Of Tea and Music
Chapter 100: Reflections
Spock sat on the pillow on the floor of his quarters, eyes focused on the small flame in the firepot. His thoughts would not settle down. Finally he sighed deeply and began from a different angle. He let his thoughts flow backward in time, remembering.
He had gone to the transporter deck to greet the new crewmembers. And there she had been. Stunning. Beautiful. And when she stepped down, he had caught her scent. And he would never, ever forget that scent. It had filled his nostrils, his sinuses, his throat, sealing it to him unlike any other scent he had ever smelled. And then she had spoken, giving her name, rank, assignment, so professional. And it had been like music to his ears, perfect sounds falling into the air. Her movements were simple, graceful, arousing. He had stood there, so full of her, more aroused than he had ever been in his life. He had been astounded, unable to process what was happening to him. It had taken him many days to be able to balance these reactions, to be able to appear calm and unruffled around her.
He remembered one evening on the bridge, when he had been in command, sitting in the chair, waiting for reports. And she had come and leaned her elbows on the arm and looked at him, her eyes sparkling, and asked him why he did not tell her things - things which in fact he would have been extremely glad to be able to tell her, things which he did not understand how she knew. He had not been able to answer her in the manner she wished. He had known this. He had regretted it, bitterly. He had wished to be able to respond lightly to her, but he could not. What he felt was too deep, too strong, too overpowering.
And then there had been that night, there on the planet with the seven moons. A night never expected and never to be forgotten. How that had happened, how he had allowed himself to do those things, he did not know. But when he had held her in his arms, smelled her reaction to him, somehow he had overcome long years of training and conditioning to do something that he desired very greatly. And had discovered, to his great joy, that she had not just been idly flirting with him, there on the bridge. Not at all.
And then there had followed such a time of exploration, of unfolding, as he came to know all of her. All the ways she thought and acted. To explore the new sensations, the feelings she caused within him.
She had changed him. Of that much he was certain. He was more open now, more accepting. He had more friends. His life was improved, expanded. Brighter, happier. It had come about slowly, and he must admit that at times he had resisted. But he would not go back to the way he had been before. Could not. Had no desire to.
He remembered the first time they had gone on leave together. How nervous he had been, how afraid that she would not agree to go. He could well remember it. And it had been...wonderful. Life altering. That week had been and would continue to be, one of the treasures of his life. So many new experiences, so much wonder and joy. And on her desk, even now, lay that twisted piece of driftwood. He had seen her reach out and stroke it softly, without thinking of what she was doing, running her fingers lightly down the wood. And each time she did, heat flared in his belly.
There were so many things to remember. His arms wrapped around her as he showed her the fingering for the ka'athyra. The first time she played a recognizable tune all by herself and the glow on her face at the accomplishment. When she finally realized why it was so important to learn the self-defense lessons he taught her, and how diligently she had applied herself. The first time she had fed him chocolate - and every time thereafter. The way her fingers caressed him under cover of the table in the mess hall. Her dedication to her work and her superior skills there. The feeling of her skin against his in the shower.
He was full of her, heart and mind and soul. She would always, always be part of him. Even if what he now feared was happening was true.
Author's Note: This is the last chapter of this story. The Sequel 'The Other Side of the Fire' starts tomorrow.