A/N: Wow, two reviews with the first chapter, I'm impressed. =) Here's another one I wrote today. Let me preface this by saying that Harry Potter was my first fandom, and I did enjoy Twilight, although I'm not nearly as obsessed as some people I know. This is about the connection between Doctor Who, Harry Potter, and Twilight.

And I suppose I should warn that there are spoilers for Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. But if you haven't seen that yet, then what on earth are you doing on here? You should be reading or watching it instead.

Anyway, enjoy. =)


Having successfully vanquished yet another alien trying to take over the Earth (what was it with Earth that made it so take-over-able?), the Doctor strode back to where he had left the TARDIS, in a building where some sort of movie was being filmed. He hadn't been paying attention to which one - it's hard to concentrate on things like that when you're trying to keep Haiphuns from changing all the air on the planet into laughing gas after all.

As he rounded the corner, the Doctor collided with a man carrying a heavy spotlight. Catching it as it fell, the Doctor handed it back to the grateful man.

"Thanks, mate," said the man, hefting the spotlight up onto his shoulder. "Blimey, when they said I'd have to move a lot of heavy lights, they weren't kidding."

"What movie needs so many lights?" asked the Doctor, curious.

"What planet are you from, mate?" The Doctor decided not to answer the question. "It's Goblet of Fire, of course!"

"But – hold on! Goblet of Fire? You mean this is Harry Potter? You're filming Harry Potter! Oh, I loved the books, simply brilliant. Never actually sat down to watch the films, though. Except for when I took my friend Martha to see both of the seventh. Rubbish CGI, but I suppose it's the best you can get before MIS is invented, and that won't be for, oh - fifty years?"

"But the book's not even finished," the technician said, bewildered, "I don't even know if it's started!"

"Oh, right, yes...Well, anyway, fourth book, loved the fourth book! I'm the one who showed Jo the inspiration for her merpeople. They're based off the inhabitants of Trakia. Whole planet's completely covered in water except for one teeny island about the size of - well about the size of a police box. Mind you, you won't believe how many aliens have shown up on Ms. Rowling's doorstep. Half of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them has tried to take over the Earth at some point – "

"You!" The Doctor turned to meet the pointed finger of a man with thinning gray hair and glasses.

"Me?"

"Yes, you!" The man's glasses were knocked askew as he shook his head vigorously when he spoke. "You're perfect!"

"Well, yeah, I knew that – "

"Barty Crouch, Junior!"

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. "What about him?"

"Will you play him?"

The Doctor stared. "What?"

"The actor who was playing Barty Crouch Junior just contracted mono. I need a replacement so we can start filming today, and you're it."

"But don't you need the director's approval for that?"

"Lucky for us I'm the director then. So will you take it?"

"You're offering me a role?" the Doctor grinned, "In a Harry Potter film? Brilliant!"

As soon as the filming was finished, the Doctor decided to go straight to see the midnight premiere. Oh sure, he could have just gone another few months ahead and bought the DVD, or a few years ahead and bought the mp4, or a few decades ahead and bought the OFM, or a few centuries ahead and seen the movie in total virtual immersion, but there was something about 21st century midnight movie premieres that made watching a movie special. Maybe it was the smell of butter, or maybe it was the fantastic wizard costumes some of the theater-goers had dressed up in, but the Doctor preferred to see it along with everyone else.

And so the Doctor munched happily on his popcorn as he watched himself onscreen. Sure, they had made him flatten his fabulous hair, and the tongue flicking thing was just weird, but come on! He was in a Harry Potter film!

After the credits stopped rolling (who on Earth was David Tennant? Sure, Mike had said they couldn't stick "The Doctor" on the credits, but where did that name come from?) the Doctor rose and shuffled with everyone else out of the theater. He had thrown his empty popcorn bag in the bin and was just strolling over to where he had parked the TARDIS when a loud shriek shook him from his reverie.

"OH MY GAWSH, IT'S BARTY CROUCH JUNIOR!"

Suddenly a lot of people were staring at him. Oh bugger. The Doctor waved. "Hello, I'm – "

"He killed Cedric!" another voice cried from the crowd.

"Er, no. That was Ralph Fiennes, and anyway it's just acting – "

"AVENGE CEDRIC!"

"But he's still alive!" the Doctor protested, but it was too late. Hundreds of Harry Potter fans were pouring out of the theater doors with murder in their eyes.

The Doctor ran. His trainers hit the ground faster than they ever had before as the stampede of rabid fans followed him around the corner of the building where the TARDIS was waiting. Panicking, he dropped his key twice and only managed to open the door and shut it securely behind him a split second before the stampede reached him. The assembled hordes of Genghis Khan hadn't pounded half as hard as the hundreds of angry Cedric supporters. Quickly the Doctor pulled the lever to dematerialize, and as the TARDIS faded, so did the sound of fists pounding on her walls.

Relieved to have escaped with his life, the Doctor glanced at the date. November 21, 2008.

He opened the door tentatively. The TARDIS seemed to be in the parking lot of….another movie theater? He'd had enough of movie theaters to last him awhile. But wait – November 21, 2008….another midnight premiere. It'd been really popular too, if his history was still accurate. But what was the name of the film?

Right, then, he'd go find out. Maybe it was that Star Wars pre-prequel. No wait, that came out November 21, 2028….

As he approached the entrance to the movie theater, a swarm of people spilled out of its doors. Bugger, he'd missed the premiere. It must have just ended. Hold on, why were all of these people teenage girls?

That was when the Doctor remembered what hugely popular movie had come out on November 21, 2008. Twilight. Ah. Well, he had no desire to see that movie again, Rose had already made him sit through all four films and all four remakes made in the 2030s. Back to the TARDIS, then. He was staying away from movie premieres from now on.

But before he could turn to get back to his time-traveling ship, the closest of the mob of teenage girls stopped in their tracks to stare at him.

"Hey, isn't that the guy who killed Cedric in the Harry Potter movie?" said one girl.

"Ohmygawsh, it is!" shrieked her friend, pointing accusingly at the Doctor, "You killed Edward!"

A horrible sense of déjà vu overwhelming him, the Doctor stepped back and raised his hands defensively in surrender. "No, no, no, that guy was played by David Tennant, you hear me, some bloke named David Tennant, not me – "

"GET HIM!" shrieked another girl.

The Doctor bolted like a panicked rabbit, but it was too late. Surrounded by enraged and hormonally imbalanced teenage girls, the Doctor stood no chance at all as he was torn to pieces.


A/N: For those who aren't aware, David Tennant plays the Doctor in Doctor Who and Barty Crouch, Jr in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Robert Pattinson played Cedric Diggory in Goblet of Fire, and then went on to star as Edward, the vampire in Twilight. Barty Crouch, Jr didn't kill Cedric in the movie; Voldemort, played by Ralph Fiennes, did. But Barty Crouch Jr was a bad guy, so it sort of fits.

So I envisioned this kind of thing happening if the Doctor ever tried to go see either one of these movies in public. No offense to either HP or Twilight fans, but we are a rabid bunch. Especially Twilight. And that's coming from a teenage girl.

Anyway, I'm having fun with these. Hopefully I can get another one done this weekend.