12th October 2009

Dear Diary,

Marcus is really getting on my nerves. Because he walks around with a face like a grieving cod all the time, I thought I might try and cheer him up (the tiniest of smiles would be an achievement) by giving my twin Alec a bowl cut. You know, where you put a bowl on someones head and cut round it. I thought it was hilarious - especially when Alec styled it so it was like a combover. But it failed to amuse Marcus.

Argh! Even Alec found it funny (and it was his hair that was ruined), and Caius somehow managed to crack a smile - crack being the operative word, I really thought his face would crack under the strain of a smile. But old cod Marcus simply glided off to sulk in his room or something.

I nearly yelled out "FOR PITY'S SAKE MARCUS, GET OVER DIDYME, SHE IS LONG GONE! MOVE ON! GET A LIFE!" But I restrained myself when I realized that Caius kill me and that would ruin the jolly mood that everyone was in after seeing Alec's new hair. Caius has threatened me with this act many times but has failed to carry it out because Aro would be mad (I am his favourite :D) - and no one wants that.

And that was my morning in a nutshell.

After lunch (two humans, both with A positive blood - my favourite) I went off to sit in my room and torture annoying pigeons that landed on my windowsill. You would think that they would get the message after a few of their mates have dropped off writhing in pain, but some pigeons just don't learn.

Anyway I was sitting in my room staring at any pigeon that dared sit on my windowsill when Alec barged in, not bothering to knock or anything.

"Oh just come in why don't you," I said as sarcastically as I could manage, but I looked at him and saw that he was wearing massive nerd glasses complete with combover, so I just burst into hysterical fits of laughter.

"JANE! JANEEE!" Alec was, for some really random reason, very excited.

"Yes?" I managed to stop laughing long enough to speak.

"Oh. OH!! This is SO AWESOME!"

"What?!" I was getting really impatient now.


So I did. He raced to the big stone room, and I could hear loads of voices, screams and roars coming from inside it.

As we reached the big doors, a sudden chorus of "Ooooooooooooooooooooo's" erupted from inside. Alec threw open the doors and rushed in to stand by Aro.

In the middle of the room was Felix and Demetri, both hurling insults at each other and throwing each other around the room. What fresh hell?

Felix looked up when I walked in, and gave me a big cheesy grin. "You'll help me, won't you Jane?" He said.

I gave him a confused look, but he didn't have time to respond as Demetri had just knocked him to the ground. I really didn't get what was going on. What was so awesome about throwing each other around the room? Yes it was fun, but I mean... why?

Then everything made perfect sense when I realized that Marcus was stood grinning from ear to ear next to Caius. Wow! In all my time as a vampire, I'd never seen Marcus smile. There'd been an ongoing bet amongst the Guard as to who could make him smile first, but no one had succeeded in centuries. Yet here he was!

Woah - I think Felix needs my help, he has just been completely knocked off his feet and is struggling for air (not that he needs it, but yeah) under the great big bulky Demetri.

I'll fill you in on all the juicy details later!


Jane Volturi