I know this probably wouldn't happen, and the boys would sure find another way, but it's not illegal to dream and wish, is it? Anyway, as you probably already found out, this is all crack!fic, set somewhere in season 4.
Warning: Language and, well, it's about strippers, so you can guess what themes that might appear!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Supernatural, neither Dean nor Sam *sights*, I only own the ideas, and characters I created myself.
I have to say I have NOTHING against any of the things I put in here, not strippers, nothing, even if it might sound like that, I'm not trying to judge anyone, or anything, it's all fictional, which also include the "show" and place. I've NEVER been on a strip bar/club, so I don't know how it is, and therefore might the story be a little out of place.
And of course reviews are love!
Strippers of the Night
"DEAN!!! This is the most stupid and dumbness thing we have E-V-E-R done, and that's in a storied career of really stupid and dumb!" Sam was yelling from the other room.
"Relax Sam, it's just for one night," Dean was not sure he liked it either, but they had no other choice if they wanted to find out more about the spirit they were hunting.
"This is stupid!" Sam replayed.
"You're just jealous I have the better thighs," Dean smirked to himself.
"Like that would even bother me," Sam half-laughed.
"Hey, watch you're mouth, I'm standing right here!" The smirk faded. "Come out so I can see you," Dean tried to change the subject.
"I don't think I want to."
"What? You sound like a girl who's trying her new dress for her first proem, come out so I can see you."
"Promise you won't laugh then," Dean could almost hear Sam blushing.
"I'm wearing it too you know… I won't laugh, I promise," Dean was getting tired of waiting.
Then the door finally opened and Sam stepped out. He was wearing a black pair of "stripper" pants, which were easy to just rip off when… If they were going so far, Dean corrected himself, two wrist cuffs with black buttons, one white collar and a black bow tie. Dean was wearing exactly the same.
Dean gave a small smile when Sam was stepping out, he had never thought he, or Sam, would be wearing anything like the things they were wearing right now, god he just hoped they could get the right information before they had to pulled of the pants.
"What? You promised you wouldn't laugh," Sam said and gave Dean his biggest puppy dog eyes, and looked like he was actually going to cry.
Dean stopped the smile, and quickly answered.
"Nothing, I just think it's a little scary how far we're going just to get information."
"How can that be funny," Sam was now looking more sceptical at Dean.
"Dude, us… Strippers! How can that not be funny, it's so weird you can only laugh, and by the way, those pants looks great on you," Dean laughed.
"Yeah, well right back at ya!" Sam tried to be serious, but he slowly joined Dean's laugh.
One Day Earlier
"We need information about a Peter Valentine," Sam asked the club owner.
"And are you?" The man asked.
"We're friends of Pete, we're here, trying to find out what happened to him," Dean said.
Peter was a stripper on the local club, but had gone missing nine month earlier. The rumour went, that a girl named Kate Holmes had taken him home and there she had killed him, and buried him. Now the spirit of Pete, that was what Sam and Dean assumed it was, was killing all redheaded women who had been in the club, the thing that made the brothers point at Kate as the killer and Peter as the spirit, was the thing that Kate had red hair.
"Isn't it a little late, he went missing nine month ago, and I've never seen you two before," the owner said.
"And I have never seen you… Now what do you know about the last night he was here," Dean said as he sat down, on a chair, and made himself comfortable, and Sam slowly followed.
"He was here, he dance and he left," the owner said annoyed.
"Anderson… But please, just call me Dave."
"Okay, Dave, we're only here to find out the truth, if you could please just help us, anything might help, we just want to find Pete," Sam said, and gave his best puppy dog eyes.
Dave glanced at Dean, and then back to Sam. "What exactly do you want to know? How long he was here, who he danced for, when he left?" Sam was just about to answer when he continued.
"He came around eight o'clock, we were busy, had a lot of guest, so he went straight to the dance floor… He was soon dancing for that Katie girl, and what I know of, he went home with her when he got off, which was when the bar closed, haven't seen him since," Dave's voice drifted off as he finished.
"Do you know where Kate lives?" The brothers had been searching everything, and in every possible way, but they couldn't find any Kate Holmes, so they hoped they could get the information from Dave.
"I'm sorry, but we don't really need that kind of information to let neither woman not men inside."
"Of course not, do you think she'll be here tonight then?" Sam asked.
"Not to night, but I'm sure she'll be here tomorrow night."
"Then we'll be back tomorrow," Dean said and was about to stand up when Dave stopped him.
"I'm sorry, but there's only one way to get a change to talk to her, she's got her private area, only the 'staff' can get there."
"Isn't there something else we can do?" Sam asked, and got nervous by the looked Dave gave him.
"There is one thing."
"Excuse me, you're not saying… We're not…" Dean didn't know what to say, but he soon realized what Dave meant it.
"Could I talk to my brother for a moment?" Dean said, and when Dave nodded him and Sam walked away, just enough so Dave couldn't hear them.
"Dean we're not going to… We can't," Sam shook his head, this was way too weird.
"What do you want us to do then? She's like a ghost herself, nobody really knows her, we can't find her registered anywhere, and we can't use our skills tomorrow night to find her, we don't even know how she looks, except the thing that she's got read hair" Dean didn't like the idea either, but right now he couldn't think of any other way.
"We could ask around, anything else Dean."
"And what if nobody wants to give her up, it's not like any of the others we've talk to wants to give any useful information."
"And what if Dave is lying? What if he just wants us to strip?"
"We're not going that far Sam, we'll just get the information fast, all we need to do is dance, nothing else," Dean started to like the idea a little, he got to walk among a lot of women, who would want him to dance for them.
"Dean, why are you smirking?"
"What, I'm not… So what are you saying?"
"This is stupid," Sam said under his breathe and continued, "Okay, but we're not going too far!"
"Promise! Now Dave, lets talk, if you promise me Kate will be there, I think we're in… So what exactly do you want from us?"
"I'd wish those two strippers hadn't been sick now, then we might not have been here!" Sam said, annoyed again.
"I'm sorry Sam, I can't here you, the music's too loud," Dean gave Sam one of those smirks he really hated.
They were standing, a little unsure on themselves, as the looked around the club. They were a bit surprised when they realized it weren't just women in the bar, but men too.
"Come on, I think she'll be here soon," Dean said as he lead Sam to the arranged meeting place. They were supposed to meet Dave there before Kate would come.
Sam froze, someone had just slapped him on the ass, and it felt too hard to be a woman. Dean had heard slap and was looking at Sam, who slowly turned around, as he whispered the same line over and over again.
"Let it be a woman, let it be a woman, let it be…" Sam was like glued to the floor when he saw a relatively old man, with a beard like ZZ Top, staring at him in a way he didn't wanted to get stared of by an old man.
Sam hurried to give a small stiff smile, and grabbed Dean, who was struggling not to crack out into laugher, by the arm, and let them away.
"Thanks a lot Dean!" Sam was getting really irritated by their current state.
First when Dean had his laugher under control, he could answer Sam.
"What? I didn't do anything!"
"Oh you didn't? It's not like you made me agree to this."
"Dude, you were the one who said okay, not me, don't blame me for being a ZZ Top magnet," Dean started to chuckle again, but stopped when Sam shot him a glare that, if a glare could kill, he would have been dead.
"Whatever… Let's get over to the private area."
The didn't get to move much before Dean stopped, he held Sam back, and as soon as he got his thoughts confirmed, he pushed him and Sam in shelter on the other side of the bar.
"What're you doing Dean?" Sam asked, confused by the sudden retreat.
"Did you see who it was!?" Dean asked frustrated.
"Um, no I didn't… You kinda pushed me back here before I even got a chance to ask why we stopped."
"No time for smart ass comments, it was Bobby and Cas!"
"What? No way… What would they be doing here anyway?" Sam said with disbelieve in his voice.
"It's them, look yourself," Dean said and pointed at to figures standing awkwardly, looking around the club.
Sam looked closely at the two bodies and felt a really big urge to just run out of the backdoor, and never look back, but he was frozen to the floor.
"Dean… We, huh, what are we gonna do?"
"You tell me man, this wasn't actually planed. You think we could sneak around them without them noticing?" Dean asked, hoping they could, but Sam ruined his plan, and he had to agree with Sam.
"Dude, one of them is Bobby, one of the greatest hunters ever excited, he would see, and hear us before we even get over there, and the other one is Cas, an angel, the angel who always appears out of the blue, sometimes in a really creepy way, and he knows how we feel and think before we know ourselves. No I don't think it's possible," Sam almost choke in his own words.
"Okay, so what? We tell them? It's kinda the only way to get past them, right?"
"Why don't you tell them, now?" Sam said as he looked over Dean's shoulder where Bobby and Castiel were now standing, with very questioning eyes.
Dean turned around and gave an unsure smile as he could see Bobby was struggling to hold back his laugh, and Castiel just look at them with the stone face he always wore.
"You boys want to tell what the friggin' hell is going on, or should I just expect your leaving the family business to… Strip?" Bobby said as serious as he could, but the laugh he was holding back made it hard for him.
"No Bobby! This is a case, we need the information, and oh… This is the only way to get it," Dean said as convincing as possible.
Bobby glanced at Sam who fast confirmed Dean's statement. "It's true Bobby, we need the information and this is the only way," Sam looked down at himself and back at Bobby who was now laughing.
"You boys are truly amazing! I've heard people who would go far, to do their job, but you too, you take the first place of all time!"
"Thanks a lot Bobby, and by the way, we're only gonna dance, we ain't taking nothing off!" Dean corrected.
"Of course not Dean, we never thought that," Castiel suddenly interrupted, still with his stiff face.
"You're really in the mood today Cas," Dean said ironic, but Castiel ignored him. "Anyway, what are you two doing here?"
"We need your help; we've got a lead on Lilith. We wanted to find you fast, so Cas found you, I didn't believe him at first, but then you two idjits stood here," Bobby said, glancing from Dean to Sam and back again.
"Well, we just need to finish this job, we'll be done by morning, and we're busy right now so couldn't we talk about it there? We're staying at Cottenwood Court Motel, you could get a room there or something," Sam said, only wanting them to get away as fast as possible.
"Sure boy, we just… Eh, we're leaving now," Bobby said as he dragged Castiel, by the arm, out of the club.
"That was as embarrassing as it could be!"
"Dude, you're blushing, someone feeling uncomfortable?" Dean teased, but Sam just hit him on the arm.
"Ouch, that hurt, take it easy Sam, it's just a joke!" Dean said, but didn't go further, because he knew Sam really was uncomfortable, not he felt that well either, but at least he could see the fun in it where Sam was more serious.
"Come on, we still need to get over there," Dean pointed at the meeting place. Sam slowly moved behind him, and they had soon danced down to the place, but apparently the girls liked the two new members, and they were begging them to dance.
Dean was staring to feel just as uncomfortable as Sam did, but he still thought there were a few girls he actually wanted to dance for, so he moved his hips slowly from side to side, spinning around, and half singing with the song to some of the girls.
Sam on the other side was a little stiffer, but he danced, he had to if he wouldn't want to act suspicious. He was surprised when he actually liked the way the women praised his body, and the way the wanted him to dance for them, but he was still uncomfortable, and his dance was only half as good as Dean's, which by the way wasn't that good.
"Sorry ladies, but these two guys have an appointment, see ya later!" Dave came to the rescue, and both of the boys were pleased.
"It's time. Now I've got two of her favourite waiting outside the door, and after twenty minutes they'll come in, it should bring you time enough to get the information you need without having to take anything off," Dave said as he showed the boys the door.
Dave had told them, that deep down he hated Kate, and loved Pater. Peter had been like a brother to him, and so he wanted to help the best he could to nail Kate, and maybe get to know what had happened to Peter.
"You're the best Dave, really! This really helps a lot," Sam said, as they were now standing outside the door.
"Anything to nail that bitch, and maybe solve the case about Pete."
"Thanks anyway," Dean said as him and Sam moved into the room, a redheaded women was relaxing in a couch, drink in one hand, the other one lying loose on the couch. She smiled, in Dean's opinion, a very sexy smile which could have made him melt if it wasn't because they were on a case, and she was a crazy killer.
"Hello boys, want to move those muscular and extremely sexy bodies for me?" She said in a begging, but still controlling voice.
"You just dance, I'll make her talk," Dean whispered to Sam, as he turned to Kate again and started to move over to her.
"Sure, anything for you honey," Dean said as he started to sway from side to side, moving closer to her, and Sam moved in the background, following Dean with an alerting eye, if she decided to make a move on Dean, but she didn't, instead Dean was now so close, he was whispering in her ear, and she was smiling, answering, and Dean looked like he got what he wanted.
Sam kept in the background, and by the looks Dean gave him, the case going as planned, though Sam was getting a little tired of dancing. His arms hurt for all the unusual movement, his hips ached, and his legs were getting stiff, he sure as hell weren't built to be any kind of dancer, his body was all but telling him in the moment.
"Here we come! Katie-girl," two male voices came from behind, and Dean moved back to Sam. The favourite strippers were there, dressed as fire-fighters, and Dean and Sam slowly drifted off as the fire-fighters took over the show.
"Did you get what we needed?" Sam asked when they were back in the locker room.
"Exactly! She was so drunk she didn't really notice you in the room, couldn't you smell the alcohol? Anyway, that bitch admitted he had died in her house, and she had buried him in the garden, and guess who's got her address," Dean smirked, and buttoned his shirt.
"Great, lets get out of here," Sam said, but stopped when Dean was fumbling with his duffel. Sam looked over his brother's shoulder, and was shocked when he saw what Dean was doing.
"What the hell are you doing?!" Sam yelled and didn't let Dean answer right away. "Are you taking home the outfit? What the fuck are you gonna use that to?"
"I like it, it was comfortable, and it sure as hell can turn on a woman," Dean smirked, and got caught up in his thoughts.
"Dean! Please… I don't wanna think about it, just… Let's get out of here," Sam shook his head, as they headed out and back to the Impala.
"Dean, something is wrong here, there're two bodies," Sam said. They were standing in Kate's backyard, looking down at two bodies.
"No shirt mister obvious," Dean was starting to salt the corpses.
"It's a man and a woman," Sam said, and Dean stopped.
"What? How do you know that?"
"The pelvis is bigger at a woman than a man."
"And just as I thought you couldn't get geekier." Dean laughed to himself.
"It's simple biology Dean!" Sam defended himself, but then continued. "Did you see anything weird on Kate; did she say something really out of place?"
"She did say she had taking him home, and then she mumbled something about dead and buried, and then her father… Oh god! I thought she meant she had buried him, but she said her father had hated her going to a strip club… He killed them!"
"So Kate is the one who kills, that actually make sense," Sam said, and watched as Dean lit up the match and put the two bodies on fire.
"And how exactly does that make sense?" Dean asked, not getting Sam's point.
"She was killed by her father for having fun on a strip club. She can't have the joy of going to a strip club; no other redheaded woman should, see?"
"So it wasn't Peter who killed, it was her… At least they've got peace know," Dean smiled to himself, but it soon his face was full of disgust.
"Ewe… I danced to a dead woman, her spirit anyway, but… Gross!" Dean spat out as they started to fill the hole with dirt again.
"Hey, I was there too!" Sam smiled, trying to lighten up the mood.
"Yeah, but I was the one who gave her a private dance, close, I even… I kissed her neck, a dead…" Dean stopped and looked like he was about to vomit.
"Easy man… What about her father then? What are we gonna do to him?"
"She told me he was dead, that was when she laughed out loud, I'm sure you heard."
"Yeah, I did."
"Hey you! You two guys!" A male voice were yelling at the brother, who was about to get into the Impala so they could get back to the motel.
"What's up pal," Dean said as he looked at the obviously drunken man, who looked familiar.
"I 's jus' walki' by a' saw you two. Ya heard wha' happen' at the club'?" The familiar man asked, and he apparently recognized the brothers from the strip club.
"Umm, no, what happened?" Sam asked.
"She, she di'appered, in the thi' air… No'n seen her sinc'." The man was struggling to stand still, and it didn't succeed. It was then Dean saw the fire-fighter outfit on the man.
"I guess we were right then Sam," Sam knew he meant there theory about Kate killing and not Peter. "And see Sammy, I'm not the only one who finds the cloth comfortable," Dean laughed, but Sam ignored him.
"Can we get you a ride to somewhere, or call a taxi?" Sam asked, but the man didn't listen.
"Wait a sec, are you two to'ether?" The man asked.
"What do you mean?" Dean asked.
"Are ya to'ether? Like a couple?"
"What? No, of course not!" Dean said as he glanced at Sam who was just as confused as him.
"Okay then… Hey, hottiiieee!" The man got down on his knees in front of Dean, and took something from his pocket. "Wi' you marry meee?"
Dean froze, a drunken male stripper in fire-fighter costume had just proposed to him, and furthermore was Sam's laugh filling the cool night air.
"I'm sorry, but I'm not really into that kind," Dean tried to be polite, but he found it really difficult with Sam not wanting to help him.
"It's worth the shot any'ay," the man said, got up and stumbled away from them, not looking back or anything.
"Dude! You just got proposed to by a…"
"Shut up! And I'm not the one who attracts old ZZ Top men," Dean shot back, trying to get back on Sam, but he could feel his cheeks blushing.
"At least he didn't ask me to marry him," Sam laughed, as they got into the Impala.
"You just shut up! And as soon as Bobby and Cas had told us what they've found we're outta town," Dean said and Sam agreed.
"Yes please! I'm not staying 24 more hours in this town, and I'll never get back here," Sam said, the laugh still hanging on his lips.
"Amen!" Dean said, and they drew back to the motel room to get some sleep, talk to Bobby and Castiel, and as soon as possible leave town and never look back.