I nodded to her as she headed out the door.
Johnny picked up my little paper gown and frowned.
"I'm scared," I told him.
"Me too, Backwoods. Me too."